


be[lie]ve.

by Knightblazer



Category: Buried Stars (Visual Novel)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, M/M, Mutual Codependency, Post-Game(s), Sexual Content, Spoilers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unintentional Emotional Manipulation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 115,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knightblazer/pseuds/Knightblazer
Summary: Do-yoon struggles to stay afloat after the events of the game. Gyu-hyuk does his best to help, as any good friend would.(Post Route A normal end/Rash Verdict ending)
Relationships: Lee Gyu-hyuk/Han Do-yoon
Comments: 41
Kudos: 39





	1. here in our soundless lives

**Author's Note:**

> A few quick notes about the fic, for reference:
> 
>   * Takes place in Route A, after the normal ending (Rash Verdict)
>   * Max rapport with Gyu-hyuk and Juyoung; respective epilogues reached (Mutual Reliance & Battle Resolve)
>   * Normal rapport with Inha, who ends with the Dispel epilogue
>   * Fic does reference certain aspects of the true ending, so spoilers abound if you haven't gotten that
> 


_“I’ll stand by your side.  
You and me, we’ve survived.  
Lean on me when things are rough. I’ll always be there for you.  
I’m standing here because you saved me.  
I’ll never betray you.  
I’m okay.  
We’ll watch each other's backs.  
Do-yoon, get over it.  
You have me.”_

His kind voice seemed so distant.

* * *

Do-yoon gets discharged on a Sunday.

There isn’t any special reason for it, no hidden meaning behind the particular day or date. It had simply been the first available time slot that the hospital could give him once the doctors declared him well enough to leave. He’d still need to come back from time to time for some follow ups to ensure that everything is in order, but other than that they told him that he was back to normal, and so they no longer needed to keep him under constant observation. 

He should be glad to hear that, Do-yoon thought to himself then. He should be relieved that he’d managed to recover well enough for the doctors to let him out of the hospital. Everyone else had already been discharged a long time ago and were already back to living their usual, daily lives, eager to move past the hellish events of that terrible, terrible night.

Do any of them still recall it, he wonders while staring at the window at the end of the hallway. His own reflection stares back at him, it's gaze unblinking for as long as Do-yoon looks at himself, and he thinks what the rest of Masquerade would say to him now if they saw him like this. Sympathy? Regret? Or maybe some form of twisted triumph by saying how he deserves all of this.

He doesn’t know if he wants to know the answer.

“Do-yoon.”

A hand gently touches his shoulder, and Do-yoon turns around to see who’d called for him. Not that he has to guess, since there is really only one person who could be here.

“Gyu-hyuk…”

The smile that appears in response is one that Do-yoon has long since become familiar with throughout the time he’d spent hospitalized. The first time he’d seen that smile had been right after the nightmare of that fateful night, when the rescue team finally brought them out of that collapsed stage. Even now Do-yoon vividly recalls the constant wail of sirens and the never ending torrent of camera flashes which only ceased when one of the paramedics finally remembered to close the door of the ambulance he was sitting in.

The moment the doors closed Do-yoon felt himself letting out a breath he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding in. It comes out shaky and uncertain; a direct reflection of how he’d felt in that moment, the feeling accompanied by a strange, twisted emotion that’d coiled around in his gut like a snake ready to strike.

He remembered staring at the half-empty bottle he had in his hands and felt how his stomach had churned with the sudden urge to throw up even though he knew it’d be nothing but the water. He’s outside, he _knows_ he’s outside but his mind keeps throwing him back to the memories of inside, from Hyesung’s bloodied corpse to Seil’s prone, limp form, the warmth of his body vanishing as Do-yoon carried him back out to the stage before the rescue team finally broke through the ceiling…

They were so cold, the both of them. Hyesung and Seil. They’d been enemies from the very start, and their mutual hatred for each other had been bad enough that it’d ended with murder. That’d been the conclusion all of them had come to, an answer they determined as truth after the things they’d seen and heard and felt and experienced. Seil killed Hyesung, and took his own life once the truth came to light. 

But did it really have to end that way? Was there anything else he could have done to prevent it? The question runs in his mind over and over again in an endless loop until it engulfs every other thought he might have had. Why did they have to die? Why did things end up like this? Why—

His thoughts halt when he feels something gently prying one of his hands away from the bottle. It takes a moment for Do-yoon to realize that the something is actually a hand, and another to begin feeling the dull, throbbing ache from his fingers that could only come from clutching something with too much force for far too long.

The hand, of course, could only belong to the person sitting next to him, and Do-yoon turns to see Gyu-hyuk giving him that now-familiar smile as he gently squeezes Do-yoon’s sore fingers.

“I’m only here because you saved me, Do-yoon,” he reminds him, as he’d been doing throughout the entire night. “Never forget that.”

 _Warm,_ Do-yoon could still recall, even until now. Gyu-hyuk’s hand was warm, unlike Hyesung and Seil. Warm and present and alive. 

Gyu-hyuk is alive. He’s alive because Do-yoon saved him, just like he said. 

An arm wraps around his shoulders, just as present and warm as the hand clasped around his own, and it's that warmth which Do-yoon lets himself follow, trailing after it like a moth to the flame as he allows Gyu-hyuk to pull him in close enough for them to be pressed side by side. 

Gyu-hyuk rests his hand on his shoulder. He squeezes it the same way he did with his hand earlier, and even through the fabric of his clothes and the shock blanket the paramedics had put over his shoulders Do-yoon can feel the quiet, steady warmth that can only come from somebody who is still alive. 

He’s alive. Gyu-hyuk is alive.

Do-yoon repeats the words in his mind until he thinks he can feel it etched into his bones, a constant reminder of the one thing he hadn’t failed at. The one good thing he managed to accomplish within the hellscape of that terrible, torturous night. 

He tells himself the words again, now, as he watches the way Gyu-hyuk tilts his head and tells him, softly, “The paperwork for your discharge is complete. We can leave now.”

 _We can leave now._ The words should be a relief to hear, yet all Do-yoon feels is a quietly growing sense of anxiety. As if a part of him is still scrambling to try and hold onto something that has passed by without him noticing.

It’s just nerves, Do-yoon tells himself. Unconscious responses after a traumatic event, like what the doctors had cautioned him about. Everyone handles trauma differently, they’d told him. Take all the time you need to recover.

He thinks of Inha and Juyoung then, and how the both of them had already long since moved on with their lives. Inha, who’d let herself slip back into obscurity after dispelling the magic that Buried Stars showered her with. Juyoung, who preserved even through the adversity of whistleblowing her previous company and is now competing harder than ever in the returning season of Buried Stars. Gyu-hyuk had told him how she now shines on the stage with a new fire in her eyes; a far cry from the fragile demeanor she’d been mocked for in the past. 

It’s hard to not envy them for having the strength that he so clearly lacks, this weakness that had kept him here far longer than the rest of them. If he were better… if he wasn’t this weak… then maybe…

A gentle squeeze on his shoulder brings Do-yoon out of his thoughts. He blinks, and his gaze refocuses back to Gyu-hyuk, whose smile is now tinged with the slightest hint of sadness. 

“Let’s not linger here any more, Do-yoon,” he murmurs, the words barely audible even in the quiet atmosphere around them. “You’ll feel better once you’re home.”

Do-yoon can only nod in response. He doesn’t know if he’ll actually feel better like what Gyu-hyuk says, but it's not as if he has a reason to distrust him. Maybe a change of scenery is what he needs to truly start healing. 

Gyu-hyuk gives him another smile, then. “Your things are already downstairs,” he says. “The cab should be here at any moment, too.” 

He drops his hand from Do-yoon’s shoulder after that and turns, walking down the corridor towards the lifts. Do-yoon takes a step to follow after him, but pauses and turns back to look at the window one last time. The sun blazes painfully bright in the cloudless sky, shining bright enough to make Do-yoon squint as he sees the scenery outside completely washed out in the sun’s brilliant, white hot light. 

Do-yoon doesn’t know how long he spends trying to see through the light. It’s only when he hears the soft chime of the elevator does he finally stop and turn away, eyes briefly squeezed shut for a moment in order to try and banish the afterimages that throb painfully across his vision. 

The light hasn’t stopped hurting him since that day.

* * *

Home, for Do-yoon, is a small, one person studio apartment. It’s usually kept relatively clean, but considering he’d been in the hospital for more than a month it’s not terribly surprising to find everything now caked with a thin layer of dust as soon he unlocks the door and steps in. 

Gyu-hyuk frowns as he enters after him, the disapproval clear on his face. “This isn’t an ideal place for your recovery.”

“It’s fine,” Do-yoon reassures him as he takes the bags from Gyu-hyuk’s hands and walks over to his (unused, too lumpy) two seater couch and places them there to deal with later. “Nothing that a wipe down can’t fix.”

“Having to clean your own place defeats the purpose of resting, Do-yoon.” A hand lands on his shoulder before Do-yoon can step into the kitchen. “Go take a shower and rest in your room. I’ll handle this.” 

Do-yoon whirls around at that, a protest forming on his lips, but Gyu-hyuk brushes past him before he can start speaking and gets to the sink. He picks up the rag that Do-yoon can only vaguely remember having left there the last time he’d been here and turns on the tap to start rinsing it. “It would be a good idea to clean the sink as well, considering how long it’s been. I can look into that for you, too.”

Those words help Do-yoon to shake out of his stupor. He blinks and steps forward, reaching to grab Gyu-hyuk by his arm to stop him. “You don’t need to do any of that, Gyu-hyuk. I can handle this by myself.” Part of him almost wants to say _somebody like you shouldn’t be doing this_ , but then he recalls the things Gyu-hyuk had told him about his past and stops himself from doing so. 

Gyu-hyuk simply smiles in response. “I want to do this, Do-yoon,” he says, sounding almost at ease about it. “It’d make me feel better knowing that your environment is taken care of.” He finishes rinsing the rag and turns off the tap before it wastes any more water. “Please, let me have this.”

Do-yoon… he can’t exactly say ‘no’ after hearing something like that. And if he had to be honest with himself, he knows that it’ll take a while before he actually gets around to cleaning his place. His current physical state aside, he’s never been the best at doing his chores in the first place, since he wasn’t ever really one to stay indoors back in the day. No point cleaning up if all he really used this place for was to store his things and sleep. 

“...okay,” he mutters out, letting go of Gyu-hyuk’s arm. “Don’t force yourself though. I can do everything later.”

“I know.” Gyu-hyuk turns away from the sink to face him as he replies, hands folding up the now-damp kitchen rag into a square. “Now, go shower and rest. You need it.”

Without anything left to say all Do-yoon can do is nod and reluctantly follow his friend’s advice. He retreats into his room and takes out his loungewear from the dresser, bringing it with him into the adjacent bathroom to change into after taking a (admittedly much needed) shower. He leaves his laundry in the bathroom to deal with later when he’s done and barely manages to stop himself from simply collapsing straight onto his bed once he steps back out.

It’s not the first time he’s felt this, but it's always funny how somebody’s energy can so easily vanish once they’re faced with a bed. Do-yoon can’t hold back the sigh of relief that escapes him the moment he finally settles down in bed, briefly thinking how he should’ve probably changed the sheets before lying down but feeling far too tired now to get back up. He’ll do that later tonight.

The sound of Gyu-hyuk’s shuffling about floats over to him as he drifts off, a steady thrum of sounds and movement that feels strangely foregin to him until Do-yoon remembers that he hasn’t let anybody else into his home before. 

He’d dwell more on that fact, but exhaustion finally claims him and Do-yoon drifts off before he can think any more.

* * *

_(“It’s over now, right?”_

_Do-yoon blinks, and turns his gaze towards Inha at those words. From the corner of his eye he sees Juyoung and Gyu-hyuk following suit, and under the weight of their combined gazes seemingly causes Inha to lose her composure. She darts her eyes between the three of them as she runs a hand through her blonde hair, now dulled and tangled after the hours they’d been trapped in here._

_For a moment it’d looked as if she wasn’t going to continue what she’d intended to say, but then shakes her head and then turns to face Do-yoon. “Seil is the attacker, and he killed himself when he was cornered. There’s no other way to think about it.”_

_Despite the words Do-yoon can see the faint hint of uncertainty in her eyes, the very same one he’d seen appear when they were discussing the injury on Seil’s neck. An inconsistency that neither of them could ignore, but no matter how hard Do-yoon tried to think about he couldn’t come up with any other answer. Or at the very least, nothing that would satisfy Inha even though he can tell that part of her wanted the same answers that he did._

_Nearby he hears Juyoung take a breath. “I think… we have no choice but to accept it.” Her voice wavers as she speaks, and Do-yoon can’t help but feel a wave of guilt wash over him as he realizes again how strenuous this whole ordeal must be for her. She’d been saying all night how they shouldn’t be doing any of this, how this should be for the police to handle, and yet Do-yoon had been forcing his way through all this…_

_He hadn’t thought about it back then, in the heat of the moment, but now as the night itself stretches thin and all of them are on their last legs, he realizes just how incredibly unfair things had been for her._

_Gyu-hyuk lets out a soft sound of agreement next to her. “It’s not easy to accept it,” he says. “But I think we’ll just hurt ourselves even more if we keep on pushing this.”_

_Do-yoon knows that he has a point, but a part of him still wants to argue. A part of him wants to shake all of them and shout _something is wrong and we’re all just pretending to not notice it_ but for some reason he can’t find it in himself to actually do it._

(You can’t, or you won’t?)

_Inha scowls as the silence stretches on for too long. “Get over it,” she snaps, a note of frustration in her voice. “There’s nothing left that we can do.”_

_“I agree,” Gyu-hyuk adds on with a small nod. “We should head back to the stage and wait for the rescue team to arrive. It shouldn’t be long now.”_

_The urge to argue back rises within Do-yoon again, some part of him screaming at how this is his last chance to say something, to stop this, to not let this go because if he does then he’ll regret it one day._

_But that’s what he also thought back then, on that day when Shin Seungyeon stood in front of him with that devilish, knowing smile on her face and offered him a chance of a lifetime. The chance to achieve the dream he’d always longed for at the cost of everything else._

_He’d listened to the voice and said yes. He took the offer and donned the role of the betrayer just like Seungyeon wanted. It would be worth it, he told himself, and the voice agreed. Everything would be worth it once he made it to the stage he’d dreamed for all these years._

_But reality never plays out the same way as they do in dreams. Do-yoon knows now that the title of the betrayer is something that will always stick with him, just as how the rest of Masquerade had been left to suffer because of his selfish, irreversible decision._

_He can’t do that again, he tells himself. He won’t do that again._

_Juyoung steps forward and touches his arm, eyes shining with sympathy as she looks at him and gives him a tired smile. “I don’t want to accept it either,” she tells him. “...but at this point we should let the police handle the rest.”_

_Do-yoon looks at her and sees the exhaustion etched onto her face as well as on Inha and Gyu-hyuk—the same exhaustion that he himself can feel._

_This night has been long and tiring for them all. Maybe the best thing to do is to let it go._

_He closes his eyes and lets out a breath as he finally allows the storm of thoughts to die down in his head._

_“...you’re right.”_

_There wasn’t a need to think about this anymore. Not when everything would soon be over._

_Eventually, this would simply become nothing more than a bad dream.)_

* * *

The room is dark when Do-yoon finally wakes up from his nap.

For a brief moment the darkness takes him back to that night, when he’d come to while trapped beneath the rubble—and for a second his chest threatens to squeeze his heart right out as the fear grips him tight—but his brain quickly reminds him that he’s no longer there. 

Do-yoon releases a shuddering sigh once the adreadline fades, leaving him exhausted despite the fact he’d just woken up. He wonders how Juyoung manages to go through these feelings while doing everything that she does these days. He’d always admired her tenacity, but compared to what he feels now he’s embarrassed to admit how ignorant he’d been. 

He stays lying in the dark, giving himself a moment to recollect his thoughts before getting out of bed, but rather than the silence he’d been expecting to have he instead hears the faint murmur of the television from the living room.

Even in his current state, with his thoughts still somewhat muddled and foggy, Do-yoon is certain that the television hadn’t been turned on when he came in here and fell asleep. The only reason he can think of why it’d be on would be Gyu-hyuk, but considering how dark it already is Do-yoon doubts he’d still be around. Did he leave it on by accident when he left, then? 

If that’s the case, then he should probably turn it off. Do-yoon lets out a tired sigh and finally forces himself out of bed, going half-blind in the darkness until he gets to the door and opens it. Light from the living room instantly pours in, and Do-yoon squints through it as he slowly stumbles out of his room.

“Ah, Do-yoon, you’re awake.”

The voice floats to him first before his eyes can make out the figure of Gyu-hyuk sitting on the couch. It’s so entirely unexpected that all Do-yoon can do is to blink and stare, even as his vision finally focuses enough for him to see that he wasn’t just imagining things and yes, it is indeed Gyu-hyuk sitting on his terrible, lumpy couch and apparently occupying his time by watching TV.

It takes a good few moments for Do-yoon to finally find his voice and speak. “You’re… you’re still here.” 

Gyu-hyuk tilts his head at the remark. “Of course I’d be here,” he replies, saying the words as if they were the most natural thing in the world.

“I…” Do-yoon trails off, not really sure how to respond to that. It’s not that he’s against the idea of Gyu-hyuk having stuck around—if anything, he’s somewhat flabbergasted that he’d even do something like this—but the fact that he even did it at all catches him more than a little off-guard.

Gyu-hyuk gives him a patient smile then, as if having sensed his confusion. “You shouldn’t be standing,” he says, his tone gently chiding. “Come over here and sit down.”

Without any reason to say no Do-yoon does as asked, and it's hard to not appreciate it when he settles down and feels his calves easing up. He hadn’t even been aware how tense they’d been until this very moment. He rubs at the sore spots and tries not to flush in embarrassment at the mildly amused look that Gyu-hyuk gives him there and then.

He opens his mouth, ready to drop a retort when the TV starts to play a familiar jingle. Familiar, because even though he doesn’t really watch TV he’d heard it in the studio enough times back then to have it unconsciously memorized. 

_“It’s the return you’ve all been eagerly waiting for! The drama! The tension! The battle of the best up on the stage! Buried Stars season 5 starts next week!”_

Do-yoon instantly turns his attention to the TV screen the moment he hears the voice of the host. Multiple still images rapidly flash across the scene in the editing’s usual, dramatic fashion; no actual video footage had been used yet, which made sense since the whole thing was merely a teaser rather than a full blown trailer. 

Watching this though is enough to make him remember the last time he’d seen something like this. He’d just broken it off with Masquerade back then, and he recalls how odd it’d felt to see himself on screen without the rest of the band. The betrayer label hadn’t quite been a thing yet, though it had already been starting to build up since the news of their disbandment had already reached the public then. 

All things considered, it hadn’t really been that long ago, yet somehow Do-yoon feels like it’d been years since that day—or even something closer to a whole lifetime. Everything had been so different then; his thoughts and ideals and hopes glazed over with a generous amount of sugar coating that only somebody like Shin Seungyeon could provide.

But Shin Seungyeon is dead, now. Her, along with Seil and Hyesung—they’re dead and gone and nothing can ever bring them back. Just like Masquerade. Like… everything else.

If only he didn’t take the deal. If only he hadn’t been so foolish and weak. If only… if only…

_(“Han Do-yoon, you betrayer!!”)_

It’s all his fault—

“Do-yoon.”

His name, along with a gentle touch on his arm jolts Do-yoon back to the present. He blinks and gasps, panting as if he’d just run a mile even though he’s hardly in the best shape to do that. 

The touch on his arm disappears, and when it returns it's duplicated itself to wrap around each of his wrists. He hears his name being called again, and Do-yoon focuses enough to see Gyu-hyuk on his knees in front of him, worry and concern etched upon his face as the other man carefully studies him.

“Do-yoon,” he says, one more time. “It’s okay. We’re both here. We’re both alive.”

Alive. They’re both alive. Do-yoon repeats the words in his head like a mantra, as if they’d be enough to ward off the demons that continue to linger at the back of his mind.

Gyu-hyuk hums and gently squeezes his wrists, the pressure helping to keep Do-yoon’s mind tethered to the present. “I’m here because you saved me. You’re the reason I’m still here. Never forget that.”

Do-yoon squeezes his eyes shut. He knows that Gyu-hyuk is only telling the truth, but hearing it all still feels too much. He can’t help but think that he could’ve done more. Should have done more, instead of just giving up like that and making such a rash verdict. Juyoung told him back then that the police would eventually find the truth, but the truth that they’d come to had been exactly the same and Do-yoon can’t help but feel a wrongness about it all.

But it doesn’t matter anymore now, does it? The police had closed the case, and now Buried Stars was coming back as if nothing had happened. Sooner or later, everything about that night would fade away as well, turning into nothing more than some kind of cheap, captivating story for some audience that would take delight in such tales. 

It’s terrible. It’s awful and terrible and _wrong_ and Do-yoon wants to scream at that inevitable future but he also knows there’s nothing he can do about it. He is nothing more than a single, useless person who’d betrayed the people closest to him and paid the price. 

_Never again,_ he tells himself, as he feels the hot sting of tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes. _I’ll never betray anyone again, no matter what._

The hands around his wrist tugs at him ever so gently, but it's more than enough for Do-yoon to follow, and he leans in to press his tear-stricken face into the curve of Gyu-hyuk’s shoulder as the other man carefully wraps his arms around him. 

“It’s okay,” he hears Gyu-hyuk murmur next to his ear, and despite the soft tone it somehow rises above the sound of his loud, broken sobs. “Let it all out. I’ll always be here for you, Do-yoon.”

He’d heard those words before, but Do-yoon thinks that this time—that this time, he can actually start to believe it.

* * *

After being discharged from the hospital Do-yoon had hoped that things could somehow be different—or at the very least, _start_ being different, but the reality is that nothing has changed. The world moves on as it always does, uncaring and unfeeling for the ones left behind and forgotten. Do-yoon finds himself spending his days aimlessly wandering around his small, quiet apartment, barely noticing the passing of time until he either gets too hungry or too tired to even stand up and walk. 

He’d tried at first to do something feasibly productive, but even just touching the strings of his bass guitar brings back a slew of memories he’d do anything to never relive again. Everything that has happened—from the preliminaries to that night during the finals—they’ve all left their mark on him, and everything Do-yoon thinks he’s getting better some unwanted, terrible memory pops up in his mind and the wounds reopen all over again, the pain just as fresh as raw as the day they’d been made.

As much as he hates to admit it, Gyu-hyuk’s daily visits are more or less the only thing helping to keep Do-yoon afloat. Words are not enough to express how much Do-yoon appreciates his presence, especially on the rougher days where all he can do is to stay in bed and try to escape from the crushing weight of his own thoughts with the oblivion of sleep.

Gyu-hyuk never mentions anything about his appearance, even though Do-yoon himself can admit how terrible he looks with each passing day as he stares at his own reflection in the mirror. He simply drops by every evening at almost the same time with takeaway containers in hand that hold enough food to sustain Do-yoon for the next twenty four hours until he returns the very next night.

It’s impossible not to feel guilty, having to rely on Gyu-hyuk like this, but the other man had assured him on multiple occasions that he is more than happy to do so. 

“You can always rely on me, Do-yoon,” he’d tell him, each and every time. “I’m here for you, for as long as you need me.”

As much as Do-yoon wants to try and argue against that he can’t ever quite bring himself to do so, because part of him is afraid of what such an argument might lead to. Afraid of what he might lose, when he’s already lost everything else. It’s just something that he can’t… he doesn’t even want to think about. At least, not right now.

 _Tomorrow,_ he keeps telling himself as the thought crosses his mind each day. _Tomorrow,_ he repeats it again when he sees the small, upward tilt of Gyu-hyuk’s smile every evening when Do-yoon greets him at the door when he arrives. _Tomorrow,_ he says, clinging onto it like a lifeline as he lies in the silent darkness of his room and tries to ignore how the quiet pounds in his ears louder than ever when the echoes of Gyu-hyuk’s presence inevitably fade away after he takes his leave for the night. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Do-yoon holds onto that thought for as long as he can, as he watches the sun rise and set from his bedroom window as time continues to march onwards to the beat of it's own drum.

 _There’s always tomorrow,_ he reminds himself at the end of each day, to ease the pit of anxiety and helplessness that continues to gnaw at the pit of his stomach. _I’ll do it tomorrow._

(Lie to yourself long enough, and it eventually becomes truth.)

* * *

But even the most well-crafted lie eventually falls down, collapsing like a house of cards once the foundations crumble under the strain of its own weight. 

In this case, the straw that breaks the camel’s back turns out to be a piece of paper that Gyu-hyuk brings in with him when he comes by on his usual evening visit. 

“This was taped to the front door,” he explains quietly as he slides it across the coffee table for Do-yoon to read. He does so, with hands that tremble and shake as he picks up the innocent-looking piece of paper that holds words that do the complete opposite and makes his insides clench and freeze up in dread.

> **TO:** Han Do-yoon  
>  **FROM:** The Management
> 
> **DATE:** xx/xx/20xx
> 
> ** NOTICE OF EVICTION **

The words meld together into a blur in his eyes after the first few lines, but they had been more than enough for him to get the gist of what the paper (notice) had been for. Do-yoon finds himself staring at it blankly as the realization of what will soon happen sinks in, swiftly followed by a generous serving of panic and fear as his mind scrambles to try and figure out what to do next. 

“Do-yoon.”

The paper in his hands vanish, soon replaced by the warmth of Gyu-hyuk’s hands around his own. Do-yoon swallows down the sob that threatens to escape him and squeezes his eyes shut instead, shoulders shaking with the effort to not break down all over again. Even if Gyu-hyuk has already seen it multiple times at this point, Do-yoon doesn’t want to keep burdening him with his issues. 

Gyu-hyuk squeezes his hands once, gently, and lets out a soft sigh. “...I couldn’t help but see it, too,” he says, sounding incredibly apologetic. “But it was right there, so I…”

Do-yoon quickly shakes his head, wanting to stop Gyu-hyuk from feeling sorry about something he clearly had no control over. “It’s alright,” he manages out, trying to ignore how shaky his voice is. “Like you said, it was just there… you couldn’t help but read it.”

Gyu-hyuk hums quietly in response. “I’m still sorry for having to bring you the news, anyway.” He squeezes Do-yoon’s hands again. “Let’s not think about it for now and have our dinner first, okay?”

It takes a moment, but eventually Do-yoon manages a nod. Gyu-hyuk gives him a patient smile and gives his hands one more squeeze before letting go in order to unpack the food he’d bought over. The aroma hits him like every other time when Gyu-hyuk opens up the takeaway containers, but where it’d usually trigger his appetite tonight all it does is to make Do-yoon feel nauseous. 

Gyu-hyuk must have anticipated it, since when he passes Do-yoon his food it's put in a bowl instead of the container itself with notably smaller portions than usual. He takes it with an absent murmur of thanks, holding it close to him with a trembling hand as he attempts to spoon up some of the food with the other, which is just as shaky. 

Do-yoon wants to say that he tries. He really, truly tries to not think about the notice and the fact that he’s going to lose a roof over his head because he’d been too busy dwelling in his own head to notice anything else. But the irony is that the more he tries not to think about it the more prominent the thought becomes, and eventually it becomes so overwhelming that Do-yoon doesn’t even realize how lost he’d gotten in his head again until he feels a familiar pair of hands covering his own.

He blinks at the sudden touch, confused by it, but then Gyu-hyuk smiles again and tells him how he’d almost dropped his food as he gently presses against Do-yoon’s hands to make him properly hold the bowl and Do-yoon only feels even _worse_.

“I can’t,” he chokes out before he can stop himself, tears starting to form in his eyes again as his own mind mocks and taunts him at how terrible and weak and pathetic he is to constantly keep crumbling down like this. He should be better than this. He has to be better than this. He needs to— “Gyu-hyuk, I _can’t_.”

The only thing worse than how he feels right now, Do-yoon thinks in that moment, is to see the pain reflected back in Gyu-hyuk’s face. “I’m sorry,” he begins, his own eyes beginning to water. “I shouldn’t have told you about it.”

“It’s—it’s not your fault,” Do-yoon manages out, shaking his head once more. “You didn’t… it’s not like you would have known.” All Gyu-hyuk did was to tell him what he’d seen; everything else had simply been the result of Do-yoon’s own actions (or rather, the lack of it). 

Gyu-hyuk doesn’t respond, though the hurt remains plainly visible on his face. He takes away the bowl of food from Do-yoon’s hands—who lets it happen without protest—and places it aside on the coffee table. Once that’s done he shifts himself to settle next to Do-yoon on the couch and picks the bowl back up, turning to face him with a completely different expression compared to moments ago.

“We’ll talk about it after dinner,” he says, eyes now gleaming with steely determination. “I promise I’ll find a way to help you, Do-yoon.” 

Do-yoon weakly nods. In this sudden turmoil of abrupt uncertainties Gyu-hyuk’s reassurance is the one thing that keeps him from drowning. And Do-yoon knows he can trust Gyu-hyuk, because he’s always been around when Do-yoon had nobody else and has never led him astray. 

When Gyu-hyuk smiles this time, Do-yoon finds himself almost blinded by it's brilliance. “I’ll always be here for you, Do-yoon,” he says, the words burning with a certainty that etches itself as an unshakeable truth within Do-yoon. “You can always depend on me.”

Do-yoon finds himself unable to respond in any other way except to nod again. Hearing Gyu-hyuk’s words, and knowing that he can believe them, helps to settle down the worst of the turmoil within him. Gyu-hyuk will help him with this. He knows that he will. He won’t be left behind.

As long as Gyu-hyuk is here, he will be fine.

* * *

The rest of their dinner passes by in mostly comfortable silence. Gyu-hyuk had offered to feed Do-yoon if he still didn’t feel well enough to handle eating by himself, but the thought of that had been so embarrassing that Do-yoon instantly turned down the offer. He’s already made Gyu-hyuk shoulder so many of his problems… having to become a caretaker on top of it all would only make him feel worse.

(He steadfastly ignores the voice in his head telling him how Gyu-hyuk is all but two steps away from becoming that anyway.)

Though Do-yoon does feel a little better, his appetite hasn’t quite returned yet, and so after he finishes the initial bowl of food that Gyu-hyuk had given him he deems himself done and spends the rest of the time lying on his terrible, lumpy couch while he waits for Gyu-hyuk to finish his food. With the TV turned off (as it had remained ever since the other night) there’s little else for Do-yoon to focus on besides Gyu-hyuk himself. 

He quietly watches the other man eat his dinner, wondering when he will get better enough to be able to enjoy the taste of food like before. Gyu-hyuk had been doing his best to bring over the most aromatic food that Do-yoon could handle, but smell could only go so far and Do-yoon does miss being able to eat without everything tasting terrible and bland. 

Gyu-hyuk, of course, notices him watching not long after he starts, though all he does is to send over a small, amused smile in his direction before returning to his food. Do-yoon felt his face heat up a little, more than aware at how his staring is a little weird but watching Gyu-hyuk is the only thing that keeps his mind from wandering into thoughts he doesn’t want to dwell on, and so he keeps on doing it until Gyu-hyuk is done and starts moving about to clean up for the both of them.

Do-yoon closes his eyes once Gyu-hyuk leaves from his line of sight, focusing instead on the little noises Gyu-hyuk makes as he moves about the apartment. He used to hate all these little noises in the past because it’d interrupt his composing sessions, but after everything… he’d have anything else _except_ the loud, hollow silence that threatens to swallow him whole every night. 

It’s nice to have somebody nearby, Do-yoon thinks to himself as he lets himself drift to the quiet sounds of life happening around him. Everytime Gyu-hyuk is around he helps to make him feel so much less… alone. It’s so much easier to relax when he knows that there’s somebody around—in fact, it's so easy that Do-yoon doesn’t even realize that he had dozed off until he rouses to what feels like the sensation of somebody else’s fingers in his hair. He can only guess, since it vanishes the moment he starts to shift himself up into a seating position. 

Do-yoon blearily stares at the fuzzy figure of Gyu-hyuk before him as he slowly blinks the sleep out of his eyes. “Didn’t mean to doze off like that,” he mumbles out, words coming out half-slurred as his mind struggles to come back online after finally having a chance to properly rest. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Gyu-hyuk responds, voice carrying that same, compassionate kindness Do-yoon can’t help but feel he doesn’t deserve. “You should rest when you can, especially since you’re having trouble sleeping.”

Do-yoon nods to show that he’s heard him, though he is still guilty about it. He doesn’t want to just… fall asleep on Gyu-hyuk everytime he comes around; it’s rude, for one, and for the other… Do-yoon just doesn’t want to waste the precious time that Gyu-hyuk spends here by sleeping. The fact that he would deliberately go out of his way to carve out hours just to spend with him here when he could be doing so many other better things makes Do-yoon acutely aware of the fact of just how nice Gyu-hyuk is to him. Far too nice… and more than what somebody like him deserves.

He shakes his head. “Don’t wanna… waste the time you’re here with me.” 

“Ah.” Gyu-hyuk’s voice seemingly rises one note higher, then, though Do-yoon thinks it might just be a trick of his half-awake mind. It has to be, since he sounds the same as he always does when he speaks again. “Don’t worry about that, Do-yoon. I cherish every moment that I get to spend with you, even if it's while you’re asleep.”

Do-yoon feels his face flush a little. Hearing something like that tends to be something that’d come from one of those mushy romance dramas that he remembers being incredibly popular, but when Gyu-hyuk says it he can almost find himself believing it. Still, it is incredibly nice of him to say something like that. 

He glances away and rubs one of his cheeks with his hand, hoping that it’ll somehow manage to dissipate the heat that’s gathered there. “...thanks,” he mutters after a moment’s pause.

Gyu-hyuk responds with a sound of affirmation, but doesn’t say anything else. He does, however, move to sit next to Do-yoon now that the couch has space again, and Do-yoon makes a surprised noise from the back of his throat as he turns back to see the other man looking at him with a quiet, intense expression. Do-yoon can only manage to meet his gaze for a moment before he has to turn away, not sure at all how to deal with being regarded by such a look.

He feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand on his arm moments before his name gets called. “Do-yoon.”

Do-yoon turns back to look at Gyu-hyuk, whose expression has shifted back into something more calm and familiar. “I was thinking about what to do about your problem, and I think… I have a solution.” He pauses briefly in order to smile, and then says, “You can move into my house and live there.”

The words make Do-yoon blink in surprise. He didn’t think Gyu-hyuk would come up with something so quickly, or that said solution would be to offer him to stay at his own place. Do-yoon certainly appreciates the gesture for what it is, but the fact that it's even there in the first place because of his own carelessness is… it's impossible to not feel bad about it. 

He averts his gaze away from Gyu-hyuk once more—though this time it's out of shame, and a lump starts to form at the back of his throat. “I… there’s still some time. You don’t have to… force anything out because of me.” Gyu-hyuk doesn’t have to feel like he needs to give up something just so to help him.

To his surprise, Gyu-hyuk’s response comes in the form of a quiet chuckle. “I’m not forcing anything, I promise,” he says, voice suffused with warm, gentle amusement. “I told you, you can lean on me when things get tough for you.” The hand around his arm tightens in a brief squeeze. “I’ll always be here for you, Do-yoon.”

Do-yoon nods, though he can’t quite bring himself to turn back to face Gyu-hyuk. He knows that he can trust him, knows that he will help, but it doesn’t change the fact that he still feels guilty for having to depend on him for all these things that he could have done by himself. That he used to be able to do by himself. These days he can’t even manage to turn on the TV for fear of losing it again to something as innocuous as a commercial for Buried Stars’ return flashes past. Everyone else has been able to move on already, so why is he stuck like this? Why isn’t he getting better?

Gyu-hyuk hums next to him, and the hand that’d been holding onto Do-yoon’s arm shifts down to rest over the back of his hand instead. He squeezes it gently as he speaks again. “Don’t compare yourself to the rest of us, Do-yoon. It’s not a competition. You have to heal in your own way, at your own time. Just… as long as you’re not alone.”

The words are unexpected enough that it does make Do-yoon turn back this time. It’s not hard to think that Gyu-hyuk is only saying something that stems from his personal guesses, but what surprises him is how close the words hit the mark. But then again, considering what Gyu-hyuk had told him about his past… maybe it isn’t that surprising after all, especially with what he’d said at the end.

_(“I knew her depression was irreversible, already over the limit. But I just ignored that, telling myself that there was nothing I could do.”_

_Despite his frank tone Gyu-hyuk had said it so very softly, murmuring them so quietly that even the still silence of the wrecked stage around them seems to echo louder than his words._

_Do-yoon can only stare at Gyu-hyuk as the other man visibly struggles with what he wants to say next. His hand trembles for a brief moment before it stills, and Do-yoon hears a crinkle as Gyu-hyuk tightens his grip on the papers left behind by Seil; the papers that had coldly documented his life._

_“I’m the one who found her dead. Her withered body, scattered insulin syringes, and her suicide note…”_

_He’d paused then, and when he turned to face Do-yoon all he remembers now is seeing a deep, fathomless pit of pain and regret reflected in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes._

_“I can still remember the moment.”)_

Guilt swells up within Do-yoon once more. He hadn’t meant to… he didn’t mean… “Gyu-hyuk, I…”

Gyu-hyuk cuts him off with a shake of his head. “You’re never a burden to me, Do-yoon,” he says, the same time as Do-yoon recalls _’my biggest regret is that she misunderstood me, even in her final days’_. “It’s a big house, and I’m the only one living there now, so there’s more than enough space for one more. It won’t be a problem at all. If anything, it’d be nice to have the company.”

He finishes his words with a small, crooked smile that tugs at Do-yoon’s heartstrings as those last few words deeply resonate with his own feelings. Do-yoon can’t lie to himself and pretend that he hasn’t been enjoying Gyu-hyuk’s daily visits; if anything, it’s the one thing that helps to keep him going no matter how terrible he feels for the rest of the day. And even though Gyu-hyuk is willing to keep doing this there’s inevitably going to be a time when he’ll be too busy to manage it, considering how he’s back in Buried Stars. Do-yoon knows all too well how demanding the schedules for the show can get, even if Seungyeon is no longer in the picture. If he moves in… then at least he’d save Gyu-hyuk the effort of having to travel here everyday.

 _And you’ll always be sure to see him,_ the voice in his head whispers out the selfish motivations that Do-yoon tries to pretend isn’t the real reason that makes him agree.

“...thank you,” he mumbles out, gaze dropping to stare at his hand that is completely covered by Gyu-hyuk’s own. He hadn’t really noticed until this moment just how much bigger his hands are compared to his own. 

He doesn’t look back up when Gyu-hyuk replies, but he can easily picture his warm, gentle smile as he speaks. “I’ll make the arrangements as soon as possible. I look forward to having you around the house.”

Do-yoon still isn’t fully certain—but at the very least, he thinks, as he feels the anxiety within him ebb away just enough for him to feel like he can start to properly breathe again—he won’t be alone as much anymore.

* * *

To Do-yoon’s surprise, it doesn’t take very long at all for things to happen. By the end of the week Gyu-hyuk informs him that he’s got a room ready for Do-yoon at his house, and so he spends the next week slowly packing up all the stuff that he’s willing to take along with him to Gyu-hyuk’s place. Though Gyu-hyuk had told him that he’d be fine with Do-yoon bringing everything he owns, Do-yoon doesn’t want to inconvenience Gyu-hyuk anymore than he already has. The fact that he would willingly let him stay at his house with no strings attached is already more than he can ask for.

And besides—having to sort through his belongings gives Do-yoon a reason to actually do something besides staying in bed and moping about. It feels nice, having to work towards a goal that actually feels achievable, compared to something so uncertain and nebulous that even thinking about it feels too much for him to handle, sometimes. 

In the end, the amount of things that Do-yoon feels appropriate to take with him is enough to fit a single large box. It mostly contains about three quarters of the stuff in his dresser (the last quarter were clothes that he had grown out of, or simply didn’t like anymore), a number of sentimental memorabilia from his childhood and teenage years and all the important stuff he’d need. Aside from that there is also his bass guitar and amp, both of which Do-yoon had thought about leaving behind for a brief moment before deciding against it. Despite his current feelings, music still is an important part of his life—and these instruments held a lot of sentimental value to him. No matter what, they are still a part of him.

Gyu-hyuk continues to drop by every evening with dinner, and after that he helps Do-yoon in sorting out the stuff he doesn’t intend to keep into the appropriate bags for either recycling, donation or trash and takes them away to deal with appropriately when he leaves. It’s a constant flurry of activity that helps to keep Do-yoon occupied also exhausts him enough that he manages to fall asleep by the end of the day, too worn out to be haunted by his nightmares.

By Friday night everything is more or less done, and while it's far from the first time that Do-yoon’s had to move it never fails to feel strange how somebody’s life could be so easily packed into a box if one tries hard enough. Even though he has only been staying in this place for a year (and barely really lived in it until these last few weeks, if he has to be honest) it still feels a little surreal to see it cleared out now, everything about him all tucked into the box that sits near the front door.

When Gyu-hyuk drops by a little later that night, apparently having been held up at the studio, which he tries to apologize for but Do-yoon quickly waves it off. With how much Gyu-hyuk is already doing for him, it would just be rude on his end to be bothered over something like being a little bit late.

They sort through the last of the things that Do-yoon isn’t taking with him, and once they’re done Do-yoon lets out a relieved sigh and leans back against the couch he’d been sitting against, tilting his head back to rest on the cushions. “Packing up never gets any easier,” he remarks with a huff.

Gyu-hyuk laughs quietly in response. “Unpacking tends to be harder, from my experience.”

“I suppose so.” Do-yoon brings his head back forward and looks over to the other man who currently stands next to his box of belongings that they’d just taped shut. “You done with the bags?”

“Almost. Just need to tie up this last one…” Gyu-hyuk trails off as he does just that. “There. Now I’m done.”

Do-yoon feels a small smile creep onto his face. There’s still a good part of him which does feel bad for taking up Gyu-hyuk’s incredibly generous offer, but a larger part of him can’t help but feel… better. This week of constant activity helped him a lot more than he’d thought, and knowing that he no longer has to worry about a roof over his head for the indefinite future eases him more than he can admit. He doesn’t quite feel like his old self still, but compared to how he’d been prior to this week, even he can tell it's a huge step forward. 

Gyu-hyuk straightens himself back up after making sure that the bags are all alright and turns to look at Do-yoon. He blinks, as if surprised by something, before his lips curve into that kind, gentle smile that Do-yoon finds himself liking more and more these days. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you smile.”

“Oh.” This time it’s Do-yoon’s turn to blink in surprise as he processes the words, and once it sinks in he feels his face heat up a little at the unexpected compliment. “I guess… it really has been a while.” After all, it’s not as if he’s had many reasons to smile in the last couple of weeks, if not months. 

Gyu-hyuk nods in understanding. “I hope I get to see more of it in the coming days,” he says, and then his smile widens. “Seeing you get better is all that I need.”

“Ah…” Do-yoon doesn’t know how to respond to something like that. Gyu-hyuk has always been far more eloquent with words compared to him, and in the past he’s seen the man use his eloquence to calm his legion of excited, screaming fans or help to stop a dispute from turning violent. He hadn’t really considered until now how it would feel to have it be used on him, much less in a situation like this.

As Do-yoon continues to flounder about in his mind the silence stretches on, and eventually it goes on long enough that Gyu-hyuk inevitably takes it for something else entirely. “I… Do-yoon, I didn’t mean—”

“No!” Do-yoon quickly interrupts him before the misunderstanding can get worse. The very last thing he wants is for Gyu-hyuk to think that he hates him or something, especially when that’s the furthest thing from the truth. How could he ever hate the person who’d been so selflessly helping and supporting him? “No… you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just—surprised. Nobody’s… I mean…” He shrugs helplessly. “I didn’t think you’d care this much.” It wasn’t that he had a bad childhood by any means, but having to constantly go from one relative to another meant that he never really felt like he belonged, even though his relatives were very kind to him everytime he stayed with them. But any relationship he had with them had always felt transient at best, and it’d been easy to simply strike out on his own once he became of age. When Masquerade happened it’d been the first time he felt otherwise, and for a long time he thought that it’d been all that he needed—but now…

The smile on Gyu-hyuk’s face slips away, a familiar sadness returning to his eyes that Do-yoon feels guilty for being the reason behind it. It almost feels unfair for Gyu-hyuk to feel bad for him when Do-yoon is well aware of how much more hardship Gyu-hyuk had to deal with in his past compared to him. 

“Of course I care for you, Do-yoon,” he says, the hurt bleeding into his voice now and Do-yoon only feels worse that he’d make Gyu-hyuk feel like this. “You’re… important to me. You saved my life, after all.”

It’d been a while since Do-yoon had heard that, but… he supposes he can understand why Gyu-hyuk would feel this way now, after that reminder. In a way, Do-yoon can relate to that feeling too, with how much Gyu-hyuk has been around to support him since then. 

Maybe… Do-yoon thinks. Maybe he should say something. Just so that Gyu-hyuk knows that they’re okay. “You’re… important to me too.”

Gyu-hyuk blinks again, apparently taken by surprise once more, but it quickly passes and he smiles that wonderful, kind smile that Do-yoon knows he will never tire of seeing. “I’m happy to hear that. Thank you for telling me.”

“I… yeah.” Do-yoon feels his face heat up again and glances away, though he tries to hide it by scratching his jaw. “Come here and finish your drink before you leave.”

He hears Gyu-hyuk letting out another quiet laugh in response, but doesn’t say anything else otherwise. The bags rustle one more time before falling completely silent, and in its place is the sound of Gyu-hyuk’s footsteps as he walks back towards him. Do-yoon pointedly keeps himself facing away from him even as Gyu-hyuk gets to where he is and settles down on the floor next to him. 

There’s a brief pause, and then Do-yoon feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand settle on his shoulder, followed by the warmth of his body close to his own as the other man leans in to presumably say something that will get him to turn back—

“—and we’ll be back for more, after the break!”

The sudden blast of sound that comes without warning causes Do-yoon to jump, head already whirling about to find the source of the interruption. It only takes a moment for that to happen, and Do-yoon blinks as his gaze settles on his TV which has apparently turned itself on for some reason.

Or perhaps not, given what Gyu-hyuk says next. “Oh, the remote…”

Do-yoon turns his gaze downwards at the words, looking at the small space between their bodies to see the TV remote there. He certainly doesn’t remember it being there… but then again he’d been spending the day going all over the apartment to make sure that he hadn’t missed anything so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he’d placed it there earlier and simply forgot about it. 

The TV continues to blare, playing through the usual stock of advertisements that barely register in his mind. That is, until an all-too familiar jingle begins to sound; a tune that he hasn’t heard since the other day, because of course it would play the moment he accidentally turns on the television.

Gyu-hyuk snaps out of his own daze the moment it starts to play, starting to make a move for the remote, but before he can grab it Do-yoon stops him by reaching out to grab his wrist. 

The move, of course, takes Gyu-hyuk completely by surprise, and it's reflected on his face as he looks over to him. “...Do-yoon?” he starts, voice quiet and cautious. 

“...I,” Do-yoon slowly starts to speak even though part of him wants nothing more than to cover his ears and block out the voice of the host narrating over the commercial. He can feel his heartrate starting to pick up but Do-yoon forces himself to push through, emboldened by the fact that… that he has Gyu-hyuk around to support him, when he needs it. “It’s fine. We can… leave it on.”

Gyu-hyuk continues to look uncertain about it. “Are you sure?”

“...yeah.” Do-yoon swallows down the lump that’d been trying to form in his throat. “Can’t avoid it forever, right? Especially when you’re going to be a part of it again.” He certainly can’t say that it's going to be easy, but he knows how far behind he is compared to the others and there’s only so long he can tolerate that. He _wants_ to get better, and he knows that won’t happen as long as he keeps on waiting for a figurative ‘right moment’ that will probably never arrive.

Gyu-hyuk still doesn’t look entirely sure, but he nods nevertheless, and gives Do-yoon a smile. “I know you can do it, Do-yoon. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Do-yoon feels himself blush again at yet another unexpected compliment, but he doesn’t let himself turn away this time. He simply nods, letting go of Gyu-hyuk’s wrist and settles back down. He picks up his half-finished can of soda and stares at it as the sounds of the commercial wash over him. 

He feels himself tremble, but he knows that he will no longer drown. He won’t, because Gyu-hyuk is here to keep him afloat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *BANGS GONGS LOUDLY* I'M FINALLY DOING IT I AM POSTING THIS!!
> 
> So, uh, anyway, hello. I know this fandom is small (at least on the English speaking side), but I have absolutely fallen in love with this game and the characters and especially Gyu-hyuk and Do-yoon, if it already wasn't obvious. This was originally a small idea I had that kind of just... exploded in size the more I wrote and now I'm just on my own ride to see where it leads me because this goddamn fic has consumed my mind, my sanity and also my NaNoWriMo wordcount.
> 
> ...but I am also still not done writing it as of now (about 60% done) so updates to this fic are going to happen once every two weeks! Mostly I'm doing that so that I actually have the time to be able to finish writing this whole thing without leaving anyone hanging for too long. If you desire updates about me screaming about writing this monster feel free to follow me at **@tasogareika** on Twitter. 
> 
> (Please follow me so that I have people to talk about this game with. Please.)
> 
> Really hope you all will enjoy this fic, and will be very grateful for any comments/kudos etc. that come!! Also as a final note the rating for this fic WILL be going up, so you all have that to look forward to... eventually.


	2. a lie I say to me and you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Quick note:** From this point on, please view this work in creator's work skin so you don't get borked by my sad attempts at shiny css coding. |D

The actual move takes place the very next day, and it both begins and ends without much fanfare. Since Do-yoon wasn’t going to take any furniture with him they decided that it wasn’t worth hiring a moving company, which in turn made things a lot easier to deal with since doing something like that would have easily attracted attention that neither of them were inclined to handle anytime soon.

But not hiring anyone meant that they’d have to do everything themselves, which while isn’t exactly new for Do-yoon, is however different when there’s only the two of them. As it turns out having to move with only two people is quite different from moving with a group of people, and both of them find themselves struggling at certain parts of the moving process which Do-yoon hadn’t anticipated would happen.

Fortunately, none of the unexpected complications were anything that would’ve set them back too much, though by the time they finally do arrive at Gyu-hyuk’s house the sun had almost finished setting and Do-yoon finds himself incredibly sweaty and exhausted from all the hauling around he had to do throughout the day.

“Shower,” he mutters out the moment Gyu-hyuk brings the rented van to a stop, reaching to open the door even though it hasn’t been unlocked yet. Gyu-hyuk, at least, gets the message, and Do-yoon hears the telltale click of the lock being disengaged right before his hand lands on the handle and he immediately pushes down, swinging the door open and getting out of the vehicle. 

The cool evening air hits his face the instant he’s out—a fine change from the musty air that’d been building up in the van, what with its lackluster air conditioning. Do-yoon takes in a breath and sighs, relieved, but before he can take another step forward Gyu-hyuk calls his name and Do-yoon turns to look at him with a faintly annoyed look. 

Gyu-hyuk gives him an apologetic simile as he jerks his head towards the back of the van. “We still need to bring it in.”

Oh, right. The box. Of course. Do-yoon flushes in embarrassment at his slip up, thankful that Gyu-hyuk at least is kind enough to not point it out. “Right,” he says, wiping off the sweat on his chin with the back of his hand. “Just one more move, and we’re done.”

Gyu-hyuk hums in agreement as he pushes up his glasses for what is most likely the nth time—not that Do-yoon can blame him, seeing how often they’d almost slipped off his face across the day. “Just one more,” he echoes, lowering his hand. “We’re almost there.”

Given everything else they’d had to do throughout the day, this should be the easiest thing to do. But Do-yoon can feel how tired he is from doing aforementioned everything else and what should’ve been a simple task now frankly feels like an impossible milestone. Still, Do-yoon knows he can’t just put this off. Not if he wants to risk his stuff getting caught by the rain or something else equally bad, anyway.

Do-yoon heaves out another sigh, then forces himself to walk over to the back of the van where Gyu-hyuk is already at, watching as the other man opens the door so that they can access the box that they’d managed to shove in after a bit of finesse on their part.

Looking at it now, however, Do-yoon thinks that maybe they should’ve thought it through a bit more. “It’s going to be hard to get it upright.”

Gyu-hyuk tilts his head sideways to survey the box. “It shouldn’t be too bad,” he says. “As long as we get it in the right position, gravity will do the rest of the work for us.”

Do-yoon can’t help but still feel a little skeptical about that, but it's not as if there’s really anything else they can do at this point. He gives the box one more glance and nods. “Alright, let’s quickly get this over with.”

He gets into the back of the van and settles onto his knees, shuffling around on them to get into position at the back of the box. Gyu-hyuk remains outside, having moved himself over to where the box’s bottom half currently lies. 

Once Do-yoon gets to where he needs to be he nods towards Gyu-hyuk, who takes the signal and reaches out to hold onto the sides of the box as Do-yoon braces his hands from the back. 

“Alright,” he mutters, then takes a breath to ready himself for what he has to do next. “Three, two, one… go!” He starts to push against the box the best he can while Gyu-hyuk grunts and strains with the effort of trying to turn the box enough for it to be able to fall and on the right end. 

At first Do-yoon feels it budging a little, but after that initial bit of progress he can feel the rest of his strength leaving him and the box remains stubbornly still. He grits his teeth in frustration and forces himself to keep going still, leaning in and trying to use his own body weight as a last ditch effort to get this done. 

For a moment it’d seems as if it still wasn’t enough, but then Do-yoon feels it jerk forward just a little… and then a bit more… and then even more… and then finally—

“Almost… there… I just… need to—ah!” Gyu-hyuk cuts himself off with a yelp which is quickly followed by two successive _thuds_ , the second of which is far louder than the first. At the same time Do-yoon starts to fall face first right onto the van floor; he manages to twist himself just in time to land on his shoulder instead, though given the pain that lances though him at the moment of impact, it might have not been the best idea. 

Do-yoon hisses, wincing as he pushes himself back up to his knees, and he’d have tried to see if his shoulder was fine but then his mind reminds him of Gyu-hyuk’s abrupt shout and so Do-yoon ignores his throbbing shoulder in favor of scrambling out of the van to see if his friend is alright. “Gyu-hyuk! Are you okay?”

“...yes.” Gyu-hyuk replies just as Do-yoon manages to get to where he is. He’s half-sprawled out on the ground, though he’s propped his upper body back up with his hands. “Just got a little caught by surprise, that’s all.”

“That makes both of us.” Now that the worry has faded Do-yoon feels the throbbing pain in his shoulder coming back in full force; judging from how hard the impact was, he wouldn’t be surprised if a bruise decides to form there overnight. The only comfort he has is that the hardest part of the move is more or less over and done with. 

Do-yoon sighs as he sees the box now sitting perfectly upright at the front porch of Gyu-hyuk’s house. “All that’s left is to actually get this thing inside.”

Gyu-hyuk hums his agreement as he steps next to Do-yoon, already having gotten back up on his feet. “We can just leave it at the front door. The cleaning service won’t be coming in until the following Wednesday, so you’ll have plenty of time to unpack.” He walks past Do-yoon as he speaks, fishing out the house keys from his pocket as he unlocks the doors for them to push the box through. 

“Ah… thank you.” It’s certainly an incredibly thoughtful gesture, which once again makes Do-yoon feel like he doesn’t quite deserve it, even if he knows _why_ Gyu-hyuk is doing all of this. It’s certainly one thing to be grateful, but on the other hand…

The sound of the door clicking open draws Do-yoon away from his thoughts before he can let himself delve any deeper. He blinks and shakes his head, letting his vision refocus to Gyu-hyuk who’s now giving him a questioning look.

“Is something the matter?” Gyu-hyuk asks the inevitable question, and Do-yoon quickly shakes his head in response.

“It’s nothing,” he says as well, just to fully reassure him, then hurriedly moves the conversation to something else. He moves himself to the side of the box opposite of the now opened door and braces his hands against it like what he did in the van earlier. “C’mon, let’s get this box inside and finally be done.”

He sets his gaze at the box after the words, pointedly ignoring the inquisitive look that he can feel Gyu-hyuk sending his way. Thankfully, Gyu-hyuk gets the hint after a moment, and Do-yoon hears him stepping closer, coming to a stop next to him and braces his hands on the box too.

“On three,” Do-yoon says the moment that happens. He doesn’t wait for Gyu-hyuk’s answer this time and simply goes ahead to countdown. “Three, two, one…!”

The both of them start to push the box together, using whatever strength they have left to get it into the house. Do-yoon finds himself having to rely on his body weight halfway through and finds out the hard way that using one’s shoulder as the point to press their full weight against is probably not the best thing to be doing—doubly so when said shoulder is already most likely bruising from an earlier fall.

By the time they finally manage to get the box indoors Do-yoon has to forcibly keep himself from wincing while also constantly swallowing down the urge to groan out in pain. If it wasn’t going to bruise before, it certainly would be now after all of that.

Gyu-hyuk heads back outside to close up the van and have it parked properly for the night while Do-yoon cautiously settles himself down onto a luxurious looking full-length couch that probably costs more than whatever he can make in a year. He feels bad for even sitting on it when he’s still so sweaty and gross but Gyu-hyuk had assured him that it was fine. 

He wouldn’t have done it still, at any other time, but his shoulder was starting to hurt like hell and Do-yoon knows that he wasn’t going to be able to keep standing like this. So he makes himself sit down on the absurdly expensive couch and hopes that the momentary rest will be enough for him to deal with the last few things he has to do before he can rest for the night. 

He gets back up on his feet when he hears Gyu-hyuk coming back, and by the time he’s at the door Do-yoon is back by the box trying to look natural as he examines the scratches that’d been made on the tape during the drive over. 

_Should have done something else,_ he thinks to himself as Gyu-hyuk’s footsteps get closer to him, and even without having to look he can hear the worry in his voice as he asks, “Did something happen with your things, Do-yoon?”

“No, everything’s fine.” Do-yoon runs his fingertip over the top seam of the box as he tries to think of something plausible to say. “Just, um… wasn’t really sure where you’d have a penknife lying around. To cut the tape off.”

“Ah… yes.” Gyu-hyuk almost sounds abashed about it, for some reason. “Let me go get it, and you can get the stuff you need for tonight.”

Do-yoon makes a sound of acknowledgement to show that he’s heard him, and Gyu-hyuk lightly touches his shoulder (the uninjured one, thankfully) before he heads off to retrieve the penknife. With nothing much to do while he waits, Do-yoon decides to sit back down on the couch to let himself get a bit more rest. As much as he tries not to, he can’t help but let his eyes wander around his surroundings, taking in all the tasteful decorations and fancy interior decorating that only serves to remind him of the elaborate filming that he’d been in back with Buried Stars. 

It hadn’t felt weird back then, since with all the cameras and lights around it’d been easy to tell himself that it was just a fancy set for shooting; but now that he’s here Do-yoon can’t help but start to feel a little self-conscious about the fact that stuff like this is actually real. He’s never lived in such a large house before—and if he has to be honest everything about this is still quite surreal to him, but Do-yoon supposes it’s just a matter of time before he gets used to it. Part of him does hope, however, that he’ll manage to find something and move out before that happens. There’s only so long he can let himself live off Gyu-hyuk’s generosity.

The sound of Gyu-hyuk’s returning footsteps snap Do-yoon out from his thoughts, though not fast enough for him to stand up from the couch before Gyu-hyuk reappears and sees him getting up. 

A bemused look quickly appears on his face. “You can remain seated, you know.”

“I know…” Do-yoon huffs and looks away, trying to ignore how quickly his face heats up. “Let’s just get this open so that I can grab the stuff I need and shower. My clothes feel gross.”

Gyu-hyuk chuckles, clearly taking in some amusement at his suffering. “I told you to keep it in a separate bag.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Do-yoon supposes it's no use to say that he did think about doing that, but the thought of having to haul a bag with him all the time while dealing with the move had just been too much of a hassle for him so he’d ended up putting what he’d packed at the very top of the box before sealing it shut. “Didn’t think having to move a single box would be this troublesome.”

“That makes the both of us.” Gyu-hyuk, at least, doesn’t keep up with the teasing, even if Do-yoon wishes that he hadn’t started it at all. The thought causes him to let out another sigh, to which Gyu-hyuk simply responds with another quiet chuckle before the distinct _click-clack_ of a penknife being unlocked sounds out. Do-yoon turns back to see Gyu-hyuk beginning to cut through the tape, brows furrowed in concentration as he makes quick work of it.

“There,” he says once he’s done, stepping away to place the penknife aside as Do-yoon walks back close to the now unsealed box. He opens it up and quickly retrieves the bag of things he’d left at the top, though he falters momentarily as the jostling causes a new wave of pain to throb from his injured shoulder. It’s bad enough that Do-yoon can’t quite bite down the hiss that escapes him, and even he can tell that it's loud enough to get Gyu-hyuk’s attention, who immediately sends him a concerned look. 

Do-yoon raises his uninjured arm to wave off Gyu-hyuk before he can say anything. “Just a small scrape from earlier, it’s nothing.” He turns towards the hallway where Gyu-hyuk had come out from earlier and starts walking. “The bathroom is this way, right? I’m gonna go shower now.”

He moves before Gyu-hyuk responds, wanting nothing more than to have some privacy right now so that he can actually access the extent of the damage that his shoulder had taken. He’s taken some hits in the past, enough for him to know that what he feels right now is not as bad as it seems but it's always better to err on the side of caution about these things. The last thing Do-yoon wants is to spend even more time at the hospital when it hasn’t been that long since his discharge.

It would have been pretty embarrassing if it turned out that there weren't any bathrooms in the direction of where he’d been walking, but fortunately that doesn’t happen. Do-yoon manages to find one after about a minute or so of walking, though when he steps in it's pretty clear that it's isn’t one of the more regularly used ones. But there is a mirror (a full length one, at that), and all the taps work so it suits his needs just fine. 

Do-yoon takes out the stuff that he’d packed and immediately heads into the shower, sighing in relief as he finally gets to wash off all the sweat on him. It certainly helps to make the pain in his shoulder much more bearable too, even though he knows that feeling is only temporary. But it’ll probably be enough to help him last until when he can retire for the night, and that is pretty much all that he needs. 

He finishes his shower before his shoulder can start hurting again, quickly wiping himself down with the towel he’d brought in here along with the sweatpants that he puts on once he deems himself dry enough. But before he puts on his t-shirt Do-yoon walks over to the mirror set near the door, turning to the side so that he can let himself see just how bad the bruising on his shoulder is.

Given how he’d been feeling it throb and ache, it's hardly surprising at all to see the skin there already set in startling shades of dark purples and blues. Carefully, he reaches over with his other hand and gingerly touches one of the darker parts, wincing at the throb of pain he gets in return. Yeah, he’s going to have to need a couple of days for this.

He drops his hand with a sigh and looks at the bruise again. It definitely does look bad enough to make people worry, and that’s something Do-yoon would rather not let happen. It’s far from the first time he’s got an injury like that, and now he’s done moving he can let himself have the next few days to fully rest and recover. Everything will sort itself out.

A sudden knock at the door brings Do-yoon out of his thoughts. “Do-yoon, is everything alright in there?”

Do-yoon blinks at the question. He thought he’d made an effort to not linger in here for too long, but if Gyu-hyuk had to come and check up on him like this, then he must have lost track of time during the shower. Nothing too bad, of course, but he still feels a little bad anyway for worrying Gyu-hyuk to this extent. 

He grabs a fresh t-shirt from the bag as he responds. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for taking a while.” He puts on said t-shirt and pats himself down with his good arm, smoothing out on the folds that had probably formed from being put in a bag and then squashed into a giant box for the whole day. He stuffs the clothes he’d changed out of back into the bag to deal with later, casting one last glance around the bathroom to make sure that he didn’t forget anything before making his way out.

He’s greeted with a smile from Gyu-hyuk the moment he steps out of the bathroom. “Good shower?” he asks, sounding somewhere between intrigued and amused. 

Do-yoon resists the urge to roll his eyes. “If this is you trying to fish me for compliments about the bathroom, forget it.” He lets the words sink in for a second, and then continues. “But yeah, it was good. Sorry for barrelling in like that.”

“It’s quite alright.” Gyu-hyuk turns and starts walking after he replies, and Do-yoon follows, wondering if Gyu-hyuk is bringing him over to the room he’d prepared for Do-yoon during his stay here.

To his surprise, that doesn’t happen; instead Gyu-hyuk leads him back out to the main living area, then brings him past it to where the dining table is, and Do-yoon blinks as he sees the food that’d been laid out across the surface. It’s nothing too extravagant or fancy, but the fact that it's even there at all in the first place is what really catches him by surprise—especially when he’s pretty certain that it’s not takeaway. 

Do-yoon finds himself staring at the food for several moments, too stunned to be able to react in any other way, and it's only when he hears Gyu-hyuk awkwardly clearing his throat does Do-yoon finally shake himself out of his stupor and turn to look at his friend.

“...I,” he starts, not sure at all how or where to begin. “You made this?”

“...yes.” Gyu-hyuk looks at Do-yoon for a brief moment before he suddenly turns away, seemingly abashed for no reason. “It’s not much, and you’re not obligated to eat it if you don’t want to. I just—” He cuts himself off as he begins to reach out for the plates on the table, most likely to bring the food back into the kitchen, but Do-yoon quickly stops him by stepping closer and grabbing the arm closer to him. 

“It’s not—” Do-yoon starts, blurting out the words before really thinking through them. “It’s not what you think it is. I was just surprised. Of course I’ll eat it.” He pauses, and then adds, “Thank you. You didn’t have to.” Doubly so since Gyu-hyuk would’ve had to do this on top of spending the day helping him move. This amount of generosity being showered on him without pause almost feels like too much to bear.

 _It’s not forever,_ he tells himself as he sees the way Gyu-hyuk’s expression lights up, and the smile on his face is bright and warm and pleased.

“I wanted to,” he says, and then Do-yoon feels the hand that’d been holding onto his arm being gently tugged off. Fingers wrap around his wrist and lead him to the closest chair, and Do-yoon finds himself wordlessly settling down on it. 

Gyu-hyuk goes around to sit on the opposite side of where he is, and once he is also settled Do-yoon follows him and picks up the chopsticks on his side of the table. The two of them murmur the usual thanks, and then begin to delve into the unexpected home cooked meal. 

He didn’t think much about it at first, but with each mouthful of food he partakes Do-yoon slowly finds himself discovering just how _different_ food could taste when it’s made fresh. Or perhaps it’d just been so long that he’d completely forgotten it until now. Do-yoon doesn’t remember when was the last time where he actually got to eat somebody’s home cooking—years, he guesses, considering how long it has been since he made the decision to move out and away from his relatives. College had just been him subsisting on junk food and black coffee, and the army was… well, it was the army. Everyone gets the same kind of food there. With his days in Masquerade it’d been back to the routine of more junk food and black coffee, sometimes with the occasional cheap restaurant thrown in when they could afford it. 

Strange to think that it’s only now when he realizes this, and it hits him hard enough to make him pause. He swallows down the food he had in his mouth and stares at the dishes that Gyu-hyuk had made. To other people it might be nothing more than a simple meat and vegetable dish, but it feels incredibly special to him. 

His pause, of course, doesn’t go unnoticed by Gyu-hyuk, and Do-yoon blinks as he hears his name being called and sees the concerned look on his friend’s face.

“I was just thinking about something,” he explains, hoping that it’ll be enough to ease the other’s worries. He finishes off the last bit of meat left on the shared plate with his rice in order to make up for it. Gyu-hyuk doesn’t look fully convinced, but he doesn’t press on the topic and nods, allowing their meal to continue in silence. 

It doesn’t take long after that for the both of them to finish their food. Do-yoon leans back against the chair once he’s done, letting out a satisfied sigh as he looks at the cleared plates and bowls. “Thanks for the food.” 

Gyu-hyuk smiles, looking incredibly pleased. “Of course. I’m glad you liked it.”

Do-yoon can only nod to show his agreement. “It was really nice. I haven’t really had home-cooked food for a long time.” He pauses then, hesitating, but then remembers how concerned Gyu-hyuk had been at his sudden pause earlier and decides to just rip off the bandaid and say it. “That’s the reason why I got so lost in thought earlier.” 

He lifts his good shoulder in a careless shrug after the words, doing his best to play it off. The last thing he wants is for Gyu-hyuk to feel bad or sympathize with him when he’s the one who had a much harsher childhood. If anything, Do-yoon should be the one feeling that way instead.

But given what he knows of Gyu-hyuk, Do-yoon isn’t entirely surprised to see that he does get a little misty-eyed after hearing his explanation. “Then I’m even more glad that I made this dinner.” The smile on his face turns wry, then, and Gyu-hyuk quickly looks away soon after, as if unwilling to show Do-yoon such an expression. “It’s been a while for me too… and to be honest, it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed them.”

Do-yoon can’t really say anything in response to that. His feelings towards his own family have always been ambivalent at best, and he knows better than to try and pretend to understand something this personal. He supposes what he had with Masquerade would’ve been the closest to the things Gyu-hyuk had, but after everything… he knows that he no longer has the right to think of them as such. Not anymore.

He shakes his head to put the thoughts out of his mind. What’s done is done; all he can do now is to focus on moving on, one way or another.

“Well, at least we have this now,” he says, standing up from his seat. “Thanks again for the meal. I’ll return the favor by doing the dishes.”

He can see Gyu-hyuk turning back to look at him in surprise, but he ignores that in favor of cleaning the table. He collects the cleared plates and empty bowls, stacking all of them together before picking them up with both hands—a decision he instantly regrets as his bruised shoulder twinges and Do-yoon almost feels his glip slip because of it. 

Gyu-hyuk calls for him, but Do-yoon continues to ignore him to focus on bringing the dishes over to the sink without his shoulder messing everything up. Part of him worries for a moment if he’d have to try and find the kitchen like he did with the bathroom earlier, but fortunately despite being a large house the interior layout does seem to adhere to some of the staples in houses across the rest of the country—one of which being that the dining area is usually right by the kitchen. 

That fact seems to hold true for this case, so it only takes Do-yoon a few steps and a turn to get to the kitchen. It, of course, turns out to be as proportionally big as the rest of the house, which really isn’t something he would have a problem with if it isn’t for the fact that his injured shoulder is getting more uncooperative by the second and having to spend more time walking over to the sink means risking the (exponentially growing) chance to drop the plates and bowls. Which Do-yoon would rather not let happen if he can help it.

Wasting no time, Do-yoon briskly walks in the direction of the sink, shoulder giving a warning twinge as he feels his hand start to shake. He’s definitely going to regret this but he’s right at the sink, and once he places the stuff down he won’t have to worry about dropping them anymore—

“Do-yoon—”

“Ugh—!”

_CLANG!_

Gyu-hyuk quickly pulls back his hand away from Do-yoon’s shoulder after he’d let out the pained shout, and the two of them blink as the echo of banging metal slowly fades away. Do-yoon quietly thanks the fact that he’d at least managed to bring the dishes right over the sink before Gyu-hyuk had made him drop it. There’d been barely any height too, so they weren’t going to have to deal with broken plates anytime soon. It's the only consolation that Do-yoon has as his shoulder throbs with even more pain than before, the sensation having been accidentally exacerbated by Gyu-hyuk. 

Do-yoon grits his teeth and swallows down the next cry of pain that threatens to escape him, but in exchange he’s unable to stop himself from visibly wincing. Not that it matters either way, since he’s already messed it up with that first shout. He braces himself against the edge of the sink so that he stays upright, teeth still clenched tightly together as Do-yoon tries to ride through the wave of pain. 

Luckily, Gyu-hyuk hadn’t really exerted any kind of force when he’d touched his injury, so it doesn’t take long before the wave recedes and Do-yoon can finally start to focus on something else besides the pain. That’s when he realizes that Gyu-hyuk has been calling out his name—and judging from the tone of his voice, is increasingly becoming more and more concerned. 

“M’fine,” Do-yoon grunts out once he catches his breath to speak, hoping that it manages to sound steady enough. “Just accidentally banged it earlier, so it's a bit sore.”

“That reaction is a bit much for something that’s just ‘a bit sore’.” Gyu-hyuk lets out a sigh. “You should’ve just told me you hurt yourself. I’m fairly certain that I have something for it.”

“I’m fine. Really.” Do-yoon takes one more moment to recollect himself before straightening back up. His shoulder twinges again as he does so, and this time he manages to not wince at the sensation. He looks over to Gyu-hyuk and ignores the frown on his face as he speaks again. “It’ll be better once I sleep it off.”

Gyu-hyuk continues to look disagreeable, but thankfully doesn’t try to argue against him. “You know your own body best,” he acequises, though it's clear that he’s incredibly reluctant about letting him go like this. “Promise me that you’ll let me know if it gets worse.”

Do-yoon nods in return. He’s highly doubtful that it will, but he can at least agree that if it does then it’ll be enough of a concern to warrant a visit to the doctor. He hopes it won’t come to that, though. 

Gyu-hyuk visibly relaxes once he gives his word. “Alright,” he says, giving a nod of his own. “Let me show you to your room then so you can rest.”

“...thanks.” It certainly would have been nicer if Do-yoon could have managed to excuse himself without all this fuss, but what’s done is done. As it is, he’s just thankful that Gyu-hyuk isn’t going to try and mother him excessively just because he’s currently staying at his place. 

The both of them take a second to rinse their hands at the sink before heading off, with Gyu-hyuk leading the way and Do-yoon following behind. This time they take the stairs up to the second floor, where Do-yoon supposes all the bedrooms are actually located. They head down the main hallway from the stairs once they get to the top, walking past a couple of emptied rooms before finally coming to a stop in front of a door that Gyu-hyuk quickly moves to open, flicking on the lights to reveal a fully furnished bedroom that’s far larger than any other rooms that Do-yoon has ever stayed in.

“This is your room,” Gyu-hyuk announces as he gestures at it. “It has a bathroom attached; I’ve checked to make sure that all the taps are working, but let me know if something is wrong and I’ll ask somebody to get it fixed.”

All Do-yoon can really do to respond in that moment is to nod, as most of his mind still struggles to wrap around the reality of exactly what he’s been so generously offered. It’s one thing to be told about and picture it, but to actually take this in reality… it's entirely different. 

Gyu-hyuk seemingly catches onto his astonishment, judging by the sheepish look that he gives Do-yoon before continuing. “I’m just a few steps away,” he tells him, pointing at the double doors that stand directly opposite of the room they’re at. “As long as you can see light I’m most likely still awake, so don’t hesitate to come in if you need me for anything.” 

Another nod from Do-yoon. Now that the initial surprise is fading, he can’t help but feel a little bad now for brushing off Gyu-hyuk’s concern for him earlier when he can see just how much thought the other man has put into his stay here. It’s one thing to offer him a place, but to go to this extent, even to the point of making him dinner…

“Gyu-hyuk.”

The man pauses in the middle of his explanation and blinks at Do-yoon. “What is it?”

“I…” Do-yoon trails off, then sighs. He has never been good with words the same way Gyu-hyuk is, but he doesn’t want to leave any room for Gyu-hyuk to misunderstand him, especially after what happened earlier. “I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I just… I hope you know that.” He starts to shrug, but his shoulder twinges again to remind him of his injury and so he settles for giving a crooked smile. “Thanks. Really.” 

Gyu-hyuk tries to hide it, but Do-yoon can see the relief on his face and in his eyes as he smiles back in return and nods. “I’m glad that I could do this for you,” he says, reaching over and placing his hand on his uninjured shoulder this time. “As long as you’re okay, that’s all the thanks I need.”

“I’m already getting better, thanks to you.” Letting him stay here, giving him a place to figure out what he wants to do from now on… Do-yoon knows that he can’t afford to squander this kindness. To do so would be an insult to Gyu-hyuk, and that’s something he has no intention of doing. “And… I promise not to get in your way for long. Once I can find something I’ll get out of your hair.” 

For a brief moment after those words Do-yoon thinks he sees something unreadable flash across Gyu-hyuk’s face, but it vanishes as quickly as it’d appeared, leaving him to wonder if he’d just imagined it. That, or perhaps a trick of the light. 

But before he can think more into it Gyu-hyuk speaks up. “Don’t force yourself to rush into things,” he says, as gentle and understanding as ever. “Like I told you, everyone recovers at their own pace. You can stay here for as long as you feel like it.”

“I know.” It is very nice of Gyu-hyuk to do it, but he still can’t live off his generosity forever. It wasn’t a matter of Gyu-hyuk being able to afford it or not—his pride simply wouldn’t allow it. His time with Masquerade may be over now, but… there were still things he could do. He just needs to find what they are.

“As long as you keep it in mind.” Gyu-hyuk’s voice brings Do-yoon out of his momentary reverie, and he blinks to see the man giving him another smile. “No matter what, you’ll always have a place here.”

“I…” Do-yoon tries to brush the words off, but the truth is that it's something he simply just can’t quite do, because at the end of the day he deeply misses everything that he had with Masquerade. It had been more than just a band to him; it’d been his place to be, the family he never really had, and knowing that it's all gone now because of his moment of selfishness and weakness that Seungyeon preyed upon is something he can never truly forgive himself for.

 _Do I deserve this,_ he asks himself. _Am I allowed to have any of this just because I happened to save his life?_ While he can tell himself that the actual act of saving Gyu-hyuk at the beginning had been a selfless one, he can’t lie and say that some part of him didn’t desire the good endorsement that would come because of it. Of course, that all changed once Hyesung was killed, but still…

God, Hyesung. Seil. Just the passing thought of either of their names is enough to trigger the rush of memories that Do-yoon desperately wants to forget. But that’s probably impossible at this point, especially when he can’t pretend that the only reason he’s here now is because of what he and Gyu-hyuk had been through that night. It wasn’t like they were strangers, since they were in the top five, but he wouldn’t have called what they had back then as friendship either. He would have never pictured himself being invited here, let alone generously offered a room to stay in.

Then again, he never would have imagined being trapped underneath the ruins of a collapsed stage for hours and came out with two of them dead, so it's safe to say that life has a way of taking him down some rather unpredictable routes. 

“Do-yoon.”

A gentle squeeze on his shoulder, followed by the call of his name brings him back to reality again. Do-yoon swallows down the lump that’d been forming in his throat during that time and focuses himself back on Gyu-hyuk’s worried expression.

“Sorry,” he mutters out, feeling bad for bringing the mood down yet again when he’d been trying to apologize for having done that earlier. “Didn’t mean to make things worse.”

The look on Gyu-hyuk’s face immediately turns pained at that. “You haven’t done that at all,” he tells him, and Do-yoon would try to argue at that blatant lie but he doesn’t want to be unappreciative of Gyu-hyuk’s attempt to make him feel better. 

Still, he supposes some part of disbelief must have shown through on his face, because Gyu-hyuk looks even sadder which makes Do-yoon feel even worse because this is definitely not what he wanted to happen. Already the first night and he’s already making his friend feel terrible. Just great.

Best to just end the conversation here before it has a chance to get worse. “...it’s been a long day for the both of us,” Do-yoon says as he reaches up and gently pulls Gyu-hyuk’s hand off his shoulder. “I should head to bed. Get some rest for my shoulder and everything.” 

Do-yoon turns away as soon as he’s done speaking, unable to bring himself to meet Gyu-hyuk’s gaze out of guilt for ending the night like this. He quickly steps past him and walks into the room, reaching for the door handle once he’s inside and tries not to feel like a terrible person all over again.

“...see you tomorrow, I guess.” Do-yoon doesn’t wait for a response—or rather, doesn’t want to—and closes the door with a click that echoes across the painfully quiet room. For a while he simply stands there, not sure what to do or say, only reacting when he hears Gyu-hyuk quietly wishing him a ‘good night’ before the sound of his footsteps slowly fade away to join the silence. 

It’s only then does Do-yoon let his hand drop from the door handle as he exhales loudly with his nose, then turns to look at the queen-sized bed set in the middle of the room. The only time he ever really slept on beds as big as this were at the occasional hotels back in the day with the band, and even then they’d obviously share the space since money had always been tight. This would probably be the first time he actually gets to sleep on a bed this large by himself.

He remembers the childish excitement he had back in the day, laughing with the rest of Masquerade as he stretched out across the mattress and allowed himself to relish the simple joy of being able to lie on something that’d felt luxurious to all of them. There’d been so much hope for the future then, all of them enjoying the moment that they’d earned as they continuously strove towards their goal one step at a time.

When he cautiously lowers himself to bed minutes later, lying on this mattress that feels far too big in a room that’s far too quiet, and as he stares at the ceiling in a darkness that threatens to swallow him whole, Do-yoon supposes this is what he deserves, for all his mistakes and more.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Do-yoon doesn’t sleep very well on his first night, but he knows he can’t really blame anyone for it except himself. It’d been more or less expected given how things had gone down between him and Gyu-hyuk.

What’s less unexpected, however, is how long the terse, awkward silence lingers between them. While Do-yoon could simply lay the blame on Gyu-hyuk’s schedule as the cause of him not being around the house long enough for Do-yoon to have a proper conversation with him, he knows that it’s just an excuse for the truth—the truth that he is the one who’s deliberately avoiding Gyu-hyuk.

He hadn’t quite intended for it to be that way at first; he had tried to muster up the courage to talk to Gyu-hyuk about it the very next night when he’d returned from the studio, but all of said courage had fled the moment he sees how tired out the other man had been. 

_The last thing he needs is a conversation about my hang ups,_ Do-yoon told himself then, and that excuse had echoed pathetically in his mind hours later as he stared at the dark, oppressive silence that had enveloped the room once again. 

After the first time, it’d simply been easier to keep up that lie. To tell himself again and again how Gyu-hyuk doesn’t need to deal with his insecurities and guilt and all the other things running around in his mind. He’s already got more than enough on his plate as it is to have his crap unceremoniously dumped on top of it.

But as the week passes and the silence continues to stretch on, Do-yoon finds himself slowly slipping back into the depressive spiral he’d thought he managed to rid himself of. The first few days hadn’t been so bad, since he’d been occupied with unpacking his box and putting his stuff in all the right places—but once he’d finished that and without much else to do, it’d become hard to keep his mind from wandering over to the thoughts he’d tried to keep away. 

The fact that the house is practically empty hadn’t helped matters either. Do-yoon pretty much had the entire house to himself anytime Gyu-hyuk wasn’t in, and where he’d initially marvelled at how grand and fancy it’d been now that opulence rings with an echoing hollowness that reminds him too much of the collapsed stage. He’d taken his time to explore the numerous rooms of the house, but even when he discovers that one of the rooms in the first floor had been converted into a home studio Do-yoon simply can’t seem to find the joy or excitement he’d thought he would have felt upon such a find.

Music had always been a large part of his life for as long as Do-yoon can remember, but now he somehow feels like a stranger to it, a stumbling fool that knows and understands absolutely nothing despite the history he has with it. Like he is somebody else entirely, somebody who wears the facade of Han Do-yoon and is barely trying to keep it up because nobody would ever bother to look.

But that isn’t entirely true either. Even if Do-yoon doesn’t let himself converse with him Gyu-hyuk always notices him whenever they’re in the same area. He calls for his name and smiles at him, wishing him a good morning or night depending on the time. He never tries to press him into a conversation even though Do-yoon can tell that he wants to and gives him all the space he needs.

The fact that Gyu-hyuk continues to remain so patient and kind to him even after his mess up on that first night adds more to the guilt that eats at him. He detests himself for being like this, and for reverting to his usual manner of becoming avoidant and distant when he already knows how well that worked for him the last time with the rest of Masquerade. 

“ _...and for tonight, we have with us a very special guest. The contender who’s on everyone’s list for the top spot: Min Juyoung!_ ”

Hearing that name brings Do-yoon out of his thoughts. He blinks, and turns his attention to the TV that had been playing in the background, and he sees Juyoung herself on screen. From the setup it's easy enough to figure out that she’s in some kind of talk show—potentially even a rerun from before. It doesn’t matter either way; it's all new to him regardless.

“ _Thank you for coming here today,_ ” the host begins, “ _We appreciate you taking the time from your busy schedule to speak with us._ ”

“ _Of course,_ ” Juyoung replies, elegant and polite as always. Even before everything that happened Do-yoon had always seen Juyoung carry herself with an air of gracefulness that nobody else could truly match, in spite of the struggles she had to endure. For a time he’d even thought how good she’d looked at Gyu-hyuk’s side; they’d been the unshakeable duo in his eyes, unswayed by whatever the show would throw at them.

Now, of course, he knows otherwise. Both of them had their own respective struggles that were so much more than what the public and media assumed about them. Juyoung, made to choose between her dignity and her dreams, and Gyu-hyuk…

Do-yoon stills his thoughts there before it can go on. He sighs and focuses back on the TV.

“ _—think you can elaborate on why you decided to rejoin Buried Stars, in spite of what happened?_ ”

The mention of the show is enough to make Do-yoon pause, his blood momentarily turning cold. The urge to turn off the TV rears up from the back of his mind, telling him to block it all off so that he doesn’t have to think about everything that happened that night yet again—

“ _Like I’ve mentioned in my announcement, I believe that Buried Stars is the place where I can achieve my dream._ ” Hearing the words and her voice is enough to help him get out of the spiral he’d been already slipping into. Do-yoon forces himself to take in a deep breath and slowly lets it out, and as he does so he reminds himself that he isn’t back there any more. He’s out of there, and has been for a while now. 

He opens his eyes to see a close up of Juyoung’s determined expression on the screen. “ _A lot has happened, but I’m willing to continue down the path I want for myself._ ” Though her voice is gentle there is that undeniable hint of steel shining through, the strength of will that Do-yoon hopes more people can see now instead of dismissing her as somebody frail and unprepared. “ _I want to show others that you don’t have to sacrifice your morals for your goals, and that you shouldn’t._ ”

The hosts nod in agreement to her words, and so does Do-yoon. He remembers the initial wave of news that’d broken out after Juyoung had publicly revealed what Strix Entertainment had tried to make her do, and how the response had affected her. She had never said anything about it whenever she visited him at the hospital, but he could see the exhaustion in her eyes, the weariness on her face as she’d fended off criticisms and hate alike. Eventually, when the dust had finally settled, Juyoung had come out on top of it all and announced her intention to rejoin Buried Stars when they opened auditions again. 

Gyu-hyuk told him that she’d returned stronger than ever, no longer bound and held back by the events of the past that had forced her to stay silent. It is that newfound strength that drives her to keep going even though her battles are tougher than ever, now that she’d been outed as a whistleblower. Still, if there is one thing that Do-yoon is certain about her, it is that Juyoung isn’t a person to let herself stop from a setback or two. Such tenacity is only something that he can envy.

“ _—but if there is one person who I can thank, it would be my friend, Han Do-yoon._ ”

Do-yoon blinks, unable to contain the surprise that had come from suddenly hearing his name in such a manner—and judging by the looks on the hosts’ faces, it seems that those feelings are mutual.

One of them manages to recover quickly enough to speak. “ _Han Do-yoon—the fourth place contestant for that season, correct?_ ”

“ _Yes,_ ” Juyoung nods, confirming, then continues on. “ _That night… he is the reason why the rest of us were able to keep ourselves together. He is the one who gave me the push I needed to speak up about the truth behind my departure from Strix and Beloved. I wouldn’t be here today, if it wasn’t for his advice and encouragement._ ”

The hosts nod again. “ _It sounds like the incident brought the two of you close._ ”

Juyoung gives them a wry smile at that. “ _I consider him to be a close friend, yes._ ”

“ _Then, I suppose you have heard from him recently?_ ”

“ _Yes, I have._ ” She shifts in her seat, placing both of her hands on her lap, and looks directly to both of the hosts. “ _But as his friend, it's not my place to share the things he’s elected to confide in me, so I’d appreciate it if you dropped this line of questioning._ ”

Do-yoon can’t pretend that there wasn’t a part of him that took some joy in watching the hosts shift uncomfortably upon being called out in such a manner. Sure, they were only doing their jobs, but it doesn’t make things acceptable. He makes a mental note to give Juyoung his thanks if they ever get to see each other again. 

“ _Ah… I assure you, that wasn’t our intention,_ ” the first host is the one who recovers first; the second one, Do-yoon notes, still looks rather stupefied from the unexpected callout. “ _I just know that there are some fans who must be wondering, especially since there hasn’t been any news about him at all, aside from a notice to confirm that he has no intention of rejoining Buried Stars when they returned._ ”

Juyoung nods. “ _And that is his decision. What happened that night affected all of us differently. I cannot speak for him on what he decides, but as his friend, I can only wish the best for him._ ”

‘The best for him’, huh. Do-yoon sighs softly at the words and closes his eyes as the memories of his first night here come back to him. He wonders what Juyoung would say to him now, if she knows just how badly he is messing up here. Of course, there is a chance that Gyu-hyuk might have talked about it with her, but he doubts the possibility of that happening. Gyu-hyuk is far too nice of a person to do something like that.

 _Far better than me, anyway,_ he adds on glumly to himself. Seeing her so unexpectedly like this and hearing what she’s said there brings him back to the conversations he’d had with Juyoung on that night and the days after that, the relief in her words and her expression when she told him how the rest of Beloved had all come back together to throw their support behind her shortly after she’d let out the truth behind her departure.

 _I’d prepared myself for them to never speak to me again,_ she’d said, and Do-yoon remembers how badly her voice had wavered then. _But they all came back, Do-yoon, they called me last night and we finally got to talk again._

It’d been impossible to not hear the pure, unadulterated joy in her words, to not feel the sheer happiness she’d been enmating out as she told Do-yoon about how much she enjoyed being able to talk with the rest of Beloved after all this time. 

At the end of it all, she looked at him, the happiness in her eyes turning into something more somber as she suggested to him, very gently, to maybe reach back out to his group. To Masquerade. 

_Before you say ‘no’, just… think about it,_ she’d advised him. _I know that our circumstances are different, but a talk doesn’t hurt anyone, right? If you tell them your side of the story, then maybe there’s a chance they’ll listen. Don’t wait until it's too late._

But the reality is that it’s already far too late, because he _did_ betray them—and sure, maybe Seungyeon had encouraged him to do it, but at the end of the day he was the one who made the final decision to take up her offer. He sacrificed his band for his career and paid the price for it. It was nothing as noble as what happened to Juyoung; he _is_ a betrayer, plain and simple, and nothing would change that fact.

So as much as Do-yoon might wish otherwise, Masquerade is never going to come back. That part of his life had been effectively destroyed by his own hands. The only thing that he can say he has now is…

The front door clicks open right there and then, which is already surprising enough to break Do-yoon out of his thoughts, but when it swings open to reveal Gyu-hyuk stepping in he can’t help but wonder if this is some kind of weird, contrived coincidence. 

Stunned as he is, Do-yoon ends up staring at Gyu-hyuk for far longer than he’d seen him in the last few days combined, so it's not too much of a surprise when Gyu-hyuk notices it and sends him a questioning look. 

“...hello to you too?” he says, with the slightest hint of bemusement.

Do-yoon quickly catches himself then before things have a chance to get even more awkward. “Uh… yeah,” he mumbles out as he turns his gaze back to the TV. The hosts are thanking Juyoung for her time, so he supposes that her segment must have ended.

Gyu-hyuk follows his line of sight over to the TV and blinks at what he sees on the screen. “Ah… Juyoung’s interview?”

“...yeah.” Do-yoon still isn’t sure where he wants to stand on the scale of ‘avoiding Gyu-hyuk’ to ‘trying to actually have a proper conversation with him that won’t go sideways’, but right now he’ll take anything over being asked why he was staring. “Just happened to come across it.” A pause, and then he adds on. “It’s… good to see that she’s doing well.”

He hears Gyu-hyuk hum in agreement. “I’m glad for her, too. She deserves it. Even if she doesn’t win, I’m sure she’ll still manage to continue on.”

“Yeah…” Do-yoon murmurs out again as he watches Juyoung take her leave from the set on TV. Once the hosts start to speak again he changes the channel to something that he knows won’t be airing any sudden talk shows anytime soon. “Guess she’s making it harder for you on the show too, huh?”

“Well… I would be lying if I said otherwise.” A quiet laugh tacks onto the end of that response, and when Do-yoon glances over he sees a small, almost sheepish smile on Gyu-hyuk’s face. “At this point, I’m surprised she hasn’t taken over me in the rankings.”

Do-yoon finds himself letting out a snort even before he realizes it. “Not that much of a surprise. You’ve always been good at what you do.” The truth of his parentage doesn’t change that fact; having what people would perceive as ‘inherited talent’ is one thing, but he wasn’t first place in the previous season for nothing. Do-yoon had seen for himself how hard Gyu-hyuk had worked to maintain his standing, and it’d been something he had always respected about him, even before everything that happened.

Gyu-hyuk lets out a sound that Do-yoon can only best describe as a half-strangled croak, and it's so completely unexpected and surprising that the only thing Do-yoon can do is to look at him and see if his friend is okay. He meets Gyu-hyuk’s gaze as the other man stares at him with a perplexed look on his face, and Do-yoon wonders if this is how he’d felt earlier when he’d been the one who’d been stared at without warning.

To Gyu-hyuk’s credit, he catches himself far more quickly than Do-yoon had. “I… thank you, Do-yoon.” He gives Do-yoon that wonderful, gentle smile that never fails to send a small pulse of warm into his chest. “It’s humbling that somebody with your level of experience thinks highly of me.”

“...it’s nothing that amazing.” Even as he says that, though, Do-yoon can’t stop himself from looking away, trying to ignore how warm his face is getting. It’s hard to accurately pinpoint exactly which part of Gyu-hyuk’s response has him feeling so flustered. Maybe it's his smile, or perhaps his kindness. Or just everything about him because Do-yoon is reminded once more on how incredibly generous Gyu-hyuk has been to him and so maybe he needs to stop being an ass and actually _talk to him_.

Generally Do-yoon doesn’t consider himself an impulsive sort of person, but he also knows the longer he lets himself waffle on this the less likely he’ll actually make himself do it, so he swallows down his hesitation and forces himself to just go for it. “Gyu-hyuk, I—”

He gets cut off by a shrill ringing sound that catches both of them by surprise. Do-yoon jumps and barely manages to keep himself from falling over or something equally embarrassing as Gyu-hyuk startles for a second before he flushes and reaches into the pocket of his jacket to pull out his phone, and the sound immediately stops once he presses his thumb against the screen.

“That was, ah, my alarm.” Gyu-hyuk admits with a sheepish look on his face as he pockets his phone back. “Wasn’t sure if I could come back on time today to make dinner, so I set it just in case.”

...it really has been a whole week since he’d moved in here, if that is the case. Knowing that now, it makes Do-yoon feel even worse since that means he’d spent a whole week being kind of an asshole to Gyu-hyuk when he doesn’t deserve it. The man is even going to make him dinner again despite what happened the last time.

“You don’t have to do it if you’re tired,” Do-yoon tries to dissuade him. Or at least he hopes it's a reasonable attempt at a dissuasion. “I mean, you’ve already had a long day and all that…”

To his surprise, Gyu-hyuk laughs at that. Well, it’d be closer to a polite chuckle if Do-yoon wanted to be specific, but the effect is the same nevertheless. “I appreciate the concern, but I’m alright. It’s relaxing for me to do this, if I’m to be honest.” He smiles again. “It’s nice having somebody to come back to.”

Do-yoon finds his face turning warm again upon hearing those words. Part of him immediately wants to refute it, but he manages to stop himself from doing so. Gyu-hyuk doesn’t need more bullshit from him. 

Still, he can’t just stay quiet either, since there’s a chance Gyu-hyuk might take that the wrong way and the last thing Do-yoon wants is to cause even more unintentional misunderstandings. “I, uh…” He starts, hoping his voice doesn’t betray how uncertain he feels. “It’s… nice seeing you come back too. It, um. The house doesn’t feel as empty.” He winces a little at that last bit, because even he can tell that’s not the best thing to say. 

For better or for worse, Gyu-hyuk doesn’t seem to be bothered by his slip up. “I feel the same way too,” he says with an understanding nod. He glances over to the kitchen after that, then looks back to Do-yoon with an apologetic look. “I should start making dinner now, if either of us want to eat at a reasonable time.”

“Ah… yeah.” Do-yoon tries not to feel embarrassed as he scratches the back of his neck. “Don’t let me keep you.”

Gyu-hyuk gives him another one of those heart meltingly warm smiles. “You never do.” 

Before Do-yoon can fully process those words Gyu-hyuk takes his leave for the kitchen, and when it does finally sink in all Do-yoon can do is to slowly sit himself down onto the couch and bury his face into his hands.

* * *

By the time Gyu-hyuk calls out from the kitchen to let him know that dinner is ready, Do-yoon has mostly recovered from his torrent of embarrassment. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself as he settles down at the dining table and hopes that his face isn’t actually as warm as it feels.

Similar to last week, Gyu-hyuk’s cooked up another simple dish for the both of them to go with their rice. This time instead of meat it's fish, which makes Do-yoon wonder when Gyu-hyuk had the time to pick up a fish from the supermarket in-between all the other things he must be doing for the show. 

“Don’t worry, I made sure it’s fresh.”

Do-yoon startles at the sudden remark and slowly glances over to Gyu-hyuk, who looks back at him with a bemused expression. “Um. Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Gyu-hyuk laughs softly at Do-yoon’s audible floundering. “It’s alright. I suppose saying that ‘it's’ fresh’ is a bit of a misdemeanor too, since I bought it frozen. Picked it up last night on the way back.” 

“Oh… I see.” Do-yoon feels a little bad that his skepticism had been obvious enough that Gyu-hyuk had to reassure him, but part of him does appreciate it. He starts to pry off some of the meat with his chopsticks to put into his bowl. “Didn’t know you could get them so late.”

Gyu-hyuk hums quietly in agreement. “It definitely used to be harder,” he says while taking some vegetables for himself. “But 24/7 stores are much more common these days, so it’s not as bad now.” 

“Right.” Thinking about it now, Do-yoon does remember how much more convenient it’d become to get food after his shows with Masquerade after a while. He’d hadn’t thought much about it then, but it certainly makes a lot of sense. Frankly, it is a bit embarrassing how he hadn’t even noticed something like that, though he supposes it's not too much of a surprise. The only thing he ever really thought about then was Masquerade and their future as a band, and what they could do to break out of the indie scene. The idea to become _more_ was so imperative that it’d consumed his every thought whenever he wasn’t busy or occupied with something else. 

He wonders if Seungyeon had seen that in him, if that was why she offered him the deal and then later made the editors portray him as somebody desperate and power hungry on the show. Because she’d seen him through all the lies that he told himself and was secretly mocking him for it by showing it to the rest of the world. It felt like it would be the kind of thing she would have done. But he supposes now he’ll never know the answer.

Do-yoon still isn’t entirely sure how he feels about that.

He blinks when he hears Gyu-hyuk clearing his throat. “Oh, sorry. Were you saying something?”

Gyu-hyuk shakes his head. “No, nothing important.” He gives Do-yoon a worried look, then. “You’ve been distracted for a while now. Is something bothering you?”

“I…” It’d be easy to say something to brush off the concern and pretend that everything is alright, like he wants to, but if he keeps doing this Do-yoon knows he’s not going to ever let himself get anywhere. It’s an old song and dance at this point, one that nobody else can put a stop to except himself. 

Do-yoon puts his chopsticks down and takes in a deep breath to steel himself. After a moment he opens his eyes and looks at Gyu-hyuk, who now looks even more worried. “I just… I want to apologize. Again. Properly.” 

Both of Gyu-hyuk’s eyebrows shoot upwards, his surprise plainly visible. “Apologize? What for?”

“...last week.” Part of Do-yoon wants to turn away but he forces himself to keep looking straight ahead, to maintain eye contact with Gyu-hyuk because he wants this to be genuine and sincere, and that can’t happen if he lets his embarrassment get the better of him. “Well, that and pretty much this whole week too. Even though you were the one who invited me to stay here I treated you poorly and was generally just being an asshole about a lot of things. So… I’m sorry for all of that.” 

“...I see.” Gyu-hyuk falls silent after having said that, looking rather deep in thought, and even though Do-yoon tells himself not to do it he ends up staring at Gyu-hyuk anyway while he waits for his answer. His food is momentarily left forgotten as his mind whirls with countless possibilities of the kind of response he might get and so potentially may have to brace himself for. He doesn’t want to assume anything, of course, but if maybe… if he’d somehow managed to say the one thing that would make all of this so much worse, then—

“Okay.”

Do-yoon feels all the thoughts in his head come to a sudden, screeching halt at that single, simple response. He stares at Gyu-hyuk again, but this time for a completely different reason. “Okay?” 

Gyu-hyuk tilts his head to the side. “Yes?” he returns, voice carrying the same hint of confusion that Do-yoon is feeling right now. “You apologized, and I’m okay with it. That’s all that you wanted to hear, correct?”

“I—” Do-yoon can’t exactly say that his assumption is wrong there. But after the whole week of awkward avoidance and everything else just knowing that it could’ve been settled like this is… well. ‘Anti-climatic’ might be a bit of a dramatic choice of a word for this, but it's the closest he can come up with.

Gyu-hyuk gives him a patient smile. “I understand that you’re going through a hard time,” he says, very gently. “So know that I’ve never held anything against you, be it in the past week or otherwise.” He pauses briefly, then, and his expression softens. “Most of all, I’m just glad you’re willing to talk to me again.”

“—yeah.” Do-yoon doesn’t really know what else he can say besides that. He can’t pretend that part of the reason why he’s apologizing is because he also kind of missed being able to talk to Gyu-hyuk as well. Being all alone in such a large, quiet house is one thing, but to be in it with somebody else and not have their company… that, to Do-yoon, is far harder. 

So, yeah, he’s definitely glad that they’re more or less able to put all of this behind them—though Do-yoon admits that the hang ups were pretty much just on his own end. It’s hard to not be grateful for Gyu-hyuk’s almost saintlike patience and kindness; had it been anyone else, Do-yoon is pretty certain they’d have long lost their temper and given up on him.

Do-yoon glances down to his (by now cooled) bowl of rice for several moments. “I… really can’t thank you enough. You’ve done so much for me…” Far too much, especially when he doesn’t deserve any of it at all.

There’s a brief pause before he hears Gyu-hyuk sigh. “Like I’ve said, seeing you get better is all the thanks I need.” Something brushes across his fingertips after those words, and Do-yoon looks up just in time to see Gyu-hyuk pull back his arm. Their gazes meet, and Gyu-hyuk smiles. “But if you really want to make it up to me, then let me look at your shoulder. It hasn’t fully healed yet, right?”

Do-yoon blinks at the question. Honestly, he’d been so caught up with worrying about his mess up that he hadn’t really paid much attention to his shoulder. True to his expectations the worst of the pain had subsided by the next day, though it’d still remained sore enough to make using it more than a chore than it should’ve been. The passing days after that had made it more bearable, and at this point it's mostly okay again, though it still does hurt whenever he puts a little too much pressure onto it for some reason or other. 

He tests it out now by rolling both of his shoulders back, only to wince when he feels that familiar sting of pain throbbing through his arm. “...it’s getting there,” he mutters once the throbbing has eased away.

“A little help goes a long way with these things.” Gyu-hyuk returns with a quiet laugh as he picks his bowl and chopsticks back up. “You can trust me on this.”

Do-yoon lets out a snort and moves to pick up his own bowl and chopsticks to resume their dinner. “You don’t need to convince me. I already do.”

For a second he thinks he might’ve heard Gyu-hyuk making some sort of noise at that, but when he looks the man doesn’t seem to have done anything at all, so it's probably just his mind playing tricks on him. 

It likes to do that a lot to him, these days.

* * *

Once dinner is finished and the plates are washed, the two of them move over to Gyu-hyuk’s room, which Do-yoon hasn’t stepped in at all until this very moment. 

At first glance, it's easy enough to see that the room has been made for two: it's far more spacious than the room Do-yoon is boarding in, which in turn had already been much bigger than anything else he’d stayed in. There’s a built in wardrobe as well as shelves that line the wall where the door is at, and a fairly large TV mounted onto the wall which faces the very comfortable looking king-sized bed that’s topped with a number of equally comfortable pillows.

The room is, in essence, the very picture of decadence, and Do-yoon can’t quite stop himself from staring a little when he steps in and sees everything for himself.

“Ah… this is all pretty extravagant, even for me.” Gyu-hyuk glances around the room too after he says that, one hand awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I was planning to clean out the room, but since I needed a new room to stay in after offering mine to you I figured just moving into here would be the easiest option.”

The words simply wash over Do-yoon at first as he continues to boggle at his surroundings, but then his mind fully takes in what Gyu-hyuk had said and Do-yoon instantly snaps his gaze over to him, eyes widening even more as he blurts out, “Wait, you offered me your room?” True, he did think how well-furnished it’d been especially when most other rooms here have already been emptied, but he’d simply chalked it up to it being a spare guest room or something that simply hadn’t been dealt with yet.

Gyu-hyuk, if possible, manages to look even more abashed at the question. “It was the easiest solution,” he says with a crooked smile. “And no, it wasn’t any trouble at all, so please don’t feel bad about it.” 

Part of Do-yoon wants to argue back and point out that Gyu-hyuk didn’t have to give up his room just for him—he could have easily settled with bringing the furniture from his place if needed—but at this point he knows that trying to say that is more or less moot. What’s done is done, and Do-yoon doesn’t want to sound ungrateful when he is anything but that. 

“Okay.” Do-yoon relents, knowing that if he tries to press on it’ll most likely bring them back to the same song and dance that led to everything that happened last week, and Do-yoon would rather not have that happen. He glances around the room again, this time to try and find a spot where he can settle down so that Gyu-hyuk can look at his shoulder and get this over with. “Where do you want me to sit?”

Gyu-hyuk turns away to scan the room as well, eventually settling his eyes on the bed next to them. “The bed should be fine,” he says, gesturing to it. “Make yourself comfortable while I go get the ointment.”

Do-yoon nods to show he’s heard, and Gyu-hyuk gives him a smile before he turns on his heel and heads out of the room to take the ointment he’d mentioned. Do-yoon watches him vanish from the door before he turns back and stares at the bed. Compared to a lot of other things something like this really shouldn’t be bothering him at all, and yet…

 _I’m just thinking too much._ Do-yoon shakes the thought away from his head before he lets himself linger on it any further. He knows that there’s a part of him that can’t help but be cynical about everything, to be uncertain, but Gyu-hyuk has been nothing but generous and kind and he has absolutely no reason to distrust him. 

With a sigh Do-yoon finally allows himself to go ahead and settle down on the bed, unsurprised when he finds himself sinking down into its softness. This is definitely the kind of mattress he’d have only seen on display and in commercials; a far different world compared to what he’d been used to. The stuff he and the rest of Masquerade probably would have probably talked and joked about once upon a time. They would definitely hate him now if they knew he was here.

Again, Do-yoon tries to stop the thought before he has the chance to go deeper into that. His time with Masquerade is over; everyone has already gone on their separate ways, and he needs to do the same too. He has no choice but to do it, because he’d been the one who chose to let it end in the first place. He is the one who made the decision to leave them all behind when he could’ve…

A tap on his shoulder startles Do-yoon out of his thoughts, and he jerks, whirling around to see Gyu-hyuk who is back and worried about him once more.

“I was asking you something but you weren’t responding,” he explains, as means of an apology. “Is everything alright?”

Do-yoon purses his lips together as a wave of fresh guilt swells up within him. “Yeah, sorry,” he replies. “I was just thinking about stuff.”

There’s a brief pause where Gyu-hyuk looks at him, waiting to see if he elaborates any further, but when Do-yoon remains silent he nods and moves the conversation along. “Alright. I was just saying that you should probably take off your shirt to make things easier. If you’re comfortable with it, of course. If not, then we’ll manage something.”

Ah. Do-yoon finds himself hesitating for a moment, but then tells himself that it’ll just be better to get this quickly over and done with. It’s not like he hasn’t been shirtless around him before, what with the things the show got them to do back in the day. “Yeah, sure. Give me a sec.”

Do-yoon quickly shrugs out of his t-shirt after that and puts it aside for him to put back on later. His skin prickles a little when the cool air hits him, though not bad enough that it causes him to shiver. Gyu-hyuk hums quietly from behind him and places two fingers onto the curve between neck and shoulder. 

“The bruising doesn’t look too bad,” he murmurs softly, and Do-yoon grunts an affirmative. While he hadn’t been properly noticing the pain, he has at least kept track of the bruising, if only via examining every morning when he washes up after a night of restless sleep. When he’d looked this morning the dark purple bruising had mostly faded into a pale collection of light purples and blues; they’d probably vanish by the following week, if his estimate is right.

Gyu-hyuk lingers for a while, fingers slowly tracing the shape of the bruise on his shoulder. Probably to see how much ointment he has to use or something, Do-yoon thinks to himself as he closes his eyes. Now that he’s managed to clear up his misunderstanding with Gyu-hyuk it's surprising to feel for himself just how much more comfortable the silence between them is now. There’s no longer any more of that awkwardness that’d always lingered around, a discomfort that had always made Do-yoon want to escape. Even if he knows it's a result of his own hang-ups, it'd still been hard to deal with.

His thoughts get interrupted when he hears the sound of a cap being popped open, and then he lets out a surprised gasp when something cold and wet suddenly makes contact with his bruised shoulder without warning.

“Oh—sorry,” he hears Gyu-hyuk quickly saying to him. “I thought you heard me before I started.”

Do-yoon flushes a little then; he was probably too lost in his thoughts again to have heard him. “It’s fine. Just didn’t expect it to be cold.”

Gyu-hyuk lets out a quiet laugh. “Yeah, because it was in the fridge.” As he explains Do-yoon feels his fingers rubbing his shoulder, starting to spread the ointment over the area of the bruise. “Ideally I’d let it warm up a bit more before actually using it, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” 

“...I’m fine with waiting.” It’s not as if he has anything better to do anyway. “We didn’t have to do this now.”

“I wanted to.” Gyu-hyuk’s fingers sweep over the curve of his shoulder as he says that. “It’ll warm up quickly enough now that I’ve spread it out, so it’s fine.”

There’s nothing that Do-yoon can say in response there, so he simply makes another sound of affirmation and lets himself drift again. Honestly, how long has it been since he’d been able to relax with another person around? After advancing from the preliminaries without the rest of Masquerade he’d pretty much been on his own. Sure, everyone got along decently well behind the scenes of the show, but any kind of camaraderie had always been underscored with an underlying tension because at the end of the day they were all still competing against each other. 

A little bit of healthy competition certainly never hurt, but as their numbers dwindled and there were less of them around it had become harder to see the lively, friendly atmosphere that’d been there prior. He still remembers how loud and rambunctious Hyesung always got backstage, or Inha’s constant love for pulling little harmless pranks on the set whenever she could while Seil huffed and complained that she shouldn’t keep doing those things. Juyoung, who never fails to greet him with a smile and ask how he was doing every time they were together on set. And then there was Gyu-hyuk, who…

He’d always been warm and friendly, Do-yoon thinks. Welcoming and easy to talk with, but there was always something of an unspoken distance that he’d felt back then. They’d got along well enough, and Do-yoon certainly respected his talents, but he wouldn’t have exactly called him a friend if ever asked. 

Strange now, to think how much all of that has changed. Now, it feels almost as if he’d known Gyu-hyuk his whole life even though it’s only been months at best since their first meeting. They’d gone through a hellish night together and came out of it with their own scars and horrors to bear, but compared to him Gyu-hyuk is taking it much more in stride, much like Juyoung and Inha. 

A strange pang twinges in his chest then, an ache that he has no words to describe the feeling besides _empty_. He’d left Masquerade and threw everything he had into Buried Stars, and now even that is gone he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s lost, left meandering in a wide world with nothing to keep him tethered. Would anybody even miss him if he were to vanish completely? 

Do-yoon doesn’t want to know the answer to that question.

“Do-yoon.”

He stirs out from his thoughts upon hearing his name. He opens his eyes and sees that the mattress is now a lot closer to his face, and there’s a hand wrapped around his upper arm with a firm grip. 

“You’ve been leaning forward a lot,” Gyu-hyuk says, and Do-yoon feels his face heat up when he realizes that his friend is right. He quickly moves to straighten himself back up and looks over to the other man, who gives him an understanding smile in return. “Maybe you should lie down,” he suggests, gesturing at the bed that Do-yoon is already sitting on. “It’ll make it easier for the both of us.”

...well, he supposes that Gyu-hyuk does have a point there, especially if this is going to take a while. Do-yoon nods and then proceeds to move, shifting himself so that he now lies down properly on his front. He can feel his shoulder prickling with an ice cold, numbing sensation that comes from the ointment when he moves to rest his arms in a position that won’t jostle his injury.

Once he’s settled back down he hears Gyu-hyuk shuffling around for a bit, and then the mattress dips, and Do-yoon senses the warmth of his presence close by right before he feels both of Gyu-hyuk’s hands rest on his upper back. 

“Okay?” he hears Gyu-hyuk murmur to him, his voice soft and almost inaudible even in the quiet of the room.

Do-yoon tries to nod, but doesn’t quite manage it due to how he’s lying down, and so instead settles with a hum loud enough for Gyu-hyuk to hear. 

Gyu-hyuk returns his affirmation with his own. “Let me know if you need to move or want to stop.” He starts moving his hands after those words, palms warm against his skin as he feels more of the ointment being spread around. 

Lying down like this, it's not hard to close his eyes again, though this time he tries not to let his thoughts wander off into those dark corners that would only weigh him down. Instead he focuses on the careful, precise movements of Gyu-hyuk’s hands on him as he works the ointment into his skin. 

“You’re good at this,” he mutters out after a couple of minutes. 

He hears Gyu-hyuk chuckling softly above him in response. “I’ve had practice,” he replies. “I used to do this for my mother every night if I could manage it. She told me how it would help her feel better, especially after a bad day.”

His mother… of course. Do-yoon makes a sound from the back of his throat to show that he’s heard, but doesn’t say anything else, because really, what could he say? He feels like if he’d said anything now it would either be incredibly rude or just outright callous. 

So he simply remains silent and lets Gyu-hyuk continue with what he’s doing as the quiet settles down between them. In a way, it's still a little surreal to think that any of this is actually happening, that he’d somehow become actual friends with somebody like Gyu-hyuk. If anybody told him that this would be where he’d be prior to the events of the night Do-yoon would have never believed them, yet things had somehow ended up this way.

It’d be a lie to say that he doesn’t have regrets—he will always have those—and if he could have somehow prevented things from happening, he certainly would have. But what happened cannot be changed, and all he can do now is to try and keep going forward, even if he doesn’t know where ‘forward’ exactly is right now.

How does Gyu-hyuk do it, he wonders to himself. Maybe… maybe he could ask. He doesn’t know what answer he’s expecting from such a question, but Do-yoon knows he’s lost enough that he’ll take anything at this point. 

“Gyu-hyuk.”

The hands on his back still for a moment. “Do you need to move?” comes the response.

Again Do-yoon tries to move his head, but remembers that he can’t quite do it in his current position. “No, I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Ah.” The hands start moving again. His thumbs press into a sore spot on his shoulder and Do-yoon lets out a hiss of breath as he feels the pressure alleviate. “What is it?”

“I was just wondering…” Do-yoon trails off as he thinks about how to word his question in a way that doesn’t sound weird. Maybe… “What are your plans, after…” Clearly, he didn’t quite think this though, as his voice decides to fail him the moment he realizes he’d have to say the name of the show out loud. It’s one thing to be able to acknowledge it in his head without having a surge of panic run through hin, but it's another thing entirely to voice it out and make it real. 

Gyu-hyuk, at least, manages to understand what he’d wanted to say. “After the show?” he asks, just to make sure. Do-yoon quickly hums a confirmation, relieved that he doesn’t have to elaborate. Gyu-hyuk hums in return, but doesn’t say anything else after that—his hands haven’t stopped moving though, so Do-yoon guesses he probably needs a moment to mull over the question, which is perfectly fair. It is kind of an abrupt question for him to drop without warning.

So he remains quiet and waits, and eventually Gyu-hyuk speaks again. “Well… if I’m to be honest, I was actually thinking about taking a break once the show is over.”

He… what? Do-yoon raises his head up from the pillow so that he can look back at Gyu-hyuk with a fair amount of alarm. “You’re taking a break?” Of all the answers he’d been expecting to hear, this is certainly not one that he’d been prepared for. 

Gyu-hyuk, for some reason, seems bemused by his reaction. “I’m just considering it for now,” he says as he gently presses down on the spot between his shoulder blades. “I haven’t come to a decision just yet.”

That’s… only mildly reassuring. Do-yoon follows the wordless command and drops his head back down to the pillow, though he certainly isn’t going to drop the topic. “Why d’you want to take a break?” he asks when he feels Gyu-hyuk starting to move again. “S’not like you’re going to be lacking in work after the show is over.” It wasn’t really a secret that agencies and labels were already throwing offers at him long before Buried Stars announced their return. Even if Gyu-hyuk doesn’t end up winning the competition (and even that itself is highly unlikely), his future is all but secured. To simply let all those opportunities go like that would be a waste, at least in Do-yoon’s eyes. 

He hears Gyu-hyuk let out a sigh. “I can’t say for sure why either. But if I were to give a reason…” He pauses for a moment in order to press his knuckles down against another knot on Do-yoon’s shoulder. It yields under his strength, and Do-yoon feels himself relaxing further into the mattress as another spool of tension is released from him. “I guess the best way to word it is that I’ve found something more important to focus on.”

Do-yoon frowns at that. “Something more important?” he echoes, confused. 

Gyu-hyuk hums. “Following my father’s footsteps… I guess that’s what most people think I’m doing when they see me on the show.” His hands move to work on another knot on his back as he speaks, and when the pressure from that eases as well Do-yoon can’t quite hold back the sigh that escapes him. “Of course, I don’t blame them for it. But still…”

He trails off for a moment, and Do-yoon feels his hands shifting up to the back of his neck. His thumbs press down at the base while the other fingers slide across the tendons, applying a firm, consistent pressure that does immediate wonders to the tension that Do-yoon didn’t even know was there until this very moment. 

“It was never really my intention to do the same thing that he did.” Gyu-hyuk’s voice is quieter now, the words being murmured out almost as if it is a secret between them. “And… I managed to accomplish what I went to Bstars for in the first place. It doesn’t matter to me where I end up now in the show. Not anymore.”

Do-yoon tries to go over the words in his head, but it's getting increasingly hard to maintain his focus when his body feels so loose and relaxed. Gyu-hyuk’s massage is definitely doing wonders—he can barely feel the pain in his shoulder anymore. 

Still, he wants to say something, lest Gyu-hyuk takes his silence for some other kind of response that he hadn’t intended. “M’don’t think… you should give up.” Inherited talent or not it's clear to Do-yoon that Gyu-hyuk is good at what he does, and it would be a waste to give all of that up. “I’ve always liked your singing.”

The hands on him suddenly still. “Do-yoon, you…”

“You’ve got a future,” Do-yoon continues, hoping that his words are somehow enough to urge his friend to not give up. “Don’t… don’t mess it up, like I did.” Maybe Seungyeon had been right, and maybe Masquerade was a slowly sinking ship, but that still didn’t mean he should’ve abandoned them like that. There was always a chance for things to work out somehow, for them to be able to turn it around. But instead he threw them aside after a little bit of urging and so ended up destroying any last bit of chance they had. Something like that… it is a fate he would never wish on anyone else, and especially not somebody as talented and wonderful as Gyu-hyuk.

“Do-yoon…” He’s probably imagining it, but Do-yoon can almost swear he hears something like awe in Gyu-hyuk’s voice then. But that’s such a ridiculous notion that he has to be making it up in his head. 

Do-yoon shakes his head ever so slightly, pushing through the drowsiness in his mind so that he can speak. “Just… think about it, at least.” He certainly isn’t going to force Gyu-hyuk to continue if that’s what he really wants; so long as it's not a decision he’s made on impulse and it's something he’s certain about, then Do-yoon will respect his choice. All he wants is for Gyu-hyuk to not have the same regrets that he himself will always harbor. 

“...I will.” Gyu-hyuk silently urges him to properly lay back down when he responds, and Do-yoon follows. He settles back down onto the bed and feels Gyu-hyuk resume working on his shoulders as he continues to speak. “Like I said, I’m still thinking about it. There’s still a fair bit of time until the show is done, after all.”

“Mmn. Good.” Now that he’s heard verbal confirmation from Gyu-hyuk himself that he isn’t going to just randomly quit and vanish Do-yoon feels the last bit of tension leave his body. Honestly, he should probably actually head back to his room soon before he does something embarrassing like falling asleep here… but Gyu-hyuk is still massaging him and Do-yoon doesn’t really want to stop him, especially right after the conversation they just had.

He tells himself to let Gyu-hyuk take as long as he needs, but as more time passes and it becomes clear that he shows no signs of stopping Do-yoon can’t help but feel a tad uncertain. Maybe Gyu-hyuk is waiting for him to say something? If that’s the case, then…

“I…” Do-yoon does his best to push aside the reluctance in his voice. Sure, he might appreciate and enjoy what Gyu-hyuk is doing for him right now, but he really shouldn’t be selfishly taking up his entire night like this. “I already feel a lot better, so you can stop, if you need to.”

There’s a moment of silence from Gyu-hyuk, but soon enough he responds with a hum. “Alright,” he murmurs. “Just give me a bit more. I want to make sure I didn’t miss any spots.”

Do-yoon acknowledges the reply with a hum of his own and allows himself to relax again. Now that he knows that Gyu-hyuk is going to be done soon he doesn’t have to worry anymore. He can allow himself to relax and enjoy the remaining time until it's done. 

He closes his eyes again and lets himself focus on all the pleasant sensations that he can feel in that moment. Gyu-hyuk’s hands on him, warm and confident and strong, the comfortable softness of the bed he’s on, the sound of somebody else’s breathing—all of that combines into the singular, unshakeable knowledge that he’s not alone soothes Do-yoon better than anything else. Knowing that, it's enough to help him drift into a comfortable lull, something that he hasn’t felt in what seems to be an entire lifetime ago. 

...maybe he can stay here a little longer after he’s done. Just a little bit longer. He still can’t impose on Gyu-hyuk’s kindness forever, even if the other man is happy to do so. 

He is truly far too good for somebody like him.

* * *

_(“You look somber again.”_

_Do-yoon breaks out of his reverie, blinking as Gyu-hyuk’s familiar face slowly sharpens into focus. He stares as the other man tilts his head ever so slightly and continues to speak. “What’s on your mind this time?”_

_“Just a few things…” He trails off as he turns to look at the wall clock set above the door of his ward. The numbers 16:44 blink back at him in bright, angry red. “Aren’t you supposed to be busy? You keep visiting me everyday.” Juyoung had mentioned to him during her visit earlier this week that the filming for the next season of… of the show had already started, so he figured that Gyu-hyuk would be busy with that, since he’d chosen to go back as well._

_A part of him can’t help but envy their convictions, their strengths. The determination to continue down the path they’ve chosen despite all that’s happened. That’s something Do-yoon can’t do for himself. He doubts he’ll ever be able to go back without remembering the horrible, gruesome memories of Hyesung and Seil’s cold, lifeless bodies._

_“Busy, yes, but I’ll always have time to drop by and see you.” Do-yoon focuses back on Gyu-hyuk again upon hearing his voice. “How are you feeling today?”_

_...that, as always, is the question of the day. Had it been anyone else Do-yoon would have answered with a simple ‘fine’ and left it at that, but he can never quite bring himself to do it when it came to Gyu-hyuk. He doesn’t entirely know why, except that perhaps… perhaps because Gyu-hyuk had shared so much of himself to Do-yoon back then, and it’d feel cheap if he didn’t try to be as honest back in turn. Especially when…_

_He lets out a shaky sigh. “Complicated,” he admits, reaching out to touch the windowsill. The doctors had been advising him to get out of bed more frequently so that he actually gets some exercise on his leg muscles, and he’d been doing it. Though now part of him wishes that they could have this conversation while he wasn’t standing up. “I can’t help but think about them again, and everything that’s happened.” The fact that the TV in his room decided to land on a channel where they’d been talking about Hyesung earlier didn’t help matters either._

_Gyu-hyuk makes a quiet sound from the back of his throat. “Focus on yourself for now,” he mutters, before a hand brushes over his shoulder. Do-yoon jerks at the unexpected contact, and he quickly withdraws it instead. “Ah… I’m sorry.”_

_Well, if Do-yoon already didn’t feel bad enough, now he certainly feels worse after that mishap. “No, it’s not your fault,” he quickly tries to assure his friend, gaze dropping downwards as the familiar rush of guilt crawls up his throat. “It’s just that… I’m still recovering.”_

_Gyu-hyuk nods, his expression understanding. “Just take as much time as you want until you're fully recovered,” he says, and it's not hard to hear the concern in his voice. “And I hope you can stop worrying so much, too. I’ll stand by your side.”_

_Those last few words catch Do-yoon’s attention, enough for him to raise his head back up to look at Gyu-hyuk. He stares back in turn, regarding him with an affectionate eye._

_“You and me, we’ve survived,” the words are soft and quiet, but there is no denying the weight behind them. Do-yoon feels as if he’d been enraptured by them, unable to do anything else but to stare and listen to what Gyu-hyuk is telling him, his face now solemn and serious. “Lean on me when things are tough; I'll always be there for you.”_

_Do-yoon moves his lips, wanting to say something—to argue, perhaps, that he doesn’t deserve that kind of loyalty from somebody like him. But before he can even start to think about the words to say Gyu-hyuk speaks up again. “I’m standing here because you saved me, so…” The solemn look disappears into a warm, gentle smile that Do-yoon thinks he will never mind looking at for as long as he can see it. “I’ll never betray you.”_

_The words are said with such conviction and emotion that Do-yoon feels the tears rolling down his face even before he’d noticed them. His vision wavers as they continue to fall, and the images of the people who he’d lost appeared as fuzzy silhouettes that he fruitlessly tries to banish away. Seil, Hyesung, Seungyeon… as well as Masquerade. They were all gone, never to come back again, and it is all his fault._

_All his fault._

_The sound of footsteps echo over his choked up sobbing, and a hand touches his shoulder once more._

_“I’m okay,” Gyu-hyuk murmurs, the words holding the weight of a promise. “We’ll watch each other’s backs.”_

_The hand on his shoulder squeezes ever so gently. Do-yoon reaches up to grab his arm in return, lowering his head as he tries to muffle another sob, but to no avail. Gyu-hyuk silently tugs him to lean in close, and Do-yoon can do nothing but follow._

_The sound of the rattling window hits the walls of the still hospital room, echoing around him like the terrible metal creaking of the stage from that night. Do-yoon shivers involuntarily as he presses his face harder against the curve of Gyu-hyuk’s shoulder in a continued attempt to hide his crying._

_“You’ll get over it, Do-yoon,” he hears Gyu-hyuk mutter quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. He squeezes his shoulder again as his other arm wraps around his waist, keeping him close. “You have me.”_

_Do-yoon manages a tiny nod in response. Gyu-hyuk is here, warm and present and alive. His voice may sound distant but Do-yoon can feel him right here, in this very moment. He is here and he is real and he will never betray him._

I have him, _Do-yoon repeats the words to himself, and his grip on Gyu-hyuk’s arm tightens._ I have him. 

_This is all he can ask for.)_

* * *

When Do-yoon wakes up the next morning he opens his eyes to an unfamiliar room, and when he sits up the first thing he sees is the wall-mounted TV being left on at a low volume. 

For a moment he’s confused as to where he is and how he got here, but the memories of last night soon come rushing back and Do-yoon feels his face warm up considerably as the embarrassment floods in. God, he hadn’t meant to—he didn’t mean to—

He jumps when a familiar chime suddenly starts to play close to him, and Do-yoon quickly scrambles towards the source of the sound before it finishes playing. It’s only when he gets to where the noise comes from does it sink to him that his phone shouldn’t be on the bedside table in Gyu-hyuk’s room because he’s fairly certain he’d left it in his room last night. The only explanation for it to be here now is for Gyu-hyuk to have brought it over… but if so, then for what reason?

Do-yoon tries to search for an answer, but it comes to him as soon as he turns off his alarm and sees that he has a text from Gyu-hyuk himself. He opens it up and reads the message that’d been left for him.

  
이규혁  
Sorry for not waking you up last night, but I didn’t want to disturb you, especially when I know you still have been having trouble with sleeping.  
08:11  
I hope that at least you managed to get a good rest this time. There is food in the fridge that you can heat up and eat.   
08:13  
Let me know what you want for dinner so I can pick it up on the way back. :)  
08:16  
  


Do-yoon feels the corners of his eyes beginning to sting and he squeezes them shut, refusing to let himself cry even though he knows there won’t be anyone around to see it. He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this much kindness and generosity from Gyu-hyuk, but at this point it's so much that it feels like his heart is threatening to burst from it all.

_You have me._

The words, spoken to him once upon a time now echo in his mind, and Do-yoon finds himself holding onto them like a lifeline.

Gyu-hyuk said in the past how he’d tell everyone how Do-yoon had saved him, but Do-yoon thinks that now he needs to be the one to say how much Gyu-hyuk has supported him, if he ever manages to return.

 _I’ll do it,_ Do-yoon promises himself there and then, making a silent vow that he will never allow himself to break. _I’ll work hard to get back, so that I can tell everyone how much Gyu-hyuk has helped me._

He will do it. He has to. 

Because now, it is all that he has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God has it already been 2 weeks since the first chapter... time certainly does fly.
> 
> Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all the people who read this fic, and double thanks for the ones who've commented!! It fills me with a lot of joy knowing people are liking it, and I really hope you enjoy the ride ahead and what it has to offer. :D Things are still currently on track for an update every two weeks but if anything crops up you will probably hear it first on my twitter **@tasogareika** , which you're free to follow if you so desire.
> 
> On another note, a friend and I also decided to put our braincells together and make a discord server for any English speaking fans of the game! Do join via the link [here](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj) if you're like us and want to talk to other (English speaking) people who have played Buried Stars so we can all cry together over this game. :'D
> 
> Otherwise, thank you all again, and I'll see you all on **January 2nd** for the next chapter! Hope you all have a pleasant holiday and hopefully a better 2021. :)


	3. the dreams end with my mistakes

With a newfound goal and renewed determination, Do-yoon starts on his path back to music. 

The first thing he does is to get permission from Gyu-hyuk (who’d said yes, though not without his fair share of bemusement as he tells Do-yoon that he didn’t have to) to make use of the converted music studio. It had required a little bit of cleaning up as well as testing out all the equipment to make sure nothing was broken, as Gyu-hyuk admitted that it hadn’t been touched at all since his father’s passing. Fortunately, everything was in order, and once Do-yoon brought his guitar over and set it up he was ready to start composing again.

...unfortunately, however, things are easier said than done. Even with all the equipment he could have ever dreamed of having now right in front of him, it only takes a couple of days before Do-yoon finds himself at an impasse with his work. It’d be a lie to say that he hadn’t expected something like this to happen—it has been a while since he’s actually done any kind of composing—but he had hoped that he would’ve been able to push through the block somehow. So the fact that he can’t is… frustrating.

He tries not to let it show, but Gyu-hyuk catches on anyway, though he is kind enough to not bring it up. He simply wishes him good luck every day, either by telling it to him before he leaves the house for the day or via text, if Do-yoon is still asleep. It’s a small thing, but for some reason having that is always enough to give Do-yoon the strength to power through the day, even if he continues to hit wall after wall in his work.

Still, he knows that he has to keep going. He can’t let himself give up like this and waste all the generosity and kindness that Gyu-hyuk has showered upon him. He’ll work until he has something, and with luck that will help him kickstart his career back into shape. It certainly won’t be easy, but knowing that there is somebody close by who has his back unequivocally helps to keep him going day after day. 

It’s only a matter of time before he finally manages something. Eventually, he’ll get there, and he knows that the effort will be all worth it.

* * *

Not long after Do-yoon manages to settle into something of a daily schedule, it gets interrupted by an unexpected text from an equally unexpected person.

  
민주영  
Are you free tomorrow?   
10:34  
I have some time off, so it would be nice if we could catch up.   
10:35  
  


The timestamp told him that it’d been sent in the morning, although he’d been so occupied with his (now failed) attempt at composing that he hadn’t noticed it until now. For a moment he thinks about not responding at all, but quickly rejects the idea. He knows how busy Juyoung must be, so the fact that she’d made the effort to reach out to him is something he shouldn’t so easily turn down. 

And besides… maybe going out would do him some good, considering how he hasn’t been out at all since having moved in here. Maybe a change of scenery and a chat with a friend is what he needs to get more of his creative juices flowing. 

Do-yoon nods to himself and sends back his reply, hoping that he isn’t too late for them to be able to arrange something.

  
Sorry, didn’t see your message until now.   
17:51  
Tomorrow works for me.  
17:51  
  


He starts to put down his phone after that, not expecting a response anytime soon, but to his surprise he feels it buzz before he can place it back on the table.

  
민주영  
Great!   
17:52  
I’ll send you the address of the place later. It's got some really nice desserts I’ve been craving for a while. ^_^  
17:53  
  
  
  
Looking forward to it.   
17:51  
  


Do-yoon feels a smile on his face when he puts the phone back down. It’s certainly unexpected, but it's definitely a welcome surprise. He already finds himself looking forward to tomorrow.

It’ll be nice, he thinks. It’ll be very nice to see another friendly face again, after all this time.

* * *

The next day arrives in a blink of an eye, and soon Do-yoon finds himself trying to squint through the harsh afternoon light in order to read the directions on his phone. It’s times like these when he regrets not investing in a pair of shades despite knowing from prior experiences that those tend to be a one time purchase; he’d simply use them for the afternoon that he bought them before tossing them somewhere to be completely forgotten. It still doesn’t stop him from wishing that he’d have a pair on him, though.

Hopefully the place where they’d be meeting is indoors, or at the very least, sheltered. Do-yoon can’t see why it wouldn’t be, but sometimes it's hard to tell when it comes to the fancier establishments like the one he assumes Juyoung is having them meet up at. He’d learned that lesson the hard way one too many times in the past. 

Fortunately, he can see that he doesn’t have to worry about it once he arrives at the destination. Do-yoon lets out a quiet sigh of relief then, glad that he can strike that worry off his list, and hurries his pace so that he can get inside before somebody notices him. Even though it has already been a while since the attention around him has died down, Do-yoon remembers how easily the internet can kick up things again if they so desired. That’d been part of the reason why he hadn’t dared to go outside all this time, but he knows that he also can’t hide forever. One way or another, he was going to have to do this eventually, so might as well manage it on his own terms. The fact that he gets to meet Juyoung again after all this time is a nice bonus.

Knowing how busy Juyoung must be, Do-yoon had decided to come ahead of time so that he could find them a good spot to settle down that’d be out of sight from any prying eyes. While it wouldn’t be 100% foolproof—experience has taught him that nothing truly ever is—but it’d at least deter all but the most persistent people, and while they would be annoying, a handful is still more manageable than an entire mob.

...Do-yoon certainly hopes that things won’t come to that, but one can never be too sure. He’s experienced for himself how insane some people can truly get when they put their minds to it. 

(He tries very, very hard to not think of Hyesung there and then.)

With help from the server who’d greeted him at the entrance Do-yoon soon manages to find a table that’s well out of view from the public eye. He thanks them for their help and settles down as soon as they leave, taking out his phone and sending a quick message to Juyoung to let her know where their table is at so that she doesn’t need to look around and save the potential awkwardness of looking lost and wandering around. 

It only takes a minute for Juyoung to acknowledge the message with an emoji, to which Do-yoon can’t help but crack a smile at before flicking his phone back to the home screen. But just as he’s about to lock his phone it occurs to Do-yoon that he should probably inform Gyu-hyuk that he’d be out for the day…

While it does feel like a good idea at first, for some reason Do-yoon finds himself hesitating to act upon it. After all, it's not like he has to give Gyu-hyuk some kind of constant update as to what he’s doing… and besides, he doesn’t want to disturb him while he’s busy with the show. It’s a weekday too, which means he isn’t going to be doing any cooking, so that’s even less of a reason to contact him.

He would think about it some more, but that’s when he’s interrupted by the sound of somebody quietly clearing their throat, and he looks up to see Juyoung’s amused expression peering back at him. 

“Juyoung,” he blurts out, surprised. “Didn’t know you’d be here so quick.”

“The traffic decided to be nice for once.” A playful smile graces across her face as she replies, making her face light up in a way that he’d only seen after that fateful night—or more precisely, after she’d blown the whistle on Strix. It’s good to see that it hasn’t dimmed at all since then. “A good thing too, since I’d hate to lose any time that I can get to spend with a precious friend.”

Do-yoon feels his face heat up a little at the words. “I’m really nothing that special.”

“Don’t be silly. Of course you are.” Juyoung pauses briefly then so that she can finally settle down on the other side of the table. Do-yoon rubs the back of his neck as he looks at her and sees her bright, sunny expression. “I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”

“...yeah.” Do-yoon nods as he mumbles out his response. After spending so much time by himself (and with Gyu-hyuk), he can’t help but feel a little clumsy interacting with other people. Though it seems that either Juyoung hasn’t noticed—unlikely—or that she had and is simply choosing to not address it. Which is probably the more likely scenario of the two. It definitely feels a lot more like the latter when she gives him a patient smile as he hastily adds on a “You too” after a bit, to which Juyoung returns with a nod.

Do-yoon tries not to feel awkward as he scratches the side of his face and tries to find something to say. For all of his own excitement at seeing her again, now that it’s actually happening he feels horribly tongue tied, as if all his words had simultaneously decided to fail him and leave him hanging. 

Juyoung, for better or for worse, eventually takes pity on him and speaks up. “So, what have you been up to since being discharged? Still taking a break?” 

Well, that’s a question he can at least answer. “Kinda, yeah. Been slowly getting myself back into it, but…” He trails off and shakes his head. “...been a while since I’ve done any actual composing, so I’m pretty rusty.” 

“Mmm… we didn’t really have a lot of time near the end.” Juyoung nods minutely as she says that, and Do-yoon does the same as well. Those last few weeks leading to that night had been pretty hectic for sure. Seungyeon had filled their schedules back to back with one thing or another, which Do-yoon can now see to be the terrible, messed up thing that it actually was. It’d been harder to see it then when he’d been in the thick of it all, even as he recalled Juyoung and Seil’s attempts to protest against it. Unsurprisingly, it hadn’t gone anywhere, though now Do-yoon can’t help but wonder if all of them should’ve been more insistent with the things that mattered, to actually try and stand their ground more… maybe then everything wouldn’t have…

No use thinking about that anymore, he reminds himself. There is no more point thinking about the ‘what if’s’ and all the things pertaining to it. He can regret all he wants and it still wouldn’t change a thing. The past is… in the past.

Do-yoon lets out a heavy breath and turns his gaze down to the menu that the server left on the table for him earlier. He reaches out and nudges it over towards Juyoung. “You said you wanted to try the desserts here, right?” 

Juyoung briefly gives him a look at the question—Do-yoon knows better than to pretend she isn’t perceptive enough to catch his attempt to change the topic—but doesn’t say anything about it. “I did,” is what she replies with instead as she picks up the menu and starts to flip through it. “I’ve been told that their crepes and waffles are a must have in particular.”

“If you trust their recommendation, I don’t see why we shouldn’t go for it.” Do-yoon certainly can’t claim himself to be any kind of expert in the world of food and desserts when his knowledge about such things could be pretty much be summed up as ‘which brand of convenience store-bought ice cream goes well with cheap beer’. People tend to be rather underwhelmed about it, from his experience. 

“You’re the one eating with me, Do-yoon.” Juyoung gives him another look as she says that, and he can tell from her eyes that she isn’t going to let him slide away this time. “This isn’t going to just be about what I want. You get to decide, too.”

Do-yoon rubs the back of his neck again at the words, feeling suitably chastised. “I just really don’t have any strong opinions about what to get.”

“Then that’s where the menu comes in.” Juyoung slides it back over to him then, flipping open to make sure that he actually sees it. “Just see what interests you and go from there. If it doesn’t work out, then you can at least say that you gave it a try.”

When she puts it that way, there’s really not much that Do-yoon can say in return. The only thing he can really do is to relent, and so he nods and moves to pick up the menu, glancing through the multitude of options visible to him to see whichever catches his eye. 

“...this one.” He points it out after having spent about a minute or two looking through everything. He doesn’t know exactly what it is, but the description makes it sound appetizing enough, so he figures it is as good of a start as any. 

Juyoung beams at him, pleased. “Alright!” she says, clasping her hands together. “Let’s get our orders underway then.” She raises her hand after that to get the attention of a nearby server, who quickly spots and heads over to them in order to take their order. Once that’s done the server leaves, taking the menu away with them, and Juyoung lets out a sigh of relief as she stretches her arms across the table. 

“I’ve been long overdue for a break,” Juyoung huffs out after her stretch. “The last few weeks have been incredibly hectic, what with having to be part of all the promotional material and everything.” 

Do-yoon nods in understanding. As part of the top 5 back then he also had to do his fair share of participating in all the advertisements and other related stuff for the show too, so he knows exactly what she’s talking about. “The preliminaries are over, then?”

“More or less.” Juyoung pauses again in order to stretch her arms upward, and from how her face scrunches up Do-yoon guesses she’d been holding back a yawn. It comes out as a loud huff of breath instead when she drops her arms back down and continues speaking. “There’s probably still a day or two left, but barring a sudden change in the results, the top ten’s more or less confirmed.” 

The mention of ‘top ten’ there and then reminds Do-yoon of the interview he’d seen the other day. “I… saw your interview the other day. The one on the talk show.”

Juyoung stares at him blankly for a moment at that, but recognition soon settles in, and she quickly nods. “Oh, yes, that interview,” she says, before her face quickly shifts into something more apologetic. “I was going to bring it up later, but that’s partly why I wanted to meet you face to face.” She pauses once more, though this time she does so in order to straighten herself and then bow her head in front of Do-yoon. “I wanted to apologize for having brought you up without asking you about it first. I forgot that you didn’t want any attention drawn to you when I said those things… it was an impulsive gesture on my end.” 

The abruptness of it all more or less renders Do-yoon stunned for a good few seconds, and even as he recovers he struggles to find the right words to say. “I… it’s fine.” If anything, he can honestly say that he hadn’t really experienced any kind of backlash that might’ve stemmed from what Juyoung had said in that interview, though admittedly that might also be due to the fact that he hasn’t really gone online at all ever since that night. His official Phater account that the studio had allowed him to keep as ‘compensation’ was more or less in the same boat, having been virtually left untouched since then. He supposes now that might’ve been a good thing—not that he’d even been one for social media in the first place anyway. Bstars had been the only reason why he even bothered with it, since it’d been more or less a requirement.

Do-yoon takes a moment to stop and properly recollect himself before trying again. “It’s alright, Juyoung, really. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that possibility until you mentioned it.” He stops then, not sure if he should say anything else at first, but eventually decides that it’s probably worth to elaborate a bit more so as to reassure her further. “I mean, nobody’s really come to harass me or anything so… I think I’m going to be fine.”

Juyoung straightens herself back up then, looking visibly relieved. “Is that so? I’m glad to hear that.” She smiles again, though this time it's notably more shaky. “I should’ve considered your position before blurting out your name like that, but… as I’ve mentioned, I acted in a moment of impulse.” 

She stops to sigh, tucking back her hair behind her ear. “I know it's already been awhile, but you know how the public can be…” She closes her eyes briefly and shakes her head, looking back to him after that. “But it’s good to hear that nothing came of it.”

Do-yoon nods in agreement. Even if he’d been unaware of it until now, it is still a good thing that the public hasn’t jumped onto it. Or if they have, then it's at least kept to a certain corner of the internet instead of having it being spread around like wildfire. Do-yoon isn’t going to pretend that there aren't some people out there who’ve probably come to some crazy conclusion just based on what Juyoung had said in that show. As long as it doesn’t come to being hounded by the paparazzi about it, Do-yoon is more than fine with letting the public continue with their futile speculation.

But since they’re on that particular topic, Do-yoon supposes it's about as good of a time as any to ask one of the questions that’d been lingering in his mind. “Was that interview part of the stuff with the show? Or…” Back then, they’d pretty much participated in these things as one whole group; as far as he can recall none of them ever really did come on by themselves. Of course, with everything that happened, Do-yoon wouldn’t be too surprised if things are different now, but he still can’t help but wonder.

Juyoung, surprisingly, almost looks hesitant to respond. “Well… they did specifically ask for me, yes, but I had the option to turn it down.” She briefly glances away, as if thinking about something, then turns back to Do-yoon again. “To be honest, I was going to say no, but…”

She trails off with a quiet sigh, and the hesitance on her face is more apparent than ever. As much as Do-yoon wants to press on the issue it's hard to bring himself to do so when she looks like that, and so he refrains himself from saying anything. He knows full well how important privacy is to any of them in this line of work; the last thing she needs is a friend crossing that boundary. 

He pointedly turns his attention to the cups of water that another server had left for them earlier and picks up the one closer to him, taking a drink from it. Juyoung does the same after a moment, though her gaze remains fixed on said cup even after she places it back down onto the table, it's contents already half-empty. 

“I…” she starts again, though Do-yoon isn’t sure if he’s meant to hear that at first, considering how soft her voice had been. “I knew what I was signing up for when I went ahead to call out Strix and what they did. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But—” She raises her head to look at Do-yoon and gives him a wry smile. “It turns out no matter how much you tell yourself to be prepared you’re never truly ready until it hits, you know?” 

It’s certainly not the first time that Do-yoon’s heard those words, or felt the true weight behind them. He nods. “Yeah…” The word slips out in a quiet murmur of his own as his mind plays back the memories of the moment when he advanced to the finals without the rest of Masquerade. He’d braced himself for the moment, of the new reality that he’d chosen to take, but all of that preparation had quickly fallen short to the barrage of criticism and hate that came soon after. And if he has to be honest, he’d never really gotten over it either. He doesn’t think he ever will.

He gaze briefly flicks down to the table too as he tightens his grip around the cup in his hand. “I understand what you mean.” 

Juyoung remains silent after that, most likely lost in her own thoughts, just as Do-yoon is in his. As much as he wishes he could say that he is better, the truth is that he’s simply better at… compartmentalizing. The vivid memories of Hyseung and Seil and Seungyeon’s bodies continue to hunt his dreams almost every night, and try as he might he can’t fully get rid of the niggling, incessant feeling inside of him that is telling him how much he’d _failed_. He’d failed, and is still failing, and that sense of failure will never leave him for as long as he lives. 

Across him he hears Juyoung let out a loud sigh, and shortly after that the table rattles slightly as she lightly slams both of her palms onto the surface. “Alright! No more moody thoughts for the both of us. We’re here to take a break and relax, not get all sad.”

Do-yoon finds himself cracking a small smile at those words and at her actions. “Sounds like something Inha would say.”

Juyoung laughs a little at the remark. “I guess she’s rubbed off a little on me,” she admits with a smile. “She texts me from time to time to cheer me on.” The expression on her face turns fond as she continues. “I’d forgotten what it’s like to have somebody to talk to so freely.”

That’s something Do-yoon can easily agree with as well. “I’m glad you have that,” he tells her with the smile still on his face. He hasn’t gotten any messages from Inha himself aside from a farewell and thank you on the day she got discharged, but he hadn’t really expected anything from her in the first place. They’d been decent friends on the show, sure… but he certainly doesn’t blame her for wanting to cut ties with everything related to the show, especially since she’d also elected to leave it like him. But it is nice to hear that she’s at least keeping in contact with Juyoung. 

Juyoung gives a minute nod in return, then proceeds to give him a questioning look. “What about you? Does Gyu-hyuk keep in touch with you?”

“Ah… well…” The answer is right there on the tip of his tongue, but somehow Do-yoon finds himself struggling to spit it out. He doesn’t know why it's so difficult, other than the fact that it just somehow _is_. “...yes. We still keep in touch.” He eventually manages to get something out, even as a part of him can’t help but feel guilty that he wasn’t being entirely truthful. He doesn’t even know why he didn’t say it, aside from the strange, uneasy feeling that comes over him at the thought of being truthful to her. A part of him that sounds almost exactly Gyu-hyuk, who simply whispers _don’t_ , and he can’t help but follow.

But even as he thinks that Do-yoon can easily tell how unconvincing his response is, and judging from the look on Juyoung’s face it's clear that she feels the same. He turns away, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to play it off even as he feels a part of him beginning to panic at the thought of trying to come up with something more believable. “I mean… that is—”

Luckily for him, that’s when the server finally arrives with their order, and Do-yoon quietly thanks the powers that be which allowed this timely distraction to happen. Once each of their respective orders have been placed in front of them both of them thank the server, and Do-yoon takes the momentary lull after their departure to pick up the cutlery and start eating the dessert he’d ordered (which turns out to be some kind of waffle, from what he can make out).

It only takes a second after he starts for Do-yoon to hear the clink of cutlery from across him, to which he sends another silent thanks to Juyoung for not trying to press on the topic for now. He has no doubt that she’ll try to ask again later, but hopefully by then he can… well. He can say something that isn’t just a horrible, flustered mess. 

To Juyoung’s credit, she doesn’t immediately try to push them back to where they’d left off when they start talking again about halfway through their food. They keep their conversation light and primarily focused on the food that they’ve ordered, which Do-yoon can agree does taste pretty good. He probably would enjoy it more if his stomach didn’t feel like it was liable to drop into the pit that’d formed in his gut at any time, but Do-yoon knows he has nobody but himself to blame for that.

Logically, he knows it would be so much easier to simply tell Juyoung the truth, but he also knows her enough to guess what her reaction would be if he did tell her the truth, and she has enough on her plate as it is at the moment. The last thing she needs is to add his issues to her growing pile of things to handle. 

Fortunately—again—Juyoung excuses herself to use the bathroom soon after they’ve both cleaned off their plates. A server soon comes by to pick them up not long after that, leaving Do-yoon alone at the table for a bit, which honestly is a bit of a welcome reprieve for him. He isn’t going to pretend that Juyoung isn’t going to try and bring the subject back up when she returns, now that neither of them have their food to hide behind. He really should take this moment to figure out exactly what to say so that he doesn’t flub it up a second time…

Before he starts on that however his phone interrupts him with a timely chime as it vibrates in his pocket. Do-yoon gets his phone out to see what the notification is for and blinks when he sees that it is from a message that Gyu-hyuk has sent him. He opens it up and proceeds to read it.

  
이규혁  
Any preferences for dinner tonight? I’ll see what I can pick up on the way back. ;)  
17:07  
  


Do-yoon finds himself staring at said text for several moments as he thinks about how to respond. He’d still been deciding between informing Gyu-hyuk or not about being outside before Juyoung’s arrival, but since he had texted first Do-yoon supposes he has his answer now.

  
You don’t need to get anything for me.   
17:09  
I’m outside right now so I’ll probably grab dinner before heading back.  
17:10  
  


He quickly backs out to his phone’s home screen once he’s sent the message, taking note of the time (10 past 5) before he presses on the power button to lock it. But the moment he does that his phone decides to light up and vibrate with another notification, and Do-yoon unlocks it with a sigh, wondering what it might be this time.

  
이규혁  
You’re outside?  
17:11  
  


That certainly is a quick reply, Do-yoon can’t help but think to himself. He’d thought it would be a while before Gyu-hyuk would see it, but he guesses that the other man must be on a break right now or something.

  
Yeah. Juyoung invited me to have tea with her today.  
17:11  
  
이규혁  
Ah, I see.  
17:12  
That’s why she left the studio early.  
17:12  
  
Did she leave early specifically because of me…?  
17:13  
  
이규혁  
I don’t think so.  
17:13  
The scheduling just had most of her stuff done earlier this week, I believe, so she didn’t have as much to do today.  
17:15  
  
  
  
Oh. Okay.  
17:16  
  
이규혁  
You sound disappointed?  
17:16  
  
No, it’s just…  
17:17  
I’m glad to know that she didn’t have to specifically move things around for my sake.  
17:18  
  
  
이규혁  
Even if she did, it doesn’t matter.  
17:19  
You’re worth the trouble.  
17:19  
  


Do-yoon instantly feels his face heat up at the unexpected compliment. Or at least, he assumes the words are meant to be taken as a compliment. He supposes it's hard to take it any other way, but still…

He stares at the keyboard on his phone, not sure at all how to respond to something like that. Luckily, Gyu-hyuk sends another message before the pause goes on for too long, and this time it is something that he can easily reply to.

  
이규혁  
Where are you two meeting?  
17:20  
  


Do-yoon forwards the address from his correspondence with Juyoung in response, along with the name of the place. He waits for a moment after that to see if Gyu-hyuk replies, but this time there is nothing, and a quick check at the status screen shows that he’s no longer online on the messaging app. His break must have been over, then. It would make sense.

As he backs out to the home screen again he hears a set of footsteps approach where he is, and soon after that Juyoung reappears in his vision, presumably having returned from the restroom. She settles back down with a sigh, briefly glancing at her own phone before placing it aside.

Do-yoon jerks his head at it after she moves her hand away. “Something came up?”

Juyoung shakes her head in return. “Nothing that’s particularly urgent,” she says, and then proceeds to give Do-yoon a look. “Don’t think that I can’t see what you’re trying to do here, Do-yoon.”

With those words and that stern look in her eyes, it's hard to not feel like the proverbial kid with his hand in the cookie jar. Do-yoon rubs the back of his neck and glances aside. “Didn’t know I was that obvious…”

“Only because we’ve known each other long enough.” Juyoung gives him a kind smile. “At least, long enough to be able to see when you’re bothered by something.” 

She’s certainly not wrong about that. Do-yoon grimances and exhales loudly through his nose. “It’s… just some personal stuff I’m trying to work through. Things like that.” He manages out a half-shrug. “Figuring out what to do next.”

Juyoung’s expression softens then. “I see,” she says, in complete understanding, and that’s when Do-yoon remembers the things that she’s shared with him back then, during that night. Her own struggle to recover after having to leave her group, how she had to fight to be able to stand on her own two feet again. He’d sympathized with her when he heard about it all from her, though he supposes it's only now does he truly understand how it feels like to go through that kind of suffering. If anything, it only makes him more envious of her, because she has a strength that he now so clearly lacks.

He supposes some of those feelings must have shown on his face, since Juyoung gets back his attention by gently tapping the back of his hand. When he looks back up to face her there’s a sadness in her eyes now that causes a new wave of guilt to surge through him. 

“Don’t put a time limit for these things,” she tells him gently. “I know it can be frustrating when it feels like there’s no progress, but you can’t give up. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you can look back and see how far you’ve come. It’ll take time, but you _will_ get there.” 

The words _that’s pretty much what Gyu-hyuk said too_ comes right up to rest on the tip of his tongue, but Do-yoon swallows them back down before he can say it. It's not that he doesn’t appreciate Juyoung’s consolations and her well-meaning intentions, but it's just hard to take them in when it's simply just… words and nothing else. It doesn’t matter what Juyoung has had her own past experiences with the things he’s struggling with now; their circumstances are vastly different, because she was forced into it, while he… he was the one who made the choice. These burdens that he has now are his sins to bear, because of his decision.

A lengthy silence settles between them after that. Do-yoon finds himself shifting uncomfortably as it stretches on, and his mind starts to race for excuses to get out of this, which only makes him feel worse because this was supposed to be a good thing so why did he have to let his issues get in the way—

He hears Juyoung take in a deep breath. “Do-yoon, have you maybe considered talking to a professional?”

Do-yoon feels his blood freeze in his veins. “A… professional?” he echoes blankly. “Like…”

Juyoung nods. “A psychiatrist, yes.” She pauses briefly, giving Do-yoon a moment to let it sink in, and then continues. “I know how a lot of people feel about it, but I think that it's something worth looking into.” 

Do-yoon gives her a questioning look. “Have you been seeing one?” He hadn’t quite intended for his words to sound so accusatory, but it’s admittedly hard not to. It’s not that he’s against it or anything, but… it’s just hard to come to terms with being told something like this. 

For better or for worse, Juyoung doesn’t look affected by the question. “Yes,” she replies frankly, nodding at the same time. “Seungyeon’s schedule had made it impossible for me to do any visits back then, but the new management has been a lot more accommodating.” Another pause, and then she sighs. “Granted, they only did it to placate the public, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“...yeah.” Do-yoon manages a small nod of his own, though his gaze quickly flicks down to the table. “It’s good that you got that.” 

Juyoung stays quiet for a while after that once more, but doesn’t let it linger for too long this time. “I’m not saying that you have to do it, but it has helped me, and maybe it can help you too as well.” 

Do-yoon nods again. “I’ll… think about it.” 

“That’s all I ask.” Even without looking at her he can hear the smile in her voice. “If you want, I can pass you the details of the one that I’m—”

Juyoung abruptly cuts herself off then as she stares at something behind Do-yoon, her eyes widening as surprise quickly takes over her face. “You’re—”

“What’s—” Do-yoon starts speaking the same time as she gasps, but neither of them get very far before Do-yoon finds himself interrupted by a hand upon his shoulder. 

“Do-yoon.”

Time comes to a halt. The words that Do-yoon were originally going to say die in his throat as his mind registers exactly _who_ it is who’s calling his name. He slowly turns, his own eyes widening when he sees for himself that it is indeed who he thinks it is. 

“Gyu-hyuk…?” 

The man in question looks down at him in return and gives him a warm, familiar smile. “I’m glad I managed to find you here,” he says, “You should’ve told me earlier that you’d be out.”

“...it slipped my mind,” Do-yoon mumbles out as he darts his gaze away from him, focusing back onto a particularly interesting nick that he’d noticed on the table’s surface.

From the corner of his vision he sees Juyoung frowning ever so slightly, and when she speaks he can hear the mild confusion in her voice. “You’re already done for the day?” 

Gyu-hyuk gives Do-yoon’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting go. “They had to reschedule the night shots due to technical issues,” Do-yoon hears him say. “A little unfortunate, but at least it allowed me to be here.” A brief pause. “Would it be alright if I joined in?”

“Oh, no, not at all.” This time it's easy enough to spot the smile in her words. “Both of us have already eaten though, so if you want to order something…”

“No, it’s fine.” A bit of footsteps, followed by some shuffling. “I simply want to spend some time with my friends, that’s all.”

Another pause happens after that, but to his surprise it breaks with Gyu-hyuk’s warm, amused voice strangely close to him as a hand rests upon his shoulder again. “Do-yoon, you’re going to have to move if you want to let me in.”

It’s startling enough that it causes Do-yoon to jump a little in his seat. “I—um—sorry.” He shrugs away the hand on his shoulder and quickly shifts himself after that terrible splutter of words, trying to ignore the fact that his face has now become incredibly hot for some mysterious reason. 

Gyu-hyuk’s quiet chuckle echoes in ears when he lets it out in return. “It’s fine,” he says, sounding ever smooth and composed as he almost always is, and it's not hard to feel the vast difference between them now as Gyu-hyuk settles down next to him. It’s a bit of a tight fit since it was originally just a table for two, but they manage for the most part. 

While Do-yoon wills himself to stop being a mess he hears Juyoung speak up. “How did you know we were here?”

“Do-yoon texted me about it just now.” As he speaks Do-yoon suddenly finds himself acutely aware of how Gyu-hyuk’s leg is pressed right up against his own, close enough that their knees almost bump into each other. “And I happened to be close by, so...”

“I see.” Now that he’s managed to gain back a semblance of composure, Do-yoon finally turns his gaze back forward just in time to see Juyoung nodding. “Well, it’s nice to be able to talk to you outside of the show again. It’s certainly been a while.”

Gyu-hyuk hums in response. “Likewise,” he returns. “It is a little unfortunate that we can’t catch up like we’d used to.”

Juyoung lets out a soft sound of agreement. “It is… but maybe that’s a good thing as well. We all have new goals and dreams to work towards now, after all.”

“Mmn. I agree.” Do-yoon feels his breath catch in his throat when Gyu-hyuk’s knee does actually bump against his own. “We’ve all found better things to focus on.”

“...yes, I’d like to think so.” Juyoung shifts her gaze over to Do-yoon then, studying him with a concerned look. “Are you alright, Do-yoon? You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“I…” Panic claws up his throat as he tries to figure out something to say while his mind blanks out. What can he even say here? That part of him missed the old days and he once again feels the pain of losing Hyesung and Seil and Seungyeon even though he knows that the three of them hadn’t been the best people? But even then none of them had deserved to _die_ , and he still can’t help but feel like he’d failed somehow, that he should’ve been _better_ —

A hand suddenly makes itself present on his arm, and it emmates a familiar warmth that helps to calm the cacophony of thoughts in his mind. 

“...still not feeling well.” Gyu-hyuk’s voice is the first thing that he registers once the panic has subsided. “That’s why he’s staying with me for now, so that I can take care of him while he recovers.”

He’d been too dazed to realize it at first, but once it sinks into him that Gyu-hyuk had just told Juyoung about his current living situation the panic kicks back in and Do-yoon sends Juyoung a frightened glance, unable to hide his worry about how she might take the news. Logically he knows that it's not a big thing, yet some part of him can’t help but continue to stew in his irrational worries, some part of him deeply terrified of what she might think and say and do—

But to his surprise all Juyoung does is to give a slow nod. “I see,” she returns, her voice soft and quiet and full of sympathy, and when she looks at Do-yoon again her eyes almost seem to quiver. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, Do-yoon. I know… how hard it can be to deal with something like this.”

“I…” Do-yoon tries again, and he can feel the panic starting to claw up once more, but this time he manages to push it back down enough to keep on speaking. “You’re… it's fine. It wasn’t—it isn’t your fault.” It's not as if she could’ve known—and quite frankly, Do-yoon would have rather kept it that way too if it were possible. If he hadn’t lost it like he did earlier. 

Juyoung, if anything, looks even more hurt by his reply. “Do-yoon…” she starts, and he can hear the hurt in her voice, too, which only makes it worse. This is the very thing that he didn’t want to let happen. 

He shakes his head to cut her off before she can continue any further. “I didn’t want to make you worry,” he manages to say after a while, slowly raising his gaze in order to meet with hers. “You’ve already got enough to deal with.”

Juyoung responds with a vehement shake of her own head. “That doesn’t matter, Do-yoon,” she returns adamantly. “You’re a close friend. Of course I’ll worry about you, no matter what.” A small, sad smile crosses her face. “That’s what friends are for. To support each other through tough times.”

“She’s right.” Both Do-yoon and Juyoung turn to look at Gyu-hyuk when he speaks. The man blinks once, as if surprised at having both of their attention, but continues on nevertheless. “We’ve all been through a lot… it's been hard on all of us, but doubly so for Do-yoon.” 

Concern floods back onto Juyoung’s face at those words, and seeing her with that expression only intensifies the guilt that’s already swirling about within him. Do-yoon ducks his head back down to stare at the table again, berating himself for his weakness and inability to move on like everyone else. If only he had the kind of strength that they had. If only he could be as good as any of them. If only he didn’t betray Masquerade.

If only, if only, if only.

Do-yoon feels the corners of his eyes beginning to sting and instinctively squeezes them shut. “I just…” He tries to speak but the words can’t get past the lump that’s suddenly formed at the back of his throat. There are so many things he wishes he could have taken back or done otherwise even though he knows it's impossible. All he can do is to live with the consequences of his actions, no matter how terrible they are.

The hand on his arm squeezes briefly but firmly. “It’ll take time, but I know that Do-yoon will get better,” he hears Gyu-hyuk say with firm, unwavering confidence. “After all, he has me.”

Those words hit Do-yoon like a punch to the gut. He has him. He has Gyu-hyuk, who’s always been there for him ever since that night. Who always did his best to take care of him even after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and even gave him a place to stay without asking for anything in return. Gyu-hyuk, who is truly far too kind and wonderful for somebody like him, and is the reason why Do-yoon knows he has to be better, so that he can show Gyu-hyuk that his efforts are not wasted.

It’s the reminder of that fact which gives him the strength to blink away his tears and allow himself to look back up, to manage a small, reassuring smile on his face that he lets Juyoung see, and to keep his voice steady as he speaks. “...yeah. Gyu-hyuk’s been helping me out a lot. Don’t think I could even make it this far now if it isn’t for him.”

The concerned look on Juyoung’s face softens after those words, though it continues to linger in her voice as she responds. “I’m glad to hear that,” she says with a small smile of her own. “As long as you’re not alone; that’s the most important part of the healing process.”

Do-yoon nods. “I’m not. Gyu-hyuk is with me.”

The hand on his arm tightens for another brief moment. “For as long as you want me around,” Gyu-hyuk adds on, his words edged with the slightest tinge of amusement.

“Of course I’d want you around.” Do-yoon finds himself saying even before he realizes it. Not that he’d even intended on saying it in the first place, but it’d simply come out of him in an impulse after hearing what Gyu-hyuk had just said. Even if he’d meant for it to come across as a self-deprecating joke, Do-yoon simply can’t stand him saying something like that about himself. He doesn’t ever want Gyu-hyuk to think that Do-yoon doesn’t want him around, because that’s the furthest thing away from the truth. He won’t ever put him through the same kind of pain that his father had so callously inflicted on him with his selfishness.

Both Gyu-hyuk and Juyoung blink at the sudden proclamation, both of them looking equally surprised, but it's Gyu-hyuk who manages to recover first as his surprise fades away into something more familiar and warm, with the fond smile on his face to top it off.

“I’m happy to hear that,” he says, and for a second Do-yoon thinks he almost sounds relieved. “And just so you know, I’ll always want you around, too.”

Do-yoon feels his chest grow warm and tight upon hearing those words. It wasn’t really until being part of Buried Stars that he truly realized just how powerful simple, heartfelt words of kindness can truly be. Maybe it's because he’d experienced the flip side of it via the continuous stream of criticism and hate from the public, or perhaps from some other reason entirely, but it doesn’t change the fact that he finds himself fully appreciating the weight of those words, especially because he knows that Gyu-hyuk means them. 

The sudden sound of Juyoung’s quiet laugh from across him reminds Do-yoon that they’re not alone, which really should’ve been something that shouldn’t have slipped his mind but somehow managed to anyway. He feels his face flush slightly as he turns back to her, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, um… sorry.” Not that he really knows why he feels the need to apologize, but there’s no reason why he shouldn’t do it anyway.

Juyoung, at least, takes it with a smile and a shake of her head. “No need to apologize. It’s always comforting to see friends being honest with each other.” She closes her eyes then and places a hand to her chest, as if reminiscing on her own experiences. “It happens far less often than you think these days, especially in our line of work.”

“All the more reason to cherish the ones you have right now,” Gyu-hyuk adds on, and Do-yoon nods in agreement. He’d already lost Masquerade to his selfishness, and that had cost him dearly. He isn’t going to let himself make that mistake a second time with Gyu-hyuk. 

Juyoung gives the both of them another smile in return, but before she can say anything her phone chirps with a new notification that she immediately goes to check. “I guess that’s my cue,” she murmurs, and then lets out a brief but potent sigh.

Gyu-hyuk tilts his head to the side. “Another interview?”

“Something like that.” Juyoung flashes them a weaker smile before she moves to gather up her things. “It was really nice to see you again, Do-yoon. You too, Gyu-hyuk.”

“Same here,” Gyu-hyuk returns the sentiment while Do-yoon nods. The hand on his arm withdraws as Gyu-hyuk makes a move to stand up. “We’ll make our move too, then, since you’re leaving.”

It takes a second for Do-yoon to realize then that he should probably stand up too, which he quickly does without any embarrassing accidents. Gyu-hyuk gives him a fond smile once he’s up, placing a hand on his back and turning to Juyoung. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Juyoung.”

There’s a moment where Juyoung looks hesitant, but she shakes her head again and gives them another nod. “...yes. I’ll see you then, Gyu-hyuk.” She starts walking off after those words, but stops after a few steps and looks back at them, quickly adding on, “Oh, and I’ll handle the bill. Take it as a token of my support.”

She doesn’t wait for their response to that; she simply does one more nod and turns back, properly taking her leave. Do-yoon stares at her retreating back for several moments before he gets distracted by a nudge at his own back, and he turns to see Gyu-hyuk looking over to him with the same fond look from earlier.

“Let’s go home,” he says, and Do-yoon nods in return. Gyu-hyuk smiles again and leads them out of the cafe and into a cab soon after. Neither of them speak the whole way through, content with the comfortable silence between them as they make their way back home.

It’s only when they return, upon stepping through the door and in the middle of removing their shoes, does Do-yoon finally realize that Gyu-hyuk’s hand has been on his back the whole time, and that the only reason he noticed at all is because he’d felt the loss of warmth coming from his hand when he finally pulled away to untie his shoes.

But when he looks at Gyu-hyuk with the intent to voice that out Do-yoon finds the words failing to leave his throat, and all he can do is to shake his head when Gyu-hyuk asks him if something is wrong. 

He tries to put it aside after that, but it continues to linger at the back of his mind no matter how he tries, and when he goes to bed later that night he isn’t too terribly surprised when his dreams involve the strange, chest-squeezing warmth that had come over him when his mind recalls the heat of Gyu-hyuk’s hand on his back. 

Perhaps more strange is the fact that he finds himself _not_ disliking it.

* * *

After having gone outside once, Do-yoon finds himself doing it again the very next day, as well as the days after that too. He doesn’t know what exactly triggered this change within him, but if Do-yoon has to be honest it's not an entirely unwelcome one. He hadn’t realized until now how confined he’d felt within the walls of Gyu-hyuk’s house, even as expansive as it is, and now that he’s had a taste of being out in the crowd a part of him is eager to jump right back in and lose himself in the swaths of people that mill around the heart of Korea.

In a way, it very much reminds him of the old days, of how he’d used to people-watch in order to seek out inspiration for his next composition. He hadn’t done it at all since joining Buried Stars and everything that happened after that, so coming back to it almost feels like he’s reconnecting with a part of himself he’d almost thought had been lost.

Of course, things aren’t quite the same as before—for one, now there’s always a possibility of him being recognized by people, which eventually does happen, but fortunately it doesn’t happen as often as he’d expected and so he can still deal with it. Once or twice some paparazzi did try to come after him, but he’s been lucky enough to manage to lose them in the crowd and remain relatively anonymous.

The biggest difference, however, is Gyu-hyuk. Where in the past his outings have always been a personal thing from start to finish, now it almost always ends by meeting up with Gyu-hyuk. The man always comes to pick him up if he’s still out by evening time, and they either go back together if Gyu-hyuk is done for the day too, or gets dropped off if he has to do a nighttime shoot. 

Do-yoon had tried to dissuade him from doing this the first few times it happened, saying that he could go back himself, but Gyu-hyuk of course wouldn’t take no for an answer. When Do-yoon tried to insist, Gyu-hyuk eventually admitted to him that he couldn’t feel comforted until he could see him back home with his own eyes. 

“Knowing that you are safe is more important than anything else to me.” He remembers the shaky, brittle smile that Gyu-hyuk had on his face when he said that, and he also remembers how much it’d hurt him knowing that he’d been both the reason and the cause of such a painful look. “If anything happened to you, I’d…”

He did his best to reassure Gyu-hyuk then, telling him that he is alright, that things were different now. They weren’t two people trapped in a collapsed, crumbling stage with people dying around them left and right; they were both back in the world, safe and well, and Gyu-hyuk was doing better than ever in his return to the show. 

“We have each other,” he’d said then, and he recalls the wide eyed look Gyu-hyuk had given to him then when he’d uttered those words. “I know I’m not as dependable as you are, but… you can rely on me as well, when things are tough.”

He hadn’t felt certain at all about himself when he’d said that, but then Gyu-hyuk looked at him and responded, “Don’t discredit yourself, Do-yoon. What you give to me is far more than what I can return to you,” with such an earnest look on his face that Do-yoon couldn’t do anything else but to take his words as truth. 

He still doesn’t know why Gyu-hyuk believes in him with such conviction even after all this time, but after that he’d relented and allowed Gyu-hyuk to have his way. Do-yoon tells himself that it also makes things easier as well, but even he can admit how hollow those words are. Gyu-hyuk’s unfaltering belief in him is one thing, but the real reason why he’s letting this happening is because everytime he thinks back to Gyu-hyuk’s brittle, shaky smile his heart aches with a pain deeper than almost anything Do-yoon ever felt himself, and he’ll do almost anything to make sure that he doesn’t ever see such a terrible look on his face again. With how much Gyu-hyuk has helped him and supported him, it is the least he can do in return. 

_And it's not like he’ll do this forever,_ Do-yoon tells himself every time when he gets into the cab that Gyu-hyuk arrives to pick him up with. _Once he knows for sure that I’m alright, he’ll stop it._

All things eventually end. It’s a lesson Do-yoon has learned from young, and the stuff with Masquerade and his time on Buried Stars had been a painful reminder of that fact. But with each day that passes by Do-yoon finds himself trying to ignore the strange, terrible pang in his chest that comes every time he thinks about the inevitable end of what he currently has, and hopes that it will come just a little slower compared to the rest.

* * *

“Something on your mind, Do-yoon?”

Do-yoon snaps out from his thoughts at that, blinking as the world slides back into focus around him. The first thing that he registers once that happens is that of Gyu-hyuk’s concerned expression which Do-yoon watches deepen before his eyes. 

“Do-yoon?” he asks again, and his voice now harbours a worried note that Do-yoon knows he shouldn’t leave unchecked. He blinks one more time and shakes his head, giving Gyu-hyuk what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologizes, hoping that will help to assuage his worries. “Just got a little lost in thought. Didn’t mean to fall quiet like that.”

The relief that comes over Gyu-hyuk’s face once he hears his apology is something that Do-yoon can keenly feel on his own end, though for entirely different reasons. “It’s fine,” Gyu-hyuk says, now with a small smile on his face. “I suppose it would’ve been better if I told you about this beforehand.”

Do-yoon rubs the back of his neck then, knowing full well that he’s only doing it due to nerves but unable to stop himself anyway. But could anyone be _not_ nervous when they’re suddenly and abruptly brought out to eat at a fancy, high class restaurant without any prior warning? 

“...could’ve at least told me to dress up better.” When Gyu-hyuk told him that they’d be eating out tonight Do-yoon had expected something like one of the chain restaurants at the malls, or maybe one of the more slightly higher end but still casual enough places. Certainly not… all of this. Even just looking at the dinnerware that’d been set out on the table is enough to make him feel severely underdressed. 

To his surprise he hears Gyu-hyuk let out a quiet, amused chuckle, and when he looks at Do-yoon again his eyes twinkle with mirth. “I never thought you were one to care that much about your appearance.”

Even though Do-yoon knows that it's a tease he can’t help but scowl all the same. “I’m not fussy about it or anything, it’s just…” He trails off for a moment, trying to think of the best way to explain himself, but to no avail. After a couple of seconds he gives up and finishes with a careless shrug instead. “...after a while it’s hard to not pay attention to these kinds of things.”

The amusement on Gyu-hyuk’s face softens into something closer to sympathy upon hearing his response. “I understand,” he says, and apparently now it's his turn to sound apologetic. “But please, don’t concern yourself with such thoughts. You’re fine as you are right now, even in a place like this.”

“I was thinking more on the fact that I stand out now ‘in a place like this’.” Do-yoon tries to keep out the dry sarcasm in his voice there, but considering everything it's a bit of a tall order. “Kind of goes against the whole ‘being inconspicuous’ thing we really should be aiming for.”

Gyu-hyuk blinks then, surprise momentarily flashing across his face, and it makes Do-yoon wonder then if that’s something that the other man hadn’t considered at all when he made this reservation. It’d certainly be a surprise for him then, since he’s known Gyu-hyuk to be nothing but kind and caring and incredibly attentive. But people slip up all the time, and on the scale of things to mess up, something like this is hardly anything to kick a fuss over.

Not wanting Gyu-hyuk to feel too bad about this, Do-yoon decides to try and move the conversation along so that they don’t linger on the topic. “Well… can’t say I’ve been to a place like this before, but it's got to be worth it, right?”

It's easy enough to see the relieved look coming back onto Gyu-hyuk face’s once he realizes that Do-yoon isn’t going to hold it against him (not that he ever planned to in the first place, and he certainly isn’t going to ruin this whole thing that Gyu-hyuk has so kindly prepared for him because of something so trivial). “I’ve only been here once myself,” he admits with a slightly sheepish look. “But I remember enjoying the steak, if you’re looking for recommendations.”

Do-yoon hums to show that he’s heard him as he picks up the menu and actually lets himself start looking through it. The prices listed are… definitely something to boggle over at any other time, but he doesn’t want to make Gyu-hyuk feel even worse and so swallows down his discomfort. He can let himself enjoy this for one night, especially since it means that Gyu-hyuk doesn’t have to go through the trouble of cooking. Sure, the man might say he likes it, but Do-yoon still feels bad that he keeps doing it despite how busy he is. If this is what it takes for him to have a break, then Do-yoon will take it.

He gets to the section with the meat-based dishes after the first few pages and pointedly ignores how his stomach growls at the sight of all the nicely presented dishes that he sees in the accompanying photos. For all his personal gripes about overpriced fancy food, it's hard to argue against it when it looks so appetizing in the pictures alone.

After a few more minutes of scanning through the presented choices (as well as the rest of the menu, just to be certain) Do-yoon eventually settles on his choice and lets Gyu-hyuk know what he wants. “I’ll take the, uh, ribs. If that’s alright.”

“Of course it’s alright.” Amusement dances in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes again as he gives Do-yoon a fond smile. “I’m sure it’ll be just as good, if the steak is anything to go by.”

“Here’s hoping.” Do-yoon certainly isn’t going to pin any expectations on it, although he’s fairly certain he’ll enjoy it no matter the taste. He doesn’t even remember when was the last time where he actually ate such a dish. Probably right after he finished his mandatory service, or something like that. He’d quickly learned how to be thrifty once he started the gig with Masquerade full time.

Gyu-hyuk sends another smile his way before he places down the menu and waves for a waiter to come over. Do-yoon stays quiet for the whole thing, happy to let Gyu-hyuk handle the actual ordering, though he does make sure to give the waiter a nod once they have taken their orders and even manages a smile right before they take their leave. 

Once the waiter disappears from his line of sight Do-yoon turns back to Gyu-hyuk, who’d taken a moment to take a sip of water from his glass. “So, uh, what’s the occasion? You pretty much brought me here without saying anything.”

Gyu-hyuk puts his water back down at the question and gives Do-yoon a bemused look. “Do I need a reason to eat here?” he asks, and though the words are light Do-yoon thinks he can hear a hint of… _something_ lurking right underneath the words. 

He doesn’t know exactly what that something is, but it is enough for him to know that he should probably answer the question seriously. “Well, I mean… I know it's not really something you just do because you feel like it.” Even with the fortune he’d inherited from his father Do-yoon knows that Gyu-hyuk has never been fond of flaunting his wealth. It’d been one of the first few things he’d noticed about the man, if he has to be entirely honest, and it’d also been one of the first things Do-yoon had respected him for aside from his sheer, raw talent. 

Gyu-hyuk stays silent for several moments after his response, but eventually Do-yoon sees the tension in his shoulders fading away as he sighs. “Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself,” he says, and Do-yoon lets out his own silent sigh of relief when he no longer feels that lurking _something_ which had unnerved him so.

“It's easy to be blind to our own faults sometimes,” Do-yoon responds with a brief shrug. “Happens to even the best of us.”

Gyu-hyuk lets out another sigh before he nods. “I agree,” he murmurs, and a corner of his lips curl up into a small smile. “But few are as honest about it as you are, Do-yoon. That’s what I admire about you.”

“Ah…” Do-yoon can feel his face quickly heating up from the unexpected compliment, and the urge to look away rises, but he manages to keep himself from doing that, if only because it might attract even more unwanted attention. It's already bad enough that he’s the only one without a suit and a tie in a room full of people dressed in sharp, tailored suits with impossibly neatly knotted ties and beautifully woven dresses. Honestly, it’s hard to not feel like he’s stepped into another world entirely.

While Do-yoon does steel himself and not turn away, he quickly reconsiders his decision when the smile on Gyu-hyuk’s face widens into something much more familiar, and his expression turns warm and amused. 

“Everyone here can look their best on the outside,” he begins to say, and Do-yoon startles when he feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand suddenly covering his own on the table. His gaze darts between the sight of Gyu-hyuk’s hand over his and the affectionate look that the other man now has on his face. “But only a handful can look just as beautiful on the inside.” 

“I, um…” If his face could get any hotter it’d probably be able to cook an egg. Do-yoon caves in and turns his face away this time just so he doesn’t spontaneously combust from sheer embarrassment or something like that. “You really don’t need to keep complimenting me. It’s…” He swallows heavily, and gently pulls his hand away from Gyu-hyuk. “You should save all of that for somebody special, you know?”

“You’re special to me,” Gyu-hyuk replies without missing a beat, and Do-yoon immediately feels his heart leap all the way up into his throat. Was he really… “As a friend, of course. You’re a very special friend to me.”

Just as quickly as it’d come the anxiety swiftly disappears, leaving behind a shaky relief that Do-yoon slowly lets out as a sigh. “You’re a special friend to me as well,” he returns the sentiment while ruthlessly squashing down the strange mix of feelings that stir around in his gut. “You’ve done more for me than I can ever pay you back with.”

“You getting better is all the repayment I need.” The fact that Gyu-hyuk always tells him that everytime he brings it up is something Do-yoon wants to argue against, but before he can voice it out he notices the way Gyu-hyuk’s gaze momentarily flicks down, and that’s when Do-yoon realizes that he still has his hands clasped together. The back of his hand still thrums with a warmth that doesn’t come from him, and knowing that is enough to make Do-yoon’s face heat up again as he lets go of his hands and places them back down onto his lap. 

_I really need to stop dwelling on ridiculous things,_ Do-yoon berates himself in his mind. _Gyu-hyuk is just… he’s just being nice to me, that’s all._ The only reason he’s doing any of this is because Do-yoon saved him that one time, and nothing else. 

He shakes his head minutely to try and dissipate the heat that’s gathered on his cheeks. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work, and so he switches tactics and instead starts to rub the back of his hand against his cheek. He pointedly keeps his gaze away from Gyu-hyuk the entire time he does this because he knows the moment he looks at him is when all his efforts to regain his composure is going to be thrown out of the window.

It would be foolish to think that Gyu-hyuk doesn’t catch on to what he’s trying to do—especially when even Do-yoon has to admit that he’s doing a terrible job of keeping it subtle—but for some reason he doesn’t call him out on it. Do-yoon doesn’t know if it's out of pity or if it's because he gets some form of amusement from his floundering, but at this point he’s happy enough to not get called out that he’ll take it either way. Even more fortunately, perhaps, is when their food arrives before the silence between them stretches on for too long.

He hears Gyu-hyuk thank the waiter as he finally turns back to face forward, though he only manages to look at Gyu-hyuk’s face for about three seconds before hastily dropping his gaze back down again. The food is, at least, a nice distraction as well as reason, and Do-yoon uses both of those at the same time as he mutters out a quick ‘let’s eat’ before his nerves get the better of him. He doesn’t even try to wait for a reply and simply goes on ahead, reaching to pick up the appropriate cutlery and promptly starts cutting out the first row of his rib dish. 

The smell is what hits Do-yoon first; the fine aroma of what he can easily guess to be a deliciously cooked, mouthwatering dish. His stomach rumbles (not too loudly, thankfully, though he knows that won’t last for long) at the promise of the novelty of an exquisite meal, and Do-yoon hesitates for a one more second before the need for sustenance pushes him to finally let himself take a bite.

The flavor that bursts on his tongue and fills his mouth as soon as he takes that first bite is… honestly indescribable. Even after having braced himself for it Do-yoon still finds himself totally blindsided by just how—how _delicious_ it tastes. He didn’t even know that food could actually taste this good.

Do-yoon chews it for as long as he can, unable to stop himself from wanting to savor it for as long as possible, and it almost feels like a loss when he finally has to swallow it down. He takes a drink of water after that, needing a moment to simply let himself process the experience he’d just gone through, and it's only then does he spot the bemused look that Gyu-hyuk is currently giving him.

“If I knew you liked ribs that much, I should have made them during one of my days off earlier,” he remarks, one corner of his lips twitching upward. “Didn’t think you’d have such a strong reaction to it.”

Once again, Do-yoon feels his face heat up in response to the tease. “...it’s just been a while for me, that’s all.” He lowers his gaze back down to his plate and starts cutting into the next row, eager for a second bite. “Don’t think I’ve had ribs this good since the ones my aunt made for me on my 18th birthday.”

Gyu-hyuk goes quiet after that response, which is a little strange, but he’ll take the lull as a reprieve from even more embarrassment. Do-yoon cuts out the next rib and eats it, happy to have another chance to savor the wonderful flavors. Again he chews until he can’t anymore, then swallows it down. It’s hard to not want to come back here after this, but he knows better than to make use of Gyu-hyuk’s generosity in such a manner. He’ll let himself enjoy this for tonight, but nothing more after that.

As he works on the third row Gyu-hyuk finally breaks his silence. “Your… aunt?”

Do-yoon blinks at the question at first, confused, but then it clicks in his mind and he nods. “...yeah,” he returns, putting down his knife so that he can scratch the sudden itch at his cheek. “She kind of made it as both a birthday gift and a going away present of sorts, I guess, since I moved out of their place the very next day.” Itch scratched out, he goes to pick his knife back up. “It was nice of her to do it. Didn’t really think how much I’d missed it until now, I guess.”

He throws on a shrug at the end and turns his focus back onto his plate. He cuts out another rib, but before he can put it into his mouth Gyu-hyuk speaks up again. “Have you thought about visiting them?”

Do-yoon supposes he should’ve seen this coming after the previous question, but it doesn’t stop the mild grimace that comes onto his face. “I… not really,” he admits, slowly putting down the rib he’d speared with his fork. “They live pretty far away from Seoul, and I don’t want to inconvenience them, so…” 

Gyu-hyuk makes a non-committal sound from the back of his throat. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be them, specifically. What about the other members of your family?”

Well, now he can see what Gyu-hyuk is trying to do here. “Don’t really know, to be honest. Haven’t had much contact with any of them since I did my service.” He pauses for a moment then, pondering for a moment, but decides to just rip off the band aid and go straight to the point. “But I can try and reach out to them, see if they’ll take me in for a while. Otherwise I can figure something else out—I still have some savings that I can fall back on for a while.”

To his surprise, Gyu-hyuk ends up staring blankly at him upon hearing his response, looking incredibly lost. Do-yoon stares back in return, feeling equally lost over his unexpected reaction. A few seconds pass before Do-yoon finally decides to speak up. “So, uh, when do you need me out of your place…?”

Gyu-hyuk blinks rapidly then, his expression suddenly shifting into one of alarm. “You want to move out?”

“I—” Now it’s Do-yoon’s turn to blink and stare at Gyu-hyuk, feeling just as confused as the other man seemed to be. “That’s why you’re asking about my family, right? Because you want me to move out?”

The disbelief that appears on Gyu-hyuk’s face right there and then is something Do-yoon thinks he’d never seen before. In fact, if he were to be asked later, Do-yoon most wouldn’t have called such a look to be that of disbelief. He probably would have said that it’d be something closer to fear. 

But in that moment Do-yoon doesn’t think about any of that, because he’s distracted by how flustered Gyu-hyuk has suddenly become. “I—no—of course not.” He doesn’t shout out the words but it gets pretty close to it, which is more than enough of an indication of how off kilter he must already be. “Do-yoon, I could never—”

Do-yoon quickly puts both his fork and knife down properly now so that he can hold up his hands, trying to placate Gyu-hyuk before the misunderstanding gets worse. “Okay, I get the point. You _don’t_ want me to move out.”

Gyu-hyuk opens his mouth then, and judging from the look on his face Do-yoon guesses he’d been about to say something out loud—that is, louder than his previous outburst. But he catches himself before he does so, and his expression turns pinched. It stays that way even as he leans back against his seat and lets his shoulders drop. 

Do-yoon looks at him in concern for several moments after that, waiting to see if he says or does anything, but when he continues to remain silent he figures he might as well take the time to clear up this mistake. “Gyu-hyuk, I—”

He stops when Gyu-hyuk cuts him off with a small shake of his head, the gesture itself almost unnoticeable if it weren’t for the fact that Do-yoon had still been keeping his gaze on him. Another moment passes by after that before Gyu-hyuk moves again, this time to take in a slow, deep breath, and as he lets it out he raises his head and lets their gazes meet. 

“I’m the one who should apologize,” he says with a familiar pain in his voice, and Do-yoon can already feel his heart aching just from hearing it. “I… overreacted. If you think moving out is what you should do, then I won’t stop you.” 

Okay, yeah, this is just going to get worse if he doesn’t nip this mistake in the bud. “I’m not planning on moving out,” Do-yoon clarifies that first, wanting to get that misunderstanding out of the way. “I just—I assumed wrongly, that’s all. So…” He shrugs one more time. “I should still be the one apologizing.” 

“I… I see.” Gyu-hyuk grimaces after those words, which Do-yoon guesses is over the misunderstanding since it’d be rather nonsensical if it were about him staying around, considering why they were even having this conversation in the first place. But all of that aside, Do-yoon can’t help but privately think to himself how odd it is to see Gyu-hyuk so… flustered, for a lack of a better word. He’d always seemed so calm and composed, even back then during that night. Sure, he had his moments, but so did everyone else, and honestly nobody could blame him anyway given the things that had happened there. 

Still, even then, he’d managed to bear the horrors of it all and moved on. Not only that, but also of the cruelty of his life before the show that’d been so callously revealed by the troll. Even if it wasn’t ever talked about publicly anymore Do-yoon knows better than to assume it’d be left forgotten. There will always be people who will speculate and guess and make up the life of somebody they see on TV just because they can. People who project themselves onto others and try to pretend that they live the same lives in some grand, fantastical delusion. 

Do-yoon had hated it back then, and he hates it even more now. None of those people will ever fully understand what it means to live in their shoes, to experience the horrors of the night they’d had to go through. Of the cold, creeping horror that continues to keep him awake night after night as he stares at the ceiling and hears the thunderous pounding of his heart, the phantom sounds of creaking metal that still echoes in his ears even after all this time.

He squeezes his eyes shut then as the familiar sensation of anxiety begins to churn in his gut, berating himself for recalling all those things he’d rather forget. He thought he’d been getting better with it too, and this was supposed to be a good night as well, and yet he’s here spiraling down again—

The sensation of fingers brushing over the back of his hand gets Do-yoon’s attention, directing his focus elsewhere instead of the pit of self-hatred and loathing he’d almost fallen into. He opens his eyes and sees that Gyu-hyuk has placed his hand over his own again, just like before. After a moment they start to shift, carefully sliding around to properly grasp his hand, and Do-yoon does nothing else but watch it happen.

There’s a gentle squeeze then, the faintest hint of pressure, and then Gyu-hyuk speaks to him softly. “Are you alright, Do-yoon?”

Do-yoon manages a nod after a second’s pause. He feels… well, he feels more like himself again, which he supposes is most likely the best thing he can say now. “Yeah, I’m… okay.” He pauses, then lets out a weak, tired laugh. “And here I thought I was getting better.”

“Recovery is never a straight road.” Gyu-hyuk squeezes his hand again. “...I’m sorry if the misunderstanding is what caused it to happen.”

Do-yoon quickly shakes his head to dispel that notion. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, voice getting steadier with every word. “I should be the one saying that instead, for constantly being such a bother.”

“Don’t ever say such things,” Gyu-hyuk’s response is instant, and while it is still quiet it also carries a firm, unyielding tone. “You could never bother me, Do-yoon. Having you around is… it's the best thing that could have ever happened in my life.”

At any other time Do-yoon would brush such words off, but Gyu-hyuk says it with such earnestness and conviction that all he can really do is to take it, because really, when had been the last time anybody said something like that about him, if ever? 

The fact that he can’t answer that question is in and of itself an answer—one that hits him harder than he can bring himself to admit. Do-yoon stays silent, unable to do anything else except to look down at how perfectly Gyu-hyuk’s hand fits over his, his touch warm and steady and ever present. 

When he pulls his hand away this time it's with a sense of reluctance that he tells himself to not look deeply into. “We should finish our food before it gets cold,” he mutters as he picks his cutlery back up. 

A pause sets in after his words, but it's soon broken by the clink of metal on porcelain as Gyu-hyuk goes back to his food as well. 

“It would be a waste if that happens,” Do-yoon hears him say. He acknowledges the words with a nod, but says nothing more after that in lieu of focusing on finishing up his meal. Gyu-hyuk, fortunately, does the same, and they both fall back into a quiet, comfortable silence. 

Neither of them talk again until they’ve both cleaned off their respective plates; with the amount of meat that Do-yoon’s stuffed himself with he definitely feels more than a little full. He doesn’t usually let himself eat this much, but the ribs were so delicious that he couldn’t help it. 

Gyu-hyuk, of course, notices this. “Seems like you really enjoyed the ribs,” he remarks with a smile.

Do-yoon nods again in response, not trusting himself to be able to hold in the burp that wants to come out of him the moment he opens his mouth. He’s definitely going to need a bit before he can even get out of the chair.

A hint of amusement appears on Gyu-hyuk’s face then. “I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’ for dessert.”

The only way that Do-yoon can respond to that is to throw him a dirty look. It’s pretty clear that he can’t stomach anything else, so being asked that question is more than a little redundant. Though, the fact that Gyu-hyuk even asked him in the first place is a little concerning, since that’d imply that _he_ apparently still has the capacity for it.

Unfortunately, there’s no way for him to make a face that would have been able to translate the question in his mind, so Do-yoon takes a chance and speaks. “Are you— _urp_ —” Well, there went his chances of keeping that burp down. At least it's gone now. Do-yoon takes in a deep breath and starts again. “Are you planning to order dessert?”

“Only if you want to.” The amused gleam is still there in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes when he replies, which is why Do-yoon is not entirely surprised when he follows that up with, “But I suppose that’s not really on your plate anymore.”

Do-yoon thinks he’s nice enough for not snoring aloud at that frankly terrible attempt at a joke. “I’m fine without dessert,” is what he says instead. 

Gyu-hyuk hums in return. “A shame. I was looking forward to trying out their bingsu.”

After hearing something like that it's hard to _not_ give the other man a semi-incredulous look. “Is that what you want to order in a place like this? Bingsu?” There were so many other places where Gyu-hyuk could get that, and probably for far cheaper prices compared to whatever overpriced amount they’ve put it here for.

At the very least, the man in question is aware enough to be sheepish about it. “I’ve heard good things about it,” he says as a means of explanation. “Apparently it's got some interesting choices for toppings.”

“It’s literally just shaved ice. You can put just about anything on it and it’ll still work.” Which is probably the only reason why it's even served in a place like this, if Do-yoon had to guess. He can’t see how else it’d be on the menu otherwise.

Gyu-hyuk lets out another hum. “I suppose that’s true.” He tilts his head to the side then and regards Do-yoon with a curious look. “What did you like to put on yours then, if you don’t mind telling?”

That is… not a question that Do-yoon had been expecting at all, and maybe even more surprising is the fact that Do-yoon finds himself needing a moment to think about it. “Just the usual stuff, I guess? I was never really picky about what was on it.” He pauses and gives a half shrug before continuing on. “But now that we’re on the topic… it has been a while since I ate it.”

“I think the last time I had any is when I was still in university.” An uncomfortable expression crosses Gyu-hyuk’s face soon after he says that. “...to be honest, that feels like a lifetime ago, even though I know it hasn’t really been that long.”

“Yeah… I know what you mean.” Masquerade, the preliminaries, everything else… it definitely feels like something from another life and another time, so far away from where he is now. If only that were true. 

Do-yoon closes his eyes then and lets out a slow breath. Best to just move away from this whole topic before the entire can of worms decides to pop open again. “If you really want bingsu that much, we can get it from somewhere else more sensible next time.” 

This time he hears Gyu-hyuk let out a quiet chuckle. “I’ll hold you to that.”

* * *

The rest of the dinner winds down pretty quickly after that conversation. They chat about some other light topics for a couple more minutes before Do-yoon finally feels the bloatedness in his stomach fade away enough for him to be able to actually get out of his chair. He does so in order to use the bathroom, and when he’s done he finds Gyu-hyuk waiting for him right outside; he’d apparently gone on ahead to foot the bill not long after he went away, and Do-yoon can’t help but wonder if that had been the plan the whole time to prevent him from splitting the bill.

“I’m paying the next time we do this,” Do-yoon says the moment they step out of the restaurant. Personally, he would have preferred it if he could simply just pay back his half of the bill tonight, but he knows Gyu-hyuk well enough to at least know that the man will say a million different reasons and excuses to not accept it. So, this is pretty much the next best thing that he can do.

Part of him had been expecting some kind of push back from Gyu-hyuk in return, but to his surprise the man simply makes a sound from the back of his throat. “I look forward to it.”

That’s… well. Do-yoon is still a little taken aback at how easily Gyu-hyuk had acquiesced considering his track record about these things, but he isn’t going to look at a gift horse in the mouth. The last thing he wants to do is to get into an argument with him over something as trivial as this. Just the thought of having to disagree with him is enough to make Do-yoon feel uncomfortable.

He shakes his head to get rid of that thought out of his head before he lets himself go down that particular rabbit hole. Not really something he wants to get into anytime soon, but especially right now, considering present circumstances. 

“I don’t think we can get a cab here.” Do-yoon glances over to Gyu-hyuk when he speaks, blinking as he sees the man frown at the phone in his hand. “There is a place nearby where we can board one though. I think maybe a five minute walk?”

Do-yoon doesn’t need to think twice before making his decision. “Then let’s walk over,” he huffs out, rolling his shoulders. “I could do with one anyway, to get the digestion going.”

Gyu-hyuk nods, then pockets his phone and turns to face the direction of where they’re going. “This way,” he says. “We should be able to see it after a couple of buildings.”

Do-yoon nods as well to show that he’s heard him, and with that the two of them set off towards their destination. It’s far from the first time that Do-yoon has walked around this area of Seoul at this time of night, though he supposes it has been a while since he’s actually been here. Still, the throngs of people milling about is an ever familiar sight, and it's easy enough to get lost in the crowd when there are so many people constantly moving about, caring for nothing else besides going from point A to point B. In fact, it gets bad enough that eventually they’re forced to walk in a line rather than next to each other, to which Gyu-hyuk mouths a quick apology before he goes ahead in front of Do-yoon and takes the lead. 

Do-yoon diligently follows after him, though part of him can’t help but watch the way people pass by both Gyu-hyuk and him as they walk, all of them too caught up in their own worlds and thoughts to spare either of them a second glance. If it were still daytime they’d probably be spotted and stopped in no time at all, but with the cover of darkness and the ever shifting sea of crowds, Do-yoon thinks he can almost feel… normal. That for a moment he can simply pretend to be Han Do-yoon and nothing else; a single, forgettable face among so many others around him. 

He wonders if Gyu-hyuk harbours such similar thoughts within him at this very moment, if he too misses the days of anonymity and just being part of the crowd. Do-yoon had always thought that he would enjoy the fame and fortune of being recognized and known by strangers, but now that he’s had a taste of it all he wants to do is to let it all fade away. Would he have liked this better if the rest of Masquerade was still with him? He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. The guilt of having thrown the band aside for his own quest of glory is something that will always heavily weigh down on his conscience. 

But for now, while they are still within the sea of people around them, Do-yoon can pretend to be another nameless face in the crowd as he stares at the wide expanse of Gyu-hyuk’s back in front of him. They are nothing more than two people going about their own daily lives like everyone else here. It may be a momentary fantasy at best, but for somebody like him, it is all he can ask for.

It almost feels all too soon when it all ends, but five minutes has never been the greatest length of time, and Do-yoon keeps his head down as they get out of the crowd and approach the cab stand. Thankfully there is already a cab in line, and the both of them quickly get inside before they might draw any attention. 

Do-yoon lets out a sigh once he settles down onto the seat. Gyu-hyuk takes a moment to give the driver their drop off point before settling down himself on the other end of the seats, and once the cab begins to move the man flashes a smile at him.

“Glad to be out of the crowd?” he asks.

Do-yoon quickly shakes his head in response. “Kinda the opposite,” comes the short, quaint reply. He’s never been the biggest fan of having conversations in cabs since it usually meant spilling out incredibly personal stuff with a stranger around. That desire for privacy had only become more insistent after being part of Buried Stars, and doubly so after seeing just how ravenous the public can be in trying to claw out any little nugget about his life that they could find. He doesn’t like to be suspicious of everyone, but… you really never know who might be listening in, especially with things like Phater coming into play.

He hasn’t said any of this to Gyu-hyuk, but the man seems to have understood his hesitation to speak within the confines of the cab after the first few times he came to pick him up. So all he does is nod in acknowledgement before turning to look out of the window. 

Do-yoon knows he should do the same, but he can’t help but let his gaze linger on Gyu-hyuk, watching how the lights coming in from the window further accentuates his shadowed profile. From the sharp curve of his jaw to the almost graceful way his hair falls from his face, seeing it all before him like this in such contrasting light really hammers in the fact of how perfect Gyu-hyuk looks. If he wasn’t already a talent, Do-yoon thinks he could have easily become a model instead.

He’d only meant to look for a moment before turning away, but his sense of time must have gotten muddled because Gyu-hyuk is turning back forward towards the driver, and as Do-yoon hurriedly shifts his glance to the window he hears Gyu-hyuk telling the driver to turn at the next intersection. From past experiences Do-yoon knows well enough when on their ride back does this happen, and when he finally looks at the familiar scenery outside the window his suspicions are confirmed. They’re already pretty close to their destination, which is incredibly surprising to Do-yoon since he’d thought they’d still be a ways off. Had he really spent that much time looking at Gyu-hyuk without even realizing it?

If that truly is the case, well… Do-yoon supposes he’s lucky that Gyu-hyuk didn’t notice him staring almost the whole way through—or maybe he did, but has kindly decided to not point it out. At this point he doesn’t know which scenario would be worse.

He stubbornly keeps his gaze at the window for the remainder of the trip back, not that it really means much since the cab rolls to a stop several minutes after, having arrived at their destination. Do-yoon exits the vehicle while Gyu-hyuk pays the fare, still feeling mortified enough from earlier that he starts walking down the block back to Gyu-hyuk’s house without waiting for him.

It doesn’t take long before he hears the cab driving away, followed by Gyu-hyuk hurrying to catch up to him as he calls out his name. “Do-yoon—”

The temptation to ignore Gyu-hyuk and just keep walking is there, but that would be incredibly childish and easily interpreted to another misunderstanding. So he stops and turns, willing his face to stay neutral as he waits for Gyu-hyuk to catch up to him.

When Gyu-hyuk comes to a stop before him his face is already etched in concern. “What’s wrong, Do-yoon?” he asks, but before Do-yoon can answer him the worry on Gyu-hyuk’s face suddenly deepens further. “Did I do something wrong?”

...and this is exactly what Do-yoon had been worried about. He quickly shakes his head and manages out a smile to reassure his friend. “You didn’t do anything,” he says, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I just want to get back inside as soon as possible.” 

Gyu-hyuk doesn’t look terribly convinced by his words, but doesn’t try to press the topic. He nods, then gestures for the both of them to resume walking. Do-yoon does so with an internal sigh of relief, and wisely stays quiet for the rest of the way back. 

It’s not long at all to finally arrive at the front steps of Gyu-hyuk’s house, and the moment he unlocks the door and opens it is the moment Do-yoon all but scrambles in. He only takes a moment to kick off his shoes, more than eager to retreat back into the privacy of his room and not think about the continued mess of thoughts and feelings that swirl around inside of him. 

But before he can make a full retreat Gyu-hyuk’s hand wraps around his upper arm, holding him in place and rendering him unable to leave. Do-yoon tenses, but he doesn’t try to fight back even though every fiber in his being is telling him to get away just so he can have some distance to clear his head.

“Do-yoon.” A hint of desperation tinges Gyu-hyuk’s voice this time as he speaks. “Please… tell me if I’ve done something to hurt you.” 

Do-yoon shakes his head once again. “You haven’t done anything,” he says, unable to make himself turn back and meet Gyu-hyuk’s worried gaze. “I… I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

There’s a long pause from Gyu-hyuk after his words, and for a moment Do-yoon wonders if this is when he’s going to be pressed for details on something he isn’t even sure he wants to think about, let alone talk it out—but then Gyu-hyuk suddenly lets him go without a word. Do-yoon stumbles forward a little but manages to catch his balance, and when he straightens himself back up he does turn back to look at Gyu-hyuk this time, who now almost looks… pained.

“You know you can tell me anything that’s bothering you, Do-yoon.” The desperation from before is still there, and if anything it's more evident now. “Anything at all. If I can do anything to make you feel better, all you have to do is to tell me and I’ll do it.”

Hearing Gyu-hyuk sound like this is worse than anything else that Do-yoon thinks he could have done. He slowly takes a step forward and carefully places a hand on Gyu-hyuk’s shoulder. “You haven’t done anything wrong,” he manages out even as his own voice wavers because of how much his heart aches over the countless burdens that Gyu-hyuk is willingly putting on his own shoulders. He wouldn’t have to deal with all this if Do-yoon hadn’t been so weak. “If anything, you’ve done far too much.” Do-yoon knows he’s said it before, but right now it bears repeating. “And I just… I just really needed a moment.”

For a moment Do-yoon wonders if he’s managed to get through to Gyu-hyuk, or if he needs to do or say something else to convince him further. But Gyu-hyuk does seem to ease up—slowly but surely—and after a while he looks… well, not entirely back to normal, but certainly better than before. 

“...alright,” he says, giving a small, shaky nod. He carefully straightens himself back up and takes a step back from Do-yoon, who says nothing and simply lets his hand slide off Gyu-hyuk’s shoulder to dangle back by his side. “I’ll… I suppose you want to retire for the night then.” Even though Gyu-hyuk does sound better it's hard to ignore the wavering uncertainty that’s still in his voice, and Do-yoon doesn’t know how he can soothe it away. Hurting Gyu-hyuk had been the very last thing he wanted to do, and now that it has happened the guilt that comes from it is almost soul-crushing.

Do-yoon knows that he should try to say something to ease Gyu-hyuk’s conscience, but whatever words he wants to say seem to be unable to leave his throat. He thinks about trying to do something too, but his limbs refuse to corporate, legs and arms rooted entirely in their spots. Even though they’re facing each other Gyu-hyuk suddenly seems too far away from him, as if he’s falling into a place where Do-yoon cannot reach. 

In the end, all Do-yoon can do is to nod, and feels the pit in his stomach opening itself wider as something sad and unreadable flashes across Gyu-hyuk’s eyes before he returns the nod and turns, heading back to his room. Do-yoon continues to stay where he is even long after Gyu-hyuk has vanished from his sight and he hears the click of his door that echoes through the house and in his ears like the loudest clap of thunder.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there, simply standing and doing nothing else, only finally moving when his legs begin to ache and the need to rest trumps over his bubbling guilt and anxiety. Still, even then Do-yoon feels as if the world is threatening to shake apart under his feet as he slowly walks towards his room. The room that he is staying in Gyu-hyuk’s house. The room that used to be Gyu-hyuk’s until he gave it to him when he moved in here.

Those thoughts run around in his head in an endless loop as he closes the door of the room (when had he arrived here?) and slowly settles himself down on the bed. In his daze he had completely forgotten to turn on the light, so he finds himself sitting in the darkness with nothing else but silence as his one and only companion. 

But even that eventually turns against him, and by the time Do-yoon finally lies down it's because of the silence that presses down on him like a large, heavy weight, leaving him trapped as he stares at the ceiling and waits for dawn to break. 

Exhaustion finally wears him down about thirty minutes to dawn where finally succumbs to sleep, but his rest is unsettled by troubling thoughts that do not fade, and all of them revolve around the pain on Gyu-hyuk’s face and the hurt in his voice.

* * *

It’s well past noon by the time Do-yoon wakes up—still dressed in the clothes from last night—and to his lack of surprise he feels hardly rested at all. He also still feels about as crappy as he did at the end of last night, which is something he isn’t surprised about either.

What _does_ surprise him, however, is the amount of notifications that seemed to have blown up on his phone in the morning—far more than anything he’d gotten for a long, long time. The only other thing he can think of to have come this close would be…

His stomach drops then as a familiar feeling of dread starts making itself known within him. Do-yoon feels his hands shake as he scrolls through the near endless line of notifications that have piled up while he was sleeping, eventually getting to the very first one at the bottom.

It’s a direct mention from Woosuk, with nothing else except a link to a news site.

Do-yoon opens it, and the dread turns to utter horror as he finds himself looking at an entire series of photos of him and Gyu-hyuk from their dinner last night. All of it right there, published onto a public site that must have already been visited countless times by now if his notifications are of any indication.

He should say something, perhaps. Actually make a Phater post, or call somebody, do anything besides staring blankly at his phone and feel it constantly buzz in his hand as more notifications continue to come in. But even when he tries to think of something his mind simply blanks out, leaving him even more lost and hopeless than before. 

Do-yoon doesn’t know how much time passes, but at one of the buzzes a different notification pops out, the icon indicating it being a direct text. The sender is listed under Gyu-hyuk’s name. 

Not knowing what else to do, Do-yoon goes ahead and opens the message, reading it with quivering eyes.

  
이규혁  
Don’t worry, Do-yoon.  
11:14  
I’ll take care of it.  
11:15  
Just stay home and you will be safe.  
11:15  
  


_Stay home and you will be safe._ He can hear the words being spoken in Gyu-hyuk’s confident voice, and it echoes within him like an unshakable promise. Stay in here and he will be safe.

Slowly, he turns off his phone and puts it aside, then lies back down in bed on his side and tries to empty the countless thoughts swirling about in his mind. He doesn’t want them. He doesn’t need them.

As long as he stays in here, everything will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit early because I, uh, got my timezones a little mixed up, but w/e!! Its 2021, we can all have a little treat.
> 
> Speaking of treats... you might have noticed that the total chapter count has gone up by one. That is because... the next chapter is so long that I ultimately decided to split it into two separate chapters, which now I can say was a very good idea because boy is this fic continuing to spiral out of control with the word count. OTL
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone who is reading this, and doubly so for those who commented! I very much appreciate seeing them and it really motivates me to keep going with this story. u_u For those who may want real time updates about me suffering through writing this fic feel free to follow me **@tasogareika** where I also sometimes scream about how much I like Buried Stars.
> 
> Speaking of talking about Buried Stars, am once again going to plug [the Buried Stars Fanclub](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj) Discord server that a friend and I set up together! its mostly a quiet chill spot for English speaking people who've played the game to have a place to talk about the game and gush about how much we enjoy it and stuff like that. :D No pressure to join of course, but it'd be lovely to have more people to talk about the game with.
> 
> Other than that, thank you all once again, and hope you enjoy this particular chapter. The next one will come out on **January 16th** , so I'll see you all then!


	4. holding myself as I sway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder to set the work skin as the author's so that the CSS will properly show! Also do let me know if something is borked and I will do my best to fix. u_u b
> 
> In addition, this is where I stress for readers to keep in mind the tags that have been set for this fic. If at any point you are too uncomfortable with any of the topics that this fic covers, feel free to skip or drop it entirely. Your mental well-being takes priority over that of fictional characters in bad places. 
> 
> With that out of the way, please enjoy this chapter~

He tries not to think about it, at first.

Even from the beginning it's clear enough that doing that is in and of itself a tall order, considering how his phone continuously chimes out notification after notification. Do-yoon had looked at the first few out of sheer morbid curiosity and nothing else, but after he’d read what had been written it’d been more than enough to deter him from looking at the rest of them.

**Boycott_Do-yoon** **@rollingsleeping** **5**  
Han Do-yoon, really? Of all people?? Gyu-hyuk needs to learn how to make better friends  
  
**AM 10:57**  
  
  
**ReadymadeSinger** **@minsu7677** **0**  
Or just know better people, period.  
  
  
**PM 01:13**  
  
  
**SeasonFiveGoodwill** **@BStarSanity** **122**  
🙄 geez they’re just having dinner together.  
ppl making mountains out of molehills as always lol.  
  
**PM 12:59**  
  
  
  
  
  
**JunglePenguin** **@junglepenguin** **444**  
Gyu-hyuk better watch out for when the Betrayer decides to strike 🔪🔪🔪  
  
**PM 04:32**  
  
  
  
  
**MasqOnRepeat** **@ctrlAlternativeDel** **869**  
That reminds me… wasn’t there like a picture of them getting into a cab together not too long ago?  
Everyone said back then that it was photoshopped, but now I’m wondering…  
  
**PM 06:18**  
  
  
**HyesungsComet** **@neverdelivering** **0**  
**@ctrlAlternativeDel** uh wait what?? are u srs?? does that mean they’re living 2gether or something  
  
  
**PM 06:21**  
  
  
**PhaterIsWasteOfLife** **@apricotstake** **13**  
That can’t be real… why would Gyu-hyuk even let somebody like Do-yoon stay with him in the first place?  
  
  
**PM 06:26**  


Speculations and ridicule from the public isn’t anything new, but this time it’s—it’s different. In the past it’d been easier to disregard the remarks, to put it all onto the role that Seungyeon had cast him as in her show and tell himself that it’d all be over once everything was done. That after the show he’d simply be able to shed it all off like a second skin and return everything back to how it’d been before.

But the reality is that none of that happened. Instead what _did_ happen is the death of three people within the same night and the acknowledgement that his title in the show will be a label that he can never be rid of. It’d been naive of him to believe that it would disappear after the end of the show, like what Seungyeon had promised him back then. Even if she were still alive, he doesn’t think that she would have upheld her end of the bargain. Not that it was much of one at all, really. It’d be far more apt to call it a deal, one made with the devil herself.

He really should have known better, but pride and hunger had driven him instead that night to turn his hand to make that fateful decision. The choice that he once believed would have been able to change his life for the better.

He’d been so foolish. So stupidly, childishly, naively foolish.

The words echo in his head over and over again in an endless tirade, a constant reminder of his mistakes as he struggles to get through each day that passes by ever since then. At first he did his best to pretend that everything was normal and that it would be fine, but when he went outside it hadn’t taken very long at all for him to notice all the badly hidden stares and poor attempts of discreet pointing towards him, and he’d all but freaked the moment he spotted the first flash of a camera (or at least it's lens) at his direction. Thankfully he still had enough self control to not make a scene, but he’d definitely felt more than a little shaken as he clambered into the first cab he could hail to take him back to Gyu-hyuk’s house.

Ever since then Do-yoon hadn’t dared to venture out again, far too fearful of what would happen if he gets spotted like before. It reminds him of the time when Inha had found out that Seil had been stalking her, and he now understands with newfound clarity why she’d been so distressed about it, for he now feels that very same kind of distress himself.

The fact that he has to stay indoors doesn’t help either. It hadn’t been so bad in the past, when he’d been consumed by so many other things in his mind to really feel it, but now that he had actually gone out the fact that he can’t only makes him even more antsy. He’s never been the kind of person who can stay indoors the whole day prior to all of this, and even though it is his choice to stay in it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still getting to him. If anything, it gets to him even more _because_ he’d been forced to make this decision. But when the alternative is far worse, there really isn’t anything else he can do.

He tries to exercise out his frustrations by trying to work on his composing again, but it quickly becomes clear that his mental state has put a block on his creative process, which in turn only makes him feel even worse. How is he able to get anywhere if he’s stuck in a rut like this? At this rate only god knows how long it will be before he can actually move out of this house. He knows Gyu-hyuk won’t mind, but Do-yoon very much does just because of how much he has already imposed on him.

Had it been anybody else, Do-yoon thinks, he’d probably already have been thrown out and abandoned a long time ago. But instead Gyu-hyuk continues to care and look out for him with a diligence and loyalty that he doesn’t deserve in the slightest, especially when he remembers how much his mistakes had hurt him and probably still continues to hurt him. He doesn’t need to be a genius to know that having those photos online—even if they’ve been taken down since then, from what Gyu-hyuk has told him—must have affected his standings in the show. He’d hurt him, and yet he still…

 _He really is too nice to me,_ Do-yoon can only think that to himself day after day when he sees Gyu-hyuk return from the studio every evening. Though he never says anything Do-yoon can tell that he must be under some significant stress himself, just judging from the strained look on his face in the few times he doesn’t manage to hide it, and it's not hard to guess where that pressure is coming from. 

But Gyu-hyuk doesn’t say anything about that to him even though he has every reason to do so. Instead what he does is to continue to take care of him, like how he always has been. He never fails to greet Do-yoon with a smile everytime they see each other, be it morning or night, no matter how stressed or tired or exhausted he looks. 

Do-yoon wonders if this is what it is like to be killed by kindness, to be smothered by something so unbearably gentle that the only thing you can do is to accept it while being crushed under the growing weight of the guilt that accompanies it. 

Still, he does his best to try and not dwell on it. He tries to keep his focus on getting through each day, no matter how terrible or hard it is, because he doesn’t want to betray the kindness that Gyu-hyuk has given him—and more importantly, because he doesn’t want to hurt him even more than he already has.

There’s only so long the public will latch onto this, he tells himself while he stares at the elongated shadows of the window frame as it stretches out across the floor of the room and onto the bed. It’s late enough into the night that Do-yoon has no idea what time it is but the moon outside is especially bright tonight, and the light that shines through the window gives him some reprieve from the darkness that would otherwise haunt him.

Do-yoon has never been the kind of person to take stock in signs and warnings that come from some imaginary power above, but in that moment right now it is all that he has, and so he lets himself go with it. 

Even something as terrible as the collapsed stage followed by the loss of three people in one night had eventually become nothing but a story that the public now glosses over. With enough time, something like this would also fade away as the ravenous eyes of the public turn their attention to the next sensational scoop that happens.

All he has to do is to hold out. He’s managed it twice already, and he knows he can do it again. He has to do it. It’s already been a good amount of time since those photos were first leaked. Soon, they’ll forget and move on, and things can return to somewhere close to how they’d been before.

He holds onto that thought close to his heart, clutching onto it even though he knows it is nothing more than a desperate promise at this point. But it is all that he has, the very last strand of hope dependable enough for him to cling onto. 

Eventually, he tells himself, thinking it and praying it and hoping it. Eventually, all of this will be nothing more than a bad dream. And no matter how terrible it gets, even the worst nightmares are destined to reach their end. All of this… it will be no different. This will all pass, and things will get better.

They have to.

* * *

Except of course, they don’t, because the very next day the site responsible for leaking the first set of photos that caused this whole problem in the first place releases a _second_ set of pictures—and these ones are far worse than the ones before because this time said photos were of Gyu-hyuk’s own house. More specifically, they were pictures of the windows of Gyu-hyuk’s house, and many of them prominently feature Do-yoon’s face. 

The internet instantly explodes into chaos. His phone, already having silenced the notifications from Phater, blares back to life with countless new notifications that now stem from his suddenly overflowing email inbox. Journalists and gossip mags and all sorts of other people send him compilations of screenshots from Phater and various other social media sites as they ask him question after question, caring nothing for what he feels and the anguish that all of this is putting him through.

**1Day3Gyu-hyuk** **@sourceTangler** **33**  
THESE PHOTOS?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?! THEY’RE ACTUALLY LIVING TOGETHER WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF  
  
**PM 09:29**  
  
  
  
  
**Genius** **@geine_earth** **28.9k**  
Not going to name the source for their safety but they checked out Do-yoon’s address that was on Bstars; the landlord told them that he moved out a good number of weeks ago, which is already enough to speculate about.  
  
**PM 12:04**  
  
  
**Genius** **@geine_earth** **45.7k**  
But the real clincher is this—that Gyu-hyuk was apparently there to help him move out.  
  
  
**PM 12:05**  
  
  
**Genius** **@geine_earth** **17.2k**  
Really makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  
  
  
**PM 12:07**  
  
  
**Unlucky_Coffee** **@6F4E37cat** **5.5k**  
‘For their safety’ uh what about the safety of Gyu-hyuk?? This is invading his privacy?? Hello????????  
  
**PM 12:13**  
  
  
**SocialAdaptation** **@soulofbasil** **185**  
Fully agree with this. I’m outraged that nobody has stepped up to address this problem.  
  
  
**PM 12:19**  
  
  
  
  
**TheKillers** **@im_suchafool** **9**  
That’s wild… why would Gyu-Hyuk let Do-yoon live with him. Doesn’t he know what’s up? Seriously, pick better friends.  
  
**PM 02:44**  
  
  
  
  
  
**VoteForGyu-hyuk** **@dragonswimming** **567**  
GYU-HYUK I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE GAY OR WHATEVER, JUST PICK SOMEBODY BETTER THAN HAN DO-YOON JFC  
  
**PM 04:57**  
  
  
**GH_Supporters_K** **@KH_somebody** **1**  
**@dragonswimming** ^^^ THIS ^^^  
  
  
**PM 05:00**  
  


When Gyu-hyuk returns to the house that evening he informs Do-yoon that he fired the cleaning service that’d been coming over to clean the house. Do-yoon takes the news with little else beyond a nod and listlessly pokes at the food that Gyu-hyuk had brought back for him, his stomach churning with far too much anxiety for him to feel hungry.

In the end, he only manages a couple of mouthfuls before the food itself becomes far too cold for it to be palatable even at any other time. Gyu-hyuk says nothing and keeps the food, saying that he’ll take it with him to the studio tomorrow for his lunch. Do-yoon simply lets the words wash over him, and once Gyu-hyuk falls quiet he takes his leave from the dining table to make his way back to his room, making sure not to get close to any windows along the way. 

For the rest of the night after that Do-yoon finds himself staring at the window of his room in a far different light compared to before, now wary of the bright, silvery moonlight that streams in from outside and spreads across the floor. He wraps himself in his blanket and stays hidden in the shadows, only falling asleep as the sky begins to lighten.

When he wakes up a few scant hours later feeling barely rested at all, the blinding glare of the sun irritates him enough to finally march up to the window and pull down the blinds. After a second’s consideration he tugs the curtains over them as well, for good measure.

The room plunges into darkness when Do-yoon puts up both the blinds and curtains, but the discomfort he feels from that is greatly eclipsed by the relief of knowing that nothing can peek into his room anymore. If he did this to the rest of the house…

In any other situation Do-yoon would have called his own actions irrational, but he’s stressed and exhausted from everything that has been going on and all he wants is to have a safe place where he can have peace of mind. If this is what he has to do to get that, then it’ll just be a small price that he has to pay.

His decision set, Do-yoon goes around the house and covers up all the windows that he can find. Since the house had been designed to let in as much natural light as possible the difference is palpable as he successively covers up each window. The entire house gets darker as more windows are covered; by the time Do-yoon is finished the entire place is completely shadowed, and the muffled lights cast the place in a dim, almost eerie glow that reminds him a bit too closely to the time within the collapsed stage. 

Do-yoon hears himself swallowing audibly as his mind makes that comparison. Just thinking about it is enough to make him tremble, but between that and the people trying to take more pictures of him in here Do-yoon would rather take the former. At least that is… this is something he has experience with. The nightmares, the horrors, the guilt… it is all something he is used to at this point. 

Gyu-hyuk says nothing about the covered windows when he comes back that night. His only reaction is to blink at them twice before he turns to Do-yoon and gives him that familiar, welcoming smile that eases away any of Do-yoon’s concerns about how he might have taken his actions badly. 

“I’ll make dinner,” is all that he says, still smiling as he gently pats Do-yoon on the shoulder. Do-yoon finds himself relaxing into the touch as he feels the tension in his body easing up. He’d been worried that Gyu-hyuk might not have liked it since this is still his place, but knowing that he isn’t against it is a huge relief. 

Dinner that night is a far more pleasant affair compared to how it’d been before. This time he can actually taste the food that Gyu-hyuk had cooked, and he also doesn’t leave the table as a nervous, shaking wreck. He still doesn’t quite manage to eat everything on his plate, but it's still a vast improvement and Do-yoon even manages to make some conversation with Gyu-hyuk without his worries getting in the way.

Emboldened by this relative success, Do-yoon heads into the home studio after dinner to try and get back to his composing after having neglected it due to everything that happened. But it doesn’t take very long for him to realize that he’s getting to nowhere fast, and after a couple more attempts that also get him to nowhere Do-yoon is forced to throw in the towel for the night and admit that he’s not going to be able to do this even though he wants nothing more than to actually do it. 

The frustration continues to gnaw at him late into the night, keeping him awake even though all he wants to do is to try and get some proper sleep for once. But as proven multiple times in the past, his mind loves to work against him and this time is no different. Without the stress of being spied on now the many thoughts that’d been haunting him now come back in full force—and he doesn’t know if it's due to what happened or the added darkness of the room that is exacerbating it but said thoughts now echo louder than ever, a constant litany of his failures and mistakes which eventually rise to a crescendo doesn’t seem to want to fade.

He stays awake for the whole night once again, only succumbing to his exhaustion when the sky has become completely bright and the muffled sunlight futilely tries to shine through the blinds and curtains but to no avail.

* * *

Eventually, after about a week where this keeps happening, Do-yoon is forced to face the fact that all his improvement in the last few weeks—especially with regards to his sleeping—has more or less vanished. He feels like he’s back to the time right after he’d been discharged from the hospital, where every waking moment during the day is a struggle in and of itself, and where every night becomes a silent war that wages inside his own head. 

It's hard to not be frustrated at himself once he realizes that. Knowing that he’s more or less back to square one after weeks of slow, steady recovery is just… it's just terrible. Do-yoon hates it so much. He hates being this weak, this terrible, this pathetic. None of this would have happened if he wasn’t like this. 

Self-deprecation is a familiar tune to Do-yoon by now, and it plays itself like a broken record that constantly reminds him of his failures as he continues to struggle and still end up nowhere. It’s frustrating because even though he ended up back here he should already have the experience to handle this better than before. But no matter how he tries it seems like he’s unable to take even one step forward and the lack of progress weighs him down even more.

After a couple more days the continued sleepless nights become prevalent enough that during the day time he’s left irritable and moody. More than once his mood becomes bad enough that he snaps out something to Gyu-hyuk’s polite attempts at conversation that he immediately regrets thereafter, and it adds to the steadily growing mountain of guilt inside him, which in turn becomes yet another reason to stay up at night as his mind berates and jeers and taunts him for his stupidity and weakness. 

Even he can tell that it's a terrible, vicious cycle, but it is also one that he cannot get out of no matter how hard he tries to break out of it. It feels like anything he tries to do now is just going to end up backfiring on him spectacularly, and Do-yoon doesn’t know how many more failures he can take at this point. He feels so brittle and frail and Gyu-hyuk’s prolonged absences from the house these days do nothing but make him feel how oppressively loud and hollow the constant silence is. 

It’s especially bad tonight, Do-yoon thinks to himself as he once again finds himself staring in the direction of the door of his room. He’d been doing it for the last few days now ever since a stray, niggling thought had latched itself onto his mind and taken root as an idea—that is, the idea to go outside of his room and… and head to the living room, where the TV is, so that he can turn it on and let it's sound fill up the terrible, empty silence around him. 

Logically, he knows that it's something that he can easily do, but the thought of actually doing it is… it shouldn’t mean anything at all, yet at the same time Do-yoon can’t help but feel that the moment he does it it will mean that he’s finally throwing in the towel and fully admitting his powerlessness, and some last stubborn shred of pride within him has thus far refused to let me take that last step. 

But now, between the constant nights without sleep and his time in the day slowly becoming its own special brand of a waking nightmare, Do-yoon is ready to throw away that last shred of pride if it means he can finally have some peace of mind again. What use is there for something like pride when he’s right on the edge of losing his mind? And besides, the only one who’d known would be…

Do-yoon stops himself there before he can continue even as he feels the lump forming in his throat. After how terrible and callous he’d been these past few days—if not weeks—he doesn’t deserve to even _think_ Gyu-hyuk’s name out loud. Though he supposes he just did anyway.

With a sigh Do-yoon curls himself up tighter in his blanket, though his gaze remains on the door. There is a part of him that still doesn’t want to do it, but it's getting harder and harder to tell himself the reasons as to why he feels that way. At this point he’s desperate enough to do just about anything if it’ll finally grant him some much needed peace.

He lets himself debate it for a few moments more before finally coming to a decision, though in retrospect there really wasn’t any other option he would have chosen. Do-yoon takes a second to suck in a deep breath, holding it for several beats before letting it out as a slow, shaky sigh. If he is to do it, then might as well rip off the bandaid and just go for it.

Do-yoon untangles himself out from his blanket and gets out of bed, hesitating for a brief moment before he shakes his head and reaches to take said blanket with him before he turns and heads to the door. He opens it quietly—a habit leftover from before—and tiptoes out of his room, closing the door with the same gentleness so that it doesn’t make a sound. He turns to face the corridor once he’s out, steeling himself as he stares down the now completely dark and silent hallway. Without any light from both the ceiling and the now blacked out window the once familiar passage now feels more akin to a looming, threatening presence. 

_There’s nothing to fear,_ Do-yoon tells himself as he looks at the dark, inky blackness that greets him. _I’ve walked this corridor countless times by now. All I just need to do is to walk in a straight line until it opens up to the stairs._ And once he gets there everything will be better, because by then he’d be out of the enclosed space of this corridor. 

Do-yoon uses those thoughts to fuel him as he starts taking the first few steps down the corridor. He tries to be slow at first, wanting to be careful so that he doesn’t somehow trip over himself, but as the darkness around he becomes more oppressive he quickens his pace, only easing up once the shadows around him lose their intensity when he gets to the spot where the corridor opens up to the stairs. 

He takes a second after that to catch his breath, willing for his heart rate to go back down even though all he’s done is to walk—a short, brisk one, but still apparently enough to his heart pumping. The tension in his body hasn’t quite left yet, but at least he’s not so stressed that he doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going, which is probably for the best considering how the stairs are at the very end of the path and he could easily just fall down them when visibility is low, like now.

After a couple of minutes Do-yoon straightens himself back up, blinking as during that pause his eyes have adjusted to the change of intensity (or rather the lack thereof) in the lighting. Where both his room and the corridor had almost no light at all the open space of the stairs and the living room below is a different story. Though the windows may be covered up by the curtains and blinds there’s still enough of them around to cast the place in dim, muted silver light. It’s still nowhere near well-lit by any means but it does give enough visibility for Do-yoon to be able to make out the rest of the way to his destination.

Without the need to be entirely cautious (he does make it a point to keep his footsteps light since he doesn’t want to accidentally wake Gyu-hyuk up), it doesn’t take long after that for Do-yoon to get to what he’d been aiming for in the living room. He takes a moment to grope around the coffee table to find where the remote is, and once he has it in his hand it's only a matter of pressing the power button, quickly followed by the volume button so that he can lower down the volume all the way down to barely audible. Hardly the volume one would want to have when watching TV, but doing that is the last thing Do-yoon wants to do. Not that there is anything to watch at this time of the night, but that’s probably for the best as well. 

Do-yoon doesn’t really pay attention to what the TV is playing—probably some stock tracks, or maybe something from a radio station—but it doesn’t matter anyway since all he cares about is the fact that there is finally something else that isn’t dead, oppressive silence all around him. Just hearing the sounds coming front the TV is enough to feel much better than any other time in the last couple of nights. 

He carefully settles himself down onto the couch with the blanket in his lap, and after a moment of eyeing both ends of said couch to make sure he’s at the right spot he shifts to lie down across it. The blanket, of course, comes along with him, and it stays messily flopped over him for a minute before he rearranges it to cover him while also using a part of it as a clumsy, makeshift pillow. It certainly would’ve been wiser to just bring a pillow along with him, but Do-yoon hadn’t exactly thought that far ahead when he left his room earlier. Either way, it's far from the first time he’s slept on couches before, and a sore neck is a small price to pay for what will hopefully be a decent night’s sleep. 

With a quiet sigh Do-yoon closes his eyes and lets the sound of the TV wash over him, relaxing further as it fills up the spaces in his mind usually occupied by stifling, heavy silence. But even then—and even with his exhaustion—it still takes a while for him to drift off, and when he does it is with an uneasiness that continues to linger in his gut.

_(he opens his eyes to darkness and a painful, pounding silence. he tries to breathe, but the air is thick and stale and full of dust and debris that does nothing but make his throat even drier the more gulps of air he takes in. he tries to move, but quickly finds out that he’s trapped and unable to move an inch. for a moment he thinks he might have managed to come out of it unscathed, but then his body begins to ache and he can’t swallow down the pained moan that escapes him._

How long have I been here, _he thinks to himself as he tries to squint through the darkness but to no avail. he tries to move again, but his arms tremble the moment he shifts them, and his skin breaks out in goosebumps even though the heat is already beginning to become stifling in here._

_after a bit more struggling he stops when it's clear that anything he does is futile. he stays completely still and lies there in the still, oppressive darkness, wondering if this is his punishment for his sins. for becoming the betrayer that Seungyeon had made him so. if that is the case, then he cannot blame anyone for this._

_a bead of sweat rolls down his cheek as he struggles to keep his breathing steady. he thinks of the one he’d managed to save outside—perhaps the one good thing he’s managed to do throughout his whole time here._

Gyu-hyuk, _he says the words in his head almost like a prayer, speaking them like the fervent wish of a dying man._ If you are alive, I hope you can tell people that I threw myself in the way to save you. That I sacrificed myself... 

_maybe then, people would finally believe that he wasn’t a traitor. that he was never a betrayer._

_a memory flashes by in his head, reminding him otherwise. he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to will it away, but to no avail. perhaps... no matter what he does, he can never really get rid of this label that’d been placed upon him. maybe it’d be better, then, to just let himself die here, so that he doesn’t need to keep facing it again._

_he keeps his eyes closed, ready to accept his fate, but before he lets himself sink into the darkness a voice calls out for him from the outside._

“Han Do-yoon!”

_that voice. it can only be one person._

_Do-yoon goes to it, letting it lead him back out. he pushes himself up, wincing as he bumps his head, but doesn’t let that throbbing pain stop him from calling back out._

“Gyu-hyuk!”

_it’s fine. he’s alright._

_maybe things will still work out, somehow.)_

“Do-yoon.”

He doesn’t respond at first, not because he doesn’t want to, but rather because he didn’t think he could. Not when his throat still feels so dry and the darkness continues to stifle him. There’s also a weight over him that he doesn’t remember ever being there but it is now, and Do-yoon feels it slowly crushing him down, gradually grinding his bones into dust—

“Do-yoon.”

This time, the call is accompanied by a hand on his shoulder. It shakes him lightly, but that simple act is more than enough to bring Do-yoon out of his memories. He isn’t back there, buried underneath a mountain of rubble and debris wondering if this is where he is meant to die. The place where he really is now… it is…

“Do-yoon, wake up.”

One more call, followed by another shake, and this time Do-yoon responds. He lets out a quiet groan as he slowly opens his eyes, and the first thing that comes into focus before him is Gyu-hyuk’s worried expression, which eases up as soon as he sees that Do-yoon has awoken.

“You’re awake,” he murmurs quietly, though it’s still easy enough to hear the relief in his voice. “I was getting worried for a second, there.”

Do-yoon’s only response is to blink, mind still too fuzzy with sleep to be able to form any sort of coherent reply. His skin prickles slightly from the cool night air—he must have somehow kicked the blanket off him—as the TV continues to play quietly in the background, though now that Gyu-hyuk is in front of him the light from the screen no longer spills over him. Instead it serves to cast Gyu-hyuk’s features into sharp relief, highlighting him out from the darkness as if Gyu-hyuk had somehow broken through it himself in order to reach him.

The hand on his shoulder slides down to hold onto his upper arm. “Why are you sleeping here?” Gyu-hyuk asks, voice concerned. But before Do-yoon can answer Gyu-hyuk’s frown deepens, and after a moment he ventures into a second, far more impactful question. “...nightmares?”

Do-yoon thinks of how to respond as his mind shakes off that last bit of post sleep fuzziness within him. It’d be easy to make up any number of excuses to tell Gyu-hyuk and Do-yoon knows that the other man would let him off with it, but the memory of Gyu-hyuk’s pained look hasn’t stopped haunting him ever since that night, especially what with everything else that has happened since then. The fact that Gyu-hyuk is still here and continuing to be so nice and thoughtful about him even after all the times he’s unintentionally hurt him is… 

He can’t keep lying to him like this, Do-yoon thinks to himself. Gyu-hyuk deserves better than that. 

Do-yoon swallows down the lie that he’d been prepared to spit out and instead makes himself spill out the truth that hurts him just by having to admit it. He makes a small, affirmative noise from the back of his throat and nods minutely, not trusting himself enough to speak up since he’s pretty sure Gyu-hyuk doesn’t want to hear _all_ the details of the terrible things his mind wants to throw at him.

The concern on Gyu-hyuk’s face changes into something sad and painful as soon as Do-yoon nods at him, which only hurts Do-yoon more back in turn because knowing that he is the reason why Gyu-hyuk has that look now does nothing but make him feel worse. 

“You should’ve just told me,” he says, voice cracking just a little at the end, and hearing that is enough to convince Do-yoon further _why_ he should not have said anything at all. Once again Do-yoon can only berate himself for his continued weakness, because if he was stronger and better then Gyu-hyuk wouldn’t have to suffer for him. 

For a moment it seems like Gyu-hyuk is about to break out in tears and start crying on the spot, but he takes in a deep, shuddering breath and closes his eyes, the hand around his arm tightening its grip so hard that it's almost like a vice. Do-yoon winces but says nothing about the pain, knowing that something like this is just a fraction of what Gyu-hyuk must be feeling right now. 

Thankfully, Gyu-hyuk soon relaxes his grip, though the reason he does it is to do something else completely unexpected. As soon as he lets go Do-yoon feels both of Gyu-hyuk’s arms snake around his upper back and thighs, and the next thing he knows he’s suddenly being hauled straight up from the couch without any prior warning. Do-yoon lets out a shout of surprise and instinctively clutches onto the front of Gyu-hyuk’s shirt as vertigo momentarily takes hold of him. But Gyu-hyuk holds him steady, only taking a moment to adjust his hold so that Do-yoon can lean into him to ease his fear of being dropped. 

“You’ll catch a cold here if you’re not careful,” Gyu-hyuk mutters as he turns in the direction of the stairs. “Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable.” He begins to move after those words, gait steady despite having to carry a grown man in his arms; it's a testament to his strength that Do-yoon never knew he had despite knowing how built Gyu-hyuk has always been. It’s honestly more than a little disorientating. 

Do-yoon would’ve said something about it, but he also doesn’t want to distract Gyu-hyuk too much and so he remains quiet throughout the whole time that Gyu-hyuk takes to bring him to the destination he has in mind. The other man, for the most part, doesn’t say anything much either, saving for telling him to hold on as he slowly ascends up the stairs while still carrying him. Even with his strength it's clear that doing that takes a significant toll on him; by the time he gets to the top Do-yoon can hear how loudly his heart is beating in his chest just from the physical exertion alone. 

Even then, however, Gyu-hyuk somehow manages to keep his hold on Do-yoon steady, only finally putting him down when he crosses the last bit of distance he has to make to finally reach his destination. It takes a moment for Do-yoon to recognize his surroundings while that happens, but the combination of being deposited onto a bed plus the lack of familiarity that would’ve come from being in his own room makes it easy to figure out where he’s been brought to. 

The soft _click_ of the door being shut brings Do-yoon’s attention towards it, and he turns his gaze to see Gyu-hyuk dropping his hand away from the knob. He watches as Gyu-hyuk turns to face him, and the dim lights that come from the bedside lamp allow Do-yoon to see the warmth in the smile that Gyu-hyuk gives him. 

“Stay here for the night,” Gyu-hyuk says as he walks over to Do-yoon’s side of the bed. He crouches down once he’s next to him, and now that this close Do-yoon can see the warmth from his smile also present in his eyes. “It’s easier, knowing that you’re not alone.”

Do-yoon doesn’t say anything in response, because really, what can he say to something like that? Gyu-hyuk, at least, doesn’t seem to take his silence as anything negative. He gives Do-yoon a gentle pat on the shoulder before getting back up, and Do-yoon watches as he walks out of his line of vision to circle around the bed to the other side. He feels the mattress dip as Gyu-hyuk settles in on his side of the bed, and in the next moment the room plunges back into black, inky darkness when Gyu-hyuk turns off the lights.

After having the comfort of light for a while, going back into the darkness so suddenly is enough for Do-yoon to feel his heart threatening to leap out from his throat. But before the panic can fully settle in, a hand grips his wrist and tugs gently, and Do-yoon follows the gesture by turning around to face the other side. 

In the darkness he can’t quite see Gyu-hyuk’s face, but he can still hear the warmth of his voice as the man murmurs softly to him. “Okay?” 

Do-yoon feels a heavy lump form at the back of his throat as he wavers on what to say. A million things run through his mind then, of things both spoken and unspoken. Countless answers and responses and so many other things that he could voice out right here and now if he wanted to, and he knows that Gyu-hyuk would listen to every single one. But in the end, he supposes it really only boils down to a simple reply, and that… it’s easy enough to give, if it's just for tonight. 

He swallows down the lump and nods minutely, managing out a quiet, almost inaudible, “...yeah.”

Even though Gyu-hyuk says nothing in return it's easy enough to sense his relief as he exhales out loud. The hand on his wrist shifts, settling to rest near his hip on the other side as his arm slides to wrap around Do-yoon’s waist and pull him in close enough that Do-yoon can feel the warmth of Gyu-hyuk’s body right next to him. His other hand nudges for Do-yoon to bend down his head, and when he does so he finds himself bumping his forehead against something soft yet firm. Do-yoon tries to move back, wanting to figure out what it is, but Gyu-hyuk's grip keeps him in place.

“Close your eyes,” he quietly tells Do-yoon, who has no reason to not follow Gyu-hyuk’s instructions. He makes a small, affirmative sound and closes his eyes as told. 

The first thing that comes to him is, of course, darkness. With his eyes now closed the darkness is thicker than ever before, and Do-yoon can already feel his pulse beginning to spike up. He doesn’t know why he is doing this beyond being told to do so by Gyu-hyuk but no matter what his feelings are there’s no way he’s going to let himself stay like this if his panic comes back in—

_Thump._

He almost doesn’t hear it at first, mostly because his rising panic had taken up most of his focus, but when it comes a second time Do-yoon does manage to catch it, and he quickly latches onto that sound and turns his attention towards it instead. He hears it beat a third time, then a fourth and a fifth, and it keeps on going on a rhythmic, steady path that almost sounds like…

“Can you hear it?” Gyu-hyuk whispers the question out almost as if it's some sort of mystical, well-kept secret between them. Though perhaps that isn’t too far from the truth at all, since Do-yoon is fairly certain nobody else gets to hear the steady beat of Gyu-hyuk’s heart like this. 

Do-yoon makes another quiet sound in his throat and nods ever so slightly. He can hear Gyu-hyuk’s heartbeat as it thrums on a steady, unwavering beat, the sound quick to fill up the otherwise all too tranquil silence. It doesn’t take long after that for Do-yoon to feel the tension in his body ease up as his mind registers the fact that he truly isn’t alone here. 

Gyu-hyuk lets out a hum then, and the hand that had been on his head moves to lightly scratch his scalp. The gesture helps to relax Do-yoon even more, and soon enough he finds himself drifting into a comfortable lull that he hasn’t felt ever since the last time he’d been in Gyu-hyuk’s room. 

“I’m sorry that I’ve left you alone this past week,” he hears Gyu-hyuk say to him softly, but even then Do-yoon can hear the sincere, apologetic tone in his voice. “My schedule has been incredibly packed since the show is now filming the ten finalists…” He trails off to a quiet sigh, and after another brief pause Gyu-hyuk moves his hand to start combing his fingers through Do-yoon’s hair. “I would’ve been happy to bring you with me, but I know things are hard for you right now.”

Do-yoon can only manage another tiny nod. Considering the stuff that’s still probably going about online, appearing at the set with Gyu-hyuk is probably the last thing he wants to do right now. He’s uninstalled Phater on his phone and muted any notification to his email inbox for a while already by this point, and he can barely imagine how backed up everything must be for both of those places. But the alternative would be to actually see what is in there, and that is… there is just no way for Do-yoon to be able to do that.

He hears Gyu-hyuk let out a slow breath before speaking again. “I wish I could do something more to help you.” A sad, pained note comes into his words here, sounding so clearly regretful and it makes Do-yoon’s own heart ache to witness for himself how much thought Gyu-hyuk puts into him. It’s a level of thoughtfulness and kindness that he continues to be entirely undeserving of. “I would do anything if it means I can see you smile again.”

It just _hurts_ , hearing how utterly earnest and heartfelt Gyu-hyuk keeps being to him when Do-yoon can’t do the same back in return. The guilt of it all is like a vice around his chest, squeezing him tight and threatening to make him choke on his mountain of lies and half-truths. 

That pain swells up within him, rushing up to the surface to well up in his eyes even though Do-yoon already has them closed. But they come out anyway, rolling down his cheeks and soaking the front of Gyu-hyuk’s t-shirt as Do-yoon futilely tries to muffle the sound of his sobs against Gyu-hyuk’s chest. 

Gyu-hyuk says nothing and only holds Do-yoon tighter; his constant, steady presence is everything that Do-yoon could ever dare to ask for. He clings onto it for the rest of the night, trembling hands tightly gripping the fabric of Gyu-hyuk’s shirt and refusing to let go even long after Do-yoon’s cried himself out. 

_Just for tonight,_ he tells himself. _Just let me be selfish for tonight._

But even as he says that he already knows how fleeting and fragile those words are, and that it is only a matter of time before he becomes weak enough to break another one of the many promises he’s made to himself. 

Still, he has to try. He can _only_ try, for if Do-yoon lets himself stop then he knows he will never be able to start again.

* * *

The days after that don’t exactly get better, but they do start to become tolerable, little by little.

Of course, that could be partly attributed to the numerous new light fixtures that now decorate the house. It’d first started with a couple that Gyu-hyuk brought in from a store he’d stopped by on the way back one night, saying nothing as he fixed them up and placed them in strategic locations around the living room. 

Their purpose becomes apparent the very next day when Do-yoon cautiously ventured out of his room to get food downstairs, only to be greeted with a new array of lights that have considerably brightened up the once shadowed, dimly lit space. To say that it brings him relief is a gross understatement, but it is probably the easiest way to describe what he’d felt in that moment.

Gyu-hyuk never says it out loud, but it's clear that he notices the improvement in Do-yoon’s mood that night when he returns from the studio. His fluctuating appetite starts to settle down again, especially as the days pass and Gyu-hyuk brings in more lights to place around the rest of the house. Soon enough the entire house is fully lit up from all the lamps and light fixtures that’d been brought in, and when they’re all turned on it's easy enough to forget that all the windows were currently covered up. 

But no matter how many lights there are in the day it doesn’t change anything when night falls because all of them inevitably have to be switched off once it's time to go to bed. Do-yoon knows he could simply leave them on and Gyu-hyuk would’ve been fine with it, but he doesn’t want to be even more of a bother than he already is. Besides, having so many lights on would do nothing but keep him awake, which is very much the opposite of what he wants to do.

Unfortunately, sleep continues to be an elusive thing for Do-yoon no matter how much more tolerable it becomes during the day. No matter how good he feels in daytime it's all gone the moment the lights are off, as if the darkness and silence itself are here each night to do nothing else but to suck up every last bit of hope that Do-yoon tries to keep ahold of.

For a while Do-yoon tries to hold on his own during those terrible, sleepless nights, eyes tightly squeezed shut as the ceaseless quiet howls in his ears. But after two consecutive nights where all of his attempts had ended in miserable failure Do-yoon lets himself cross over to the room opposite of his own and crawl into the bed there instead. Gyu-hyuk, forever kind and understanding, says nothing and pulls him close, stroking his hair when Do-yoon is brave enough to lean in and rest his head against his chest so that he can hear that steady, unwavering heartbeat that lets him relax enough to finally be able to fall asleep. 

Come the next morning, however, after Gyu-hyuk leaves for the day and Do-yoon is left alone by himself again, it's hard to not berate himself for his continued weakness. For still having to depend on Gyu-hyuk even after all this time even if the man himself doesn’t mind it; if anything, it only makes it worse, because now Do-yoon’s simply taking advantage of his goodwill. 

The knowledge and guilt of it eats at him through the rest of the day, and by the time night comes and he’s back alone in his own bed those thoughts have further fueled the downward spiral Do-yoon can’t get out of. It consumes him utterly, thrusting him into a deep dark pit of torment of which the only reprieve he has is when he gives in and crawls into Gyu-hyuk’s bed once more. It’s only when he feels Gyu-hyuk’s arms around him and hears his heart beating in his chest does the thoughts stop, allowing Do-yoon to have the peace he so desperately craves. 

It’s not hard to see the cycle that Do-yoon has found himself trapped in, and he knows that he should do something to break himself out of it—but that’s something far easier said than done, and it isn’t as if Do-yoon isn’t trying at all. It’s just… hard, and there are still so many days where simply making it through is an effort in and of itself that Do-yoon can’t muster up the energy and courage to face another night full of nothing but waking nightmares.

 _Tomorrow,_ he tells himself on those nights moments before he gets out of his bed and steps out of his room to take those few steps across the corridor to Gyu-hyuk’s room. _Tomorrow,_ he repeats it again when he sees the kind, gentle smile that Gyu-hyuk gives him as he shifts to make room for Do-yoon to join him in bed. _Tomorrow,_ he whispers it as the fragile, fleeting hope that it presents itself before it inevitably gets shredded and stomped on by his own self-loathing the very next day. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Do-yoon holds onto that thought for as long as he can while he lies in the dark and listens to Gyu-hyuk’s steady heart beat, feeling the warmth of his presence from the arms that circle around him and keep them close to each other. 

_There’s always tomorrow,_ he reminds himself before he closes his eyes and wills himself to drift off, letting the peaceful oblivion of sleep take him away from the pit of despair and pain that he knows he will return to when morning comes and Gyu-hyuk has to leave again, repeating the cycle anew. _I’ll do it tomorrow._

(And so the lie finally turns to truth, for the truth has always been in the eye of the beholder.)

* * *

“Your hair is getting long.”

Do-yoon blinks out of his reverie at the unexpected comment. Gyu-hyuk’s face quickly comes into focus in front of him now that he’s no longer lost in his thoughts. He shakes his head slightly, suddenly acutely aware of hair falling over his face and touching the back of his neck. With everything else that’d been occupying his mind Do-yoon had barely been paying attention to his hair, but now that Gyu-hyuk’s mentioned it he supposes it has been a while since the last time he had anything done to his hair. 

He brushes back the bangs covering his face as Gyu-hyuk tilts his head ever so slightly to the side and frowns lightly. “Thinking about going back to your previous look?”

The question, too, catches Do-yoon off guard. “I…” he starts, trying to respond, only to trail off as his mind blanks out on what to say. While he wasn’t ever pleased about having to change his look back then, he does have to admit that it is far easier to maintain, especially these days when the thought of having to wash such long hair every other day feels like a far bigger hassle than it used to be.

Gyu-hyuk smiles at him kindly from across the dining table. “I understand if you want to do it,” he says kindly, “But perhaps a fresh look might be better for you. Maybe it’ll even help get your mind off things.”

He places a strip of fish onto Do-yoon’s half eaten bowl of rice after saying that; Do-yoon stares at it as he mulls over the words in his mind. He can certainly see where Gyu-hyuk is coming from, though part of him isn’t sure how much stock he can take in that. Still, if he were pressed to admit… Do-yoon supposes he doesn’t really miss having long hair as much as he thought he would’ve. 

“I guess it would be easier to take care of it when it's short.” Of course, now that he’s said that, the unspoken question of _how_ begins to make itself apparent. After all, it's not as if Do-yoon could simply just… waltz up to a random hairdresser like he probably would have done in the past. If he did that now there would no doubt be a swarm of paparazzi and other undesirable people showing up to demand answers from him. Or to take pictures to put up on the internet again. Or both.

But more than anything else, the idea of stepping outside this house continues to be a terrifying prospect for Do-yoon. It’s hard to want to go out when the memory of those photos continue to haunt his mind, even if he knows that the initial site that released them is long gone by now—Gyu-hyuk had told him that the studio had made certain of it. Though it doesn’t really matter in the end, because the damage has already been done and Do-yoon doesn’t ever know if he’ll ever be able to go out again with the same sense of security as he had before. 

Gyu-hyuk seems to understand—or must have at least sensed—his hesitancy on the matter, and he gives Do-yoon a patient smile. “I could trim your hair for you, if you’d like,” he offers, much to Do-yoon’s surprise. “I used to do it for my mother back in the day.”

It’s not hard to guess _which_ mother that Gyu-hyuk is referring to there, considering what Do-yoon knows about his past. Which is also why the offer is so surprising, because as far as Do-yoon understands about Gyu-hyuk the other man has never been entirely willing to go into the full details about his life before entering his father’s household. Sure, there were the things that Gyu-hyuk shared with him back then, and some vague mentions here and there after that, but this… it feels a bit more than everything else he’d done prior, and that alone is enough to give Do-yoon pause. It’s hard to not feel like he’s intruding on some part of Gyu-hyuk that the man himself would’ve otherwise kept private. 

Gyu-hyuk must have sensed his hesitation about this, too, because the smile on his face becomes far more gentle, and what he says next immediately resonates within Do-yoon. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to do it, Do-yoon. Don’t worry about me.” He pauses briefly then in order to place a small clump of vegetables into Do-yoon’s bowl this time. “As long as I can make you feel better, I’m happy to do anything.”

_(“I would do anything if it means I can see you smile again.”)_

The memory of those words float back to Do-yoon’s mind when he hears Gyu-hyuk say that, and it's enough to make him look away. No matter how many times he hears it Do-yoon just can’t bring himself to accept the earnestness in Gyu-hyuk’s voice when he says something like that. It’d be one thing if he were simply saying it to make him feel better, but Do-yoon knows that Gyu-hyuk fully means it, and that is… that honesty is far harder to swallow than any empty platitudes that the other man could have given to him instead.

The silence stretches on as Do-yoon continues to keep his gaze averted, unable to bring himself to look Gyu-hyuk in the eye. Instead he keeps his head down and nibbles at his once half-empty bowl that is now filled back up with food that Gyu-hyuk had been putting in while they were talking. 

Gyu-hyuk lets the quiet linger between them as he, too, returns to his own food. The rest of their meal passes in silence, with nothing but the occasional clink of their chopsticks against the porcelain dishes to break the stillness. Do-yoon can already feel the regret starting to swell up within him for turning down Gyu-hyuk’s kindness yet again and berates himself for it. He should be better than this by now. He _needs_ to be better than this.

While Gyu-hyuk cleans up after their meal, Do-yoon uses that time to muster up all the courage that he can dig out from within himself. There’s already been far enough instances of misunderstandings and miscommunication between them because of his cowardice and if there’s any time to stop that it is right now. 

Do-yoon opens his mouth to speak the moment Gyu-hyuk stacks the last of the empty plates together. “Gyu-hyuk, I—”

“It’s okay if you’re uncomfortable about it.” Do-yoon stops himself midway in his apology when Gyu-hyuk suddenly cuts in with those words. He’s confused enough to finally raise his head and look up, blinking as Gyu-hyuk comes back to focus once he is in Do-yoon’s line of sight. 

He watches Gyu-hyuk—currently only visible to Do-yoon via his side profile—stare down at the floor and let out a sigh. “I apologize if I’ve made you upset,” he says, “That has never been my intention. I simply…” Whatever he’d wanted to say there quickly trails off, and Gyu-hyuk shakes his head soon after. “Never mind. If you’ll excuse me.” The man begins to stand up from his seat after those words, and Do-yoon knows if he doesn’t stop him now then he’s going to regret it even _more_. 

It is that urgency which drives him to speak, the words leaving his lips on impulse before Do-yoon could manage to formulate them properly. “Gyu-hyuk, no, I—please, it’s—I’m fine!” The last word leaves him in something almost akin to a shout, and Do-yoon watches Gyu-hyuk pause and slowly turn back to him as his heart hammers thunderously in his chest. 

Taking a second to swallow down the lump threatening to form in his throat, Do-yoon gathers back his courage and starts again. “It’s—it’s fine,” he begins, knowing full well how shaky he still sounds but continues to press on nevertheless. “You can… I’d appreciate your help in cutting my hair.” Not exactly the most eloquent of words, but as long as he manages to get his point across then Do-yoon can’t really bring himself to care.

For the next few seconds after that Do-yoon finds himself waiting with bated breath on how Gyu-hyuk is going to respond. While it would be easy to assume that he would be alright with it, the fact is that even somebody like Gyu-hyuk has a limit to his patience, and Do-yoon is well aware how much he’d been testing it even if it’d all been more or less unintentional. It certainly doesn’t change the fact that he did it anyway, and so it certainly wouldn’t surprise him if this would somehow be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The camel, of course, being Gyu-hyuk. 

But once those seconds pass and Gyu-hyuk turns fully to face him with that warm, gentle smile Do-yoon instantly finds himself relaxing, knowing that things are still alright between them even before Gyu-hyuk speaks. “Let me wash the dishes first and I’ll get things ready,” he says, pleased. “I’ll call for you when everything’s set up.”

Do-yoon definitely has no reason to argue against something like that. He nods to show that he’s heard, then heads up to his room to wait for Gyu-hyuk. While Do-yoon wouldn’t call himself a patient person by any means, he does feel a certain level of antsy-ness that he’d usually only feel prior to a live performance or something along those lines. He tries to work it off by keeping himself busy, using the time while waiting to wash up and prepare himself for bed since it’s hard to be sure how long Gyu-hyuk will take, and it's not like he’s got much else to do anyway especially since he’s stuck in another rut with his composing again. 

He doesn’t exactly keep track of how much time passes by during all of that, but not long after Do-yoon is done with everything that he can do to occupy himself he hears the sound of Gyu-hyuk’s footsteps coming down the hallway. Do-yoon heads over to the entrance of his room and opens the door just in time to see Gyu-hyuk about to enter on the other side of the corridor.

Gyu-hyuk turns around to face him the moment he hears the door from Do-yoon’s end, and once again the warm, brilliant smile appears on his face as he speaks to him. “Do you want to come in first? I can set everything up in the bathroom while you wait.”

Do-yoon mulls over the offer for a second before accepting it with a nod—he’s more or less done with anything that he can do by this point, so it makes sense to wait somewhere that Gyu-hyuk can easily call out to him.

The smile on Gyu-hyuk’s face widens ever so slightly after Do-yoon gives his answer, though he doesn’t say anything in return—at least, not immediately. He only speaks after turning back to open the door to his room, then gestures for Do-yoon to come in with a simple, “Make yourself comfortable, then.”

Surprisingly, that’s not too hard of a thing for Do-yoon to do now as he steps into the now much more familiar furnishings and surroundings of Gyu-hyuk’s bedroom and easily settles himself down on what has more or less become ‘his’ side of the bed. It hadn’t been that way at first, of course, but these days Do-yoon comes over here almost every night to sleep with Gyu-hyuk in his bed. It’s not exactly something he’s proud of, but then what use is there for something like pride when he can’t even get a good night’s sleep? If push comes to shove he’d rather choose the thing that makes him feel safe rather than some stupid, intangible thing that wasn’t making him feel good anyway.

He wonders what it is about having Gyu-hyuk close by that allows him to relax so easily. At first he’d thought it was just being able to have something to fill in the silence, but then he remembers how leaving the TV on doesn’t help him as much as he initially thought it did. If that is the case, then is it from knowing that there’s somebody else around? And if not, then what other reasons could there be?

Before Do-yoon can let himself delve deeper into those questions he hears Gyu-hyuk calling for him, and so he shelves that thought for later as he gets out of bed and heads on over to the bathroom. The moment Do-yoon steps in he can see that Gyu-hyuk indeed has everything set up and ready to go, including a stool for him to sit on which the man gestures at. 

“Welcome to your personal salon,” he says with an amused twinkle in his eyes. Do-yoon flushes a little at the theratics, scratching the back of his head as he goes over to the stool and settles himself onto it. Once he’s properly seated Gyu-hyuk places his hands on his shoulders, and through the thin fabric of his t-shirt Do-yoon can feel how strangely warm the other man’s palms are. Was he testing out the hairdryer or something? It’d make sense, though Do-yoon can’t say that he can see any kind of reason why Gyu-hyuk would do it. He supposes he’ll find out when the time comes. 

But as if having sensed his confusion (or maybe it’d been something else instead?), Gyu-hyuk pulls his hands away from his shoulders, though he does linger in order to brush aside the hair that’d been covering the back of his neck. “Let’s get something to cover you first, so that the hair isn’t going to get inside your clothes.” 

That much Do-yoon can easily agree with. He nods, and from the mirror in front of him he sees Gyu-hyuk smiling warmly at him once again. Their gazes meet via their reflections in the mirror, and the both of them stare at each other for a moment before Gyu-hyuk turns away and pulls out an unused large garbage bag, and Do-yoon tries very hard to not make a face when he sees it.

Gyu-hyuk gives him a wry look in return. “It’s the closest thing I could find,” he admits with a helpless shrug. “Or I suppose the largest thing I could find that’d work for what we need.” 

Do-yoon doesn’t feel his expression easing up even after that explanation. While he certainly can’t say he’s a fan of the idea, he knows better than to kick up a fuss over it. Gyu-hyuk is simply making do with what he has, especially considering how he’s arranging to do all of this more or less on the spot. And besides, if he doesn’t let himself go through with this the alternative would be to actually go out to an actual hairdresser which is… well. It’s an option Do-yoon would rather avoid if he can help it.

So with that in mind, all that Do-yoon can really do is to just take the hand that's been dealt to him. In the grand scale of things this is hardly anything to be bothered about, and it's not as if he’s expected to sit here with that on him for hours on end. Do-yoon can’t imagine Gyu-hyuk having to take anything more than an hour for this, since he does have prior experience with doing something like this. 

He takes a moment to shift in his seat, then nods to let Gyu-hyuk step closer and place the sheet over him. It effortlessly rests over his clothes, and it's also only then does Do-yoon realize that Gyu-hyuk actually took the time to cut out a hole at the other end of the bag so that he could put his head through and actually have the bag draped over him like a proper sheet in the hair salon. It helps a bit, he thinks, and his cheeks heat up a little in embarrassment as he once again considers the depths of Gyu-hyuk’s endless consideration of him. He is always just… far too nice to him.

Once Do-yoon is fully settled in Gyu-hyuk places his hands on his shoulders again, and even with the plastic sheet on him Do-yoon can still feel the strange, insistent warmth of the other man’s palms bleeding through onto his skin.

“Would it be alright if I made your hair wet?” Gyu-hyuk asks, looking at Do-yoon through his reflection on the mirror like before. “It’d make it easier to keep everything in line when I trim it.”

Considering how Do-yoon is already letting Gyu-hyuk cut his hair he can’t help but think that asking for his permission for this is a bit superfluous at this point, but he certainly can’t fault the other man for his thoroughness. He makes a small nod to show his agreement, and Gyu-hyuk smiles back in return. 

“Thank you,” he says, then briefly squeezes both of Do-yoon’s shoulders before letting go to pick up what he needs to get started. Do-yoon watches from the mirror as Gyu-hyuk takes a comb and a spray bottle into each hand, and as he turns back forward Gyu-hyuk gives yet another smile when their gazes meet again. 

This time Do-yoon feels his cheeks flush in a sudden moment of self-consciousness, and he darts his gaze downwards to focus on the counter and the collection of things placed there. It serves as an adequate distraction when he feels the first spray of water hitting him, with the comb coming in in quick succession. 

“At least it doesn’t seem like you have any tangles,” he hears Gyu-hyuk remark out loud. “It’ll make things a lot quicker.”

Do-yoon manages a small sound of acknowledgement before it gets drowned out by another spray from the bottle. Despite claiming to have not done it for a while Gyu-hyuk quickly falls into a methodical pattern of spraying and combing Do-yoon's hair until he’s satisfied. By the time he gets there Do-yoon manages to look back at the mirror again, and while he can see that his hair is damp, it's also not unpleasantly drenched like a part of him had been expecting to. 

Gyu-hyuk lets out a quiet chuckle then, as if he’d been expecting Do-yoon’s realization. “I’m no professional, but I did pick up a few tips over the years.” He pauses for a second after that, and the bathroom echoes with what would have otherwise been the quiet little noises of Gyu-hyuk placing down the spray bottle and picking up the scissors. Do-yoon watches the way the light glints off the edge as Gyu-hyuk tests it a couple of times, the sound of it's snips surprisingly clear for having been unused for a long period of time. Or at least that’s what Do-yoon assumes, anyway.

Apparently satisfied with the scissors, Gyu-hyuk goes ahead and starts the haircut in earnest; after another quick round of combing Do-yoon hears the distinct sound of his hair being snipped, and not long after that he feels the strands of his trimmed hair sticking to the back of his neck as they fall off. 

Do-yoon had been more or less prepared to deal with that minor irritation until Gyu-hyuk is done, but the man pauses after a couple of initial trims and uses a towel to wipe off the hair, which is something that Do-yoon had been entirely unprepared for. While he doesn’t have a huge knee jerk reaction, it does surprise him enough that it makes his entire body twitch. 

Gyu-hyuk quickly pulls the towel away from Do-yoon’s neck once that happens. “Ah—I should’ve warned you beforehand,” he says, apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

This time Do-yoon makes it a point to clear the air as soon as he can, not wanting a _third_ round of misunderstandings to occur. “No, it’s okay,” he replies with a small shake of his head. “Just was a little surprised, that’s all.”

“Well, I’ll be sure to inform you before I do it again later.” With those words Gyu-hyuk goes back to cutting his hair again, and the sounds of snipping fill the room once more. Do-yoon lets it wash over him as his mind drifts, focusing on nothing in particular as it always tends to do every time he’s getting his hair done. There has always been something inherently relaxing about this, though it has been a while since he’s gone to a hairdresser. The last time was probably… 

_...before **it** ,_ Do-yoon finishes that thought with a sudden bitterness that even takes him by surprise. It continues to be strange how everything prior to that terrible, fateful night feels like something from a whole lifetime ago even though he knows it hasn’t been that long at all. These days especially it feels like his life is now simply divided into two clear, distinct halves; everything that was before, and then everything else after. 

And just like with that sudden, intense feeling of bitterness which came to him prior, Do-yoon now also feels an abrupt, violent surge of hatred at the sheer stupidity and naivete of his past self. How could he have ever let himself believe something that had been so clearly a lie? He’d always been the one to warn the others in Masquerade about being cautious, to not trust something that sounded too good to be true when in the end he’d been the one who had fallen into the trap.

It would have been easier, perhaps, to simply put all the blame on Seungyeon, to just throw all accountability onto her because the dead cannot speak for themselves and it is a fact that Shin Seungyeon had been a terrible person in many ways. Do-yoon knows he could do all of that, but at the end of the day he knows that he’s simply running away from the truth, for no matter how despicable, callous, and manipulative she had been, it’d still been his decision in the end to throw Masquerade aside for his own selfish desires. So in a way, it is only fitting that this is where he’d end up: left behind and mocked upon, much like what the rest of Masquerade became when he’d accepted Seungyeon’s offer.

But at the very least, they still had each other. Do-yoon, on the other hand, has no real place where he can be. Hyesung and Seil are both dead, Inha had returned to Busan the moment she was discharged, Juyoung was busy focusing on her career now after having sued the crap out of her former company and Gyu-hyuk is already on the track of becoming something big—and probably would have been further ahead on said track if it wasn’t for those photos. Photos that wouldn’t have existed if it wasn’t for him.

His mood darkens further the moment that thought comes to his mind. While he doesn’t know exactly what he would do had he been in Gyu-hyuk’s position, he can at least say with certainty that he wouldn’t be doing anything that Gyu-hyuk is doing right now. Even though the mere thought of having to move out of here and being all by himself terrifies him like no other he would certainly understand why Gyu-hyuk would do it. Even somebody like him knows how important it is to keep one’s image, and the photos have thoroughly sullied both of theirs. Still, even then, Gyu-hyuk has far more to lose compared to Do-yoon.

Not for the first time the idea to ask Gyu-hyuk for his reason crosses Do-yoon’s mind, but he ruthlessly crushes it down like every other time. Not because he doesn’t want to know the answer, but rather the fear of having that knowledge. To have that feels a lot like opening Pandora’s Box and peering into an unknown that Do-yoon doesn’t know if he will ever be prepared for. If that is something he even _wants_ to prepare for. 

In a life already full of so many uncertainties, those particular ones are what haunt him the most. Thoughts of an answer he isn’t sure if he ever wants to know, and the motivations behind the person who should’ve by all accounts abandoned him a long time ago, but instead works to accommodate his comfort and his needs, even to the extent of personally cutting his hair simply because Do-yoon can’t bring himself to step outside the house. Had it been anybody else Do-yoon wouldn’t have believed that any of this would’ve been done without some sort of hidden motive, but he knows Gyu-hyuk isn’t that sort of person. The sheer amount of generosity and kindness that Gyu-hyuk has given to him is far beyond anything that somebody with a motive would have shown. 

“I know things still haven’t been easy for you,” Gyu-hyuk decides to speak at that point, and the sound of his voice draws Do-yoon out of his thoughts. He blinks and focuses on the mirror, looking at Gyu-hyuk through their reflection. The man has a small smile on his face that widens just a touch the moment their gazes meet, and then he continues speaking. “And I understand why you might be worried, but know that I really do want you around, no matter what other people think or say about us.”

Try as he might Do-yoon can’t wholly stop the surprise that crosses his face. Did he accidentally let something slip out? While he is fairly certain that he hasn’t said anything, Do-yoon can’t discount the possibility that he’d been so lost in thought that he might have simply mumbled something without having realized it. That’s something he has done before in the past, although whatever he had said usually would’ve been swallowed up by the surrounding noise around him. But he supposes that wouldn’t have happened in a quiet, enclosed space like this. 

The amused gleam in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes return upon seeing Do-yoon’s confusion. “No, you didn’t say anything,” he assures him with a brief squeeze at his shoulder. His other hand continues to work on combing his hair, getting out any loose strands that might’ve gotten buried while he’d been cutting. “But you did look fairly troubled, and I suppose there aren’t that many options for me to guess about what’s bothering you.”

Do-yoon feels his face flush at the gentle ribbing. “It’s hard to keep out of my mind,” he mutters, knowing even as he says it how pathetic it sounds. It’s not an excuse by any means, but Do-yoon knows he can be better than that, and the fact that he can’t is part of the reason why it's so frustrating. 

Gyu-hyuk’s expression softens when he hears that. “I understand,” he replies, and he combs Do-yoon’s hair one more time before he puts aside the comb and picks the scissors back up again. “But I hope knowing that I still want you around will help you feel better. I promised that I’ll stay by your side, and I won’t betray that promise.”

He goes back to cutting his hair after those words, and that distraction is something that Do-yoon is thankful for because he doesn’t really know how to respond to something so sincere. He can’t help but feel that anything he might say now would just come off as shallow in comparison. 

Do-yoon doesn’t know how long the silence hangs between them as he gets lost in trying to figure out a way to reply to Gyu-hyuk that won’t feel cheap. But it must have gone on for long enough since he hears Gyu-hyuk speak up again. 

“I know you’ve never felt comfortable with this look.” Gyu-hyuk pauses in his cutting as he says that, pulling the scissors away with one hand while the other gently combs through his hair with his fingers instead of the comb he’d been using prior. Do-yoon finds himself shivering a little as a spark of sensation rolls down his spine. “But if you ask me, I’d say that this look suits you much more.”

That remark is more than a little unexpected, and certainly more than enough to catch Do-yoon completely off guard. He blinks several times in quick succession and brings his gaze back up to the mirror again in order to catch Gyu-hyuk’s face. The other man looks back at him with his patented gentle smile as he gently runs his fingers over Do-yoon’s fringe. 

“Of course, that’s just what I think,” he murmurs, voice just loud enough for Do-yoon to hear even though there’s only two of them in this entire house. “But I hope it helps in making you feel more comfortable about it.”

Do-yoon doesn’t know if he will ever feel _comfortable_ about the look that the show had initially more or less forced onto him, but he can’t deny that hearing Gyu-hyuk’s approval makes him feel a little better about it all. He may have not chosen to have this style, but he supposes that there isn’t any harm in keeping it.

Gyu-hyuk smiles at him again, as if having sensed his thoughts, and he takes a second to smooth out his fringe before reaching for the scissors once more. “I’m almost done,” he tells Do-yoon while he picks up the comb in his other hand. “Just need to do a little bit more trimming at the back before I can finish up with your bangs.”

Do-yoon nods minutely to show that he’s heard him. Gyu-hyuk flashes him another smile and turns his attention back to his task once more, and just like before Do-yoon finds himself thankful for it. While he hasn’t exactly been keeping track of how long they’ve been in here, there’s no doubt in his mind that this is probably the longest they’ve been together in the same space since Do-yoon moved in here—that is, aside from when they’d spend the night in the same bed.

It is a little bit strange to think about that now that the thought has crossed his mind. After all, one of the reasons why he moved here in the first place was because… because he thought it’d let him have more time with Gyu-hyuk, since it’d save the other man time he would have spent travelling. But if anything it felt as if the opposite had happened instead, and Do-yoon often finds himself feeling more alone than before.

Maybe that’s why the atmosphere has felt so different this whole evening. Just being here now as Gyu-hyuk takes care of him again… it reminds him a lot of how it’d been before, when Do-yoon was still staying in his own apartment and Gyu-hyuk would come to visit him every evening. Back then those visits were what kept Do-yoon going, for he didn’t want to disappoint his friend who’d made the effort to keep on coming over to see and look after him.

In a way, those visits had felt more special than almost anything else he’d experienced here, because Gyu-hyuk had to specifically carve out the time to come and see him. And now that he no longer has to do it… a part of Do-yoon can’t help but wonder if he’s little more than decoration around here, sometimes.

Just even thinking about that possibility makes his gut clench as the pit in his stomach opens up to a familiar, hollow sensation. Logically, he knows that isn’t the case—the proof is happening right now after all, among so many other things—but it's hard to shake the idea out of his mind now that it’s taken root. He wants to believe otherwise, but he just can’t be entirely sure about anything between Gyu-hyuk and him right now. Just what does he… what does Gyu-hyuk truly think about him?

A hand places itself upon his shoulder at that moment, and Do-yoon had been so completely lost in his thoughts again that the touch surprises him enough to let out a sharp gasp and jump a little in his seat. 

The hand quickly pulls away, and there’s the brief clatter of things being placed onto the counter before Gyu-hyuk’s face comes into his vision. “Do-yoon, is everything okay?”

Do-yoon gives himself a moment to recover fully before he responds. “I—I’m fine,” he manages to say, gaze focused on the worried frown on Gyu-hyuk’s face. _He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t care, right?_ “Just got a little surprised.” He tries to give some kind of reassuring look, but even he can tell that it doesn’t come out very well.

Still, it seems like Gyu-hyuk manages to understand what Do-yoon had been trying to do. He gives him a small smile and reaches to grasp his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be quick with this last bit, so that you can go and rest as soon as possible.”

Do-yoon nods in return, and after a brief pause manages to find his voice to say what he wants. “You don’t need to—need to rush because of this. I’m… I’m okay.”

“Even if you are, I’ll still feel better when I see you rest.” Gyu-hyuk squeezes his wrist again as he says that. “You don’t need to force yourself on my account, either.”

“...Mmn.” It’s moments like these where Do-yoon can’t help but wonder just how much more kindness and goodwill that Gyu-hyuk is willing to give him. Before all of this he wouldn’t have ever believed that there could be anybody this selfless and magnanimous, let alone the fact that it is being showered onto him. He still can’t understand why Gyu-hyuk is so willing to give him so much and still ask for nothing in return, even at this point in time. He is just… far too good for him.

He hears the sound of the scissors skirting across the countertop as Gyu-hyuk picks it up, and after a moment he feels the comb running through his bangs as the other man brushes them down for his final bit of trimming. Do-yoon’s vision becomes obscured as the hair covers his face, but he can still sense Gyu-hyuk’s presence close by as the man puts the comb aside once he’s brushed his fringe down. There’s another pause before Gyu-hyuk runs his fingers across his fringe, and Do-yoon blinks at the gesture.

“Just want to make sure that nothing’s tangled,” Gyu-hyuk explains to him in a quiet murmur, and Do-yoon accepts it with a nod. He reminds himself to stay still as the fingers run through his fringe one more time, and after a brief moment of silence after pulling away Do-yoon feels the cool blade of the scissors against his forehead as Gyu-hyuk starts trimming. With each snip part of his fringe gets trimmed off, and Do-yoon blinks at the sudden burst of sight that it gives him as his vision gets less obscured. 

Normally, there wouldn’t be much to say about that, but this is also when Do-yoon realizes that Gyu-hyuk has leaned in close in order to trim his fringe—close enough that Gyu-hyuk’s face has completely filled his vision. That’d been something Do-yoon had also been completely unprepared for, but he doesn’t want to risk moving since Gyu-hyuk is currently holding a pair of rather sharp scissors so all he can do is to stay completely still and try not to think about how exceptionally close Gyu-hyuk’s face is to his own.

Do-yoon darts his gaze up to see if Gyu-hyuk has noticed, but it becomes clear pretty quickly that the other man is far too absorbed in his task to register anything else. That is certainly a relief, though now it more or less becomes a trial of endurance for Do-yoon for him to withstand this sudden closeness and not go crazy over it. Not that he understands exactly _why_ he feels that way, but Do-yoon just knows that he will if he isn’t careful.

He tries to put his mind away from what’s currently happening and focus on something else entirely, but that is a tall order when all he can see is Gyu-hyuk’s face and feel the warmth of his body just inches away from his own. With their faces this close Do-yoon also can’t help but notice the little things that he wouldn’t have otherwise known about. Things like the faintest hint of crow’s feet that he can see at the corner of Gyu-hyuk’s eyes, or the way his brows crease while he frowns in concentration over his current task at hand.

Gyu-hyuk has always looked good. He was—and still is—the number one contestant in Buried Stars for a reason after all, beyond his talents and his lineage that the show and his fans all fawn over. That’s something that Do-yoon never has trouble admitting in the privacy of his own mind, but now with Gyu-hyuk suddenly being this close to him that thought takes on a whole new meaning that he’d never truly thought about until this very moment. 

It's that same thought which keeps Do-yoon gaze fixed on Gyu-hyuk even though he knows the smart thing to do would be to turn away, or move, or do anything else besides freezing up in place. But all he can do is to stare and remain paralyzed in his indecision, his mind whirling with a million other thoughts that he can barely get a grasp of. 

“I’m done.” Hearing Gyu-hyuk speak should’ve helped to snap Do-yoon out of his daze, but the words are said so quietly that it simply glazes over him like water carelessly rushing over a pebble. Gyu-hyuk notices his silence and pulls back just enough for his entire face to remain in Do-yoon’s gaze. The man blinks, the confusion clear on his face, and he murmurs out his name. “Do-yoon?”

 _Say something,_ his mind urges for him to speak, and Do-yoon desperately tries to follow his own advice. “I…” 

He doesn’t manage to say anything past that initial word, but it doesn’t matter anyway because Gyu-hyuk seems to understand. Sometimes it feels like he understands Do-yoon more than Do-yoon can understand himself, which considering everything isn’t entirely surprising. Gyu-hyuk has been at his side ever since they’d come out of that ruined stage together. He always visited him in the hospital, and didn’t stop even after he’d been discharged. Gyu-hyuk had never stopped caring for him even on his lowest days, and now with the scandals surrounding the photos of them he still hasn’t thrown him aside like anybody else would’ve by now.

No, Gyu-hyuk won’t abandon him. He knows that to be true as the confusion on Gyu-hyuk’s face eases away into a soft, gentle look that reminds Do-yoon of that one time back in the hospital—of the moment where Gyu-hyuk had made the promise to always be at his side, a promise that he hasn’t gone back against even though Do-yoon wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. 

Gyu-hyuk doesn’t break his gaze as his free hand slowly ghosts over one side of Do-yoon’s face, slowly bringing it closer until Do-yoon can feel the other’s palm cupping his cheek; a shiver runs down his spine the moment they make contact even though Gyu-hyuk’s hand runs warmer than what he’d been expecting. 

Something unfathomable appears in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes the moment that happens. “Do-yoon,” the man says his name, but unlike before there’s a sudden raspiness to it which sends another pleasant shiver through him. All he can think of there and then is how much he wants to hear Gyu-hyuk call for him over and over again with that same tone of voice. 

One corner of Gyu-hyuk’s lips tilts up as he gives Do-yoon a small, knowing smile, as if he’d somehow managed to peer into his head and see the thoughts running through his mind. He leans in, slowly but surely drifting closer towards Do-yoon, who finds himself unable to do anything but watch it happen as if all of this is some sort of inevitability and he is nothing but a witness within his own body. 

Gyu-hyuk is close enough now that he can feel the other’s breath ghosting over his face, and the warmth makes him acutely aware of how dry his lips are. Do-yoon unconsciously wets them back with his tongue, and when he does so there is no way he could’ve prepared himself for the way Gyu-hyuk’s eyes instantly darken before he surges forward to close the last inch of distance between them. 

Do-yoon doesn’t remember when was the last time he’d done any kind of kissing or been kissed himself, but even then he already knows that none of those experiences is anything remotely similar to the thrill that now runs through him from the moment their lips meet. He shivers, eyelids fluttering as he hears himself make some kind of thin, reedy noise from the back of his throat. He thinks Gyu-hyuk makes a sound of his own back in return, but it's hard to know for sure when all he can focus on is the sensation of their lips pressed against each other. 

As if that wasn’t already enough Gyu-hyuk runs his tongue across Do-yoon’s lips in a silent but insistent request, and overwhelmed as he is Do-yoon can only yield. He parts his lips and Gyu-hyuk immediately slips his tongue into his mouth, licking into every crevice with the desperation of a man dying of thirst. 

Do-yoon doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t even know if he _can_ think when he’s being kissed like this. There’s just suddenly so much of Gyu-hyuk all at once that it's making his head spin so hard that the world starts to become faint around him. It’s either that or some form of oxygen deprivation beginning to settle in because Gyu-hyuk still hasn’t let go of his lips and it's admittedly starting to become hard to breathe while they’re mashed together like this.

Fortunately it seems like Gyu-hyuk notices what’s going on, and soon enough Do-yoon feels the intensity of the kiss easing up, eventually dissipating entirely when Gyu-hyuk pulls away. But even then it's not a complete relief because his head is still spinning from everything that has just happened, and his thoughts are so scattered that all he can do is to blankly stare at the other man while his mind struggles to comprehend the events of the last five minutes.

Gyu-hyuk returns his blank look with a lopsided smile, and even in his current state Do-yoon can’t miss the heartrendingly tender look that the other now has on his face. It’s a look he’s never seen Gyu-hyuk has before, and the fact that it’s directed straight at him only makes it even more of a surprise. 

Do-yoon tries to move his mouth to speak, but just like before he can’t find the words that he wants to say. Gyu-hyuk doesn’t seem to mind at all, and gives him another smile as he shifts his hand up from cupping Do-yoon’s cheek to tuck away a lock of hair behind his ear. 

“Okay?” he asks, and though the question itself is simple it echoes through Do-yoon’s scattered mind. If he is to be honest Do-yoon has no idea how he should feel about any of this, if only because there’s just so much to process that he doesn’t even know if he’ll ever be able to fully comprehend the enormity of what had happened. He knows that he _should_ , and maybe he will eventually, but right now it’s far too soon for him to be able to make sense of everything.

Gyu-hyuk at least seems to have understood that even without Do-yoon saying anything, like so many other times today and all the other days prior. He smiles again and gently runs his thumb down the curve of Do-yoon’s ear before pulling his hands away to grasp the sheet that Do-yoon had completely forgotten he’d had on until seeing it in the other’s hold. Gyu-hyuk removes the sheet from him with a flourish and quickly puts it aside, then reaches back to Do-yoon and takes both of his hands into his own. 

“Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs, the suggestion a soothing balm on Do-yoon’s confused mind. Sleep certainly is something he would like now, if only to relieve himself from the barrage of thoughts that he is still struggling to make sense of. He doesn’t even know if going to bed with Gyu-hyuk is something that he should be doing given what transpired but he also has no idea what to do, and it's just so much easier to listen to Gyu-hyuk and follow him, for no matter what happens Do-yoon knows that he can trust him.

So he lets himself be led by Gyu-hyuk by the hand all the way to bed from the bathroom, completely unresisting as Gyu-hyuk urges him to lie down. He stares up at the ceiling as the lights switch off, too lost in his continued confusion to notice the bed dipping next to him until a pair of arms snake around his body to pull him in close, and Do-yoon soon finds himself staring at the faded print of Gyu-hyuk’s t-shirt. 

He feels Gyu-hyuk press a gentle, chaste kiss to the top of his forehead. “I’ll never leave your side,” he hears him whisper, but he speaks so softly that it feels as if Gyu-hyuk is telling him some kind of deep, dark secret. “I’ll always be with you, no matter what.”

He runs his fingers through Do-yoon’s hair after that, and in spite of all the confusion and uncertainty still running amok in his mind Do-yoon finds himself relaxing at the gesture. He supposes part of that is simply a trained response now from all the nights he’s spent sleeping with Gyu-hyuk here, but he can’t deny the comfort that Gyu-hyuk’s touch gives him and how it's granted him reprieve from so many nights of restless, fitful sleep. 

Do-yoon closes his eyes and lets himself sink into the comforting warmth of Gyu-hyuk’s presence. He listens to the sound of the other man’s heartbeat as it beats in that steady, unwavering pattern that he’s become familiar with and allows it to lull him into peaceful, untroubled oblivion. All his troubles can wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we are here... the halfway point, and things do be heating up now. 👀
> 
> I guess this is honestly where the meat of the plot really starts to happen, at least for me. Which is also probably why I... once again... have decided to add another chapter to the total, because apparently chapter 4.5 needed to become chapter 4.5 and 4.75 from how insanely long it got (tl;dr chapter 4 basically got split into 3 now instead of 2) OTL. 
> 
> Not going to lie, I was debating on if I wanted to do this for days because I really didn't want to, but at the same time I'm not fully confident if I can get out the rest of the fic in time given how much I severely underestimated the time I needed to write everything that was originally chapter 4. I feel bad that I need to do this AGAIN but at least... I am sure now that this is the last time (because I have literally just finished writing it lmao) barring the final chapter becoming long as well, but from my plans I'm confident enough that it isn't going to happen. Hopefully. Fingers crossed and all that.
> 
> Once again, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this fic, and double thanks for those who commented/bookmarked/kudos'd etc. Every bit of engagement and feedback really helps to keep me going despite this fic getting longer... and longer... and longer. At this point its all but guaranteed to break 100k, and you can hear me sob about it over on **@tasogareika** on Twitter if you feel like it. 
> 
> And if you also feel like it, the [Buried Stars Fanclub](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj) discord server is always open for more English speaking fans of the game! We're just shy of a whole dozen members, which is very exciting given how small the fandom is. As always no pressure to join, but we're always happen to have more peeps to gush about the game with. :)
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with the ride thus far! The next chapter will be up on **January 30th** , so please look forward to it!


	5. falling and falling again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've probably already noticed, but just in case you haven't -- this chapter bumps up the rating of this fic to M. Once again, please do keep in mind the tags that have been set for this fic, and as always feel free to skip or drop if the themes presented become too uncomfortable/triggering etc. to deal with.

_(He’s in the bathroom again._

_That alone should have been something surprising, yet Do-yoon feels none of said surprise that he should be feeling. All that he can sense inside of him is a strange sort of calm acceptance in knowing that he is exactly where he needs to be, without fear or worry of being thrown aside or left behind once more._

_“Do-yoon.”_

_Warm, familiar hands set themselves on his shoulders as soon as he hears his name being called. Do-yoon blinks, and now he finds himself sitting before a mirror and staring back at his own reflection. The hands are also there on his shoulders, but as Do-yoon lets his gaze trace where they come from he sees nothing but a dark, shadowy figure that is impossible to make out._

_It should be terrifying, he thinks, to not know who is so close to him like this, but just as with his lack of surprise Do-yoon also does not feel any fear towards this unknown person. He doesn’t fear them because a part of him recognizes them as somebody that he can trust._

_“Do-yoon.”_

_The voice says his name again, sounding just as familiar as the way the hands on his shoulders begin to move. They slide down to grasp his upper arm and squeeze, thumbs kneading into the muscle in an equally familiar pattern that somebody else has done for him not so long ago._

_Do-yoon feels himself relax into the firm touch, eyelids fluttering as he feels the knots in his body loosening up as the hands continue to work down the rest of his back. It’s been a while since he’d been able to feel this relaxed, and even that had only been due to somebody who’d touched him in a similar fashion. He tries to think of who that is, but before he can focus he gets distracted when the hands decide to run up across his front, shivering as the sensitive parts of his chest prickle with sensation even as fingers brush over the fabric of his t-shirt._

_He’d have taken a second to digest that particular fact, but then the hands have now set themselves around his neck and in the mirror Do-yoon can see how they’ve wrapped around the front of his throat, strong, sturdy fingers ready to crush his vocal chords at a moment’s notice if the figure so desires._

_Still, even then, Do-yoon still does not feel any fear. He can feel his heart continuing to beat in a steady, unhurried tempo, and when he blinks he thinks he can see the shadowing figure becoming somebody more recognizable._

_The hands around his throat tighten ever so slightly. Do-yoon feels his heart rate spike in response, though he knows that it does not stem from fear. No, it's because the figure is even more visible now, and Do-yoon knows with certainty that he is in safe hands._

_The grip on his neck turns firm, and Do-yoon doesn’t resist as they tilt his head back to stare up and away from the mirror. The head of the shadowy figure looms above him, but as they lean closer their features become more visible, and when they finally come to a stop inches from his face all the shadows have completely faded to reveal the distinct, handsome face of somebody who Do-yoon knows very well._

_For a moment the two of them simply stare at each other, drinking in the sight of one another in this perfect world where neither of them have nothing to worry about. A place where they can simply be who they want to be, without any fear of drawbacks or repercussions._

_And in this world, there is only one thing that Do-yoon can think of doing. He parts his lips and calls out his name. “Gyu-hyuk.”_

_His skin warms as he sees the man smile back at him in return. “Do-yoon,” he whispers out his name like a tender secret across his lips, and before Do-yoon can respond Gyu-hyuk closes the last bit of distance between them and claims his lips for a kiss._

_Even if he wanted to, Do-yoon knows that he never stood a chance in fighting against something like this. He yields almost immediately, his ears echoing with a sound he never thought he could make as Gyu-hyuk slides his tongue into his mouth and deepens the kiss further._

_Without having to worry or fear about anything the only feeling that lingers in his mind is a deep, ravenous_ want _that is now free to as it pleases. It surges up from the depths of his mind to the very front of it, overwhelming Do-yoon with a singular craving for_ more _._

_One of Gyu-hyuk’s hands leaves his throat, palm burning hot as it slides down his front. His fingers skim across Do-yoon’s stomach and that’s enough for Do-yoon to have his blood roaring in his ears, drowning out everything else._

_The world starts to dim, the edges getting hazy and Do-yoon thinks he’s saying something but he can’t hear himself. But it doesn’t matter anyway because Gyu-hyuk’s hand is so painfully close to where he needs it most and he’s_ aching _, he wants and needs and no, please, don’t stop, don’t—)_

Do-yoon gasps, eyes flying wide open. His vision slowly refocuses from the deep shadows of a lightless, unknown room to a considerably brighter (though still shadowed) ceiling of a room that he _does_ recognize. Though the familiarity is a relief, Do-yoon still has to give himself a moment to catch his breath as he tries to reconcile his thoughts with the dream he’d just woken up from.

A multitude of emotions run through him all at once—shock, horror, disbelief… but most of all is the overwhelming sense of _guilt_ that easily eclipses everything else. How could he even think of Gyu-hyuk in such a manner? He isn’t even sure if last night actually transpired or if it’d simply been a figment of his overblown imagination somehow coming to life—and at this point, he doesn’t know which answer is worse.

At least Gyu-hyuk isn’t around to see him like this. It’s a faint thread of comfort that Do-yoon holds onto for about all of five seconds before realizing that he can hear the sound of footsteps approaching closer from outside the room. Fear lances through Do-yoon again, and it turns to dread when he sees that it is indeed Gyu-hyuk who has apparently come rushing up here from downstairs, if the faint sheen of sweat on his forehead is anything to go by. 

“Do-yoon,” he breathes out, and Do-yoon supposes it's too late to try and pretend that he’s still asleep. He slowly pushes himself up into a sitting position, silently hoping that Gyu-hyuk doesn’t take note of his shaky limbs. The last thing he needs is for Gyu-hyuk to be concerned about him having another nightmare and come closer to help him like all the other times. 

Fortunately, it seems like Gyu-hyuk hasn’t felt a need to do so, even as Do-yoon takes another second to try and recollect himself the best he can before speaking up. “I… Why are you still here?” He hadn’t intended for that to come off as accusatory as it did, but he is more than a little wired and the sudden change in Gyu-hyuk’s schedule throws him off more than he’s willing to admit. Of all the times for him to still be around…

Gyu-hyuk doesn’t respond straight away, the concern clear as day on his face. But when he flicks his gaze over to the side said concern abruptly vanishes like smoke in the wind. Do-yoon is just about to follow Gyu-hyuk’s gaze to see what it is that has him change his mind so suddenly but is interrupted when the man looks back at him and answers the question. “The filming schedule got changed at the last minute. I’m only heading off after lunch.”

“Oh… I see.” Well if Do-yoon didn’t feel bad earlier he certainly does so now. He turns away, nervously chewing his bottom lip as he thinks on what to say next. Despite his sudden change of attitude it is a fact that Gyu-hyuk initially came up here because he was worried, so… “Did I… was I saying anything weird?”

“I was in the kitchen, so I can’t say for sure.” He hears Gyu-hyuk walking closer to him as he says that, and instantly he feels his heart rate spike. God, he has no idea at all what he’ll do if Gyu-hyuk so much as _touches_ him right now. He should just— “But whatever it is, it was loud enough for me to hear all the way down there, so I couldn’t help but worry.”

That… that certainly does make sense, even if Do-yoon doesn’t want to really think about what kind of sound he must have made considering the contents of his dream. The sole comfort he has is that Gyu-hyuk has no idea whatsoever, and Do-yoon would rather keep it that way. 

Do-yoon racks his mind to try and figure out what to say next, but is soon interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t want to say that he jumps but he certainly feels a jolt run through him that Do-yoon can only hope isn’t entirely obvious as he slowly turns to see Gyu-hyuk hovering far too close for his comfort. He instinctively shirks back a bit, and Gyu-hyuk seems to get the hint because he backs away as well, and the added distance definitely makes things better. 

As he lets out an internal sigh of relief he sees Gyu-hyuk’s gaze momentarily flicking downwards this time, but before Do-yoon can say anything about that the man looks back up and speaks. “You know you can tell me anything, Do-yoon,” he says, the words oddly solemn and serious. “There is nothing about you that I can ever hate.”

“I…” Do-yoon feels a lump forming at the back of his throat as the dread from earlier takes a hold of him again. He doesn’t want to think it, but those words feel far too relevant to the worries that now plague his mind. Still, it has to be some kind of coincidence, right? He can’t ever imagine somebody like Gyu-hyuk would…

Something unreadable flashes in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes then, appearing and vanishing within the same breath, and before Do-yoon can question what he’d just seen the man drops his hand from his shoulder and pulls away. 

“I’ll get back to preparing lunch for us,” he says, smiling ever so slightly. “Come downstairs once you’ve taken care of yourself. Everything should be ready by then.”

With those parting words Gyu-hyuk turns away and steps back out of the room, though not before flicking his gaze one more time to somewhere in the vicinity of his thighs. Do-yoon waits until he can hear Gyu-hyuk going down the staircase before finally taking the chance to follow his line of sight and see for himself exactly what it is that Gyu-hyuk keeps looking at—

It only takes a second for Do-yoon to realize precisely what Gyu-hyuk had seen, and once he does Do-yoon quickly slaps his hands over his mouth to prevent himself from making any kind of noise because the last thing he wants now is to give Gyu-hyuk any reason to come back here and make everything even more awkward. But now that he has his hands on his face Do-yoon can feel for himself just how hot his cheers have become as he stares wide-eyed at the incredibly obvious bulge right at the front of his pants. 

Do-yoon scrambles out of bed once the shock passes and embarrassment follows in its stead, taking a hold of him and urging him to act. The moment Do-yoon has both of his feet on the floor he makes a mad dash out of Gyu-hyuk’s room, crossing the hallway in three steps to retreat into the safety of his own room—or rather, the bathroom attached to it. 

He doesn’t slam the door but it's a close thing; once it’s shut and locked Do-yoon presses his forehead against it, giving himself a moment to cool down and catch his breath. Or at least, he tries to, but it's impossible to regain his composure when he’s far too aware of the light, insistent pressure between his legs. His sleeping pants may be loose fitting, but it also definitely was not made for something like this.

Do-yoon turns around so that he can put his back to the door and slowly slides all the way down until he’s on the floor, where he then proceeds to curl up in order to hide his head between his arms and bury his face into his knees. He wants to scream, or cry, or let out _something_ so that he can vent out the torrent of feelings that now torment him, but he doesn’t know how much sound the walls can contain and he doesn’t want to risk the possibility of Gyu-hyuk coming up here. 

A part of him is well aware that he might be overreacting—this is hardly the first time he’s woken up with a case of morning wood—but given the events of last night (did it really happen? He wants to be certain, but…) and then the contents of the dream that he’d woken up from it's impossible to have not reacted in such a fashion. It’s impossible because… because how could he even think of Gyu-hyuk in such a fashion? He’d been nothing but kind and gentle, so good to him every single time and his _hands_ —

_(warm, firm hands on his shoulders, slowly sliding down. fingertips skim down his abdomen as a slick, hot tongue presses into his mouth, teasing him with the promise of more as his fingers edge ever closer, just inches away from right where he needs it—)_

Do-yoon bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from letting out the moan that threatens to escape his lips. He feels a twitch between his legs as the pressure of his pants becomes even more insistent, and Do-yoon knows his body enough to admit that this isn’t something that he’s going to be able to will away no matter how long he stays here. 

He straightens his back and leans against the door once more, then raises his head and squeezes his eyes shut, as if still trying to desperately hope this is all still one big stupid dream and can wake up from it somehow. He lightly bangs the back of his head against the door with that thin, fragile hope, but to no avail. All of this _is_ reality, and there’s no way for him to escape this.

Do-yoon opens his eyes and slowly turns his head to look at the shower, and he stares at it as his stomach roils in a queasy mix of unease, guilt and trepidation. He tries to tell himself that this is hardly anything new and that all of this will be forgotten soon enough, but even he can tell how weak those excuses are even in the privacy of his own mind. None of those things even matter, because the thing that’s really tripping him up is the idea of him having such thoughts about Gyu-hyuk in the first place—that, along with the fact that the man in question had also seen the evidence of said thoughts. 

He shuts his eyes again as his mind continues to wage war on what he should do. The idea of keeping himself up here until Gyu-hyuk leaves is incredibly tempting, but there’s no doubt that if he does so Gyu-hyuk would definitely know something is up, and once that happens it's only a matter of time until he finds out what that ‘something’ is. And the thought of Gyu-hyuk knowing is… Do-yoon doesn’t even want to think about what might happen then.

In the end, he’s back to the very reason why he came all the way here to this bathroom instead of simply making use of the one in Gyu-hyuk’s room. Do-yoon isn’t sure at all what to feel if he actually did that, when things are already bad enough as it is with Gyu-hyuk having seen something this shameful… but at the same time if he lets himself linger here any longer he’ll soon have even _more_ problems to deal with.

He grimaces at the thought, and knowing that it is a possibility that could very much happen is one of the driving factors that drives him to make his decision—or rather, to act on said decision. No use deciding anything if he doesn’t actually follow through, after all. 

Do-yoon lets out a slow breath and opens his eyes, staring at the shower for several more moments before gathering the needed energy to make himself move. He slowly pushes himself up onto his feet and makes his way over to the shower, stepping in after shedding off his clothes. Once he’s inside he turns on the shower and sighs again as he feels warm water cascading down his back across the rest of his body. 

Once the shower is going and there’s nothing else to distract him, Do-yoon finally brings his gaze down to glare at his erection that has been happily bobbing between his legs through all of this. He thinks about twisting the tap to turn the shower cold instead, wondering if that’ll be enough to solve his current predicament. Had it been any other time he would have been pretty confident about it, but in this case he’s much more doubtful, especially given the fact that it hasn’t so much as softened even while he’d been distressed and confused and literally gone through the whole gamut of emotions that shouldn’t cause him to… to remain like this. He doesn’t want to think about what that means, either. Not that he should be dwelling on such things anyway.

He shakes his head and continues to stare at it, right hand reflexively clenching and unclenching as he tries to push past his trepidation over the whole matter. Jacking off in a bathroom is hardly anything to be embarrassed about, he tells himself. Every other guy that he knows probably has done this at least once—even Gyu-hyuk, whose hands are probably big enough to wrap around him, and with how hot his palms are it’d probably feel so good—

Do-yoon feels himself twitch and hisses, cursing under his breath at how badly this is getting to him. He needs to get this out of his system before it drives him up the wall any more than it already has. Do-yoon takes in a breath, then shoves aside his uncertainty and hesitation to finally let himself wrap his fingers around his cock. His hips jerk forward at that initial touch, nerves suddenly coming alight with a visceral surge of sensation that takes him by complete surprise; in fact it's so sudden and abrupt that he hears himself let out a sharp cry before he has a chance to muffle himself. The moment he realizes what he’d just done he quickly lets go of his erection to press the back of his hand against his mouth, straining to hear anything beyond the sound of the showerhead still spraying out it's water and the thunderous pounding of his heart. 

He waits for what feels like an eternity, bracing himself to hear the sound of Gyu-hyuk coming up to check on him and trying to come up with some kind of believable excuse to use when the inevitable question gets asked—but the only thing he hears is that of the showerhead which hasn’t stopped spraying water onto him. 

Slowly, he drops his hand and straightens up, turning around to cast a wary gaze towards the bathroom door, which has remained shut this whole time. While he is certain that it is locked, Gyu-hyuk does also own this house—not to mention the fact that this did used to be his own room—so it wouldn’t be far-fetched to assume that he has a master key that would bypass the lock. Not that he thinks Gyu-hyuk would use it to spy on him or anything along those lines, but if he was concerned enough to want to check on him…

For better or for worse, it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. Do-yoon waits a little more just to be certain, and when nothing happens at all he finally allows himself to relax and turn his attention back to his ongoing problem. Somehow, his erection hasn’t wilted one bit even through all that, which is something that probably would’ve been impressive in any other time and place but right now does nothing but continue to be frustrating in more ways than one.

If anything, this just proves just how much he needs to get this out of the way so that it can stop bothering him. Do-yoon wraps his hand around his cock once again, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself quiet as his nerves spark with what almost feels like sensory overload from a simple touch like this. As much as he wants to say that it's kind of ridiculous for him to have this kind of reaction he also remembers exactly how long it’d been since he had the chance to even pleasure himself like this. The stress of trying to keep Masquerade together hadn’t exactly been great for his libido, and by the time everything about Buried Stars happened it’d all but vanished. He didn’t think much of it then, since there’d been so many other things that’d taken up his attention, but now that he’s here…

He starts to speed up the pace of his hand, taking great pains to make sure that he does so gradually so that he has time to get used to the feeling all over again instead of it utterly blindsiding him like before. Even so, he can already hear himself starting to pant as an old familiar tension starts winding itself up deep in his gut. He can feel the strain in his thighs as they start to tremble with the effort of keeping him upright, and his strokes get slicker with something more than water. 

It doesn’t take very long at all for the tension in his gut to spike as he feels his imminent orgasm approaching. There’s a part of him that definitely wants to linger in this all consuming sensation, but a much larger part of him would rather have this over and done with so that he can finally move on from this frankly embarrassing incident. As if urged by that need to hurry Do-yoon hastens his strokes, trying to drive himself to the peak of his pleasure as quickly as he can.

Keeping himself quiet becomes increasingly difficult to manage the closer he gets to the edge, and eventually Do-yoon has to compromise shifting his stance so that he can lean in and press his mouth against the inside of his elbow in order to muffle the sounds that he can no longer keep inside. But even though he does that there’s still the possibility of Gyu-hyuk hearing him if he gets close enough to the door, and the idea that it could happen is so utterly terrifying—

God, he needs to get off as quickly as he can now, because there is no way he can stop at this point. Do-yoon slams his eyes shut as he desperately tries to reach out for something in his mind that can shove him over the edge. A memory of one of his old girlfriends perhaps, or something about a video that he can still remember. As long as it's something that can make him feel _good_ —

_(there’s a hand on his neck and on his shoulder, palms big and warm and strong as they hold him in place. but instead of hear there is only want, and it drives him in mindless, wanton need as he fruitlessly jerks his hips, mouth wide open as he gasps out a wordless plea for more._

_he feels the curve of a smile right next to him before the hand on his shoulder moves, fingers drawing out a path of fire onto his skin as it trails down his chest. lips brush over the curve of his ear before a warm, familiar voice whispers out his name. “Do-yoon.”_

_there’s only one person who’d call him in such a fashion. he nods, answering the silent question which had been buried underneath his name. in response he hears the voice hum as the hand that’d been lingering around his hip slides further down, fingers following the crease between thigh and groin until it stops at the inside of his upper thigh._

_Do-yoon tries to plead again, but he gets cut off with another needy sound as the fingers trace teasing circles on the sensitive skin there, wandering ever closer to his untouched, aching cock that twitches and leaks at the promise of what’s to come. he’s so close that he can taste it, and all he needs is to be touched right where he needs it so much—_

_the hand on his neck shifts to cup his chin, turning his face around so that he can finally see the face of the one who’d been torturing him so. it’s hardly a surprise since he already knows who it is, but what does catch him off-guard is how dark his eyes are, the usual warmth in them now replaced by something far more primal._

_“Do-yoon,” he says his name again, but before he can respond Gyu-hyuk surges forward and catches his lips in a fierce, hungry kiss. there’s nothing else that Do-yoon can do except to yield and so he does, moaning as Gyu-hyuk deepens the kiss. he hears the other man let out a noise of approval and his hand moves again, finally getting to exactly where it needs to be as he runs his finger right across the silt and his nerves scream at the torrent of sensation that hits him all at once—)_

Do-yoon hears the sound of his moans echoing in his ears as he comes, legs threatening to buckle under the weight of his pleasure as it consumes him in wondrous, glorious ecstasy. It’s so hard to think why he’d let himself deny any of this when it feels this good, so utterly sublime that it lets him forget all his guilt and self-loathing in those few precious moments where he doesn’t have to think about anything at all. 

But that blissful oblivion does not last long, and soon enough the guilt comes rushing back to him, destroying any chance for Do-yoon to let himself linger and enjoy the afterglow. It’s certainly something he would be mad about if it also wasn’t for the fact that he feels that he deserves that. It is a fitting punishment for allowing himself to indulge in something as shameful as this. 

Sighing, Do-yoon reaches to grab the showerhead, taking it off from the stand to wash off the evidence from his hand as well as whatever made it to the wall. After that he directs it to his own face so as to get rid of the sweat, followed by spraying some water into his mouth, gurgling it before spitting it out in a bid to get rid of the sour aftertaste that’s made itself present there. Unfortunately it doesn’t take, but Do-yoon had expected it as much anyway.

Once all of that is done Do-yoon makes quick work of the rest of his shower, though given how long he’d already been there it doesn’t save him from how pruned his fingers have become by the time he’s finally done. He tries not to think about exactly how long he has been here as he towels himself dry and puts his sleeping clothes back on, since he hadn’t exactly thought to bring any clothes with him when he’d dashed in here earlier. Usually it isn’t a problem, but it's hard to not feel a little weird about it given… well. Pretty much everything that’s happened thus far since waking up. He makes a mental note to change into a fresh set of clothes once Gyu-hyuk has left for the day.

With no more reasons (excuses) for him to linger in the bathroom Do-yoon leaves it, and he can already feel his anxiousness coming back to him in waves as he walks towards the door of his bedroom. After a moment of hesitation he steps across the threshold between the doorframe and the corridor, and just being outside the safety of his room is enough to get his heart pounding as he braces himself for the inevitability of having to face Gyu-hyuk downstairs with the knowledge of what the other man has seen on him. Do-yoon isn’t even sure if he can look him in the eye at this point, much less manage a normal conversation. 

Still, there’s only so long he can continue to keep himself here before Gyu-hyuk comes up to find him instead, which would do nothing but make things even worse. So all Do-yoon can do is to resign himself to his fate; he takes in a deep breath and steels himself the best he can—which, in all honesty, isn’t much at all, but it is at least enough to keep him from tripping over his own feet as he descends the stairs with shaky legs. 

By the time Do-yoon reaches the bottom of the stairs a part of him feels like keeling over just because of how anxious he feels. The thought of having to face Gyu-hyuk is almost too much to bear and a voice in his head screams for him to turn back, to go all the way back up to his room and lock himself up in there because there’s no way he can pretend that everything is alright after that shameful display—

A touch on his shoulder momentarily brings Do-yoon’s thoughts to a halt, but before he can respond to it the touch suddenly turns into a firm but gentle grasp, and the next thing Do-yoon registers is the warmth of another human body right up against his front, accompanied by a pair of arms that wrap around his waist to keep him close.

“Everything’s okay, Do-yoon,” he hears Gyu-hyuk murmur next to his ear, his kind and gentle voice always a balm on his frayed nerves no matter the reason. Do-yoon doesn’t even realize how much he had needed to hear that reassurance until he begins to feel the worst of his anxieties ebb away. When that happens Do-yoon relaxes in the other man’s arms, face smushed into the curve of his shoulder as he leans against him and wills himself to simply _breathe_.

Do-yoon doesn’t know how long they stay standing like this, but eventually Gyu-hyuk is the one who pulls back, his face set in an expression of concern as he studies him. “Feeling better?”

For several moments Do-yoon tries to find his voice so that he can properly answer the question, but when it becomes clear to him that his attempts aren’t getting him anywhere he settles for nodding instead. While not ideal, it seems to work out anyway judging by the smile that appears on Gyu-hyuk’s face.

“That’s good,” he says, giving a nod of his own. He lets go of Do-yoon entirely after that and takes a step back, putting some distance between them once more. “I’ll try to come back as early as I can, alright? Text me if there’s anything you need.”

It takes a second for Do-yoon to process those words, and once he does he hears himself blurt out the question that’d popped into his head without a second thought. “You’re leaving already?”

Gyu-hyuk blinks once, as if surprised by the question—a sentiment that Do-yoon also shares, now that the realization of what he’d asked has finally sunk into him. “...yes, unfortunately,” he says, looking incredibly apologetic as he does so. “I was hoping that the later start would let me have some time with you, but…” He trails off with a helpless shrug, and Do-yoon feels a wave of guilt wash over him—though now it's for a completely different reason. 

“...I’m sorry.” Do-yoon turns his gaze down as he mutters out an apology. As much as he can’t deny the guilt he feels over ruining Gyu-hyuk’s plans for them to have a pleasant morning, at the same time he’s also relieved that Gyu-hyuk is more or less about to head out since that means he doesn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of trying to address the things that had ruined the aforementioned pleasant morning. 

The conflict of feelings leaves Do-yoon more than a little lost, and as he thinks of what he can say to somehow salvage this mess he feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand on his shoulder once more.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Do-yoon hears him say, and like so many other times he doesn’t need to look at Gyu-hyuk to know that the man is currently smiling. “Take all the time you need. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

 _Can you say that if you knew what is really going on?_ Do-yoon can’t help but think those words in his mind as Gyu-hyuk squeezes his shoulder before pulling away, and then the sound of the other man’s footsteps echoes through the spacious living room as he makes his way towards the front door. But even then Do-yoon remains at where he’s standing, his gaze still cast down onto the floor as he continues to lack the courage to look Gyu-hyuk in the eye. 

He hears the familiar click of the front door being unlocked, followed by the door itself opening as Gyu-hyuk makes his way out. A second later the door clicks back shut, and after the auto lock sets back in place the silence that follows is all but deafening. 

Do-yoon can’t tell how long he continues to stand there, trapped in his own conflicting emotions and rising guilt. It’s only when he finally starts to feel the telltale ache in his legs that comes from standing for too long does he finally move—and even then it's only to relocate himself onto the nearby couch, which he immediately proceeds to lie down on and stare at the high ceiling above as he tries to sort out his thoughts. 

It’s pretty safe to say that the morning had been more or less a complete and utter disaster. It’d be far easier to count the moments where Do-yoon _hadn’t_ screwed up, because the total count would be less than the number of fingers on one hand. Not for the first time he’s made himself painfully aware of the fact that the only reason he’s even still here is because of Gyu-hyuk’s good graces and incredible generosity. 

He wonders if said generosity would last if Gyu-hyuk becomes aware of the exact nature of Do-yoon’s newfound problems. It’s not exactly something that Do-yoon wants to find out, but unless he shapes up and keeps himself in check it will happen. And the thought of that possibility becoming real if he isn’t careful enough is… it scares him much more than he can bring himself to admit.

But at the very least he has until the evening to gather himself and to make a plan moving forward. As long as he is careful and remains self-conscious while around Gyu-hyuk… surely, in time all of these… difficulties will pass. This is hardly the first time he’s become attached to somebody who is so clearly out of his reach. All he just needs is time to let himself work through this phase; things will get better once this phase passes by. 

_It’s just a matter of time,_ he tells himself as he continues to stare hard at the ceiling. _Things won’t stay like this forever._

He’s well aware that it’s a slim thread of hope, but it is the only thing that he can grasp onto—because any other alternative that he can picture in his mind is either far worse, or just plain impossible. And with things as they are, the last thing he needs is another reason to disgrace himself before Gyu-hyuk. 

All he needs is time. Time for things to get better, and time for things to get easier.

* * *

Unfortunately for Do-yoon, time does not, in fact, make things better or easier for him by any means.

If anything, it feels as if the very opposite is what has happened instead; after that morning his body somehow seems to have taken what he has done as some kind of blanket permission to revitalize his libido after a long, dry spell. Him jerking off in the bathroom, in particular, has apparently become some kind of opening salvo for his mind (and hormones) to reawaken parts of himself which Do-yoon had assumed he’d left behind the moment he surpassed his teenage years. 

Then again, compared to said teenage years, this has to be comparatively worse, because now he doesn’t have the excuse of newly awakened hormones to fall back on everytime he catches himself staring at Gyu-hyuk for just a bit too long or when his thoughts drift over to a particular feature of his that Do-yoon somehow manages to lose himself in for a whole hour before he realizes what he’s doing. While he’s never shied away from the fact that Gyu-hyuk is an objectively attractive person, Do-yoon hasn’t truly thought about what that meant in relation to himself until very recently.

This is definitely the kind of thing that Do-yoon would rather just think about briefly, just to acknowledge their existence, and then never touch upon them ever again. But since he is currently staying at Gyu-hyuk’s house and seeing the man himself literally everyday it's all but impossible to do such a thing this time around. So like it or not, Do-yoon is forced to confront his burgeoning feelings on the issue—and his feelings are, well…

...to say that they are ‘complicated’ would be both an understatement and also an accurate summarization at the same time. Do-yoon doesn’t remember if he’d ever felt this conflicted over a single person in his life, this constant tug of war in his mind that goes on for as long as he is awake. 

Not that he has any reprieve from those same thoughts even when he goes to sleep. Vividly sharp dreams assault him almost every night since then, and if anything the contents of those dreams get worse each time he somehow gets to see some other part of Gyu-hyuk that he hadn’t paid attention to before. Things such as the one time he rolled up his sleeves while he cleaned the floor, treating Do-yoon to the sight of those strong, muscular arms usually kept hidden by comfortable fitting shirts and sharp suits. 

His dreams that night had decided to give special attention to them as one of them wrapped around his waist, ensuring that they would be pressed close to each other as Gyu-hyuk runs the palm of his free hand over the front of Do-yoon’s pants repeatedly until he’s left straining for something more than this teasing promise.

 _Give in,_ the Gyu-hyuk in his dreams whispers to him then, his voice dark and deliciously seductive as his fingers continue to tease and taunt, every second bringing him closer to the edge of insanity. _Just give in, and everything you want can be yours._

The dreams always end before Do-yoon can give his answer, but somehow it feels like he’s already done so when he wakes up hard and aching, both his pants and underwear ruined by the time he manages to get them off in the privacy of his own bathroom after scrambling out of Gyu-hyuk’s bed. Those mornings always end with him coming hard into a shaky, trembling hand while he bites into the meat of his other palm in a desperate bid to muffle himself after the one time where he’d accidentally dropped his hand which he’d used to cover his mouth and had let out a loud, shameful moan that he _knows_ Gyu-hyuk must have heard.

But no matter how shameful Do-yoon feels himself becoming Gyu-hyuk never says anything about it to him. He simply continues on as if nothing has happened, not even remarking about the short period of time in which Do-yoon had gone back to sleeping by himself on his own bed in an attempt to stave off the new variety of dreams that have now decided to torment him instead. But all that he managed to achieve was a whole row of troubled, sleepless nights as Do-yoon discovered for himself how integral having a comforting presence next to him was needed for him to get his fruitful rest. By the end of the week Do-yoon came crawling back to Gyu-hyuk’s bed, willing to swallow down the embarrassment of waking up with another unwanted erection if it meant he could have an untroubled night’s rest. 

Still, even after that whole saga Gyu-hyuk continues to mention nothing about any of this to him, and while Do-yoon hasn’t kept track of how many days it has been since this all began (because having an actual counter on this is deeply terrifying to think about) he knows that it at least has been long enough that anyone else _would_ have said something by this point—whether it be a rejection, or an acceptance, or something else in between. Just something to let him know that he at least acknowledges it instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist because Do-yoon can feel himself fraying at the edges wondering if Gyu-hyuk actually has no idea or if he’s deliberately being obtuse. He wants to say that it has to be the latter because there’s no way he couldn’t have noticed anything at all but the fact he hasn’t said anything at all is…

Frustrating is probably wording it lightly, not to mention painfully ironic. But it's the best word he can come up with, and it certainly suits the entire situation as the days continue to pass with Gyu-hyuk still neither saying nor doing anything whatsoever. Do-yoon, for the most part, simply swallows down his frustrations and continues to try and keep himself in check, and things are relatively okay until one night when Gyu-hyuk stepped out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist. That’d been the first and only time where Do-yoon had been treated to the sight of his exposed chest, still wet and glistening from the shower he’d just taken.

“I forgot my clothes,” he’d explained with a sheepish, apologetic look. Do-yoon had to struggle to keep his jaw from dropping and promptly babbled out an excuse to flee the room once his mind wasn’t caught up with the torrent of conflicting emotions that’d rose up from within him the moment he saw Gyu-hyuk’s well sculpted and incredibly toned body. He’s seen it before in the past, what with the photoshoots and other things that the show had them do, but those things were so long ago for Do-yoon by now that the memories of it were fuzzy, and he could barely recall the specific details of those events, and that included the sight of Gyu-hyuk without a shirt. Even if he did, back then it’d simply been something that he acknowledged and moved on without much thought. 

Now, of course, things are very different. Now, the image of Gyu-hyuk’s body doesn’t leave his mind at all, and it comes in full force later on that night. The Gyu-hyuk in his dreams simply smiled and leaned right into Do-yoon’s arms, laughing low and sultry against his lips before claiming his lips to kiss him over and over again as he pressed the top half of his body right against him, now shirtless and exposed with as much skin for Do-yoon to touch and explore as he pleases. 

In his dreams, where the problems of the waking world are so far away from him, Do-yoon doesn’t even bother to restrain himself from the desires and urges that wash over him and tell him to do whatever he pleases. He touches and kisses as much as he wants, making no effort to muffle himself as Gyu-hyuk laughs and smiles and tells Do-yoon how good he is. 

But no matter how those dreams start they always somehow end the same way; eventually, Gyu-hyuk has Do-yoon’s back to him, one arm keeping them pinned together as the other hand riles him up and teases him until all he can think about is how badly he wants Gyu-hyuk to touch him where he needs it most.

It’s always at that point, when Do-yoon finds himself teetering on the edge, his mind already half lost to the sheer need that consumes him, where he then feels the brush of lips over the shell on his ear, and the sound of Gyu-hyuk’s quiet laughter pounds into the back of his head with an echo of helpless, overpowering arousal. 

_Give in,_ Gyu-hyuk whispers to him as he always does every other time, both his voice and words still as tantalizing as the first time he’d heard them. _Just give in, and everything you want can be yours._ His fingers run across the edge of his underwear, briefly slipping in by ‘accident’ and grazing his nails so close to his aching erection, the sensation only serving to further drive Do-yoon up the wall. This happens pretty much every time when he has this dream but it doesn’t make it any less arousing; if anything the relentless, constant tease only makes him want it even more, for things to get here faster and quicker so that he can finally give his answer before he wakes up so that he can finally have what he wants without being interrupted.

But regardless of how quickly he urges for things to go, the dream still always ends before Do-yoon can reply, and this time is no different. He wakes up with a jolt, panting hard as he stares at the ceiling of Gyu-hyuk’s bedroom and feeling that familiar, insistent throbbing between his legs that never gets any less shameful to deal with every time it happens. The only thing that he feels less of, perhaps, is the hesitancy of having Gyu-hyuk in his fantasies as he jerks off in the shower; these days it is almost always the first thing that his mind goes to once he starts, and it has never failed in pushing him over the edge, allowing him to have that moment of blissful, mindless pleasure before the guilt and shame come back to him in spades and drags him all the way back down to reality.

Having to leave the privacy of the bathroom never gets any easier no matter how times all of this has happened since then. Do-yoon still does his best to linger around for as long as he can before finally coming out, and sometimes he’s lucky enough for Gyu-hyuk to have already left the house. Other times he’s still around, and Do-yoon can do nothing more but do his best to not let his discomfort show until Gyu-hyuk finally takes his leave. 

Those particular mornings end with Do-yoon on the couch almost as soon as he’s certain that Gyu-hyuk is gone, lying across the cushions and staring at nothing in particular as guilt-ridden relief washes over him—a constant reminder of what a terrible person he is. The only thing stopping him from spiraling down into pure insanity is the slim, faint hope that comes from knowing that this situation can’t last forever. 

_It’s just a matter of time,_ he tells himself the same words from that very first day where this whole situation had begun. _Things won’t stay like this forever._ He repeats them over and over in his head with every passing day, holding onto them tightly as the one thing that stops him from losing it entirely. Eventually, one way or another, something will give way, and as long as nothing else crazy happens Do-yoon knows exactly what that something will be. 

All he has to do is to hold out for long enough, and eventually these feelings that he has will fade. It’d happened before in the past and it will be the same thing here again, even if circumstances this time are vastly different. But it's not as if every experience he’s had were identical either so he can’t see why this won’t go down the same way. 

One way or another, something eventually has to give. 

Do-yoon just hopes that it will be the right thing that does.

* * *

_(He’s dreaming again._

_Just like before he’s in the bathroom, the same as every other time when he’s had this dream. He stares at his reflection in the mirror as familiar hands come to rest on his shoulder, holding him in place as Gyu-hyuk steps into view, completely shirtless. Not exactly a rare sight in his dream these days, ever since that particular night where Do-yoon got to see for himself exactly how Gyu-hyuk looked without a top. In his waking hours he holds that knowledge with a guilty pleasure, but here it is something he can only be thankful for._

_Even when all he does is to look at Gyu-hyuk through the mirror Do-yoon can already feel his mouth going dry as he appreciates how well-sculpted the other man looks. It’s hard to not admire the physique that he knows Gyu-hyuk has worked hard to have as well as maintain, and he can’t deny that imagining the strength that he must have is a bit of a turn on in and of itself. What he wouldn’t give to be able to feel it for himself if given the chance._

_He watches Gyu-hyuk smile at him via the mirror, eyes already twinkling in amusement. “Do-yoon,” he murmurs out his name, voice soft and fond as he slowly runs his hands down each of his arms. Do-yoon shivers at that, skin quickly breaking out into goosebumps at the almost sensual caress._

_A chuckle rings out next to him then, the sound of it as warm as hands that continue to touch him after having trailed down the length of his arms. Do-yoon inhales sharply when one of those hands slide under the hem of his t-shirt to stroke the plane of his stomach, lingering there as his other hand shifts upwards to palm over one side of his chest._

_“Do you like this, Do-yoon?” the question is breathy and coy, and from the corner of his eye he can see Gyu-hyuk quirk another smile before his attention is taken up by how the man runs his finger around his nipple. The sensation, already bad enough as it is, is made even worse by how slowly Gyu-hyuk does it, alongside the fact that he’s doing it over his t-shirt. Though the material of said t-shirt is thin and flimsy it’s still enough to keep the sensations in that particular area muted enough that he can’t help but instinctively want more._

_He quickly nods, eager for Gyu-hyuk to continue, wanting him to do even more things that elicit such wonderful sensations across his body. The man lets out a quiet, amused hum at his swift response before he suddenly pinches his nipple, and Do-yoon gasps at the sudden burst of sensation that runs through his body, making him squirm._

_Gyu-hyuk laughs, low and warm and wonderful, and then pinches the same nipple again. “You like this,” the man answers for him then, his gaze simmering with quiet heat as he watches the way Do-yoon reacts to the tease with another loud gasp and more squirming. He’s far too distracted to try and defend himself, and even if he did it wouldn’t have worked anyway due to the overwhelming evidence against him. There’s no way for him to pretend that this doesn’t feel good, that he doesn’t like the way Gyu-hyuk touches and teases him towards the brink._

_It never takes very long for Do-yoon to feel himself nearing the edge of what he can handle, but for some reason tonight he gets there much faster than usual. He can already hear himself panting for air in-between his rapidly growing moans as his cock twitches and strains in the confines of his pants, both of those things further encouraged by the way Gyu-hyuk continues to tease him. His hand moves to tease Do-yoon’s other nipple once he has the first one hard and puffy, throbbing in time with his erection as it aches for contact as the hand on his stomach edges ever closer to the waistband of his pants, fingertips occasionally ghosting right underneath to torment him further._

_Had it been anyone else, Do-yoon would have been embarrassed at how little it takes to get him here, even with the knowledge that this is a dream. But he doesn’t have to worry about such things when it comes to Gyu-hyuk; the man has already seen him at his lowest and still had wholeheartedly accepted him without a word. Not only that, he also allowed him to stay in his house, gave him his room and even shared his bed so that the nightmares would stop haunting him. There will never be enough words to describe the full extent of his generosity and kindness, but what Do-yoon can say is that he knows Gyu-hyuk will never abandon him even when he is like this._

_If anything, it feels like the opposite holds true instead. He senses the hunger quietly bubbling beneath Gyu-hyuk’s calm facade as the man leans in and catches his lips for a kiss that he quickly deepens. Do-yoon yields to it immediately, letting out a groan as Gyu-hyuk rewards him by allowing him to have a taste of what he yearns for as he brushes his fingers over the bulge in his pants. He whimpers at the tease, and Gyu-hyuk breaks off the kiss, letting on a quiet chuckle and presses his lips next to his ear._

_“You’re so close,” he whispers then, and when his mouth is this close the words inevitably burn hot. Do-yoon feels the tips of his ears flush as he shivers, and the aching between his legs becomes almost nigh intolerable. He_ wants _so badly that it's all he can think about._

_Gyu-hyuk hums, as if understanding exactly the predicament Do-yoon is now in. He stops the movement of his hand and rests his palm right over the outline of his straining erection, and that touch alone is already more than every other bit of teasing that he’s been put through every other night here._

_Do-yoon hears himself let out the loudest moan he’s ever heard himself make, and it’s something he’d definitely be embarrassed about if he wasn’t immediately distracted by how Gyu-hyuk moves away the hand that's been teasing his chest to cup his chin instead. His grip is gentle but firm, keeping his head facing forward to look straight at the mirror. With nowhere else to direct his gaze at all Do-yoon can do is to stare at his own reflection and see for himself how flushed his face has become, and the need in his gaze is unmistakable. It’s so embarrassing but at the same time Do-yoon can feel his cock twitch at the sight of his own unabashed desire, knowing that what he sees now is also what Gyu-hyuk sees, too._

_Gyu-hyuk doesn’t even try to hide the hunger in his eyes this time as he studies Do-yoon through the mirror, his gaze hotter than the hand that’s still pressed over his erection. He tilts his head, closing the scant few inches between where his lips are and Do-yoon’s ears, and when even though he’d already been bracing himself for it the moment Gyu-hyuk had brought his lips so close to him Do-yoon still can’t stop himself from responding the moment he feels the sharp jolt of sensation that runs through him when Gyu-hyuk nips at his earlobe._

_Unsurprisingly, Gyu-hyuk seems to have anticipated this. The hand palming his erection disappears as the man shifts to wrap his arm around his waist instead to keep him in place as he squirms and jerks in a mindless bid for more._

_Normally this is where Gyu-hyuk would’ve given him a chance to breathe and recollect himself. But tonight it seems like all the usual expectations are thrown out of the window, and while Do-yoon has more or less been able to keep up with all the surprises so far, he’s entirely unprepared for the sudden assault of pleasure that comes to him when Gyu-hyuk slips his hand underneath his pants and underwear to directly touch his cock._

_Well, calling it a ‘touch’ would be putting it generously; in reality it's nothing more than Gyu-hyuk’s fingertips briefly brushing one side of his straining erection, but that alone is more than enough after countless nights of constantly being teased and denied his release. Do-yoon lets out a high pitched whine as his hips jerk violently, desperate for something much more substantial than that brief touch._

_Gyu-hyuk gives him a smile then, and said smile is enough to tell Do-yoon what comes next even before the man brings his lips up close to his ear again and whispers those two familiar, seductive words. “Give in.”_

_Do-yoon groans so loudly that it echoes in his own ears, but he’s so far gone at this point that he can’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed about it. Both his body and his mind scream for him to answer before he loses his chance again, but he’s too caught up in the moment to be able to respond._

_But judging from the subtle widening of Gyu-hyuk’s smile that he can see, it's probably fair to say that the man is already well aware of what he wants to say. Still, it doesn’t stop him from finishing everything else that he says after those first two words. “Just give in, and everything you want can be yours.”_

_This time, Do-yoon doesn’t hesitate._ “Yes,” _he moans out, voice desperate and pleading. “Yes, please, I will, just don’t—_

_He doesn’t get to finish speaking, but it doesn’t matter because Gyu-hyuk is already giving him what he wants and Do-yoon nearly sobs in relief when he finally, _finally_ gets to feel the incredible sensation of having Gyu-hyuk’s hand wrapped around his cock. _

_Even in his current state, Do-yoon thinks he would’ve still spent a moment to let himself fully relish the sensation of finally being able to fully feel Gyu-hyuk’s touch, but it seems like that isn’t a sentiment that the other man shares. He begins to move his hand without preamble, stroking Do-yoon with what feels like a single-minded determination to get him off._

_As much as Do-yoon wants to argue against that, it's also far too hard to resist after all the other times when he’d been denied this, and so it doesn’t take long at all for Do-yoon to lose his focus and get caught up in the torrent of pleasure that continue to assault him. Every stroke from Gyu-hyuk brings him ever closer to that elusive peak he’d sought for all this time and it's too much too soon but it feels far too good and he can’t help it—_

_Do-yoon slams his eyes shut as the pleasure becomes almost too much to handle, hoping that not having to look will give him some kind of reprieve, but if anything it only seems to make things worse. The intensity of what he feels ramps up exponentially, making him hyper-aware of everything around him; from the heat of Gyu-hyuk’s body pressed up against his back to the slickness of his own precome that’s now all over his cock as well as Gyu-hyuk’s hand as the man continues to stroke him towards completion._

_He can already feel how close he is to edge and he tries to give some kind of warning, but before he can do anything Gyu-hyuk’s lips are at his ear again, chuckling low and dark and hitting Do-yoon in just the right way that makes him shiver and his toes curl. God, if he’s going to try and do something else at this point Do-yoon is certain he’s not going to survive through it._

_As if having heard him Gyu-hyuk lets out another one of those chuckles, and Do-yoon can’t help but squirm in the other man’s arms, so turned on and so close to coming. All he just needs is a little bit more, and then he’ll—_

_But just as he thinks that Gyu-hyuk suddenly stills his hand, stopping right before the point of no return, and Do-yoon opens his mouth with the intent to voice out his frustration but right before he does that he feels Gyu-hyuk move his lips to tell him—)_

“Do-yoon, wake up.”

His eyes open, and suddenly he’s staring at something that is very much not a mirror, though his vision is still far too fuzzy and indistinct for him to be able to make out what it is. In fact, everything still feels quite unfocused and blurry, and he feels a certain sluggishness within him that usually only comes when he wakes up after a long sleep. He supposes he must have fallen asleep then, because he distinctly remembers that he’d been dreaming again, and—

“Do-yoon.”

His name, spoken so softly and gently that it almost feels like it’d come straight from his dreams, except he knows now that he isn’t dreaming and he blinks as his vision finally comes into proper focus. Once he can properly see he quickly realizes that what he’d been staring at is actually Gyu-hyuk’s t-shirt; the next thing he notices is that said t-shirt is incredibly close to him—or rather, it’d be more accurate to say that _he_ is incredibly close to it. 

The moment he makes that realization Do-yoon feels that familiar sensation of dread starting to take root in the pit of his stomach; in all the time they’ve shared the bed he’s never woken up this close to the other man, and given what he remembers of his dream the fact he can’t help but feel that something is very, very wrong.

Already his mind jumps to the worst possible conclusion, and following that train of thought is what makes Do-yoon take in a breath and slowly turn his gaze downward—and even though he’d already braced himself for it the fact that he actually sees what is pretty much irrefutable evidence of him practically having humped Gyu-hyuk in his sleep is far too much to bear. 

Do-yoon immediately lets out some kind of sound that even he can’t recognize himself making as he scrambles to try and put some kind of distance between them. “I—” he attempts to say something—an apology, an excuse, _anything_ —but his mind has blanked out and left him with absolutely nothing he can use. 

In the end all Do-yoon can manage is to blurt out something that sounds close enough to an apology, though in his current panicked state he isn’t sure at all if that is truly the case. God, if Gyu-hyuk wasn’t already at his limit with him, then he certainly has to be after something like this. He can already picture the inevitable future that’s about to happen soon enough—Gyu-hyuk being disgusted with him, telling him to pack and leave because there’s no way that he will deal with somebody as terrible as him after what he’s done—

He can’t tell if Gyu-hyuk has heard him and/or is responding to him, but he supposes it doesn’t really matter. Right now what he needs to do is to get out of this room before things get worse. But before he can completely pull away from Gyu-hyuk he’s stopped by a hand around his wrist, and given the situation there’s only one person who could be doing this… which is precisely why Do-yoon is confused by this unexpected reaction. 

He knows that said confusion must be showing on his face as he slowly turns back around to look at Gyu-hyuk, every part of him bracing for whatever it is that might come next. Gyu-hyuk not instantly pushing him away is already surprising enough on it's own, but then maybe it's because he really wants to hammer it home to Do-yoon just exactly how terrible he is for having essentially taken advantage of his trust and kindness. Sure, maybe an argument could be made on how Do-yoon hadn’t done this intentionally, but at the same time he can’t deny that a part of him had thought of the possibility of this happening, especially in the last few days when the intensity of his dreams had ramped up. He could have done a whole number of things to prevent this from transpiring if he truly wanted to make it stop, so the fact that he hadn’t done anything at all is the sin that he has to bear. 

Do-yoon thinks of that alongside a million other things which Gyu-hyuk could call him out for, but to his surprise none of that happens. And as if that alone wasn’t already enough of a trip, Gyu-hyuk looks him straight in the eye and says, “Don’t go.”

It’s so unexpected and so off the rails from anything that Do-yoon could have expected that it pretty much throws him for a complete loop. All he can do is to blink rapidly at the other man as his mind attempts to comprehend what he’s just heard and interpret it in any other way that makes more sense than the immediate first thing that comes to his mind because there’s just no way that Gyu-hyuk would actually say something like—

His thoughts come to a halt when Gyu-hyuk tugs at his arm again, giving him a desperate, pleading look that Do-yoon has never seen on him before, and with where his mind is currently at seeing such an openly wanting expression has all his blood rushing back downwards. 

“Don’t go,” he says again, and if his pleading expression wasn’t already bad enough now Do-yoon can also hear it in his voice, and now not only is his blood going south it's also on fire from the sudden surge of desire that blindsides him with how abrupt and overwhelming it feels. The logical thing to do here would be to maintain his distance and actually talk this out but any remaining logic and rationality that Do-yoon might have had are now all gone out of the window in the face of Gyu-hyuk’s earnest desires. 

Gyu-hyuk tugs his wrist once more, and this time Do-yoon can’t do anything else but follow. He lets Gyu-hyuk bring him back so that they’re next to each other like before; once he’s there Gyu-hyuk turns around so that they’re facing each other, their gazes locked onto one another as Do-yoon feels his hand being brought over to rest right on Gyu-hyuk’s hip. He curls his fingers, instinctively holding on, and the way Gyu-hyuk shivers ever so slightly in response to that simple gesture sends a heady rush to Do-yoon’s head, making everything spin for a moment.

By the time Do-yoon recovers from that Gyu-hyuk has shifted close enough to him that he can feel the warmth radiating from the other man’s body. Having him so close while still wearing that pleading expression is already one thing, but then Gyu-hyuk inches himself even closer, and Do-yoon can’t stop the gasp that escapes him when he feels something brush against his still-hard erection, sending sparks of pleasure racing up his spine and bursting before his eyes.

Gyu-hyuk gives him an uncharastically shy smile then, and Do-yoon would’ve wondered about it if he wasn’t completely derailed in the next moment by something sliding right between his legs and firmly pressing up between them. 

_It’s his leg,_ Do-yoon manages to think to himself before his thoughts scatter as another wave of pleasure surges through him, strong enough that he has to shut his eyes so as to not simply lose it right there and then. As he tries to give himself a moment to recover he feels Gyu-hyuk slip his arm around his waist and tug him in even closer; when he opens his eyes Do-yoon now finds his face inches away from Gyu-hyuk’s own. 

He stares at Gyu-hyuk as the other man gives him another strangely shy look. “Don’t stop,” he whispers the words out as if it was some kind of deep, hidden secret… or maybe even a plea. He stares at Do-yoon, his eyes wide and pleading and clearly wanting. “Please don’t stop.”

Do-yoon wonders if he’s still dreaming, or if he’s somehow fallen into some kind of madness after all this time and is hallucinating everything, but it's so hard to think when he can feel how hard he already is especially when pressed right up against the firmness of Gyu-hyuk’s thigh. There’s a tiny part of him that still feels like he should say something, maybe try to put a pause to all of this because it's all happening too quickly for him to process but then Gyu-hyuk shifts just enough for Do-yoon to feel it and his hips jerk in response as his cock throbs and aches for more stimulation and friction.

“Don’t stop,” Gyu-hyuk tells him again, and all Do-yoon can do is to listen. He rolls his hips once more and groans as he’s rewarded with another surge of pleasure. After all the days he’s spent having to jerk himself off with nothing but his own hand having something so very different is getting to him much faster than he’d have ever expected. When each and every thrust of his hips feels so good it's impossible to make himself stop even though he told himself that he would after the next minute. And the minute after that. And then the minute following after, too. 

Eventually Do-yoon runs out of excuses to let himself continue, but by that point he doesn’t need them anymore because the notion of stopping has already become an impossibility for him. All he wants to do is to keep rocking his hips and keep chasing after the pleasure as it continues to build up inside of him. He can already hear himself panting audibly as he desperately takes in whatever air he can into his lungs because he keeps using so much of it with all the noises that he constantly makes no matter how hard he tries to control himself.

“Gyu—” Do-yoon tries to call out for him, but he lacks the breath to even be able to do that. Instead he loses himself in another groan as the pleasure mounts further, and after all the times he’s spent jacking himself off he can tell that he’s already embarrassingly close to coming. It’s embarrassing because of how quick it is despite all these sensations not being as novel to him as they might’ve been in the past. 

At the very least, it doesn’t seem like Gyu-hyuk minds it at all. If anything it almost feels like he’s encouraging it further, especially when he leans in close enough for their lips to nearly touch each other. With Gyu-hyuk right up in his face Do-yoon can’t turn away from him even if he wanted to; there’s an intensity in the other man’s gaze that keeps him trapped, something that feels like could easily become _more_ but is somehow carefully kept at bay. It’s a strangely entracing sight, and Do-yoon can’t help but be drawn towards it like a moth to the flame.

Said proverbial flame comes to him then in the form of Gyu-hyuk suddenly shifting his leg in just the right way, and at the next roll of his hips Do-yoon can’t stop himself from letting out a gasp at the jolt of pleasure that lances straight through him, so good that he can feel his cock twitch as he dangles ever closer to the edge.

Caught up in his own pleasure, Do-yoon completely misses the way Gyu-hyuk’s eyes darken, or the sharp intake of breath that he takes upon seeing Do-yoon’s response. As such, there’s no way for Do-yoon to have been able to anticipate what comes next. As he takes in his next breath Gyu-hyuk suddenly leans in and catches his lips in a kiss. Do-yoon’s eyes widen in surprise at the abruptness of it, but before he can fully process this he feels a hand slide into his pants and underwear to wrap around his cock and any protests he might’ve had instantly vanish when said hand starts to move, stroking him so wonderfully that nothing in his dreams could’ve compared to the reality of what he has right now.

He moans, and Gyu-hyuk uses that chance to slide his tongue into his mouth and deepen the kiss further, almost as if intent on devouring him with a single-minded ferocity reminiscent of the first time they’d kissed. It’d been so long since then that Do-yoon had almost been certain that it’d been some kind of hallucination that he’d made up, but now he knows that it isn't the case. It _did_ happen, and now it's happening again which still feels so implausible and surreal that he’s at a complete loss on what to do.

Gyu-hyuk more or less solves the problem for him by moving his hand again, giving his cock another good stroke which sends all of Do-yoon’s thoughts scattering away as the pleasure consumes him. He moans into Gyu-hyuk’s mouth, and even when muffled the sound of it is still so needy and helpless that it makes Do-yoon flush with how wanton he is. It’s one thing to be like this in the privacy of his dreams, but to hear himself sounding like this outside of it is…

He stops thinking about that, too, once Gyu-hyuk strokes him several more times while kissing him senseless. Do-yoon hears himself get progressively louder the closer he is to the edge, but he feels far too good at this point to be self-conscious about himself. All that matters is that Gyu-hyuk doesn’t stop because his hand is amazing and his lips are incredible and every nerve in his body is singing and screaming at the same time because there is just so much all at once and he’s—he can’t—he’s going to—

There’s no chance to warn Gyu-hyuk even if he had the mental capacity to do so; his orgasm slams into him all at once without any prior warning of its own, pleasure so strong and potent that it drowns him completely as he trembles and moans and spills all over Gyu-hyuk’s hand. He’d be embarrassed about it, but in the moment everything feels so right and perfect that it doesn’t even cross his mind.

Do-yoon doesn’t remember any of his prior orgasms being this intense—the closest one that comes to mind is from the very first time when all of this began—but even then when compared to the one he has now it feels so much… _more_. Perhaps it's because he isn’t alone this time, or maybe it’s due to the fact that this one was brought about by Gyu-hyuk’s hand. Either way, it's amazing enough that it leaves Do-yoon hanging around in that blissful high far longer than any of the other times he’d brought himself there. Any concerns or worries that were in his mind is for the moment nothing more than an afterthought that he can attend to later. 

But nothing lasts forever, and that includes the high that his orgasm has brought him to, and so eventually Do-yoon finds himself slowly coming back down from his euphoria as the world resettles itself around him. He can still feel Gyu-hyuk’s hand on him and shivers at the aftershocks that wrack his body as the other man continues to stroke him until he gets completely soft. It’s only then does he withdraw his hand, only to wrap his arms around Do-yoon and pull him back in so that they’re pressed close to each other once more.

As much as Do-yoon can’t deny how comforting the gesture is, at the same time it's underscored by a slowly growing sensation of unease and uncertainty as the reality of what has happened finally begins to sink into his now unclouded mind. They had just—or rather, Do-yoon himself had just… well, even if it was with Gyu-hyuk’s consent and obvious encouragement later on, it doesn’t change the fact that he’d been the one who started this. 

A million thoughts race through his mind then as he quickly reflects on what he’d just done, on what this means and most importantly, what he should do next. The first thing that comes to him is that he should get out of Gyu-hyuk’s arms and have some space to process all of this by himself without being distracted or… anything else along those lines. It’d mean having to give Gyu-hyuk some kind of excuse so that he can leave, an idea that only worsens the uneasiness brewing in Do-yoon’s gut. 

Still, he knows that he has to do it, so Do-yoon takes a moment to steel himself before he opens his mouth to speak. “...Gyu-hyuk, I—”

He cuts himself off there as Gyu-hyuk chooses to lean in at that moment to press a kiss right onto the top of his head, the gesture surprising enough that it stuns Do-yoon into silence. The man reaches up and strokes his hair once before shifting back enough for Do-yoon to be able to look at his whole face, which he can see doesn’t carry any hint of disgust or shame or anything else that he had been expecting to see. Maybe it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, considering that Gyu-hyuk had been the one to ask him to continue and even jerked him off, but there’s still that bit of uncertainty that he can’t fully shake off. He isn’t so dense as to think Gyu-hyuk would do something like _this_ out of kindness, but…

Do-yoon tries to start speaking again, but Gyu-hyuk uses his clean hand to place his index finger over his lips. “I know you have a lot of questions,” he says with a kind smile, “But before you get to them, I ask that you hear me out first, if that’s alright with you.”

There really isn’t any reason for Do-yoon to say ‘no’ when he puts it that nicely, though at this point Gyu-hyuk could have asked him anything in any tone and Do-yoon knows he would have agreed to it anyway. It’s certainly a bit of an unsettling realization, but he knows that Gyu-hyuk would never do something like that to him, so it’s not really something he’ll ever have to worry about. 

Realizing that Gyu-hyuk is still waiting for him to give an answer, Do-yoon quickly nods to let the other man know that he’s free to continue talking. Gyu-hyuk flashes him a thankful smile in return, then pulls his hand away from Do-yoon’s face and begins to speak. “What I want to say is that you don’t have to worry about things like having taken advantage of me. I wanted this of my own accord. I…” he falters then, clearly hesitant, but after a moment pushes himself to keep on going. “...I’ve wanted this for a long time, if I’m to be honest.”

Do-yoon blinks at the words as he feels his mind literally skidding to a halt as the implications of what Gyu-hyuk had just said sinks into him. He… wanted this? For a long time? If that is the case, then it would mean…

As if sensing his confusion, Gyu-hyuk gives him a tender look that is impossible to interpret in any other way except—“I love you, Do-yoon. I have always loved you.” 

Of all the things Do-yoon had expected to come out from Gyu-hyuk’s lips, _this_ is definitely not on the list—in fact, it's so far off the list that Do-yoon has no idea at all how to react to something like that, let alone respond. 

This time Do-yoon knows that his face must be showing how lost he feels, but all Gyu-hyuk does is to give him a patient smile and strokes his hair again. “You don’t need to answer me right now,” he says, somehow still sounding so incredibly kind and gentle despite having practically just bared his heart moments ago. “You don’t even have to answer at all if you don’t want to. I… I just wanted to let you know how I really feel, while I still have the chance to do so.”

‘While he still had the chance to…?’ Do-yoon can’t help but wonder at that particular choice of words, and instantly his mind leaps to the worst case scenarios. Panic floods through him then, and that must have immediately shown on his face too because Gyu-hyuk’s expression quickly turns apologetic. “No, nothing’s wrong,” he hurriedly clarifies. “Nothing’s going to happen. It’s just—I don’t want to lose out on any more chances that I can have.” He smiles once more, though this time said smile looks a lot more fragile and brittle and Do-yoon knows that it's only that way because of him.

It’s that thought which allows Do-yoon to have a sudden moment of clarity; a belated realization where it finally comes to him that just as how he’s afraid of Gyu-hyuk rejecting him, the same most likely holds true for the other man too. If anything, Gyu-hyuk is probably even more afraid of rejection than he is, especially if he has had feelings for him all this time.

But even with that fear looming overhead, Gyu-hyuk still managed to muster up the courage to tell him this when the easier option would have been to simply keep it num. That alone is something which Do-yoon can admire and appreciate—as well as feel a little envious of, for he wishes he could have had that kind of inner strength to do something like that instead of looking the other way and pretending that it doesn’t exist. 

The obvious thing to do in this situation would be to respond to Gyu-hyuk’s feelings, to let him know if those feelings were reciprocated or not so as to not leave him guessing and waiting for something that might never happen. It’s the very least that he deserves and as much as Do-yoon wants to give him an answer he finds that he can’t. His mind is a complete blank no matter how he tries to think of a response and nothing comes out of his mouth when he opens it in a bid to try and speak. 

Gyu-hyuk, at least, doesn’t seem hurt by his lack of an answer. “Like I said, you don’t have to answer at all if you’re not up to it. All I wanted to do was to tell you how I feel.” He gives Do-yoon an understanding smile. “And even if you don’t feel the same way, it won’t change anything between us.” 

He pauses after those words in order to lean in and press a kiss onto his forehead this time. Do-yoon doesn’t stop him, nor does he try to stop the hand that strokes his hair yet again, or the small shiver that runs through him from said gesture. Despite everything, those things are still nice, and Do-yoon doesn’t have the heart to tear himself away from the small comforts that he’s allowed to have.

It’s easy enough to see the hypocrisy of it all, and Do-yoon can already feel the self-loathing beginning to rise up within him again, tormenting him with whispers of what a terrible, selfish person he is. He doesn’t know exactly what it is that Gyu-hyuk sees in him, or how he can still see anything good within him even after all the ways he’s hurt him and wasted his kindness. Anybody else would’ve given up on him by this point.

But Gyu-hyuk only winds both of his arms around him and pulls him in until they’re as close to each other as physically possible. He leans his head in and presses their foreheads together, filling Do-yoon’s vision with nothing else but the fondness on his face and the affection in his eyes as the man looks at him with such heartfelt tenderness that repeatedly stabs at the guilt that weighs heavily in Do-yoon’s conscience.

“I’ll never betray you, Do-yoon,” he says, and Do-yoon can feel the weight in every one of those words. “I’ll always be by your side, no matter what.”

Do-yoon can’t find the words to reply to him, but as he ducks his head down and tucks himself right against Gyu-hyuk, he can only hope that his actions will be enough to speak for him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yes. The horny, as they say, has arrived. And it is very much not going to stop here. |D; And in case you're wondering: yes, the horny is the reason why chapter 4 became three separate chapters lololol. Your decision if that is for better or for worse though.
> 
> Currently I'm in the process of writing the final (!!) chapter, but its still not entirely clear yet if I'll have to split it up as well -- I'd honestly prefer not to if I can, but if it does get massively long I might just have to in order to save my sanity lmao. I guess time will tell!! And if anything, I'll probably have a decision by the next chapter posting.
> 
> Once again a big thanks to all the people reading this fic, and doubly so for the ones commenting/kudosing/bookmarking etc. It really does motivate me to continue with this crazy long ass fic that has reached 100k length in words just the other day... just to give you an idea of how much this idea has spiraled out of control. My estimation at this point is that it'll probably be somewhere in the 110k~ range... maybe 120k. Hopefully not more than that. OTL
> 
> Feel free to follow me **@tasogareika** if you want the latest updates of me screaming over Buried Stars and this fic in general, and if you're interested in having a place to talk about the game with other English speaking people, feel free to join the [Buried Stars Fanclub](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj) discord server!! We very recently got to a nice member count of an entire dozen, which is very exciting and more than I could've ever imagined. As always, no pressure to join, but it would be great to have more people around!
> 
> Thank you all again, and I'll see you guys in the next chapter that will come out on **February 13th**! The day right before Valentine's... how strangely fitting. :)


	6. with a simple face we will embrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*gestures to tags*_
> 
> Saying it again, just to be safe: please heed all relevant tags that his fic is attached to and make sure you yourself are comfortable with the themes presented before proceeding. Should things become too triggering/uncomfortable to continue, prioritize your own comfort and mental safety first over that of fictional characters. This has been a PSA.

It’d be natural to assume that after such an event something in their day to day lives would have changed, but to Do-yoon’s surprise things more or less remain the same. Gyu-hyuk seems content to go through each day in the same way that they’ve been doing prior to what happened and Do-yoon doesn’t exactly have any qualms about that either. His libido has apparently also decided to cool off as well, which is certainly something he is grateful for since now he can finally have the mental clarity he needs to put his thoughts in order instead of constantly being derailed by something like the thought of Gyu-hyuk’s hands on him—which while he knows as a fact _is_ good, is also at the same time not what he needs to have constantly on his mind and slowly driving him up the wall. 

Not to say that there aren’t any moments, of course, much like how things aren’t _entirely_ the same as they used to be. Do-yoon supposes it could be due to how his perceptions have changed from the things he learned that day—or perhaps calling it a heightened understanding would be more appropriate. Either way, the result is that Do-yoon now finds himself paying a lot more attention to Gyu-hyuk when the man is around him and unconsciously keeping track of every little thing that he does.

If he were ever pressed on this, Do-yoon would say that it definitely hadn’t been his intention for things to turn out that way. But ever since that day every part of him is now constantly on alert every time Gyu-hyuk is close to him, almost as if his very body has decided to become hyper aware of the other man’s presence. While that by itself is not really a bad thing, it is however _different_ , though Do-yoon isn’t sure if he can exactly say to what extent said difference is.

Mostly, he can’t say it because he isn’t sure if the things that he’s noticed are things that have happened as a result of what transpired, or if they’re actually things that have always been happening but he had never realized until now. Some of them are fairly obvious, while others much less so, and those are the ones that leave him pondering for far longer than he’s willing to admit. 

Gyu-hyuk, for the most part, remains incredibly accommodating to him—perhaps even more so now than before, given how he’s pretty much bared his feelings out in the open. He answers any of the questions that Do-yoon manages to muster up the courage to ask, and always reassures him after that he shouldn’t feel pressured to reciprocate if he has no desire to. That no matter what he will always be at Do-yoon’s side to help him through thick and thin. 

As comforting as it is to hear those words, at the same time it also worsens the guilt that continues to weigh heavily at the back of his mind. In a way, knowing that Gyu-hyuk has been doing all of this _because_ of his… because of what he feels for him only further convinces Do-yoon on all the reasons why he’s so horrible and selfish. Gyu-hyuk is a saint compared to him at this point and Do-yoon honestly thinks he doesn’t deserve him or any of his love and kindness. He’s not worthy of such things, after everything that he’s done.

Even though Gyu-hyuk told him that it was fine if he didn’t feel the same way for him, it still doesn’t change the fact that it wouldn’t be right to remain here if Do-yoon did decide to turn down his feelings. The only sensible thing to do at that point would be to move out and not continue taking advantage of Gyu-hyuk’s feelings for him. But the thought of leaving this house is…

He knows that he has to do it eventually, but even the mere idea of having to step outside is still terrifying enough that even thinking about it is enough to make him tremble. Having to worry about being seen, of having to deal with his own day to day life while constantly worrying about things like food and rent and bills… it feels like it’s all far too much to deal with now, especially after all the time he’s spent here without having to think about things like that since Gyu-hyuk is the one who handles it all. Not only that, but he also went out of his way to ensure that Do-yoon feels comfortable staying here too, even to the point of giving up his own room and willingly sharing his bed just because Do-yoon can no longer fall asleep if he’s by himself. The lights set up all around the house is another reminder too, for all the windows are still closed and covered up since the incident with the photos; Gyu-hyuk could have easily kicked him out then and left him to fend for himself, but he didn’t and instead did all of this to accommodate him.

And those are just some of the many, many things that Gyu-hyuk has done for him. If Do-yoon tried to fully list them all out he doesn’t know how long it would take him, and the fact that he can think of so many at the top of his head is enough to make him realize the full weight of how much Gyu-hyuk does actually… of how much he truly loves and cares for him. The kind of love that is so wholly selfless and giving, a love that Do-yoon knows he does not deserve in the slightest. 

He doesn’t voice that thought out loud—because the last thing that Do-yoon wants is some kind of pity party for something that is clearly his own fault—but even despite him not saying it it seems like Gyu-hyuk has somehow managed to pick it up on his own. Or at least, that’s what he guesses because Gyu-hyuk starts hugging him before he leaves the house for the day and when he returns in the evening.

The first few times when it happened Do-yoon hadn’t known at all what to do, or how he should react to it (or if he should even react at all in the first place). Gyu-hyuk had of course pulled away quickly and said that he’d stop if Do-yoon was uncomfortable about it and Do-yoon was… well, _uncomfortable_ wasn’t the word he would have used to describe what he felt. Confused was probably the more accurate descriptor in that situation. 

It’d taken him a while to figure that out, and a bit more after that to finally be able to put his feelings into a question that he could ask. And it’d simply been, “Why?”

Gyu-hyuk had blinked at him then, as if surprised by the very fact that he’d been asked such a question, but once the moment passes all he does is to smile at Do-yoon and say, “Because I want to. And I want you to know that you deserve someone to love you simply for who you are.”

It’d been such an exceedingly simple answer that it honestly left Do-yoon more than a little stunned, for hearing something like that from him is such a huge contrast from the Gyu-hyuk that he usually sees—the man who’d always been so eloquent with words and could make talking seem like an artform in and of itself. 

Then again, perhaps that simplicity is exactly what he needed to hear; something so straightforward and direct that it leaves no room for his mind to interpret it any other way. Do-yoon certainly can’t deny the fact that it does help, especially because he knows that he can trust in those words with the knowledge that Gyu-hyuk means exactly what he says. 

But even with that, truth has always been a bitter pill to swallow, and when it's something this personal it's even harder to do so. Even though Gyu-hyuk tells him that he deserves that he’s being given there is always the part of him that asks _what if_. What if Gyu-hyuk is wrong about him? What if he ends up doing something irreversible that also hurts Gyu-hyuk so deeply? What if… what if these feelings that Gyu-hyuk has for him fades away, and the man ends up abandoning him in the end?

That’s the last thing Do-yoon wants to consider, but he also can’t deny the very real possibility of it happening. Nothing lasts forever, after all, and romantic feelings are right up there on the list of things that can very easily vanish at the drop of a hat. Frankly, it's amazing that Gyu-hyuk can still harbor such feelings for him even after all the inconveniences he’s brought to his life—not to mention the many times that he’s hurt him, accidentally or otherwise. He’s hardly done anything to repay the countless favors that Gyu-hyuk has done for him, let alone be able to return his affections, yet the man still continues to shower his kindness and generosity onto him without a second thought.

“Just seeing you get better is all the thanks that I need,” Gyu-hyuk tells him with almost the same words that he’d use each and every time Do-yoon brings up how he can never truly return all the favors that Gyu-hyuk has done for him throughout this whole time—just like what he’s doing right now. 

And just like before, as much as of a comfort those words are to hear, at the same time it worsens the anxiety festering in his gut. Gyu-hyuk still speaks of his recovery as if it's an assured thing, like it's a certainty that is bound to happen. Though Do-yoon does recognize that Gyu-hyuk is saying it in confidence and as a means of encouragement, it doesn’t stop the panic from trying to claw up his throat, the ice-cold fear that grips his heart and squeezes when his minds goes to the inevitable question of _what happens when you realize that I’m not getting better?_

It’s not that Do-yoon has given up, or that he doesn’t think that he’ll never get anywhere. But it's just so hard to know if he’s actually made any progress when it feels like any advancement he’s managed to achieve only ends up being set back by something else instead. After all this time it still feels like he’s in the exact same spot despite knowing that he has done a couple of things—but at the end of the day the reality is that he has nothing concrete to show for those aforementioned things and even if he did, it’s nothing to be commended for. 

Slow progress is one thing, but in this case it's so slow the pace might as well be non-existent, and knowing that he can’t even succeed at something like this is so incredibly demoralizing. He may have not given up, but he certainly feels very close to doing so. The only reason why he doesn’t allow himself to is because of the much bigger fear that stems from the question that he now asks himself almost everyday.

_What happens when you see that I’ve stopped trying?_

The words from the Phater screenshots that he’d seen float back to him then, dragged back out into the light of day so easily after all the time Do-yoon’s spent trying to forget it all.

**TheKillers** **@im_suchafool** **598**  
Ugh Do-yoon is clearly just leeching off Gyu-hyuk since he knows he can’t make it. Gotta ride on the coattails of something else after all like what he did with Masquerade.  
  
**PM 09:22**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**VoteForGyu-hyuk** **@dragonswimming** **4.8k**  
Gyu-hyuk please find somebody better than Han Do-yoon. He literally does not deserve you. 🙏🙏🙏  
  
**AM 12:34**  
  
  
**GH_Supporters_K** **@KH_somebody** **2.0k**  
**@dragonswimming** God right?? IDC if he’s gay or whatever, just literally find somebody better than that piece of trash.  
  
  
**AM 02:57**  
  
  
**SocialAdaptation** **@soulofbasil** **344**  
I mean I guess it's hard to find people in the industry to be close to but still… yeah Gyu-hyuk needs to realize the mistake he’s made and cut him off ASAP.  
  
  
**AM 03:09**  
  
  
  
  
  
**JunglePenguin** **@junglepenguin** **969**  
Guess Masquerade wasn’t enough, huh?  
Not sure if this is the kind of ‘aiming higher’ that you should be going for, Mr. Betrayer.  
  
**AM 10:15**  
  
  
**RudeFish** **@submit_error** **52**  
‘Mr. Betrayer’ lol you make him sound classier than he really is. Destroying people’s lives ain’t classy.  
  
  
**AM 10:17**  
  
  
  
  
**HyesungsComet** **@neverdelivering** **18.5k**  
not saying do-yoon was behind the stuff that happened in season 4… but isn't it weird that he was ranked 4th and he eliminated Hyesung who was closest to him in the votes? 🤔 Makes you think....  
  
  
**PM 01:26**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Boycott_Do-yoon** **@rollingsleeping** **76**  
Seriously, Do-yoon should just stop trying. It's not like he’s ever gonna come back anyway.  
Serves him right for destroying Masquerade.  
  
**PM 04:55**  
  
  
  
  
  
**RememberMasq** **@MasqBetrayalRIP** **4**  
Han Do-yoon you should just go and die already. Nobody’s gonna miss you anyway. You’re better off dead.  
  
**PM 05:00**  
  
  
**JunglePenguin** **@junglepenguin** **1**  
If he really dies I’m gonna be so amused LOL. Time to see if a news report is gonna show up soon.  
  
  
**PM 05:03**  
  
  


Every word that he remembers is like another dagger rammed straight into his heart, tearing open scars that were barely healed. Everything hurts, both inside and out, and the pain is so prevalent that Do-yoon knows nothing can truly ease it. Nothing aside from suicide, anyway, which is… he can’t lie and pretend that the temptation isn’t there, but doing something like that would be essentially a betrayal of everything Gyu-hyuk has done for him, and that is something Do-yoon cannot allow himself to do. He can’t let all of Gyu-hyuk’s efforts to help him go to waste like this because of his own weakness.

But then comes the question of what, exactly, can he do now? Because as much as Do-yoon wants to try it's hard to muster the motivation to get back at it again after being hit with so many failures and obstacles. He doesn’t think he has the mental fortitude to handle another round of those. All he just wants to do is to… all he wants is to actually be able to do _something_ at all, at this point. Something to show Gyu-hyuk all of his efforts to help him have not been in vain—that he isn’t washed up and washed out. 

The question lingers at the back of his mind like a constant itch that he can’t simply reach for and scratch away. It nags at him at any moment when it can do so, a constant reminder of what Do-yoon supposes he can call as a new goal of sorts. It’s hardly anything impressive or life-changing, but it is, at the very least, a first step. Or so he hopes.

But in the end these things are always much easier said than done, and in the days after having come to his decision Do-yoon still finds himself lost on exactly what he wants to do. Everytime he tries to think of something he draws up nothing but a blank, and it frustrates him greatly. He wants—no, _needs_ to do this, even if it means having to squeeze out every last bit of creativity that he can muster. There has to be something that he can accomplish, even with how he currently is now.

He continues to dwell on it for a while more, and in the end the answer comes to him in the middle of his shower, as many of his ideas tend to do so back in the day. It comes as he thinks about Gyu-hyuk having mentioned over dinner just the other evening about how he’s still figuring out what song he should cover for the upcoming Top 5 live event. 

_(“What about something original?” he remembers having asked then._

_Gyu-hyuk shook his head in response. “I don’t have the same skills with composition as you do, Do-yoon.”_

_Do-yoon flushes a little at the unexpected compliment, though it's hard to really feel good about it for long when he quickly remembers how long it has been since he’d actually composed anything. Not to mention the fact that his attempts have pretty much come to a standstill now ever since… well. Ever since all the things that’d recently happened, to put it lightly._

_The embarrassment he’d felt sours at that point—enough for Do-yoon to purse his lips and glance aside as he tries to put his bitterness aside (to admittedly not much success). “You could just reach out to some composer or other. I’m sure they’d be glad to put something together for you.”_

_“In such a short amount of time?” The incredulousness in Gyu-hyuk’s voice is one thing, but his bemused chuckle after that is another thing entirely. “I highly doubt it.”_

_“A couple of weeks isn’t ‘a short amount of time’,” Do-yoon argued back with a frown. “I’ve done more with less back in—” he falters before he can finish speaking as the realization of what he’d been about to say fully registers in his mind. Do-yoon quickly shuts himself up at that point and withdraws by leaning back against the dining chair and setting his gaze back down onto his food._

_Gyu-hyuk, in his endless display of kindness, doesn’t call him out on that and simply moves the conversation along as if nothing had happened. “It would be interesting to sing something that you’ve composed,” he says as he picks up a piece of broccoli from the plate set between them. “At the very least, it’d be more pleasing compared to any of my attempts at composition.”_

_“...I’m sure it's not that bad,” Do-yoon had tried to assure him, only for Gyu-hyuk to quickly wave away any of his attempts of said assurances._

_“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” A corner of his lips twitched ever so slightly upwards as he’d said that. “Either way, you don’t have to worry about this. It’s my own problem after all, and you already have enough to deal with.”)_

He hadn’t thought much of the idea back then when Gyu-hyuk mentioned it, but now that he is actually thinking about it properly he can feel a spark of something inside of him that he hasn’t felt in a long time. It grows stronger the more he ruminates on that thought for the rest of his shower, and by the time he steps out it has transformed into something that he can almost call a certainty. 

Do-yoon can already feel the strength of that certainty running through him as he walks towards the sink with legs that no longer feel like buckling underneath the weight of all his burdens and anxieties. He stares at his reflection in the mirror once he arrives at the sink and blinks in amazement at the flicker of a faint fire in his eyes that he’d thought had been long since been extinguished. 

_I can do this,_ he tells himself, and that fire grows just a little stronger than before. _I **will** do this._

He won’t let Gyu-hyuk down this time. He’ll make certain of that.

* * *

With a newfound goal and renewed determination, Do-yoon throws himself back into music head first. 

The first thing he does is to get the home studio properly up and running again—he’d admittedly left it in a bit of a disarray from all the previous times where he’d attempted to compose something only to fail. But this isn’t like all those other times, and he already knows that as a certainty all the way to his bones; even as he cleans up the place he can feel the urge to simply start _making_ swelling up within him like a balloon, ready to explode at any moment to release all the ideas and thoughts that were already beginning to form in his mind.

He manages to contain himself that much, at the very least, but once he has the studio clean and fully set up again he lets those ideas explode and overwhelm him entirely, losing himself to a never-ending stream of consciousness that starts flowing as soon as he puts his pen onto the paper. After such a long time it undeniably does feel a little strange to be doing so much so suddenly, but Do-yoon doesn’t want to stop now that he’s started. He writes draft after draft of compositions until his hand starts to cramp, and even while he’s forced to rest his hand his mind continues to whirl with countless thoughts of ideas on how to further improve his creation.

On the very first evening after he started his work Gyu-hyuk ended up having to find him in the studio as he’d been so absorbed in what he was doing that he’d completely forgotten about dinner. Do-yoon quickly tried to apologize, but Gyu-hyuk had taken one look at the multitude of papers scattered across the desk before shaking his head to cut him off.

“You’re busy,” is what he’d said, “The last thing I would want to do is to interrupt your process.” He’d given him an understanding smile after that before he turns and heads back towards the door. “I’ll bring your dinner over here so you can eat uninterrupted. Just make sure to bring everything to the sink after you’re done.”

It truly is hard to not feel grateful for Gyu-hyuk’s constant understanding, though to Do-yoon’s surprise he doesn’t feel the usual wave of guilt that’d wash over him when he’d think about such things. What comes instead is a stronger desire to make sure that what he makes here will be worth everything that the man has done for him all this time. 

Do-yoon works like he’s never done before, knowing that he’s on a time crunch if he wants this completed before the deadline he’d set for himself. And as tiring as it can get he also finds himself in a state of constant inspiration, where words and tunes and everything else all flow out from him so easily as if they’d always been there all this time and he simply hadn’t managed to find it until now.

In a way, Do-yoon supposes that is true; the fact that he’d simply hadn’t hit the right inspiration and motivation that he needed. All those other times back then didn’t have the single-minded devotion to an idea that he has now, an all-consuming passion that grips him tight and makes him work like a man possessed. 

After these last few weeks of getting nowhere it is truly incredibly refreshing to finally be able to have something that drives him again. All this time he’d been wandering across the mental equivalent of a barren wasteland, hitting nothing else but wall after all that only leads him to nothing. But now that same wasteland is flourishing with life bourne from the river that winds itself throughout the whole place. There is always something to see wherever he walks throughout his mental landscape, and all of them reminds him about something or other about Gyu-hyuk, the one who helped give birth to all of this in the first place. 

Like this, it's easy for Do-yoon to tune out the world around him. Things such as the comments on Phater or public sentiment no longer hold any meaning for him because the end result won’t be for any of them anyway. Such lines of thought wouldn’t have been entertained at all back in the day, during his time both in Masquerade as well as Buried Stars, for in the end his thoughts would always turn towards the public and what their reception would be to whatever he created. Would they like this new song? How would they react to the lyrics? Did it sound too similar to any recent hits so that he wouldn’t be accused of stealing? Countless questions and thoughts and other such things, but none of them were ever about… well, himself. 

A part of him wonders when he’d lost that initial spark that got him into all of this in the first place. He can still remember those days where he simply composed because he merely wanted to, that it was a way to express the emotions that he couldn’t put into mere words. All those songs he’d composed, as amateurish as they were then, had at least been about him. The things he thought, the things he experienced, the things he felt—all of it were parts of a greater whole that eventually transformed into his compositions.

He finds himself drawing back on those first experiences and relives them as he continues to work on his current project. While his initial spark has long since been lost, he can feel it rekindling via the pure passion of what he has right now. That amazing, wonderful feeling of knowing exactly what you’re doing without any fear or uncertainty of the path you’ve set yourself on. It’s been so long since he could feel this, too, and to be able to experience it again is so amazingly novel. 

It almost feels like a shame when he sees himself finally reaching the end as everything comes together. Almost, because when he gets to hear for himself exactly what he’d composed from start to end he knows for a fact that he will never be able to make anything like this ever again. Nothing he has ever done or will do can never compare to what he has just created here, and Do-yoon feels a sense of achievement like no other.

The only thing left now is to present this to Gyu-hyuk, which Do-yoon plans to do so later tonight. Until then, he’ll let himself bask in the accomplishment of a job well done, even more thankful than ever for having somebody like Gyu-hyuk in his life. After all, if it wasn’t for him, Do-yoon knows that he wouldn’t have been able to even make it here in the first place. He just hopes that his composition will be able to help him express the full breadth of his feelings for Gyu-hyuk to understand.

* * *

Evening eventually rolls around, heralding Gyu-hyuk’s return with their usual weekday takeaway dinner in hand. Despite his excitement Do-yoon ends up falling through with his plans of bringing it up while eating said dinner despite having taken the time to prepare himself to do so. Frankly, it is more than a little embarrassing, and this initial blunder is already making him want to call all of it off and try again another time. But Do-yoon knows himself well enough to admit that if he does that, then he’ll probably keep doing it until he loses his chance entirely. And that is… he’s made himself lose out on enough chances as it is already, and this is one that he doesn’t want to add to the pile.

Do-yoon gives himself a mental pep-talk as he watches Gyu-hyuk clean up after their meal. _You can do this. You **need** to do this. If you don’t do this tonight you’ll never be able to do it and everything you’ve done these last few days is going to be wasted._

While it certainly isn’t the first time something like that has happened to him, what concerns Do-yoon more is the fact that Gyu-hyuk wouldn’t be able to appreciate it in the same way if he shows it to him later instead of tonight. Of course, that’s only if the other man actually does want to… well, Do-yoon is nowhere near that arrogant to think of it as a certainty, even if he is aware of how much Gyu-hyuk seems to respect his work. At the end of the day, it’s still nothing more than a possibility. 

But more than anything else, Do-yoon simply hopes that he will like it. 

Do-yoon does his best to psych himself up, but he can still feel the nervous trembling in his arms and legs as he steps into the kitchen and slowly heads towards the sink where Gyu-hyuk is still busy with washing the dishes. Since Do-yoon is approaching him from behind he can’t help but notice the broad expanse of the other man’s back. It’s not really something he hasn’t seen much of from what he can recall, and that by itself is a little surprising considering how much of the man’s physical traits he’s been noting, consciously or otherwise. It’s… he still isn’t sure how to feel about it, but he hasn’t really given himself much of a reason to stop, either. 

And in that same vein, Do-yoon also doesn’t really stop himself when he follows through on the sudden impulse to step up to Gyu-hyuk and hug him from behind instead of doing something more appropriate such as tapping his shoulder. Considering what Do-yoon intends to show him, however, he supposes this is hardly anything, and he does truly want to make an effort to show how sincere he is. 

Unsurprisingly, he feels Gyu-hyuk tense up at the initial contact, but relaxes soon enough. “Do-yoon?” he hears him say, a mix of confusion and concern in his voice. “Is something wrong?”

He shakes his head in response. “...no, nothing’s wrong.” Hearing that concern makes Do-yoon wonder if approaching him in this manner had been the best way to start this conversation, especially since he hadn’t really shown any kind of physical affection to Gyu-hyuk prior to this. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this.

He starts to pull away then, but before he can unwrap his arms he’s stopped by Gyu-hyuk reaching down to grab hold of one of his wrists, and his grip is both wet and cold. 

“It’s a bit hard to take those words at face value if you’re reacting like that.” He slowly turns around so that they’re now face to face, and he reaches out with his other hand to take hold of his other wirst as well, his grip just as cold and wet.

Do-yoon doesn’t try to pull away this time, though he does cast his gaze down onto the floor, suddenly ashamed. He really should think through these things better, at least to prevent all these awkward moments from happening so frequently. He’s lucky that Gyu-hyuk seems to be able to understand him enough that he can look past his blunders and usually be able to figure out what he’s actually trying to do or say.

That doesn’t seem to happen this time, though. “Are you stuck again?” he asks gently, and Do-yoon shakes his head once more. To be fair to him though, it is a reasonable guess, especially considering past events. 

He can sense the man about to make another guess, and while part of him wouldn’t mind delaying things further he knows that he can’t. He’s resolved to see this through tonight, so he can’t let himself falter now. 

Do-yoon takes a moment to steel himself, and then he brings his gaze back up to look at Gyu-hyuk in the eye and speaks. “I want you to come to the studio when you’re done,” he says, hoping that his voice sounds steadier than what he can hear for himself. “I have something that I want to show you.”

A look of surprise immediately appears on Gyu-hyuk’s face as soon as he hears Do-yoon’s request, and while Do-yoon has braced himself for the inevitable question it doesn’t come up at all, much to his own surprise. Instead all Gyu-hyuk does is to nod as his expression settles back into something more fond and gentle. “Alright,” he says with a small smile. “It must be important if you’re asking me like this. Is it something you need to prepare for first?”

Do-yoon nods an affirmative, and Gyu-hyuk’s smile widens ever so slightly. “Okay,” he starts, hands briefly squeezing his wrists. “You go on ahead then. I’ll head over once I’m done with the dishes.”

He lets go of Do-yoon’s wrists after that and turns back to the sink to finish cleaning up. Do-yoon only hesitates for a second more before he turns and makes his way out of the kitchen, hurrying back to the studio so that he can have everything set up by the time Gyu-hyuk comes around.

Upon arriving at the studio Do-yoon sweeps his gaze across the room to see if everything is in order; having spent pretty much all of his time here in the last couple of days and being so absorbed in his work had more or less left the room in a less than ideal state of disarray which had taken him the rest of the afternoon to clean up. But even then he can still spot a couple of things that he really should fix up, so he quickly goes to attend to those first. When that’s done he gives the room another once over—it's still far from ideal, but if he spends more time on tidying up then he isn’t going to have everything ready in time, which right now is the more important thing at hand.

Do-yoon makes a mental note to deal with the rest of the clean up later as he plods over to where he’d left his bass guitar and picks it up. It’s a familiar enough weight in his hands since he’d been using it quite frequently, especially in the last few days when he’d been finalizing everything. He’s practised playing the complete thing enough times as well that he has it committed to his immediate muscle memory, which he is certain will come in handy when he inevitably gets too nervous to focus on his performance. 

In fact, Do-yoon can already feel it building up inside of him now as he does some final adjustments to his guitar. It certainly would have been nice if he had the chance to replace all the strings considering how these currents ones are more than a little worn out after their time in the show. If anything, he probably should have done it a long time ago—about as early as after his discharge from the hospital. But with everything that happened after that it’d simply slipped his mind, and now here he is once again suffering from the consequences of his actions.

It's easy enough to see the trend going on here, considering how by this point it’s happened more than enough times for him to count. Still, he knows that it's no one’s fault but his own, and a part of him hopes that what he’s doing now can be an actual first step on his road to recovery. 

He hears the sound of Gyu-hyuk’s footsteps from the corridor just as he finishes with his last minute fine tuning. He raises his head just in time to see the other man step into the room and then blink in apparent surprise at the sight before him. 

“You tidied up,” he remarks, the surprise much more audible in his voice. 

Do-yoon shrugs in response to that. “Figured it’s the least I should do after the mess I made over the last couple of days.” 

Gyu-hyuk glances around the room one more time before looking back to him. “You didn’t have to,” he says, “But I appreciate the effort nonetheless. Thank you.” He smiles after those words, to which Do-yoon tries to return but even he can feel how shaky it is on his face.

Because of that, it's hardly an assumption to know that Gyu-hyuk must have caught onto his by now very obvious nervousness. But just like every other time he doesn’t comment on it, though he does give him a brief look of concern before speaking again. “Should I be seated for this, or…?”

Having him seat down is probably a good idea, yes. Do-yoon quickly nods his agreement before Gyu-hyuk can get any other ideas, then gestures towards the couch set against the wall opposite of where most of the equipment had been set up. “This might take a bit, so… yeah.” 

Gyu-hyuk nods once to acknowledge his words, then walks over to the couch. Do-yoon takes those few moments while the other man is moving to give his bass guitar a final look over and ensure that it's tuned correctly; the last thing he wants at this point is for something to go horribly off-key while he’s playing.

He looks back up to Gyu-hyuk once the man has settled down, and now that he’s there there’s really no more way for him to delay this any further. The nervousness within him grows ever larger, and Do-yoon momentarily grips his instrument (making sure to avoid the strings) in the hopes that he’ll stop shaking like a leaf. It doesn’t quite work out as well as he hoped for, much to his dismay.

Gyu-hyuk sends him another concerned look, obviously having noticed his overflowing apprehension. “Are you sure everything is alright, Do-yoon?” he asks him this time.

“I—um—yes.” Do-yoon can’t help but wince a little after those words; even he can admit that they’re not doing a fine job of convincing Gyu-hyuk. His expression shifts into something more apologetic then as he tries again. “Sorry, I’m just… nervous.” Extremely, incredibly nervous, as a matter of fact. He doesn’t remember when was the last time that he’d felt this nervousness. Probably prior to his first ever live performance, or maybe the auditions for Buried Stars. 

Still, even then, it was understandable to be nervous in those situations. But right now his audience only consists of nothing more than a single person, yet Do-yoon feels just as nervous, if not more. It is a very strange thing, and he doesn’t really get why he feels this way either. Maybe because it’s been a while since he’s done this, or perhaps… 

Do-yoon pushes the oncoming thoughts away before they have a chance to fully take form. _That isn’t the point here,_ he tells himself, even as he actively tries to ignore how hollow those words sound. Right now all he wants to do is to get this done and over with so that his nervousness doesn’t actually get him killed. Figuratively, that is. 

He adjusts his grip on the guitar and focuses his gaze back onto Gyu-hyuk, who smiles at him. “Take all the time you need,” the man tells him. “I’ve got the rest of the night free.”

That much Do-yoon does know at the very least, and while he appreciates the gesture the last thing he wants to do is to actually take up Gyu-hyuk’s entire night. Even if he has never said anything in front of him Do-yoon’s knows that he must have dozens of emails and other such correspondences to attend to—he had his own fair share to deal with back in the previous season, and with Gyu-hyuk’s name already being so well known prior he probably has more than Do-yoon himself ever had to handle.

Knowing that Gyu-hyuk still does his best to spend time with him in spite of all the things vying for his attention is another reason why he wants this to go well. Of course, he’s aware that Gyu-hyuk would express his appreciation for the end result no matter how it is, but Do-yoon wouldn’t be satisfied with that. He wants—he hopes—that what he’s managed to compose will be able to touch him fully just as how the man’s kindness and affections have touched him throughout all this time.

Do-yoon briefly glances down onto his guitar and strums across the strings, relaxing a little when he hears the sound come through cleanly. He looks back up and does his best to not jerk back in surprise at the strangely intense look that Gyu-hyuk is suddenly giving him. 

“I—um.” The nervousness is so bad now that Do-yoon almost feels like throwing up, but he squashes that urge down too and forces himself to continue. At this point he can’t let himself back out now, because if he does he knows he’ll never be able to do this again, and if he doesn’t do this… the man may never say it out loud, but he knows that Gyu-hyuk would be disappointed, and he won’t let that happen. Not this time.

He pauses and takes in a deep breath, steeling himself with the reminder that even if he screws up there’s only Gyu-hyuk to see it happen. Which still isn’t great, but the man has seen him in far worse states than this so really, it's not like he has anything to lose here.

(Except, perhaps, that he does.)

Do-yoon exhales slowly and then starts again, now hopefully with more confidence. “I—” _You can do this. You have to._ “I composed something,” he finally manages to say, “And I want you to hear it first.”

Gyu-hyuk blinks at him once, and then nods; Do-yoon can’t help but notice that the intensity of his gaze hasn’t faded in the slightest. “By all means,” he says after a moment of silence. “I would love to hear what you’ve managed to create.”

That’s about as good of a segway as he’ll ever have to get this started. Do-yoon returns the nod with his own and looks down at his guitar once more, willing for the trembling of his fingers to stop as he gives one last test of the strings by playing the first few notes. Unsurprisingly, it comes out as cleanly as it did earlier.

With no more reason to delay this any longer, Do-yoon takes in one more breath to steady himself as he adjusts his fingers to the right spots along the neck. Once he makes certain that everything is in position Do-yoon breathes out through his nose and finally starts playing what he’d composed.

It never fails to be amazing how utterly captivating music can be, even after all the time Do-yoon spent being away from it. After managing to play the first few chords without any issue Do-yoon can feel his worries and anxieties fade away into the background as the melody of his own creation comes to take front and center stage in his mind, commanding his complete attention. 

Once he crosses that initial awkward start everything seems to flow right out of him. Muscle memory takes over at some point to play out the rest of the tune as Do-yoon loses himself in it, his mind recalling all the memories and experiences and emotions that went through him as he composed this piece, weaving them in so intricately that the two are now inextricably entwined. 

Logically, he knows that the song is less than five minutes, yet when he finishes Do-yoon can’t help but feel as if it’d taken much longer than that. His throat is drier than he’d ever felt it being, and his heart is pounding so hard inside of his chest that he can feel the echoes thundering in his ears. The nervousness that’d been held back at bay earlier now comes rushing back in all at once, making his hands tremble again.

Do-yoon hastily lets go of his guitar before he accidentally grips it too tight, hands quickly curling up into fists now that there is nothing for him to hold onto. Now that he’s finally done this what runs through him _should_ have been a sense of relief—but instead of that his uncertainty and nervousness seems to have risen instead, and it's not hard to guess why.

Mentally bracing himself for the worst, Do-yoon slowly brings his gaze up towards Gyu-hyuk as he begins to speak. “It could definitely still use a little fine tuning, but at the very least I’ve already got the basics covered—”

He cuts himself off when he suddenly feels a hand that isn’t his own against his cheek, and before Do-yoon can fully register that the next thing he knows is the sudden, hot press of another pair of lips right over his own. Do-yoon can’t help but gasp at the abruptness of it, and when he does so he can feel a tongue quickly sliding into his mouth, licking into every crevice with the same intensity and desperation as he’d felt from the very first time they’d done something like this.

And just like before, Do-yoon finds himself overwhelmed by the passion and intensity of said kiss, leaving him unable to do anything more than stay where he is and let it continue. He doesn’t know if he should reciprocate or pull away, isn’t sure what either option would mean in Gyu-hyuk’s eyes and in turn, which choice would be the right one to do here. The way his gut churns with a whole array of differing emotions don’t do much to help him in making a decision, either.

Gyu-hyuk pulls away after what feels like both an eternity and a moment at the same time, this strange intensity in his eyes earlier now gone as they now quiver at him, gleaming like tiny little gemstones under the lights of the studio as tears form at the corners.

“I—I’m sorry,” the man says, and Do-yoon can tell that he is genuine about it, which wasn’t really something he’d been doubting at all but is nice to know all the same. He continues to stare at Gyu-hyuk as the man swallows down something in his throat before starting again. “I didn’t mean to surprise you like that. I was just…” He trails off, swallowing again, and Do-yoon sees that the tears are now truly flowing out from his eyes. “Just… when I heard what you’d composed, I simply…”

Gyu-hyuk becomes far too choked up with emotion to continue, and to be able to see this kind of reaction from him is all that Do-yoon needed to know that he’d succeeded in what he set out to accomplish. And the moment he realizes that is when he, too, gets choked up with his own sudden wave of emotion. There is relief from knowing that he still can accomplish something, and happiness from being able to touch Gyu-hyuk to this extent. But most of all, there is… 

Do-yoon lets that thought trail off as he slowly reaches over with a hand and cups one side of Gyu-hyuk’s face. The man stills then, eyes going wide as he stares at Do-yoon in a mix of fascination and wonder. He looks back, unable to tear his gaze away now even if he tried. Gyu-hyuk has always looked at him like he is something precious and sacred, somebody to love and care for even during the days and times when Do-yoon couldn’t feel that way about himself. Throughout this whole time Gyu-hyuk has never stopped caring for him because he loves him and something like that is… Do-yoon’s experienced enough futility in his own life to never wish it on others, especially not to somebody like Gyu-hyuk, who has already been through enough.

He musters up the best smile he can manage onto his face for Gyu-hyuk to see, hoping that it’ll help to assure him. While Do-yoon still isn’t entirely sure what his exact feelings are for Gyu-hyuk in return, the one thing he is certain of at this point is that he doesn’t want to live the rest of his life without him. He can’t bear to imagine his life without the brilliance of Gyu-hyuk’s kindness and affection, because without it the darkness of his own mind would have long swallowed and left him dead. 

He supposes some of what he’d been thinking must have shown on his face, because he hears Gyu-hyuk’s quiet intake of breath, followed by a murmur of his name that almost sounds revenant. And while hearing something like that is flattering in it's own way, it also makes Gyu-hyuk more uncomfortable than he likes to admit, and right now he’d rather have Gyu-hyuk focus on something else entirely.

Do-yoon takes a breath and steels himself, then leans in to close the distance that Gyu-hyuk had put between them and presses a gentle, chaste kiss on his lips. He knows it's nothing compared to the intensity of the kisses that he’d been given, but he hopes that this’ll be enough to show what he feels all the same. 

He doesn’t let it linger for long, pulling back after a few brief, electric moments where their lips were right against each other. Do-yoon can already feel his face heating up just from the memory of it, and it's bad enough that he has to avert his gaze away from Gyu-hyuk just so that he doesn’t immediately combust from sheer embarrassment. 

Just like every other time, Gyu-hyuk quickly picks up on it and doesn’t press on it. This time though he goes the extra step and takes Do-yoon into his arms, gently pulling him close into a hug even with Do-yoon’s guitar still in the way between them. But that’s how Gyu-hyuk has always been, isn’t it? He always finds a way somehow, in the end. He never gives up, and that’s one of the many things Do-yoon admires about him, alongside his eternal patience and everlasting kindness. Gyu-hyuk really is too good for somebody like him.

Another surge of emotion rises up within Do-yoon at that point, causing him to let out a shuddering breath as he turns his head to press his face into the curve of Gyu-hyuk’s shoulder. In response the man rests a hand at the small of his back, gently patting him like a parent trying to soothe their child after a terrible nightmare. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” he hears Gyu-hyuk say quietly after a while. “We’ve both had a long day.”

Do-yoon nods. It truly has been a long day, but at least it's finally over.

* * *

The two of them make their way out of the studio and towards the stairs once Do-yoon puts his guitar away. Nothing is said between them as they move, but Do-yoon supposes nothing else needs to be said, now that they have each shown the true extent of their feelings towards one another. 

Still, he can’t deny the mysterious undercurrent of tension that runs beneath the silence, making him feel strangely apprehensive especially as he gets closer towards the threshold that separates Gyu-hyuk’s room from the rest of the house. It’s far from the first time he’s stepped in there, but for some reason he now finds himself uncertain, his body humming with a sudden nervousness that seems to have come from nowhere. 

All Do-yoon can hope is that it isn’t obvious as he enters the room, closing the door behind him since Gyu-hyuk had gone in first. While he does that he starts to think about how to break the silence, but stops soon enough when Gyu-hyuk himself decides to end it. “Do-yoon.”

He hears the sound of Gyu-hyuk’s footsteps approaching him right after calling out his name. Do-yoon lets go of the door handle and turns around, the beginnings of a frown starting to form on his face as he wonders what Gyu-hyuk is suddenly calling him for. “What’s—”

He stops himself short when he feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand against his cheek, and his eyes widen in surprise when he finally registers just how close the other man is to him. He’s surprised enough that he takes a step back, and he feels his back bump against the door when he does so. Gyu-hyuk follows after him, leaning even closer now, moving slowly enough that Do-yoon could still duck away if he truly wanted to—although given the space around them it certainly wouldn’t be the most graceful maneuver. 

Regardless, the option _is_ there, and Do-yoon briefly darts his gaze to the side to consider it before shifting it back when he feels the hand against his cheek tense up at the same time he notices Gyu-hyuk leaning even closer towards him from the corner of his eye.

The moment their gazes meet Gyu-hyuk stills and gives him a gentle smile. “Okay?” he asks in that gentle, kind tone that Do-yoon knows he can never say ‘no’ to. Even if he himself still isn’t entirely certain of his feelings, he knows Gyu-hyuk will never do anything that he doesn’t want. Gyu-hyuk would never hurt him.

With that belief firmly engraved in his mind Do-yoon swallows down his apprehension and nervousness to nod in return. Gyu-hyuk’s face immediately lights up then, and seeing that further convinces Do-yoon that he’s doing the right thing; after everything that Gyu-hyuk has given to him, it's only natural that he should do his best to return the favor however he can. He wants to make Gyu-hyuk happy, in the same way that the man has allowed him to feel something along those lines.

He does his best to show that through the small, shaky smile that Do-yoon manages to force onto his face. He wouldn’t be surprised at all if Gyu-hyuk manages to see through his bravado, but as always the man says nothing to point out his farce. All he does is to return it with his own, his smile wider than before, and then he closes the distance between them to press a gentle kiss against his lips. 

Everything about this is still so new and novel that even this simple gesture is enough to send sparks of pleasure racing across his nerves. Do-yoon feels a shiver run down his spine, strong enough to make him tremble and his eyelids flutter. He wonders if he’s reacting this way because he’s with a man since he’s ever only been with women before this, or simply because it’s Gyu-hyuk. Somehow a part of him can’t help but think that it's more of the latter rather than the former. 

Do-yoon supposes the answer doesn’t really matter in the end. Gyu-hyuk presses another kiss and this time Do-yoon tries to respond by parting his lips as he moves his head ever so slightly. Be it man or woman it's clear enough even to him that he is horribly out of practise with this, and he’d be embarrassed about it if he wasn’t immediately distracted by the way Gyu-hyuk quickly takes charge upon noticing said lack of practise. He smoothly adjusts himself to accommodate Do-yoon, slotting their mouths together so naturally that one would almost think they’ve already been doing this for years. 

Unlike the last two times where they did this, now Gyu-hyuk kisses him so slowly and tenderly that it feels like the world itself comes to a crawl around him. Do-yoon hears himself let out some kind of gasping, hiccuping sound from the back of his throat that he didn’t even know he could make until this very moment as his head spins again from just how _much_ something like this can feel. He doesn’t even realize that he’s leaning backwards until his back bumps against the door, and the gasp he lets out when that happens only leads to Gyu-hyuk deepening their kiss further. He leans in all the way, using his own body to pin Do-yoon against the door as a thigh slides into the space between his legs to press against the growing heat.

The sudden pressure sends a sharp jolt of pleasure through Do-yoon’s entire body, making him shudder and gasp against Gyu-hyuk. The man breaks off the kiss soon after that, and even in his dazed state Do-yoon can see the pure, unfiltered desire from Gyu-hyuk’s darkened gaze as he looks at him with hooded eyes.

“Okay?” he hears Gyu-hyuk ask him again, but unlike the last time his voice is different. There’s a roughness to it that wasn’t there before, something that almost sounds like desperation that Do-yoon can feel permeating through the rest of him from the tremors that he can feel at the points where their bodies are touching each other. 

Do-yoon doesn’t know exactly why Gyu-hyuk is trying to hold himself back, but at the same time he doesn’t want Gyu-hyuk to feel like he needs to hide any part of himself from him. He reaches up with a hand and cups Gyu-hyuk’s cheek, in the same way that the man is doing to him right now, and puts on his best smile. 

“Okay,” he returns quietly, knowing that with how close they are Gyu-hyuk would be able to hear him. “I… I trust you.” He knows it's not exactly what Gyu-hyuk wants to hear, but Do-yoon still isn’t sure if what he feels _is_ that just yet. He doesn’t want to give him hollow words and false promises because he deserves something truly genuine. But at the very least… his trust is something that he can give with confidence. That much, he can do.

Gyu-hyuk smiles at him once more, this time in gratitude, and then he leans back in for another kiss. Do-yoon lets it happen, parting his lips the moment Gyu-hyuk tries to deepen the kiss. His eyes slide shut when that happens, and behind the darkness of his closed eyelids every sensation that he feels is intensified. Gyu-hyuk’s body against him is large and warm, and the thigh slotted between his legs is firm and solid; as it rubs up against him Do-yoon can feel himself stiffen in return, eagerly responding to the delicious friction being given to him.

Do-yoon doesn’t moan but it's a close thing, and when Gyu-hyuk finally ends the kiss Do-yoon can’t help but try to chase after his lips as he pulls back. He doesn’t manage to get very far at all, what with Gyu-hyuk’s own body still keeping him in place, but rather than being entirely disappointed he feels a shiver run through him instead for reasons he is in no mood to look into right now.

He opens his eyes to see Gyu-hyuk still smiling at him, dark eyes now gleaming with something close to amusement. “You’re already hard,” he murmurs as he presses his thigh even more firmly against him. A wave of intense sensation crashes over him when he does that, making Do-yoon gasp as he squirms in place, his hips trying to move in a mindless bid for something more.

Gyu-hyuk seemingly decides to grant his wish, moving his leg again to rub up against Do-yoon once more and send another surge of electrifying pleasure through him. He gasps at that, too, his body giving another shiver, but before he can fully recover Gyu-hyuk does it again, and again, and again. He continually gives Do-yoon what he wants but also gradually cutting down the time that Do-yoon gets to catch his breath between each of those moments. Eventually, it comes to the point where Do-yoon doesn’t even have a chance to take a break at all as Gyu-hyuk doesn’t stop him from pretty much humping his thigh. 

“Don’t stop.” Gyu-hyuk whispers the words into his ear, and all Do-yoon can do in response is to shake and groan quietly as his cock twitches against the other man’s thigh. He doesn’t think he can stop at this point even if he wanted to, but having Gyu-hyuk spurring him on like this only furthers the pleasure bubbling within him. He didn’t think how something like this could already feel this good.

Then again, after the last time, he probably should have expected himself to have this sort of visceral reaction to being ravished by Gyu-hyuk—but the truth is that he hadn’t really given it much thought at all. He supposes a part of him must have chalked it up to the circumstances of the situation then; while he is aware of Gyu-hyuk’s feelings for him, he never really believed that Gyu-hyuk would actually desire him in the physical sense. It’d been far easier to just write off what happened then as another part of Gyu-hyuk’s unfaltering kindness.

But this time… this time, everything that they’re doing now isn’t something that Do-yoon can categorize or pretend as something that Gyu-hyuk is doing as another result of his continued kindness. Now Gyu-hyuk is doing this because he actually _wants_ him, and that realization sends a heady thrill through him. He feels his cock twitching again, and at this point he’s already so hard and wound up that he wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up creaming his underwear in the next couple of minutes if Gyu-hyuk doesn’t stop and pull away. 

Of course, that’s the exact moment when Gyu-hyuk actually does just that, and Do-yoon has no way to stop the pitiful, needy sound that he lets out when the friction and pressure on his cock disappears. He instinctively arches forward, trying to get any kind of stimulation going on his cock again, but Gyu-hyuk smoothly pins his hips back against the door with his large, strong hands and smiles upon hearing Do-yoon’s cry of despair.

He leans back in, shushing Do-yoon quietly against his lips before kissing him again, this time making no effort to keep it gentle and chaste. Gyu-hyuk deepens it as soon as he can, swallowing the moans that Do-yoon makes into his mouth and adding fuel to the flames with the way he licks deep into him and sucks on his tongue when the opportunity presents itself. Do-yoon can barely think of anything else while Gyu-hyuk devours him like this, and by the time he pulls away Do-yoon is once again left dazed and breathless and harder than ever. 

Gyu-hyuk smiles again, seemingly pleased with what he’s done. “I know how badly you want to come,” he says, and Do-yoon nods eagerly in response even as he feels the tips of his ears burning up in embarrassment from hearing such filthy words from somebody like Gyu-hyuk. It feels so wrong and dirty to hear the man say such things, yet he can’t deny the delicious, wonderful thrill that goes through him precisely because of how terribly forbidden it is. This is a side of Gyu-hyuk that nobody else gets to see and hear and touch and taste, and Do-yoon realizes with sudden, startling clarity how he _doesn’t_ want anyone else to ever have this chance.

He wonders if some of those thoughts had made themselves known on his face when Gyu-hyuk makes a sudden, brief pause, eyes widening ever so slightly. But it only lingers for a moment, and before Do-yoon can open his mouth to ask Gyu-hyuk is smiling at him once more, quickly darting forward to peck him on the lips before abruptly getting down onto his knees.

Do-yoon’s eyes go wide the moment he sees Gyu-hyuk kneeling on the floor right in front of him like this; even with how long it’s been since he’s had any action there’s no way for him to misconstrue what the other man is doing here. He tries to say something to stop him but his voice is failing him, leaving Do-yoon to gape like a fish as he feels Gyu-hyuk’s fingers run across the waistband of his pants, eventually coming to a stop at the front, his palms resting on each side of the prominent bulge that has long since formed there. 

A strange, giddy sense of disbelief rises up from the back of his mind as he stares at the coy smile that slowly forms across Gyu-hyuk’s lips, completing the immensely compelling ‘come hither’ look that the other man is now giving him as he slyly looks up at Do-yoon with those dark, hooded eyes. 

“I want to suck you off,” Gyu-hyuk tells him, and if his face wasn’t on fire before it certainly is now. He doesn’t know how Gyu-hyuk can say and do these things with such unfaltering confidence but it would be a lie if he said that it wasn’t affecting him.

Given everything Do-yoon had assumed that Gyu-hyuk was just going to go for it after saying that, but to his surprise that is not what happens. Gyu-hyuk simply continues to look at him, and it takes a moment for Do-yoon to realize that the man is waiting for his explicit permission to continue. 

It certainly throws him a little off-kilter just due to how unprepared he is for this, but more importantly knowing that he _has_ to give the go ahead instead of passively letting it happen makes everything feel a lot more… meaningful. It’s enough to make him more than a little nervous, and it doesn’t get any better when he feels his throat drying up due to said nervousness.

A part of him wishes that Gyu-hyuk would simply take his silence as a go-ahead and continue, but he knows him well enough to know that the man won’t settle for anything less than a verbal confirmation. He also knows that Gyu-hyuk has more than enough patience to last the whole night if he has to, while Do-yoon is pretty sure he’s going to go crazy if Gyu-hyuk doesn’t get him off in the next ten minutes. 

To his credit, he does _try_ to think about it—but Gyu-hyuk shifts his hand just enough to brush over his aching cock and Do-yoon suddenly can’t focus on anything else except how badly he wants to come. 

“Yes,” he hisses out, already half mad with desperation. “I want you to—want you to—” Even like this he still can’t help but struggle to say out the words, but thankfully Gyu-hyuk decides to take pity on him. In a flash his pants are undone, tugged down along with his underwear just enough for his cock to spring free from it's confines, but before Do-yoon has a moment to appreciate that Gyu-hyuk’s mouth is right on him. 

The moment that happens Do-yoon’s world instantly narrows down to nothing else but the hot, wet heat that has engulfed his cock. There’s no other word he can think of besides _good_ and even then he’s so overwhelmed that he can’t even say it properly. All he can do is to moan as he squeezes his eyes shut while his legs begin to tremble, knees threatening to buckle and give in just from how much he feels right now.

Gyu-hyuk—wonderful and amazing and goodgoodso _good_ —saves him once again by using his hands to pin his hips down just like before, managing to keep him upright even as he continues to suck him down with his sinfully talented mouth. Do-yoon can feel the way his tongue runs down the length of his cock, making sure to trace over every sensitive nerve along the way and flicking the tip right against his leaking slit when he ends at the head. 

There’s no way anyone can still be quiet after being teased in such a fashion. Do-yoon lets out a whimper as his hips jerk in place, wanting more than that little tease. “Please…”

Gyu-hyuk stills for a moment after he says that, and then he suddenly pulls away, causing Do-yoon to groan in disappointment when the warm heat of Gyu-hyuk’s mouth is no longer on his cock. But before he can ask him why Do-yoon feels one of Gyu-hyuk’s hands moving away from his hip to take his hand instead. It’s unexpected enough that it makes him look down and open his eyes; his vision comes back into focus just in time for Do-yoon to see that Gyu-hyuk has apparently brought his hand to rest right on the top of his head.

He’s not so oblivious that he can’t figure out what Gyu-hyuk is wordlessly asking him to do, but in this case knowing is the reason why he feels so uncertain. It has been a while for him, after all, and with how riled up he is there’s going to be a chance that he’ll hurt Gyu-hyuk, no matter what kind of precautions the other man is taking. And regardless of how hard he is, or how desperate he is to come, nothing deflates the mood more than the idea of hurting the person who now means so much to him. 

Do-yoon tries to pull away then, but Gyu-hyuk’s grip remains firm around his wrist, and that is enough for Do-yoon to know that the other man isn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer here. Anxiety starts bubbling up from within him upon having that realization; he doesn’t want to go against the little that Gyu-hyuk asks of him, but at the same time he can’t pretend that he’s okay with something like this.

At this point he’s far too distressed to be able to hide his discomfort, so it’s not much of a surprise at all when Gyu-hyuk lets go of his hand so that he can lean back to look at him properly. “What’s wrong?” comes the inevitable question, complete with concerned frown. “Do you not like this?”

It takes a moment for Do-yoon to calm down, and another to put his thoughts together and organize them into a coherent response. “I—I do, it’s just—” It feels stupid now, thinking about it, but if he doesn’t say it then Gyu-hyuk will probably assume worse, based on prior experience, and that is the last thing Do-yoon wants to happen now. “I don’t know if I can… you know.” He tries to demonstrate what he means by moving his hands, but doesn’t really get anywhere beyond a shrug. 

Surprisingly however, it apparently is enough for Gyu-hyuk to understand what he’s referring to. “Ah,” he goes, his frown dissipating now that realization has set in. He blinks once after that, then leans back forward, smiling as he reaches for Do-yoon’s hand once again. “I should’ve made myself clearer. You don’t have to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. All I want is to feel your hands on me.” 

He guides Do-yoon’s hand onto his head again as he says that, letting go when he’s done, and now it's Do-yoon’s turn to blink as he brings his gaze from Gyu-hyuk’s face to his own hand which is now half-buried in his hair. He curls his fingers ever so slightly to hold whatever is there in a light grip, and judging by the shivery sigh he hears Gyu-hyuk let out, it seems to be more than enough for him.

Do-yoon relaxes once he realizes that, far more comfortable with this arrangement instead of what he had initially expected. Of course, there is a part of him that is a little embarrassed over how much of a fuss he’d made over it, but a bigger part of him is just glad that they’ve managed to clear it up and settle on something they can both work with. Though really, the credit pretty much just goes to Gyu-hyuk alone. So many times now the man has saved Do-yoon from his terrible habit of self-destruction, and the fact that he cares for him enough to accommodate things for his comfort is something that Do-yoon will always be grateful for.

He hopes that Gyu-hyuk can feel some of that appreciation and gratefulness from the way he runs his fingers through his hair, though he supposes right now there are other more immediate needs demanding both of their attention. Still, being able to feel the minute shiver that runs through Gyu-hyuk’s body as the man noses his cock is a good enough substitute, and Do-yoon gets to appreciate it for all of half a minute before Gyu-hyuk’s mouth is on him once more. He’d softened a fair bit during the interruption earlier, but it doesn’t take long for him to get completely hard again, especially with how incredible it feels to have Gyu-hyuk sucking him down.

In no time at all Do-yoon feels a familiar tension beginning to stir in his gut, and after all the teasing and interruptions earlier he has little chance of keeping it at bay for long. His panting and his groans echoing in tandem in his ears as his pleasure mounts higher and higher, unable to think of anything else except for how good Gyu-hyuk’s mouth is around him, the way his tongue drags against the sensitive underside as he bobs his head, every inch of movement sending sparks of pleasure zipping through his nerves to explode before his eyes. 

While Do-yoon had never been under the assumption that he’d be able to last long, he’s still entirely unprepared for how much everything comes together all at once even after all the time he’s spent getting reacquainted with his own body. Things go from zero to a hundred in a split second and suddenly Do-yoon knows he’s right there, he’s right upon the edge and looking down but before he has a chance to be ready Gyu-hyuk has a hold of him and he’s dragging him down, down, _down_ —

Do-yoon only has about half a second to choke out a warning before he comes, the sound of his broken moans echoing through the room as he shakes apart right there and then. His knees finally give in and buckle from the sheer pleasure that overwhelms him, and it's only due to Gyu-hyuk’s firm grip on his hips keeping him pinned to the door that stops him from sliding down into a puddle on the floor. 

Then again, considering that the alternative is to withstand the aftershocks that run through him as Gyu-hyuk continues to suck his softening cock, it's hard to say which is actually worse. Do-yoon whimpers as he feels his cock weakly pulses and twitches in a valiant effort to respond to the ongoing stimulation while he feels himself slide ever closer to the painful edge of oversensitivity with every passing second. 

Thankfully, Gyu-hyuk decides to spare him, finally pulling his mouth away right before Do-yoon fully tips over to full oversensitivity. But even with that relief the world is still a fuzzy, blurry mess around him, his body and mind unable to focus on anything else beyond the flickering echoes of that intense, white-hot pleasure that had swallowed him whole.

In this dazed, blissed out state Do-yoon knows that anything could happen to him and he wouldn’t be able to stop it, but he also knows that he doesn’t have to worry about any of them because there is Gyu-hyuk to watch over him. So he doesn’t resist at all as Gyu-hyuk tugs him away from the door after pulling his pants back up, allowing himself to be led over to bed which he immediately collapses upon, suddenly feeling incredibly tired and worn out and right on the verge of unconsciousness.

Do-yoon’s eyes slip shut, far too exhausted to keep them open anymore. He’s close enough to nodding off that he barely registers the mattress dipping next to him, only stirring ever so slightly when he feels the warmth of Gyu-hyuk’s body pressed up against his back. A hand delves into his hair and starts to stroke his head, the touch lulling him ever closer to the blissful tranquility of sleep. 

In this warm, comfortable, serene darkness he feels Gyu-hyuk press his lips to the back of his neck, planting a gentle kiss there before whispering something that Do-yoon is far too tired to make sense of, let alone answer. But it doesn’t matter anyway because right after that is when Do-yoon finally succumbs to his exhaustion and falls asleep.

Whatever it is, he can answer it tomorrow; he knows he can do that, because Gyu-hyuk will always be there for him no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter here, but that's what happens when you split one large chapter into 3 separate chunks. Hope you all don't mind. u_u
> 
> And speaking of splitting things up... yes, you probably have guessed it already. To absolutely nobody's surprise, what was once the final chapter will now be split into two halves, because once again the word count has gotten away from me and I weep for my own hubris and suffering. With that said however, the main reason I want to do this is because I want to be able to give this finale the best I can do, and rushing it for the sake of my own deadline wasn't going to accomplish that. So apologies for yet another extension, but at least this time I can promise its Very Definitely The Last One. 
> 
> As always, a big thank you!! to everyone who's been reading this monster of a fic, and double thanks to the people commenting and such. Being able to see people's reaction to this fic always makes my day, and it motivates me to keep going. Just a little bit more to the end... for better or for worse.
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Twitter **@tasogareika** for random updates about this fic if desired, and if you're looking for a group of fellow English speaking fans of the game then feel free to join the [Buried Stars Fanclub Discord server](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj)! We're always happy to have more people to hang out and gush about the game with, especially since there's so few of us around.
> 
> Thank you all so much once again, and we'll be back on **February 27th** with the penultimate chapter! I can already tell you that its, uh, gonna be a Thing lmao.


	7. these feelings bent out of shape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another rating bump with this chapter -- this time up to E.
> 
> And with that, another PSA: once again, heed all tags that come with this fic, and put your own mental well-being first. The back/close button is there for you at anytime should you be too uncomfortable/triggered/etc. by the themes that this fic deals with.

The room is dark when Do-yoon wakes up.

This, of course, is nothing new; the curtains in Gyu-hyuk’s room have always been drawn over the windows for as long as he can remember, even before the incident that led to Do-yoon covering up all of the windows in the house. Back then when Do-yoon had first done it he’d assumed that he’d be able to undo it, that eventually the public will lose interest and move onto the next big topic to gossip about. All he simply needed to do was to wait out the storm and let everything pass.

Now, though, Do-yoon no longer feels as certain about that. He’s long since lost track of the exact amount of time that has passed since he’d kept himself in here; days and nights have barely any meaning for him either, what with the windows being covered up. The only reason he’s even aware of the time of day is because of Gyu-hyuk’s presence around the house, or the lack thereof. 

So he doesn’t exactly know how long it's been, but he guesses that enough time must have passed for the initial wave of criticisms to have died out, considering how Gyu-hyuk hasn’t said anything to him in recent memory. Then again, it's easy enough to guess that the man might have chosen to do that deliberately since he knows how badly he’d been affected by the comments, so it's hard to say for sure. Either way, it doesn’t matter, since it’s not like Do-yoon has any intention of stepping outside. Why risk all that stress and uncertainty when he knows that he can be perfectly safe right here?

Still, he knows that he can’t really stay here forever; eventually there will be a time where he will have to step outside. But if there’s a time to do that, it would be after the show is over and everything is said and done. Majority of the public would have definitely moved on by that point, since there wouldn’t be anything left to talk about. Maybe then Do-yoon would finally be able to step outside without the perpetual fear of paparazzi ruining the little privacy that he has left.

In the end, those are all still things to only deal with in the future. Right now he’s just fine with staying like this, feeling warm and comfortable and secure in Gyu-hyuk’s arms as the man remains deep asleep. 

For a while Do-yoon closes his eyes, more than willing to drift back into sleep himself with how relaxed he feels—but then a part of him realizes that this is pretty much the first time he’s actually awake before Gyu-hyuk is his eyes immediately snap back open. Thankfully, he’s already lying on the side that’s facing the man, so all Do-yoon has to do is to carefully tilt his head upwards (he doesn’t want to jostle around too much and potentially wake him up) so that he can catch the rare sight of Gyu-hyuk’s sleeping face.

The first thing that comes to Do-yoon’s mind upon looking at his face is how peaceful he looks. He hadn’t realized at all until this moment just how relaxed he can look, since more often than not when he sees Gyu-hyuk the man usually has some kind of frown on his features. Of course, he knows why they’re there, since Gyu-hyuk pretty much only makes them around him while expressing his concern for his well-being. The man has never stopped worrying about him even for a single second while awake, so to be able to see him like this for once gives Do-yoon just as much comfort as Gyu-hyuk must be getting now from his rest.

As he continues to watch him a stray thought comes floating in his mind, something that almost sounds far too simple but in reality is far more complex than he could have ever imagined. _I want to make him happy._ Do-yoon thinks he’s had this thought cross his mind as well last night, but a lot of things had also happened last night and so now he wants to give those words the proper weight and consideration that they deserve.

He repeats the words in his mind as he thinks of all the ways that Gyu-hyuk has helped him ever since that fateful, terrible night. He always visited him daily while he’d in the hospital, and then in his apartment after being discharged. He gave him a place to stay after he lost his own house due to his blunder, even going out of his way to ensure he’d be comfortable, not to mention allowing him to use the home studio that still feels like it had come straight out of his dreams. When the photos showed up he’d immediately dismissed the cleaning service that he’d hired to keep the place clean and even allowed Do-yoon to cover up all the windows when even he is well aware of what an irrational course of action it’d been.

Time and time again Gyu-hyuk keeps letting him have all of these things when Do-yoon himself has given nothing back in return. But even if he asks now he knows that Gyu-hyuk’s response to him will be the same as always: that the only thanks he needs is seeing Do-yoon get better. 

Of course, Do-yoon wants to get better too. He wants to be able to compose and play music like how he used to, and this accomplishment had been the first step on that journey. But now he also wants to be able to make Gyu-hyuk proud as well; he wants to show the other man that all the time and effort spent helping him has not gone to waste. 

A sudden groan from Gyu-hyuk draws Do-yoon out of his thoughts, and he sees a slight frown starting to appear on his face. Alarmed, Do-yoon starts to shift himself so that he can have a better look in order to try and figure out what has him reacting in such a way. He’d been working pretty hard in the last few days, so it wouldn’t be a big surprise if all of that caught up with him and caused him to fall ill or something along those lines.

He does his best to be careful as he moves, but with how close they’re pressed against each other it was probably inevitable that he’d end up jostling against him. Do-yoon feels his blood freeze up when his knee presses up against something with a bit more force than he’d expected and hears the way Gyu-hyuk’s breath hitches in response. He quickly stills and holds his breath, hoping that he hasn’t accidentally woken him up.

A tense moment passes by as Do-yoon waits; nothing else happens aside from that hitch, and it seems that he’s somehow managed to be in the clear. Do-yoon allows himself to relax then, making sure to keep his movements slow and steady as he carefully pulls his knee away from the spot where he’d accidentally pressed against. 

But to his utter surprise, the moment Do-yoon does that Gyu-hyuk lets out a moan that can only be described as sexual, and his knee is still close enough that he can feel something twitch. It’s only at that point does it finally click in Do-yoon’s mind exactly what it is that his knee had been pressed against, and he instantly feels his face heat up as that realization sinks in.

Morbid curiosity is the only reason why he turns his gaze downwards, and his face burns up even more when he sees the evident tenting in Gyu-hyuk’s pants right next to where his knee is. It hovers in the air due to Do-yoon having paused in the middle of shifting his leg, and now that he’s noticed it he quickly lowers his leg back down and away from this new… development.

Morning wood isn’t exactly something that Do-yoon is _ashamed_ about; he knows that it's a natural thing, and it hasn’t been that long ago when he’d had his share of troubles dealing with it. But it is still something to see it happen on other people—more so when it is _Gyu-hyuk_ of all people, especially when it brings back memories of what happened last night. 

Do-yoon feels his face get even hotter when that happens and he’s certain that if it happens again he’s going to spontaneously combust from just how embarrassed he feels. It’s not that he’s never had a blowjob in his life, but he would have never in a million years ever thought about Gyu-hyuk giving him one. He’d been so overwhelmed last night that he hadn’t thought much at all about it aside from how spectacularly amazing it felt, but now that he has enough brainpower to think beyond that it’s… well. It’s a lot of take in, for one. For another…

Do-yoon nervously chews on his lower lip as he lets the thought cross his mind. The idea of Gyu-hyuk, beloved and well-liked by so many people wanting _him_ is an incredibly heady thought. Possibly the only thing even more crass than that is knowing how good his mouth had felt around his cock last night. A mouth that other people only knew for singing the most wonderful sounding ballads—and he would probably be doing the same as well later, and everyone would watch without ever knowing that Gyu-hyuk had used that same mouth to suck him off—

He’s going to combust. He is going to explode, right here and now and god he feels like a dirty teenager when he can feel his own cock starting to harden with all these thoughts but he can’t help it. He struggles to hold in the whine that almost comes out from the back of his throat as his mind replays the very real memories of Gyu-hyuk’s mouth on him, the way his lips wrapped around all of him and how good his tongue had felt. Gyu-hyuk had felt so _good_ and he’d been—he was—

Gyu-hyuk lets out another groan, and it's so sudden and unexpected that Do-yoon can’t stop the gasp that escapes him as he jerks his head up to look at the other man’s face. His eyes remained closed, indicating that he is still asleep, but the frown from earlier has now deepened and Do-yoon can feel his hips shift about, as if trying to find something that’s just out of his reach. 

Given present circumstances it's not hard to imagine what that _something_ might be, but even knowing that Do-yoon is still entirely unprepared for what happens next. Gyu-hyuk groans again, the sound of it breathier than Do-yoon could’ve ever imagined, and then he moans out, “ _Do-yoon._ ”

Do-yoon instantly freezes up, blood pounding in his ears. Try as he might to tell himself that it’d been something else entirely he can’t lie to himself, especially with that distinct, unmistakable way his breath had hitched upwards to an _‘ah’_ at the end. He also can’t pretend how hearing it had sent the figurative equivalent of molten lava flowing through his veins, and how instead of just his face now it is his entire body that’s heating up. 

Logically, he knows that Gyu-hyuk would be aroused by him, just based on the fact that the man has already expressed his physical desires in the past. But knowing it as some kind of distant, abstract fact at the back of his mind is very different from seeing and feeling it first hand, where things are now suddenly very real and present and no longer a mere, intangible concept. If he dared to bring his hand downwards right now he would be actually touching Gyu-hyuk’s cock and the idea of that is—

He really is going to implode any second now if he lingers on this for much longer. Do-yoon thinks he can feel steam coming out of his ears right now as he timidly moves his head back down to look at the tenting that’s still very much present in Gyu-hyuk’s pants. Something like that clearly has to be uncomfortable, and as if to confirm those thoughts Do-yoon hears him let out another groan. 

“Do-yoon,” Gyu-hyuk says his name again, breathless, and Do-yoon knows he’s not going to be able to survive past this morning if this keeps up. With how close they are to each other there’s no way that Do-yoon can get out of bed without waking him up, though if he is to be honest that’s far down the list of things that Do-yoon would do. In the past, perhaps, that would have been his course of action, but that was before he’d been aware of the extent of Gyu-hyuk’s feelings for him—as well as everything that had happened last night. To call it an eye opener would be quite the understatement, to put it mildly.

But more than that, seeing Gyu-hyuk like this now while the memories of the previous night play out in his mind reminds Do-yoon that he hasn’t exactly… returned the favor. Twice now the man has gotten him off, and in both of those times he has never once tried to get Do-yoon to do the same even though he probably was in his right to do so. Instead all the man had done was to hold him close and assure him that he’d continue to be at his side no matter what.

Do-yoon can’t say that he doesn’t appreciate those moments, since Gyu-hyuk’s closeness and assurance had been a huge reason why he hadn’t freaked out as much as he thought he would’ve. Now that he’s here he can see it as the comfort that Gyu-hyuk had been doing his best to give him, and once again Do-yoon can only be thankful that he still can have somebody as thoughtful as Gyu-hyuk in his life. The man is and has always been there for him, and Do-yoon hopes he can somehow do the same back in turn.

With that being said, maybe the first thing he can do to try and put them on equal ground would be to… Do-yoon doesn’t quite manage to finish the thought, but his face continues to run hot as he focuses his gaze onto Gyu-hyuk’s erection which is still covered by his pants. A part of him is still somewhat hesitant about doing this, what with Gyu-hyuk still being asleep and therefore not really quite able to consent, but it's not hard to guess what the man is dreaming about given the way he’d been calling out his name. And he _did_ suck him off last night… if all of that isn’t enough of an indication that Gyu-hyuk wants him, then Do-yoon doesn’t really know what else to say.

Still, all he can do is to hope that he isn’t making a big mistake as he finally reaches down and carefully palms his hand right over the outline of Gyu-hyuk’s cock at the front of his pants. Even through the fabric of said clothing Do-yoon can feel him twitch in response to that simple touch, and Gyu-hyuk lets out a quiet groan that almost sounds like an attempt to say his name.

Blood pounds in Do-yoon’s ears yet again, though now it's for a slightly different reason than before as he pulls his hand away and starts to tug down the other man’s pants. As much as he does his best to not jostle Gyu-hyuk too much, it's probably a matter of time before the man wakes up now—if not from this, then certainly from what happens after.

With his pants out of the way the shape of Gyu-hyuk’s erection is now far more evident as Do-yoon watches it strain from the confines of his underwear. He lets himself hesitate for half a moment before forcing himself to push through and continue, and he does so by tugging that down as well. Once he does that—and with nothing else left in the way—Gyu-hyuk’s cock immediately springs forward, and Do-yoon can see for himself how hard it already is. 

Both his lips as well as the inside of his mouth suddenly go dry as soon as Do-yoon lays his eyes on Gyu-hyuk’s exposed erection. He slowly runs his tongue over his lips, wetting them again, and swallows down the remaining saliva back down; the gulp that happens as he does so echoes loudly in his ears, heightening the nervousness that runs through him as he cautiously reaches for Gyu-hyuk’s cock. 

Up until now Do-yoon’s only ever touched his own cock, and even though a part of him knows that this shouldn’t be that wildly different it still feels like he’s crossing the threshold into something new and entirely unexplored as he lightly grasps the other man’s cock. Gyu-hyuk seems to be bigger than him—or at least that’s what he thinks so, just from that initial touch. Do-yoon can feel it throb against his palm, his hand beginning to get slippery from the precome that’s already leaking out from the head. 

He gulps again, trying to ignore how his heart has leapt up to his throat as he swallows once more, much like how he attempts to ignore the pounding that’s now happening between his ears. The urge to pull away, to back off and flee to the sanctity of his own room is more incessant than ever, but if he does that now he knows that he’ll never let himself have this chance again. And that is… well. He’s done more than his fair share of selfish, far-reaching decisions which ended up making his life worse. He doesn’t want this to be one of those mistakes, especially if it's because of his own insecurities. 

But perhaps the most important of all is that he doesn’t want to give Gyu-hyuk any more reasons to be sad. If he can make him happy by giving him this, then he will be happy to do so.

Do-yoon curls his fingers around Gyu-hyuk’s cock, making sure to be careful as he slowly tightens his grip; a shiver runs through his body when he feels it twitch and throb in response to the added stimulation. Gyu-hyuk makes another breathy sound, but otherwise doesn’t respond beyond that.

Maybe he’s tired out enough that he won’t wake up. It feels incredibly unlikely, but Do-yoon thinks that anyone else would have woken up by now. Still, he supposes he shouldn’t look at a gift horse in it's mouth; it’s easier to continue without having to feel the weight of Gyu-hyuk’s gaze on him, so dark and intense that it almost feels like it can physically drive straight into his mind and see every secret that he’s kept in there. 

Not that there is much that he has to hide from Gyu-hyuk at this point. The only thing left is the truth of his betrayal with Masquerade, but that is a secret that Do-yoon will take to his grave; he’d decided that the moment he saw Seungyeon’s lifeless body within that ruined stage. Even now he doesn’t know if it’d been the right thing to do, and maybe he will never know the answer to that question. 

Either way, he has something far more important to focus on right now. Do-yoon shakes his head and picks up the pace of his strokes on Gyu-hyuk’s cock, eyes going wide as he can’t help but stare at the way it reacts to his touch. He’s never thought of a cock as beautiful before but right now as he sees and touches Gyu-hyuk’s cock the only word that comes to mind is _gorgeous_. Gyu-hyuk has always been easy on the eyes and his cock is the same, and the more Do-yoon touches him the more he can feel his own blood rushing downwards, the heat beginning to build up between his own legs as he licks over his lips to wet them again after having suddenly gone dry. Just a bit more, he thinks, and then he can—

“...Do-yoon?”

Even without having to redirect his gaze, Do-yoon already knows. He knows just from the sound of his voice and the roughness of it (which in any other time he probably would have taken a moment to appreciate) that Gyu-hyuk has actually woken up this time and caught him red-handed. He immediately lets go of Gyu-hyuk’s cock and pulls his hand away, as if he’d been burned. He quickly tries to back away as well, but before he can start to do that Gyu-hyuk reaches out and grabs his wrist, preventing his escape.

“Do-yoon,” Gyu-hyuk says again, this time much more firmly. Do-yoon guesses that he must have shaken off the initial grogginess. Even though he knows it's not a good idea Do-yoon still tries to tug his wrist free; unsurprisingly, Gyu-hyuk tightens his grip in response, refusing to let him go. Do-yoon doesn’t try to struggle and fight back; hadn’t been planning to in the first place. But he pointedly keeps his gaze away, face and ears burning where his hand isn’t as a part of him pray for the bed to somehow open up and swallow him all the way to the floor.

Gyu-hyuk doesn’t say anything right away, and so a tense silence hangs in the air between them. Do-yoon can feel his gut squirming in a mixture of discomfort and embarrassment. Even though he knows it was a matter of time before Gyu-hyuk would’ve woken up it doesn’t make it any less difficult to handle no matter how he tried to mentally prepare himself. All of this… everything… it's all just so much and so sudden, and there’s no way he could’ve ever been ready for any of it. 

He thinks about making another attempt to move away, but that’s when Gyu-hyuk decides to speak up. “Do-yoon.”

Do-yoon remains silent. Gyu-hyuk sighs quietly, then lets go of his wrist. The mattress dips momentarily as the other man pushes himself to sit up, and as soon as he’s up Do-yoon feels a hand cupping his cheek.

“Do-yoon,” Gyu-hyuk calls for him once more. “Can you look at me?” He asks the question kindly; his tone is gentle and warm, wordlessly beckoning him to listen, and Do-yoon never really had the heart to say no in the first place anyway. He exhales slowly and turns, bringing his gaze back to look at Gyu-hyuk, who smiles at him the moment their eyes meet. 

“Thank you,” he says, and even though Gyu-hyuk is expressing his gratitude he sounds strangely pleased about it. Do-yoon would think about it, if he wasn’t immediately distracted by Gyu-hyuk suddenly leaning in to take a kiss from him without any prior warning. Do-yoon lets out a muffled cry of surprise at first, since he hadn’t been expecting it at all, but it is very much the nice kind of surprise and once the initial shock passes him by Do-yoon quickly finds himself sinking into the warm pleasure that the kiss gives him.

Surprisingly, Gyu-hyuk doesn’t drag it out like how Do-yoon remembers him doing back during all the other times when they’ve kissed like this. He pulls away only after a short while, with the smile from before still on his face.

The two of them stare at each other in silence after that, though in Do-yoon’s case it's because he isn’t entirely sure what he should do or say in this moment. This thing—whatever it is—that is now between them is so different from everything else that he’s ever known, and at the same time infinitely more precious; it is more or less everything that makes up the world that he now holds dear to him, and the last thing he wants to do is to ruin it.

He wonders if Gyu-hyuk thinks the same way, though he supposes he’ll never know. But judging from the tender look in the other man’s eyes as he gently tucks a lock of hair behind his ear Do-yoon thinks he can make a decent enough guess.

One corner of Gyu-hyuk’s lips tilts upwards then, as if somehow responding to Do-yoon’s thoughts, and he shifts his hand back to cup his face once more. His palm is warm at where it rests against his cheek, and his fingertips feel like sunspots against his skin as the man holds his face in a gentle but firm grip.

“I want you to know, no matter what…” Gyu-hyuk starts, trailing off momentarily as something akin to nervousness appears on his face. It’s not the first time Do-yoon has seen that look on him, but it's always such a jarring difference from the calm demeanor and cool confidence that he normally exudes that Do-yoon is always taken for a loop when he sees it. 

But unlike him Gyu-hyuk doesn’t allow himself to falter from something like this. He pushes on and continues as if nothing had happened, the smile returning to his face as he speaks again. “I want you to know that no matter what... I will always love you.”

Do-yoon can’t help but balk a little upon hearing those words, especially because he knows how genuine and heartfelt they are. It may not be the first time he’s heard Gyu-hyuk use the word ‘love’ in explicit regard to him, but it remains just as impactful. In a perfect world it’d be a sentiment that Do-yoon could return without hesitation, but both the world and him are anything _but_ perfect and so he is left lost and uncertain, unsure of how he can ever respond to something that means so much.

Gyu-hyuk, again, and like every other time, understands his difficulties in expressing himself, and his gaze softens once the moment stretches on long enough for him to know that Do-yoon isn’t going to answer him. 

“It’s okay if you can’t respond yet,” he murmurs, using his other hand to push away the bangs in front of Do-yoon’s face. “I can wait for as long as you need until you’re ready to say it.” He pauses then and tilts his head, the smile on his face widening into something dazzling and brilliant and utterly charming as he finishes with, “Just having you by my side is enough to make me happy.”

Hearing something like that combined with that smile is enough to send even the most coldhearted brute into a tizzy, much less Do-yoon. He stares back in return, mouth slightly open as he tries to think of something that he can say in response but he’s far too distracted by everything else to think of anything at all. 

Gyu-hyuk simply smiles again, looking almost as though he’d expected it, but it's hard to dwell on such thoughts when he’s suddenly being kissed again, this time with that intense, ravenous hunger that threatens to overwhelm Do-yoon entirely.

All of this is still new enough that Do-yoon still finds himself somewhat taken by surprise at the intensity of his actions, and maybe a part of him wants to dwell on that, but right now he’d rather not think at all and actually allow himself to sink into the dream where he does actually deserve every bit of love and affection that is currently being given to him. That he can actually have all of this and not have to feel guilty about it. 

He wonders—again—if Gyu-hyuk heard him somehow, because this time the man doesn’t stop with just a single kiss. He claims his lips over and over again, taking kiss after kiss with almost no pause in between each one that it makes Do-yoon’s head spin. In fact, he’s pretty certain that it must have spun so hard that it made him dizzy, because he’s suddenly lying back down in bed when he distinctly remembers himself still sitting up just a second ago. But it doesn’t matter anyway because Gyu-hyuk is right on top of him, his face filling up Do-yoon’s entire vision as he leans down to take another kiss. Said kiss lasts longer than any of the others they’ve shared thus far, and by the time Gyu-hyuk pulls away Do-yoon is left dazed and gasping for much needed air.

Gyu-hyuk flashes him a quick smile before he pulls away entirely, giving Do-yoon a chance to catch his breath as the other man repositions himself. The result of that is Gyu-hyuk straddling himself across Do-yoon’s thighs, knees pressing down onto the mattress on each side of him as the man leans forward to hover right above him. His larger body easily blocks out the little bit of light that’s diffused through the drawn curtains, casting a shadow in the space between them.

It’s in that space where Gyu-hyuk’s eyes gleam; despite them being nothing more than little pinpricks of light, they somehow shine bright enough to illuminate everything in Do-yoon’s vision. “I want to thank you for earlier,” the man murmurs just loud enough for him to hear. “I appreciate you having tried for my sake, and I know how hard it must be for you, so…”

From the corner of his eye Do-yoon sees Gyu-hyuk moving one of his hands, though it's only when he feels fingertips lightly brushing over the curve of his upper thigh does it finally click to him exactly what Gyu-hyuk had been talking about, and his face starts heating up once more.

With how close they are now there’s no way that Gyu-hyuk wouldn’t have noticed his embarrassment, and the quiet sound of amusement that he makes a few seconds later more or less confirms it. “There’s no need to worry,” he hears him say with cool, calm confidence that helps to soothe the worst of Do-yoon’s already fraying nerves. “I’ll take care of you.”

He wraps his hand around Do-yoon’s cock after he says that, leaving no room to misinterpret what he’d meant with those words. Do-yoon worries on his bottom lip and makes a sound from the back of his throat the moment he feels Gyu-hyuk’s hand on him, and despite having gone soft due to what happened prior he already can feel himself starting to harden again just from being touched like this. 

Gyu-hyuk smiles at him once more, then leans down to kiss him again, and it proves to be an excellent distraction to keep him occupied so that he doesn’t get lost in his head thinking about how he should respond when Gyu-hyuk starts to stroke his cock. He simply lets himself live in the moment, focusing on how good it feels to be touched and kissed and cared for in a way that he hadn’t ever felt before. None of his past experiences could ever hope to come even anywhere close to what he feels right now, and Do-yoon knows he would be a fool to ever let this go.

It doesn’t take very long at all for Do-yoon to become fully hard, and soon he’s panting into Gyu-hyuk’s mouth, too distracted by the way he’s being touched to return the other man’s kisses. Benevolent as always, Gyu-hyuk simply shifts his head and starts pecking around his lips instead, nipping at the corners every so often and teasing him further with small flicks of his tongue against his own. His hand doesn’t stop moving throughout all this, every stroke further heightening the pleasure that courses through him, further winding up the tension that’s building in his gut.

In many aspects it's similar enough to the other time where Gyu-hyuk jerked him off that Do-yoon doesn’t feel like he’s been entirely thrown into the deep end. But the pleasure is no less intense than before, and soon enough Do-yoon can already feel the minute trembling in his limbs as his orgasm draws close. At this point he’s hardly surprised anymore at how much of a quick shot he is when it comes to being with Gyu-hyuk, though it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.

But to his surprise—or rather dismay—Gyu-hyuk stops and withdraws his hand before Do-yoon can crest over that elusive peak. Do-yoon starts to squirm then, instinctively trying to seek out some other form of stimulation, but a hand on his hip keeps him firmly in place, and he hears himself mewl as his cock twitches at that unexpected display of strength, shivering when he feels his stomach getting wet with his own precome. Gyu-hyuk leans back in and kisses him again, swallowing his quivering pleas with his own mouth while he soothes Do-yoon’s burning arousal by stroking his arms. 

It takes a while, but eventually Do-yoon feels himself backing away from the tide; the trembling in his limbs comes to a halt, and he is able to silence the noises that he’d been letting out. But his cock is still hard and his arousal, while still present, is no longer threatening to overwhelm like it had been before. 

It’s only at this point does Gyu-hyuk end the kiss, dark eyes gleaming bright as he gives Do-yoon yet another smile. “I’m sorry for stopping like that,” he says, ducking down to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips, continuing to speak once he pulls back. “I know I said I’d take care of you, but…”

He trails off, looking oddly hesitant, and Do-yoon wonders what would have made him so uncertain until he sees Gyu-hyuk shift and feels the other man’s cock against his own. Instantly Do-yoon can feel his cock twitch as it takes an immediate interest in this turn of events, just as much as he can’t deny the sudden surge of heady pleasure that rushes up into his brain. 

Do-yoon watches Gyu-hyuk as the man rocks his hips in an attempt to rub up against him, but with how slippery Do-yoon’s own cock has already become he doesn’t quite manage it. He doesn’t attempt it again after that, and instead reaches back down with one of his big, strong hands and wraps his fingers around both of their cocks. Having not expected this, the initial contact draws out a gasp from him as a shiver wracks through his body. 

Above him Do-yoon can hear the smile in the hum that Gyu-hyuk lets out, even if he’s too caught up in the moment to be able to see it. Of course, he thinks about doing that once he recovers from this, but then the hand wrapped around their cocks starts to move, and nobody can blame him for instantly being distracted by that instead. Do-yoon lets out a groan and brings his gaze down, seeing for himself how it looks like to be touched in this fashion.

From where he is Do-yoon can quickly make out the heads of their cocks; both of them already slick and shining with the precome which they’re both leaking out. He can feel it down the entire length of his erection as Gyu-hyuk continues to stoke them together, the warmth of his palm only serving to further stoke the flames already raging between them. 

He hears a quiet groan above him, and Do-yoon lifts his gaze back up to see Gyu-hyuk’s flushed face—a sight that he hadn’t ever seen before until now. It’s incredibly attractive, to put it mildly, and Do-yoon didn’t even think he could be even more turned on at this point but judging from the way his cock twitches in Gyu-hyuk’s hand he can’t deny that is exactly what’s happening.

Gyu-hyuk lets out a sound from the back of his throat, as if surprised, and Do-yoon can feel his cock twitching back against him in return. Their gazes meet after that, and Gyu-hyuk manages a smile when it happens. “Do you like this?” he asks, the words coming out breathless. Considering how they’ve only just started it's somewhat surprising how out of breath he already is, although Do-yoon can’t say that he fares much better himself—but at least for him he already has an excuse, since he’d already been riled up from earlier. Sure, Gyu-hyuk did give him some time to cool down, but he can already feel himself losing any but of composure he’d regained in that time just from seeing Gyu-hyuk looming over him; the fact that he can also feel the exquisite sensation of their cocks pressed together only makes it all so much better.

Since he hadn’t looked much of it earlier, Do-yoon brings his gaze back down so that he can have a second look of how it’s like to be touched like this. Just like before he can see the tip of their cocks, both of them flushed and leaking copious amounts of precome which have begun to pool on his stomach. Gyu-hyuk’s fingers run over them each time he brings his hand back to the top, making every successive stroke slicker than the last, and it's both incredibly messy and intensely hot at the same time. Do-yoon can’t help but stare, feeling almost entranced by the sight before him. He'd never once thought that something like this could look so appealing, but right now that’s the only word he can think of to describe what he sees. 

He’s so thoroughly distracted by everything that’s happening that it takes a while for Do-yoon to remember that Gyu-hyuk had asked him a question, and then a bit more after to remember what said question is. But once he does recall it the only response he can give is to look back up to Gyu-hyuk and nod eagerly. He likes it, likes it even more than he could’ve ever imagined, and he knows that it only feels this good because it's Gyu-hyuk. Nobody else could grant him pleasure in the same way that Gyu-hyuk has so generously given to him.

Gyu-hyuk gives a small smile before his eyes flutter shut and he moans, and hearing that sends a white-hot coil of liquid arousal through Do-yoon’s entire body, and he lets out a sound of his own. Gyu-hyuk takes that as a sign to speed up the pace of his strokes, and with the increased pace comes more friction and stimulation—the two things that spark the burning flames of want that now rages ferociously inside of Do-yoon.

He tries to call out for Gyu-hyuk but his mouth doesn’t want to work the way he wants it to, too lost in letting out his moans and cries of pleasure as the urge to come looms closer and closer. So instead of trying to force it out Do-yoon shapes his voice to call out something else instead, and even though it may not be his name Gyu-hyuk would know that he is the one that Do-yoon is calling for.

“Hyung,” he gasps out, and the moment he does so Gyu-hyuk groans and shudders so violently that Do-yoon would have thought that he was already coming if their cocks weren’t currently right against each other. Still, it does seem like Gyu-hyuk is close enough to it anyway, because as soon as he recovers from that he speeds up the pace of his hand even more, and now it's Do-yoon’s turn to shudder as his pleasure quickly ratchets up, making him moan and cry out once again.

Gyu-hyuk lets out a hiss, as if frustrated by something, but Do-yoon is far too distracted by everything else to think about it. The only thought that crosses his mind is a simple ‘ _oh_ ’ when Gyu-hyuk chokes out, “Say it again.”

Do-yoon is more than willing to oblige, especially now that he knows that the man is affected by something like this. “Hyung,” he calls out again, then chokes on a moan when Gyu-hyuk rewards him with another stroke. “ _Hyung,_ ” he repeats himself once he catches his breath, and Gyu-hyuk lets out a noise that almost sounds like he’d been punched right in the gut. Within the confines of his hand Do-yoon can feel his cock twitch and pulse, and the precome that comes dribbling out from him lands on his own cock in hot, wet splotches that shouldn’t feel as good as it does.

“Hyung,” he says one more time, and this time Gyu-hyuk responds by closing the distance between them and catching his lips in a deep, hungry kiss. Do-yoon moans into the kiss, completely taken in, his own hands flying up to clutch at Gyu-hyuk’s shoulders so that he has something (someone) steady to hold onto as he feels his pleasure reaching its peak.

He thinks he can hear Gyu-hyuk say something that sounds like his name, but at this point it's impossible to keep track of anything at all. All he knows is sensation and feeling and desperation and please, please, _please_ don’t stop, he wants this, he needs this, he’s so close and everything is so hot and good and amazing and if Gyu-hyuk does that again he’s going to—

 _Come,_ he hears the command, though Do-yoon doesn’t know if it’d actually been spoken by Gyu-hyuk or if he had imagined it instead, but it doesn’t matter either way because he’s following it all the same. His last bit of self-restraint splinters apart as he comes hard and fast, moaning aloud as he loses himself in the high that his orgasm has brought him to. He thinks he hears Gyu-hyuk responding with a moan of his own, but he’s too caught up with everything else to pay attention to it. In that moment there is nothing else but him and Gyu-hyuk and this pleasure that the both of them have shared together. 

Eventually, Do-yoon slowly comes back down from the aforementioned high, and as he regains his senses he feels the weight of Gyu-hyuk’s body now pressing down on top of him. Judging from the way he’s breathing and the copious amount of semen he can feel slowly soaking through his (now very likely ruined) t-shirt, Do-yoon can only surmise that the other man must have come not long after he did.

He considers nudging Gyu-hyuk off him so that he can get out of bed and into the bathroom to wipe himself down and change into a fresh set of clothing, but then he thinks about how doing that will probably disturb Gyu-hyuk and how it would mean that he won’t be able to continue feeling the physical closeness that they have now and Do-yoon isn’t ready to put an end to it just yet.

But as much as he wishes it were otherwise, eventually Gyu-hyuk does recover enough to realize that he’s right on top of Do-yoon and shifts himself out of the way. Now freed and with no more reason to dawdle, Do-yoon reluctantly starts to push himself to sit upright, but before he can go all the way he feels a hand grab his wrist; a quick turn of his head quickly reveals that it is indeed Gyu-hyuk who’d reached out for him. Even though he’s still lying down, it doesn’t stop him from raising his head and cracking an eye open so that he can look at him. 

“Stay here,” he tells him, “I’ll go and get what you need.”

A part of Do-yoon thinks about turning down the offer for help, saying that he can handle himself on something as simple as this and that he doesn’t have to go to this extent for him. But the other, significantly bigger part of him points out how Gyu-hyuk probably just feels bad about being on top of him for so long earlier and just wants to do something to make up for it, even if Do-yoon personally feels that he doesn’t have to since it wasn’t as if Do-yoon himself didn’t benefit from it. But since the man is already offering, the last thing Do-yoon wants to do is to accidentally offend him by telling him ‘no’.

So he nods and moves to lie back down, and once he does so Gyu-hyuk leans over and presses a quick kiss on his forehead before making a move to get out of bed in his stead. Do-yoon watches him until he disappears from his line of sight, then turns his gaze up to the ceiling and stares at it while he hears the sounds of Gyu-hyuk shuffling about in the adjacent bathroom. 

After what feels like a long time (though he knows logically that probably isn’t the case), he hears the light switch of the bathroom being flicked off followed by the sound of his footsteps coming closer towards the bed. Soon enough the man reappears in his field of vision, his warm smile visible even in the dim light.  
“Here,” he says quietly as Do-yoon feels a damp cloth pressed onto his hands while something light lands onto his lap at the same time. It’s not hard to guess what the item on his lap is, so he focuses on the cloth in his hands first; he doesn’t hesitate to make liberal use of it, he wipes down his hands first, then a quick pass across his neck just to clear off the sweat that’d gathered there, and then finally wiping away the dried come on his stomach. It doesn’t quite manage to get everything out, but it's enough to remove his discomfort; he’ll deal with the actual cleanup later in the morning, once he’s actually out of bed.

Gyu-hyuk takes the cloth from him once he’s done, placing it aside to deal with later as well. As he does that Do-yoon picks up the item on his lap—a fresh t-shirt—and changes into it, glad that he won’t have to bear with it until he gets out of bed. It’s a quick affair, and once he’s changed Do-yoon drops the soiled t-shirt onto the floor, adding to the pile of things to handle later in the day.

Once all of that is done Gyu-hyuk returns to his side of the bed, and when he gets back on the mattress he leans to press a chaste kiss right on the lips, sighing softly against them before pulling away. 

“Thank you,” Gyu-hyuk says to him, and the smile that comes after that is as warm and wonderful as always. “That was a wonderful way to wake up.”

Do-yoon feels his face getting hot as embarrassment takes hold of him once more, which in turn is embarrassing by itself considering what they’d just done. He supposes it's the earnest appreciation that’s affecting him more than anything else; he can’t ever imagine anybody _thanking_ him for something like this, but as always Gyu-hyuk always knows how to subvert his expectations.

The right thing to do here would be to properly acknowledge his thanks, but Do-yoon doesn’t want it to turn into an opportunity to tease him even more, so he does the only thing available to him, which is to switch topics. “I…” He starts to speak only to trail off as soon as he does because he’s taken aback by how foregin his own voice suddenly sounds like to him. He can’t exactly point out exactly what is so different, but he simply just knows, somehow. 

He makes a mental note to dwell on it more later when Gyu-hyuk isn’t around. And speaking of him not being around… “Do you not have to go to the studio yet?” More often than not the man would have left the house by the time Do-yoon wakes up, and even on the days where that isn’t the case he’d at least be out of bed. This may very well be the first time that he’s woken up to Gyu-hyuk still being in bed with him. 

Gyu-hyuk gives him a bemused look in return. “Why, do you want me gone so badly?” 

Part of Do-yoon recognizes the tilt in his voice that would have tipped him off that Gyu-hyuk hadn’t been serious about his question, but a far larger part of him instantly panics at the thought of Gyu-hyuk not being in his life. “I—no—of course not,” he sputters out while vehemently shaking his head. “I’d never—I wouldn’t—” He isn’t even entirely sure _what_ he wants to say here, if he has to be honest; his mind is in a sudden whirl of panic to be able to think straight. All he can do is to grasp at straws and somehow hope that he can manage to get out some kind of coherent response. 

To nobody’s surprise, he doesn’t get very far at all, but Gyu-hyuk fortunately decides to take pity on him after a while and speaks up again. “I know you don’t,” he says, and at the same time he reaches out and rests one of his hands on the top of his head, gently ruffling his hair. Do-yoon feels the warmth of his palm sinking through his scalp to spread across the rest of his body as Gyu-hyuk does that, and already he can feel his panic subsiding. After a while more it dissipates entirely, and Do-yoon finds himself relaxing, body finally easing away from a tension that he wasn’t even aware that he had until this very moment.

Once he’s fully relaxed Gyu-hyuk shifts from ruffling his hair to lightly petting him on the head. “I only have an afternoon shoot on my schedule today,” he explains, and in the still silence around them Gyu-hyuk’s voice feels louder even though Do-yoon knows that he’s speaking at his normal volume, if not quieter than that. “It’s getting close to the live broadcast of the Top 5, so they’re giving all of us time to practise for our performance then.”

That is something that didn’t happen when Do-yoon had been in the show; back then Seungyeon had all but packed their schedules to the brim with either filming or doing promotions, leaving Do-yoon completely exhausted by the end of the day. He’d done his best to practise whenever he could, but without time on his side there really wasn’t much he could do at all. In the end he’d done most of his practice on the day itself, prior to the broadcast, and hoped that it’d be enough to tide him through. 

Somehow, he’d managed it, though even he could tell that it wasn’t his greatest performance. The judges had highlighted as much, and Do-yoon could do nothing else but take those criticisms. After all, it wasn’t as if he could point out how Seungyeon didn’t give him any time to practise, because it’d been the same for everyone else too. 

That night, he’d been certain that he was going to be eliminated from the show; as much as he had tried he’d also been fully aware of how much leaving (and subsequently ruining) Masquerade had hurt him. He’d made it through all the way here to the Top 5, but as he stood there on the stage with the host’s voice echoing across the audience he could admit to himself just how massively outclassed he’d been. As much as he’d wanted to win he knows full well how he never stood a chance against the giants—Juyoung and Gyu-hyuk. They were always at the top, and Do-yoon knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t going to change. Even if he somehow made it through here… it wouldn’t get him anywhere better.

 _Fourth isn’t so bad,_ he remembers thinking to himself then as he braced for the announcement of the results. Once the host says it it’ll be just like ripping off the bandaid, and he can get this over and done with and not think about anything else, least of all being branded a betrayer—

Then, of course, came the tremors. The shaking. The walls crumbling apart while the metal pillars screeched and squealed as they bent under the weight of the ceiling coming down on them. Everything was chaos and madness and he watched with wide eyes as Gyu-hyuk did nothing but stare, too shocked and stunned to react even at the sight of his own imminent demise falling straight towards him.

If anyone ever asked him why he went out of his way to save Gyu-hyuk, Do-yoon doesn’t know if he’d be able to give an answer even now. Had it simply been a natural, instinctive reaction, or was it for some other reason entirely? Maybe deep down a part of him had always wanted a chance to properly prove that he wasn’t the person everyone else thought he was. That he could be somebody who wasn’t labelled with the title of ‘betrayer’.

But at this point, it doesn’t matter anymore. Gyu-hyuk believes him—and more than that, the man loves him, even if Do-yoon still doesn’t feel entirely deserving of it. Regardless of what his reasons were back then, it doesn’t change the fact that they were brought together as a result, and it is because of said result that he is even here at all. Do-yoon doesn’t even want to think how he’d be like now if he didn’t have Gyu-hyuk to keep him afloat; the mere idea of not having him in his life is enough to make him shiver and shift to press himself just a little bit closer to the other man.

With Gyu-hyuk’s hand still on him there’s no way that he wouldn’t have noticed him shifting, but he says nothing about it and simply continues to pat his head gently. After a moment Do-yoon hears him begin to hum a familiar melody, though it admittedly takes Do-yoon a good minute to actually put two and two together as to _why_ it sounded so familiar to him.

He guesses the realization must have shown on his face because Gyu-hyuk cracks an amused smile at him as soon as he’d made the connection. “I realize that I haven’t properly thanked you for last night,” the man says to him. “The whole song was amazing. I think it might be your best work yet.”

Though Do-yoon is well-aware that Gyu-hyuk’s opinion is more than a little bit biased, it doesn’t diminish the pride that swells up in his chest upon hearing such a wonderful compliment. After all, he did compose it with Gyu-hyuk in mind, so to hear that he does like it is all that he needs. 

Do-yoon opens his mouth with the intention to voice out something along those lines, but Gyu-hyuk apparently isn’t done with what he’d wanted to say. “I was thinking… if you’re alright with it, then I’d like to use it for the upcoming performance.”

For a moment Do-yoon is caught off-guard by the question—not because he’s surprised that he’s being asked, since part of the reason why he even made this in the first place had been due to Gyu-hyuk mentioning that he hasn’t decided on a song for his performance yet—but rather because he simply hadn’t expected the question to come out now. He’d braced himself for it better last night, but things had gone in a wildly different direction than what he’d expected.

He can’t say that he regrets it, though. This thing between them is still terribly fragile and new, but Do-yoon already knows that wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. Just as Gyu-hyuk has done everything to help him, Do-yoon wants to return the favor and do whatever he can to give him the happiness that he deserves.

Knowing that Gyu-hyuk is still waiting for his answer, Do-yoon quickly recollects himself and nods, even managing to put on a small smile on his face. “Of course you can. I composed it with you in mind, after all.”

Gyu-hyuk returns the smile with his own. “I know,” he replies, and Do-yoon can hear the quiet joy in his voice. “And I’ll treasure it always.” 

Do-yoon, of course, doesn’t doubt that, because he can never doubt Gyu-hyuk. No matter what happens, he knows that he can trust him with anything.

* * *

Since there isn’t a lot of time left until the day of the performance, they unanimously decide to start practising the very same night, once Gyu-hyuk is back from his shoots in the studio. 

...or at least, that’d been the plan, up until it gets thrown out of the window in favor of an hour long makeout session on the couch of the home studio. As much as Do-yoon wants to put the blame on Gyu-hyuk since the man did make the first move, he can’t say that he’d really been trying to stop it either. He’d gone pliant the moment Gyu-hyuk pressed him down onto the couch, the blood in his body quickly rushing south as Gyu-hyuk devoured his mouth in fierce, hungry kisses.

He didn’t last very long after that, and although he very much did come to regret it in the morning after Do-yoon can’t deny how hot it’d felt to come while still fully clothed. Gyu-hyuk must have thought so as well, or else he wouldn’t have jerked himself off right after that and further ruining Do-yoon’s clothes. 

The only consolation he has is that the couch was spared from their tomfoolery—though in retrospect he should’ve figured that it was only a matter of time. Make out sessions had quickly become an almost daily part of their routine, and more often than not it would inevitably lead to something much more than what they’d first started with. Again, as much as Do-yoon wants to pin the blame on Gyu-hyuk, he doesn’t exactly have a leg to stand on either, for he knows he is just as eager to feel whatever it is that Gyu-hyuk is willing to give him in that moment. 

Sometimes, though, Do-yoon _does_ try to keep them from being too distracted, and while Gyu-hyuk usually acquises there’d been a few particular moments where he decided to respond with more than a little feistiness. The most memorable incident (which was also the one that ruined the couch badly enough that it required a thorough deep clean in the days after) had been when Do-yoon had spent the whole day trying to fine tune one of the most important parts of the composition to little success. By the time Gyu-hyuk returned he’d been more than a little moody—bad enough that he wasn’t really in the mood for anything raunchy. When the man began to get frisky during their session later Do-yoon tried to be polite about it at first, but compared to previous nights he reached the end of his patience much more quickly.

“Can it wait?” he’d eventually said, the words almost coming out in a snap as his frustration reached its peak. Of course, once that happened Do-yoon immediately felt terrible for losing his temper and quickly apologized to Gyu-hyuk for being so rude. The man easily accepted said apology, which Do-yoon couldn’t help but feel was a little undeserved for how unreasonable he’d been to him. In hindsight, he should’ve figured out then that Gyu-hyuk had something else up his sleeve.

The rest of the practice session went on without any more incidents, and eventually Do-yoon did manage to figure out a solution to his problem, putting him in a much better mood. So when Gyu-hyuk started to get handsy again Do-yoon doesn’t push him away this time, though he can’t deny that he’s also letting it happen as a way to apologize for having lashed out earlier. 

Gyu-hyuk presses him down onto the couch like almost every other time when they start getting frisky in here, his kisses as hot and demanding as ever. Do-yoon quickly finds himself swept up in it, groaning into his mouth as they trade kisses with each other, so wholly caught up in the sensations alone that he hadn’t realized that Gyu-hyuk had his wrists pinned down until he tried to move his hands.

The surprise had been enough to shake off the haze of arousal that’d been clouding his mind, and as Do-yoon attempted to break out of Gyu-hyuk’s sturdy grasp the man simply looked down at him and put on a smile that lacked any of its usual warmth.

“I want to show you something before we head upstairs,” he said, and the iciness in his voice alone had been enough to keep Do-yoon in place. 

‘Something’, in the end, turns out to be Gyu-hyuk edging him to hell and back. After the many times they’ve made out (and more), Gyu-hyuk has come to know exactly what his weak points are, and he makes liberal use of them during that time. With his wrists still pinned down Do-yoon is left helpless to fight back, and the suddenness of it all has given him no time at all to mentally prepare himself—though he’s certain that even if he did it wouldn’t have stood up to Gyu-hyuk’s relentless teasing. 

But it doesn’t mean that he didn’t try, though in the end his efforts had only delayed the inevitable; Gyu-hyuk infinite patience had quickly triumphed over him, and eventually Do-yoon was reduced to nothing more than a trembling, whimpering mess of need and want. The front of his pants had long become damp from the amount of precome he’d been leaking out, and his cock throbbed and ached with such ferocity that it’d felt like any little bit of stimulation would be more than enough to make him come. 

It’d be so easy at the point, and yet Gyu-hyuk still does not give it to him. Even though Do-yoon knows that nothing can shake off Gyu-hyuk’s hold on his wrists he still can’t help but try, driven by nothing more than blind desperation.

Gyu-hyuk smoothly readjusts himself so that he remains out of reach to any of Do-yoon’s attempts to get close to him for some much needed friction, and when he smiles this time there is an undeniable devilish quality to it. 

“Should we wait a bit more?” he asks, both his words and voice brimming with that same devilish amusement. 

Do-yoon has no idea where any of this is coming from, but it doesn’t matter because he’s so turned on he can barely think straight. “Please,” he hears himself beg as he futilely strains against Gyu-hyuk’s iron grip, his own voice high and reedy and so unlike him but he’s far too gone to care. “ _Please._ ” He should’ve already known that this, too, would be futile, especially with how long it's already been, but at this point he can’t think of anything else besides how hard he is and how badly he wants to come. 

But Gyu-hyuk only smiles again and continues to deny him the release that he so desperately seeks, watching with dark eyes as Do-yoon continues to struggle and beg, utterly immovable and completely heedless to any of his cries. 

Eventually, Do-yoon completely runs out of strength, and it's only then does Gyu-hyuk finally make his move. He lets go of Do-yoon’s wrists and trails his hands down the length of his body, coming to a stop at the waistband of his half ruined pants. 

“I guess we’ve both waited for long enough.” Do-yoon can hear the dark amusement in those words but he’s too worn out to try and respond. But it doesn’t seem like Gyu-hyuk had been waiting for an answer anyway because he continues to speak. “What do you think, Do-yoon? Should I let you come?”

Do-yoon wants to nod in response but even that feels like a tall order for him. He still feels way too tired to speak but he tries anyway, because he knows that if he doesn’t give some kind of answer Gyu-hyuk is never going to let him come. “...ease…” 

Feeble though his voice may be, Do-yoon knows that Gyu-hyuk would’ve been able to hear it just from how attentive he is. But apparently the man decides to feign ignorance instead, and Do-yoon watches in dismay as Gyu-hyuk blinks at him once before saying, “Did you say something, Do-yoon? I’m afraid I can’t hear you clearly.”

“ _Please,_ ” he begs again, voice hitching as the words come out in a sob. “Please, hyung.”

It would only be much later when Do-yoon would come to realize the true reason behind Gyu-hyuk's gaze softening after that particular plea. But in the heat of the moment the only things that Do-yoon can register are the things that he can see (Gyu-hyuk’s face, close enough that it takes up his entire vision) and the things that he can feel (the heat of his hand, so very close to where he aches the most) and the intense, all-consuming need to come.

Since Gyu-hyuk still hasn’t said or done anything else Do-yoon opens his mouth to try and beg one more time, but he’s stopped with a finger on his lips, and upon the next blink he sees that Gyu-hyuk’s face is now set with a tender expression. 

“Don’t hold anything back,” he hears him say, but before Do-yoon is able to process what those words mean his train of thought is swifty derailed by Gyu-hyuk finally pulling down the waistband of his pants and underwear low enough to free his cock. Do-yoon can barely hold in the choked gasp that escapes him as his cock springs out now that it’s no longer confined, completely flushed and hard and ready to burst at any given moment. 

Nobody could blame Do-yoon for thinking that he might still have to brace himself for a bit more teasing given how everything else has been thus far, but in the next moment Gyu-hyuk’s hand is fully wrapped around his cock, his grip hot and firm and just on the right side of rough. That, too, is something that Do-yoon only has a second to register before being distracted once more when the man starts to stroke him once again. 

Unlike before, Gyu-hyuk no longer keeps him hanging; he doesn’t stop his hand or pull away and leave him wanting. No, Gyu-hyuk is giving him exactly what he wants and so much more as he strokes him hard and fast, giving him no chance to even breathe as the rising tide of his orgasm encroaches ever closer with each pass of his hand. Do-yoon can feel the way his cock desperately throbs in Gyu-hyuk’s grip, the pleasure inside of him rising sharply without seemingly anything to hold it back. It swarms across his body, making his skin feel tight, nerves coming alight from the endless waves of sensation that compound upon each other. It’s a complete one-eighty after being denied for so long and it's too much to handle all at once but Gyu-hyuk just keeps going, his thumb rubbing over the head of his cock in that perfect way and making everything turn white—

Gyu-hyuk does that one more time, before Do-yoon has a chance to recover from the first one, and somehow that’s all it takes for Do-yoon to come. His orgasm slams into him without any mercy, completely blowing him over from the ferocity of it and leaving him entirely helpless to the overwhelming pleasure as it swallows him whole. Do-yoon comes like he’s never come before, his body trembling so violently that one would have easily mistaken him for having a spasm.

Gyu-hyuk kept him close, holding Do-yoon in his arms and murmuring praises into his ears that Do-yoon has no recollection of, because by the time he stopped shaking is when he’d pretty much fallen unconscious, completely worn out from everything that's happened. It made for a hell of an embarrassing morning after, when Do-yoon found himself waking up in Gyu-hyuk’s bed with no memory of how he’d ended up there. It hasn’t taken very long to put the pieces together, and once he did he made sure to apologize to Gyu-hyuk once he saw him in the kitchen downstairs.

Unsurprisingly, the man waved off his apology, though the fact that he tried to return it with one of his own was a little more unexpected. Do-yoon waved it off back in turn, and thankfully Gyu-hyuk did not attempt to push the topic further. He did, however, notice that Gyu-hyuk hasn’t allowed himself to be as handsy since then, which considering the circumstances, is for the best. 

After that incident the remainder of their practice sessions more or less pass by without anything else happening—or at very least, nothing on the same scale—which greatly helps to keep them on track as the time they have left grows ever shorter. 

For a while Do-yoon had gotten a little worried about not having enough time to fully practise the entire thing, but to his relief they finally managed to clinch it two nights before the day of the performance. After another round to make sure that it wasn’t a fluke they’d celebrated with another long, heady makeout session that’d ended with Do-yoon’s back against the wall, his legs wrapped around Gyu-hyuk’s waist to keep himself upright after his head started spinning from the sheer display of strength he’d done from suddenly hefting him up without any warning whatsoever. Just recalling it is enough to make him shiver and moan as they continue to kiss; Do-yoon eventually making shameless, wanton sounds into Gyu-hyuk’s mouth as the man jerked them off together with his hand, ruining even more of the special carpeted flooring of the studio despite Do-yoon’s attempts to prevent it from happening.

He’d have thought that Gyu-hyuk would be more bothered about it, but the man hasn’t said anything at all even after all this time, which seemed a little surprising at first but quickly made more sense once he thought about it. The studio had been something closely associated with his father, and he knows that Gyu-hyuk has no lost love for him, which is of course understandable. It’d make sense then that it would extend to this room as well—perhaps even the entire house. 

That’s when Do-yoon truly realizes just how much Gyu-hyuk loves him. Why else would the man continue to let him make use of this particular room when he probably wants it gone? To allow him to stay here when he’d most likely been planning to sell the entire place and move out? The signs were always there right before his eyes, but he’d never fully connected the dots together until now. 

It’s a hell of a realization to make at a time like this, but Do-yoon supposes better late than never. Now that he knows this, though, it's hard to not appreciate Gyu-hyuk even more for all that he’s done for somebody like him. It truly is a blessing that he is allowed to have a person like Gyu-hyuk in his life, especially when said person cares about him this much.

Do-yoon can’t lie and pretend that he doesn’t feel daunted with this newfound understanding, and as uncertain as he continues to feel about so many things it also makes him want to try harder, so that he can be somebody who is deserving of somebody as perfect as Gyu-hyuk. He doesn’t know how long he’ll take or if he’ll ever truly get there, but as long as he keeps trying, he’s bound to make some kind of progress instead of being stuck in this figurative hole he’s in.

At the very least, it is the hope that Do-yoon will allow himself to have. It’s small and fragile and in all likelihood a mistake to even have at all but he will do it nonetheless, because he has more than just himself to think about now. 

Perhaps then, when he is strong enough to be on his feet again without the help of anyone else, he will finally have the courage to properly answer Gyu-hyuk’s feelings for him.

* * *

The day of the performance finally comes around in the blink of an eye. Despite not being the one to actually perform Do-yoon still can’t help but feel a distinct nervousness that’d first made itself known as soon as he’d gotten out of bed and had only gotten exponentially bigger every time he glanced at a clock somewhere and saw how much time had passed since he last checked.

That urge only got worse once Gyu-hyuk had to take his leave after lunch, leaving Do-yoon to stew in his growing anxieties without anything (or more accurately, Gyu-hyuk himself) to distract him. It’s a terribly uncomfortable sensation that reminds him far too much of many other similar feelings that are now coming back to him since he no longer has a project to keep his mind occupied. 

He thinks about trying a whole variety of things to stop himself on dwelling on any of them, but it's hard when there is nothing else but him in this big, silent house. Eventually Do-yoon decides to curl himself up under the sheets of Gyu-hyuk’s bed, holding the pillow that the man uses close to his chest as he presses his face into it. Of course, by this time any lingering warmth and scent would have already long faded, but knowing that this is Gyu-hyuk’s is good enough for him. 

It helps him to keep the nervousness at bay for the rest of the afternoon at the very least, even if it's by letting him doze off until a chirp from his phone rouses him back to consciousness. It’s a bit of a surprise, actually, because Do-yoon has set his phone to silent a long while now when calls and unsolicited text messages from reporters and tabloid chasers and other such people reached an all time high after he’d similarly silenced his emails and Phater account. 

He hadn’t looked much at his phone since then, not wanting to see notification that informs him about the number of calls that he must have missed along with other similar things, but now as he picks it up with trembling hands and brings it close enough for him to see the screen, he notices that there aren’t any such notifications at all. In fact, the only notification present is one that informs him that he has a text message, and the sender is somebody he will always respond to.

  
이규혁  
I’m going on stage in 10 minutes.  
20:22  
Look forward to it.  
20:22  
❤️  
20:23  
  


Do-yoon pushes himself to sit up once he’d read the words, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and reading it again for good measure to make sure that he isn’t imagining it. He checks the time on the phone to be completely certain, and the display confirms that yes, it is indeed ten minutes to the supposed time of Gyu-hyuk’s turn to perform in the show.

Once it all clicks together Do-yoon quickly scrambles out of bed, thankful that the lights have been left on as he hurries down the corridor and towards the stairs leading back downstairs. He clambers down them two at a time, almost slipping near the end in his haste but managing to hold onto the railing before he can actually fall down. 

Crisis (thankfully) averted, Do-yoon makes sure to be careful as he makes the rest of the way over to the living room where the TV sits, untouched since the time when Do-yoon had come down here in the middle of the night to make use of it in a desperate attempt to let himself fall asleep. Of course, he also recalls what’d happened as a result of said attempt, and as embarrassing as it still is it also fills him with a degree of warmth that stems from knowing how much he has always been cared for, even back then. That feeling had been one of the many things he’d done his best to put into his composition, and even though Do-yoon has already heard Gyu-hyuk sing it due to all their practice sessions he still can’t help but wonder how it’ll turn out in the actual performance.

He supposes he’ll have his answer soon enough. Do-yoon glances down at the TV remote and picks it up, feeling his hands shake as he does so. Truthfully, there is a large part of him that is afraid of turning it on; while he has always been aware that Gyu-hyuk is in the show it is another thing entirely to have to see it again with his own eyes. Sure, he knows that things are different now, and Gyu-hyuk has assured him that the venue this time has been thoroughly vetted by the right people and channels, but there is always the constant whisper of _what if_ at the back of his mind.

Do-yoon shakes his head to dislodge those thoughts away. If Gyu-hyuk says that everything is okay, then that’s what Do-yoon will believe. He has to, because considering any other alternative only leads him to a spiral of self-destruction.

He’s wasted enough time as it is; if he dawdles any longer he really is going to miss Gyu-hyuk’s performance, and while it wouldn’t be the end of the world, it’d be a massive disappointment to not watch it live after all the time he’s spent with Gyu-hyuk to make sure that everything is just right.

Do-yoon takes a breath to calm himself, his hands steadying as he does so. Once he finally feels their trembling coming to a stop he musters up all the courage within him and presses the power button on the TV remote. The screen flickers open, the image on it fuzzy for a brief moment before it sharpens into crystal clear clarity, just in time for the camera to pan out and show the entire stage, a sight that is as familiar as it is disorientating.

Though he’d done his best to brace himself for it Do-yoon still has to give himself another moment to breathe and remind himself that he’s nowhere near there. Thankfully, the image on the screen soon changes to a close up of the host, who somehow manages to look excitable despite the fact that their eyes are hidden by the shaded lenses of their glasses. 

“—and we once again thank the judges and everyone else for their fair and meaningful contribution. Please give them another round of applause!” The host pauses for a moment then, letting said applause come through for the microphones to pick up. Do-yoon thinks about lowering the volume, but quickly decides against it—he doesn’t want to risk the chance of missing even a second of Gyu-hyuk’s performance, be it visually or otherwise.

Thankfully, the noise dies down once the moment passes, and as soon as the stage is quiet again the host makes their next announcement. “Now, we move onto the next finalist—the one I’m sure most of us have been waiting for tonight with much anticipation for what he will bring to the stage! Finally returning to where the last season ended, he’s ready to take this second chance and show us exactly why he’s number one! It's the one and only Lee Gyu-hyuk!”

The lights on stage dim as soon as the host finishes speaking. A beat passes, then two, and the momentary silence breaks as the first notes of the song Do-yoon had composed begin to play. A spotlight turns on, shining down right upon the figure of Gyu-hyuk as he stands in the middle of the stage, lighting him up in very much the same way as Do-yoon has always pictured him doing in his mind.

It’s a little bit surreal, he thinks to himself as he stares at the TV screen, unable to tear his gaze away as the camera on stage slowly pans around from one side to the other, always making sure to keep Gyu-hyuk in the center. Do-yoon doesn’t have to be there to feel the weight of everyone’s gaze upon Gyu-hyuk, but it becomes clear enough that the man is barely affected by them as Do-yoon watches him open his eyes and bring the mic close to his face as the last notes from the introductory melody finish, leading straight to the first verse.

Even though Do-yoon has heard Gyu-hyuk already sing his song multiple times from their practice sessions, hearing it like this is a whole different experience. It’s so much richer and far more resonant than he could have ever pictured in his head, the live band doing an excellent job in following the score he’d composed. 

The spotlight doesn’t leave Gyu-hyuk even as the man begins to walk around the stage, and Do-yoon watches with rapt attention as the camera zooms in on him once more. This close, Do-yoon can see the raw emotion that plays across Gyu-hyuk’s face, and when he hits the chorus Do-yoon can only close his eyes and shiver at the frisson that runs down his spine and spreads across the rest of his body. 

With the light constantly on Gyu-hyuk, illuminating him out from the darkness of the rest of the stage, Do-yoon can only wonder if this is what it is like to see a true star. It’s not a secret that Gyu-hyuk most likely already has prospects and record deals waiting for him regardless of where he finishes in the show at this point. He’s all but guaranteed a proper debut once this is all over and Do-yoon can only picture him rising even higher from here, ascending towards the light currently shining down on him and surpassing it to go even further. 

Would his voice still reach out to him when that happens, Do-yoon can’t help but think as he opens his eyes, blinking as Gyu-hyuk reaches the outro. The camera slowly zooms out as that happens, and Do-yoon watches the way the spotlight dims out in time with the ending of the song, completely going dark right after the final note and leaving the entire stage cloaked in shadow. 

A hushed silence falls across the entire audience, lingering on for far longer than Do-yoon ever remembers it being in any other situation. Anxiety quickly starts taking root then, making his gut churn as his mind whirls with a million thoughts over this unexpected reaction. Was the song not well received by the audience and judges? Was it too different from Gyu-hyuk’s usual style that they had no idea how to react? Do-yoon had tried his best to make his composition work with how Gyu-hyuk performs, and the practice sessions had been good too, but maybe that hadn’t been the case. Maybe his bias had rendered him blind to the fact that this would never work out and now he has to realize that in the worst possible way—

The sudden sound of a clap gets Do-yoon out of his thoughts, and he blinks as he turns his attention back to the TV, which is once again silent. For a second he wonders if he’d just imagined the clap, but then he hears it again, and again, then even more—and soon enough the thunderous sound of applause fills both the stage as well as the living room, loud enough to even drown out the ecstatic cheering that he can hear coming from what is probably Gyu-hyuk’s most loyal fans.

He stares at the screen, eyes going wide as he sees the members of the audience standing up. A few of them at first, then more, and as the camera pans towards the judges’ desk Do-yoon sees that they, too, are doing the same, and suddenly all his worries and fears vanish into the ether just like magic. They’re gone because he has irrefutable proof that everything has actually worked out for once, and something that almost feels like pride swells up in his chest, warm and content and so very pleased.

Do-yoon feels something like a smile tug at his lips as he picks up the remote and turns the television off. He hadn’t planned to stick around after the performance anyway, but after seeing that initial response, he no longer needs to worry about the judges’ comments. 

Despite all of Do-yoon’s uncertainties and trepidations, he’s done it—or rather, _they’ve_ done it. They’ve made this work together, and being able to witness their combined success first hand feels Do-yoon with a sense of joy and accomplishment he hasn’t felt in a long, long time. Long enough that it feels so foregin and other, so entirely unexpected that he has no idea what to do with said feelings.

It leaves him lost enough that he remains frozen on the couch, staring into nothing as the thoughts in his head whirl around in a constant attempt to try and catch each other, as if he’d be able to figure something out once they actually touched each other. While he can’t deny the possibility of it happening, there’s no way to know for sure. At least not tonight.

Still, with nothing else in the house to keep him occupied, the thoughts continue to circle around in his head with seemingly no end. Do-yoon checks his phone to see if Gyu-hyuk has sent him any message after the performance only to come up with nothing. He thinks about sending one himself, but banishes the idea as quickly as it’d come; he doesn’t want Gyu-hyuk to worry about him any more than he probably already is. Besides, him not sending another message isn’t a cause for concern; he’s experienced it firsthand how busy things get after a live performance. And for somebody as popular and talented as Gyu-hyuk, he’d most likely be swarmed by both staff members and fans alike after such an incredible performance. If anything, it’ll probably be a while before he can finally come back home.

Do-yoon, of course, is happy to wait for him until then. He wants to see the expression on Gyu-hyuk’s face when he returns and share this bubbling feeling of triumph and joy with him, because they’ve both worked hard on this and seeing it pay off so well is an incredible sensation. He wouldn’t be surprised if Gyu-hyuk has already shared his own feelings of triumph with others, but he hopes that the man will at least save some of it for them to celebrate together when he returns.

Though thinking about it further, Do-yoon supposes that he doesn’t have to worry about that. He knows that Gyu-hyuk will want to celebrate with him, because he knows how much the man cares for him. Gyu-hyuk promised to never leave his side, and Do-yoon will always believe that.

* * *

Do-yoon doesn’t exactly keep track of how much time has passed while he sits at the couch and waits, but it's certainly long enough that he can feel the stiffness in his legs when stands up upon hearing the unmistakable sound of the front door being unlocked. In the still quiet of the house the noise echoes through the entire place, and the only response is that of Do-yoon footsteps as he hurries over to the door, wanting to see Gyu-hyuk as soon as possible. 

By the time he gets there Gyu-hyuk has already opened the front door and stepped in. However Do-yoon can’t see his face just yet, because the man has bent down in order to take off his shoes. 

While he waits for Gyu-hyuk to do that Do-yoon glances over to the door, which has been left half open. He moves to close it, then follows up with locking it with a satisfying click. He gives the door a quick test to make sure that it is fully locked, and once he’s satisfied he lets go of the door handle and starts to turn over towards Gyu-hyuk. “Welcome ba—”

Do-yoon doesn’t even get to finish his greeting before his lips are suddenly covered up with Gyu-hyuk’s. He lets out a surprised sound at the abruptness of it all, and Gyu-hyuk takes his chance during that to quickly slip his tongue in, and once that happens Do-yoon soon starts singing a different tune.

He moans softly as Gyu-hyuk runs his tongue over his own, as if trying to tease it out. With no reason to dissuade him Do-yoon lets it happen, following his lead as he darts out his own tongue and touches it with Gyu-hyuk’s as it withdraws. The moment he does that Gyu-hyuk takes it as a sign to push things along, turning the kiss even dirtier by sucking on Do-yoon’s tongue and swallowing the sounds that he makes in response.

With how intense this first kiss already is, Do-yoon can feel his knees threatening to buckle and give in, but a single nudge from Gyu-hyuk has his shoulder bumping up against the front door. The rest of his back quickly follows soon after as Gyu-hyuk comes closer, practically pinning him onto it with his own body while keeping up with the kiss. When Gyu-hyuk finally pulls away Do-yoon is left more than a little dazed, leaving him unable to do anything else but stare blankly as Gyu-hyuk regards him with dark, hooded eyes.

“I want you,” he says, the heat in his voice making the words come out low and husky. It’s far from the first time that Do-yoon has heard him speak like this, but it never fails to make him shiver as his body reacts to the desire in the other man’s voice. Between his legs he can feel his cock beginning to stir, already taking an interest in the proceedings. 

With the both of them already pressed so close together Do-yoon already knows that there’s no way that such a reaction wouldn’t go unnoticed. Just as soon as that thought crosses his mind he sees Gyu-hyuk’s gaze briefly flick downwards, and when they come back up Do-yoon sees the familiar beginnings of a warm, amused smile appear on his face before his attention is taken up by Gyu-hyuk letting their gazes meet. His eyes are darker than before, and when he speaks this time he does so by leaning in to whisper the words right into his ear. 

“I want you,” he says again, and if his words were hot before now they are _scorching_ , and Do-yoon can’t quite stop the tiny little gasp that escapes him as he shivers again. He hears Gyu-hyuk make a soft sound of amusement in return, then feels the tip of his nose brush against his cheek as he turns his head before the man claims his lips in another dirty, hungry kiss. Do-yoon quickly gives in, moaning again as the kiss sends sparks rushing through his nerves, threatening to ignite the still-simmering heat in his gut. 

It almost feels like an eternity before Gyu-hyuk breaks the kiss, and when he finally pulls away Do-yoon needs a moment to catch his breath even as both his lips and tongue tingle from the intensity of it. Gyu-hyuk withdraws further, far enough so that Do-yoon can see his whole face and note the flush on his cheeks as the man gives him that warm, assuring smile that Do-yoon will never get tired of seeing.

“Let’s head upstairs,” he suggests, and Do-yoon quickly nods his agreement. He can never say no to a smile like that, no matter what the request may be. 

He watches the smile widen, and Gyu-hyuk quickly leans in to press a brief, chaste kiss on his still tingling lips before pulling back entirely and reaches over to take one of Do-yoon’s hands into his own. Their fingers slide against each other as they thread together, and despite being able to feel the faintest hints of calluses that can never quite go away his grip is gentle and as warm as his smile as he tugs Do-yoon away from the door. Do-yoon stumbles forward, still feeling a little dazed from how quick things seem to be happening tonight, but as long as Gyu-hyuk is at his side he knows that he has nothing to worry about. 

Gyu-hyuk keeps a steady hold on his hand as he leads the way, walking towards the stairs that would bring them to the second floor. Do-yoon follows behind him without missing a beat, their joined hands guiding him even though he’s stayed in this house long enough by now to remember the layout. Then again, given how distracted his thoughts already are, maybe it's not so surprising that he needs Gyu-hyuk to lead him.

They make their way up the stairs quickly, the sound of their footsteps loud enough to echo down the corridor, though it doesn’t matter because there’s only the two of them in this entire house. They could do whatever they want within the walls of this place and nobody will ever know because this is their personal sanctuary.

But Do-yoon has to admit that nowhere will ever be as comfortable as Gyu-hyuk’s room, and especially his bed. Gyu-hyuk must feel the same way, because as soon as they get to his room and close the door the man quickly tugs him towards the bed, finally letting go of his hand so that he can use it to cup Do-yoon’s cheek and kiss him once more. Do-yoon is more than willing to return it, and he loses himself into the kiss long enough for Gyu-hyuk to press him down onto the mattress. 

The bed is at least a far more comfortable surface than a door, and it doesn’t take long for Do-yoon to relax underneath the other man once he knows where he is. Their kiss lingers, dragging on until the need for air forces them to break apart. Do-yoon pants for much needed air, vision going a little fuzzy at the edges as he feels the heat in his gut simmer with just a little more heat than before.

Above him Gyu-hyuk gasps for air as well, the flush on his cheeks far more prominent than before. The both of them stare at each other for several moments like this, and the longer Do-yoon looks the more he thinks he can see Gyu-hyuk’s eyes shine with some kind of intense, almost manic energy. 

“Everyone loved it,” Gyu-hyuk speaks after a moment’s pause, and it takes Do-yoon a second to put it together that that man is talking about the live performance. “The judges, the audience, everyone—they all loved it.”

Do-yoon nods in return. “I know… I saw.” Just a little bit, but it’d been enough for him to know. The warm sensation he’d felt in his chest earlier returns, as if summoned back by the recollection of that amazing moment. Do-yoon doubts he’ll ever forget it for the rest of his life.

For a moment Gyu-hyuk blinks down at him in surprise, as if not having expected him to know that, but once it passes he smiles, and this particular smile is brighter and warmer than any of the other smiles that Do-yoon has ever seen on him. He’s fairly certain that this, too, is something that he will not forget.

Gyu-hyuk—warm and bright, positively beaming with newfound radiance—leans in for another kiss, and just like the one from earlier this, too, also lingers, and when it ends Do-yoon needs a second to catch his breath again. 

“I realized something after tonight,” he hears Gyu-hyuk murmur above him. Do-yoon blinks, his vision refocusing, and when it does he sees Gyu-hyuk staring at him again with that same intensity in his eyes. “I don’t care anymore about winning the show, about being number one. I already have everything that could ever ask for.”

With the way Gyu-hyuk looks at him as he says that, it’s not hard to figure out what he means. Do-yoon feels a flush rising onto his cheeks, and as flattered as he feels about being told something like that there’s a part of him that wants to try and argue, to say something along the lines of how Gyu-hyuk should try and win anyway, because it’ll be good for him. He opens his mouth to start speaking, only to stop himself before he can as a sudden realization settles in; he wants to say that it's for Gyu-hyuk’s own good but the reality is that he can never truly understand what that even means when he can’t even do the same for himself. The only reason why he’s here at all is because of Gyu-hyuk’s unfaltering support; if it wasn’t for him, Do-yoon doesn’t even know where he’d be now. So really, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on in this argument.

Still, he feels like he should say _something_ , at least. “...isn’t the show almost over?” he asks quietly. “It’d be a waste to leave it now.”

Gyu-hyuk blinks once more, another flash of surprise crossing his face, but it quickly passes and soon enough he’s smiling again, looking pleased.

“No, I’m not leaving the show,” he clarifies, and once he hears that assurance Do-yoon feels himself let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding in until that moment. “I suppose a better way to put it would be that it doesn’t matter now if I don’t get first place. I’m happy to free myself of that worry, especially when I have something so much better and infinitely more important to me.”

Do-yoon feels fingertips ghost across his cheek as Gyu-hyuk says that, sees the intensity of the gaze that the man continues to place on him. He looks back, doing his best to meet the strength of that gaze with his own, and he supposes it must be good enough because the fingers near his cheek turns into the solid warmth of a palm. Do-yoon closes his eyes at the touch, shivering ever so slightly when he feels a thumb trace over the curve of his ear.

“I love you, Do-yoon.” It’s not the first time he’s heard Gyu-hyuk say that to him, but unlike before Do-yoon finds himself feeling the full weight of those words. It’s clearer than ever now just how much Gyu-hyuk really does love him, and for the first time Do-yoon thinks he can feel himself wanting to reciprocate that statement properly. To actually voice it out loud and clear so that Gyu-hyuk will actually _know_ instead of guessing it from his actions.

But though the desire is present, there is still enough uncertainty alongside it to make him hesitate, for as much as he wants to do it Do-yoon knows that once he says something like that there is no way for him to take it back. And that kind of permanence still feels like… a lot, even after everything that’s happened.

Do-yoon wants to know if any of those thoughts are showing on his face, but it's not exactly something he can ask so easily. Still, he can’t fully stem his curiosity, so he opens his eyes to see he can read anything from Gyu-hyuk’s face. But before he can get them open the whole way his vision is suddenly obscured by something right over his face, and it takes a second for Do-yoon to realize that the thing blocking his sight is Gyu-hyuk’s own hand.

“Keep them closed,” Gyu-hyuk tells him even before Do-yoon can ask what’s going on. “Don’t open them until I tell you to.”

Despite being confused as to what Gyu-hyuk intends to do here, Do-yoon has no reason to distrust him. He nods with Gyu-hyuk’s hand still over his eyes, making sure to keep them shut when he feels the man pulling said hand back. Without his sight all Do-yoon can do is to depend on his other senses to try and sense what is happening, but even before he can start to focus Gyu-hyuk is kissing him once again, and as much as the man tries to keep it light Do-yoon can sense the hunger behind it, strong enough that it makes him shiver in anticipation for what’s to come.

Gyu-hyuk pulls away only after a short while, though Do-yoon can feel him linger close by. His breath rushes over his lips, then lower down to his chin, and Do-yoon sighs as he feels Gyu-hyuk press a wet kiss on a spot right underneath.

“I want to show you how much you mean to me.” Gyu-hyuk murmurs the words against his skin as he trails his lips across the curve of his jaw. One of his hands slide underneath his t-shirt, skimming his palm over the plane of his stomach; despite the simple, fleeting touch Do-yoon can already feel the skin there warming up. “Will you let me, Do-yoon? Can I show you?”

Do-yoon doesn’t even think twice before answering. “Yes,” he breathes out his response; he’d nod as well, but with Gyu-hyuk’s head still presumably close to his own Do-yoon doesn’t want to cause any unfortunate accidents and ruin the mood. 

He feels the stretch of Gyu-hyuk’s lips at the juncture between his neck and jaw as the man smiles at his acequience. “Thank you,” he says, sounding pleased, and hearing that tone sends a rush of quiet, happy warmth through Do-yoon himself. After all the hurt and worry that he’s brought onto Gyu-hyuk it’s nice to know that he _can_ actually do the opposite. He hopes that he can continue this for as long as they’re together.

Gyu-hyuk hums then, as if somehow voicing his agreement to that very thought even though Do-yoon hadn’t said them aloud. But at this point it's hardly a surprise—he’s experienced Gyu-hyuk’s sharp intuition multiple times already, and it’s hardly a stretch to think that the same thing is happening here. So many times Gyu-hyuk has already shown how well he knows him, sometimes even to the extent of knowing about the parts of himself that Do-yoon doesn’t even recognize. 

Truly, he thinks, it is his fortune to have Gyu-hyuk in his life. He knows he’s had that thought countless times by now but it's impossible to not reiterate it when he gets to feel over and over again the weight of the man’s love and kindness and affection for him. It’d because of the man’s constant encouragement and persistence that he’d been rescued from the darkness in his mind that’d been threatening to swallow him whole, to consume him entirely and leave nothing but a shell of who he was. Had he been with anybody else, Do-yoon is certain that they would have simply let it happen, because who would want to waste so much effort on somebody who couldn’t even try?

But now, he’s finally managed to get past that once seemingly insurmountable obstacle. He’s made his first step onto something much more tangible, and as shaky as that step feels it is nevertheless a beginning—one that would have never had happened if it wasn’t for Gyu-hyuk never giving up on him. Do-yoon doesn’t know how he can ever repay him for anything at all… so the only thing he can do is to be here and hope that it will be enough for now, until the time comes where he can give him so much more.

He sighs again as Gyu-hyuk presses another line of kisses across the other side of his face, but this time he trails down even lower, past the point between neck and jaw where he’d been lingering earlier and getting to his neck. There, the press of Gyu-hyuk’s lips become more insistent, as if trying to build Do-yoon up to something, and he only realizes what said ‘something’ is when he feels the sudden, sharp pressure that can only come from Gyu-hyuk currently sucking a mark upon his neck.

The sensation lingers even after Gyu-hyuk pulls away, the skin there throbbing with a quiet ache that Do-yoon knows he’ll feel tomorrow. But that feeling is nothing compared to the heat that is now slowly rising within him, spiking up when he feels those same lips on another spot on his neck. He hears himself let out a small, quiet sound as Gyu-hyuk kisses on the patch of skin he intends to mark, as if giving him a moment to brace himself before he places his mouth over the spot and Do-yoon once again feels the sharp ache of having another mark sucked onto his skin. 

After two marks Do-yoon wonders if the man will stop, but he quickly gets his answer when Gyu-hyuk moves to yet another spot on his neck and leaves a mark there too. From there he moves again, doing it a fourth time, then a fifth, followed by a sixth… eventually Do-yoon loses track and simply lets himself drift in the sea of sensation as Gyu-hyuk continues to mark his neck. 

By the time Gyu-hyuk finally stops Do-yoon thinks his entire neck is throbbing from all the marks that the man has left. But the sensation is not entirely unpleasant, and when Gyu-hyuk moves to plant a kiss over his sternum through his t-shirt Do-yoon feels his chest hitch as his breath catches at the back of his throat. 

He hears Gyu-hyuk make another quiet sound before pulling away again, and Do-yoon wonders if he’s feeling this more because he has his eyes closed. He supposes it would make sense, though after that comes the question of exactly where Gyu-hyuk intends to lead with this. He assumes that the man does have an end goal in mind, but right now it's hard to grasp what exactly that is. 

Or maybe not, he thinks with a shiver as he feels both of Gyu-hyuk’s hands on his stomach now. The warmth of both of his palms further heighten the simmering heat within him, and it rises as they move up, sliding across heated skin until they slip underneath the folds of his rucked up t-shirt, fingertips pressing down lightly right underneath his collarbone.

“Let’s get this off,” Do-yoon hears him say, and it's not hard to guess what he means by that. In the grand scale of things they’ve done this should hardly be anything by now, and yet Do-yoon finds himself hesitating. He hadn’t really thought about it, but for all the times they’ve had sex in the last couple of days (had it only been days? It’d felt so much longer than that) they’ve always done it with their clothes still on. Not that either of them had planned for things to be that way; it’d just sort of naturally happened.

In that sense, it makes everything that’s happening now feel a bit more momentous than before. Sure, they’ve brought their trysts to bed a fair number of times, but this time feels more… deliberate, if he had to use a word to describe it. It feels like Gyu-hyuk is about to lead him across some kind of threshold in their current relationship, though what that exactly is is pretty much anybody’s guess right now.

Such an unknown quantity would be something that Do-yoon would be worried about, but that worry is the last thing on his mind when there is Gyu-hyuk to both assure as well as distract him. Do-yoon knows that he has nothing to fear as long as Gyu-hyuk is at his side.

With those thoughts in mind Do-yoon gives a nod to show his assent. Gyu-hyuk lets out a hum of acknowledgement in response, and then Do-yoon feels the man’s fingertips leave his skin. It quickly gives way to the slight drag coming from the meat of his palms as Gyu-hyuk moves his hands in order to grip his t-shirt, bunching up the fabric so that he can hold it all together at once. 

Once he does that Do-yoon feels the man give his shirt a tug, and it's not too hard to figure out what to do next. He raises his arms up and bends his head down, allowing Gyu-hyuk to remove his t-shirt from him in one smooth motion. It only catches a bit at the end as the sleeves bunch up around his wrists, but it's nothing that a little wriggle can’t solve. 

The t-shirt fully comes off him with one last tug, and the first thing that Do-yoon feels is his skin prickling with a slight chill as the air conditioning hits the now exposed upper half of his body. He shivers slightly, crossing his arms over his chest in order to rub his hands over his upper arms to try and stave off some of the cold. While he does that Do-yoon feels the mattress around him shifting as the dips that would’ve come from Gyu-hyuk’s hands and knees disappear. 

It’s not too hard to put two and two together and figure out that Gyu-hyuk has left the bed, but his sudden departure nevertheless leaves Do-yoon wondering, especially with his eyes still closed as instructed. A part of him considers opening his eyes so that he can see what’s going on, but he quickly stops himself on that train of thought. Gyu-hyuk must have asked him to keep them closed for a reason, and the last thing he wants to do is to ruin whatever plans that the man has. This is, after all, his night. 

So he tells himself to wait, continuing to keep his eyes shut no matter how badly his curiosity nags at him to sneak a peek. After all, he doesn’t want to disappoint Gyu-hyuk—and more importantly, he knows that he can trust him. Do-yoon will always be in safe hands when it comes to him. 

He hears the sound of shuffling, followed by the rustling of cloth, and after a brief pause the mattress around him dips once more. Do-yoon only has a moment to guess what is happening before he feels Gyu-hyuk pressing a kiss onto his sternum once more, except that this time the sensation isn’t muffled by a t-shirt in the way and it's startling how a simple change can make everything feel so vastly different. The heat from Gyu-hyuk’s lips sinks through his skin and rushes through the rest of his body, the sensation so sudden and abrupt that it forces out a gasp that Do-yoon can’t keep in even if he tried.

He feels the stretch of Gyu-hyuk’s lips just like before as the man smiles against his skin yet again. “Thank you for being so patient,” the man says before pressing another kiss at the same spot. “I promise you that it’ll be worth the wait.” 

Do-yoon nods. “I know,” he mumbles in return, shivering as Gyu-hyuk starts to trail his lips over to one side of his chest. “You always—you’ll— _ah_ —” He cuts himself off with a louder gasp this time, because Gyu-hyuk has taken a nipple into his mouth and there was no way that he wouldn’t react to the way he can feel the other man’s tongue swirling around the quickly stiffening bud. Do-yoon would’ve never thought of his nipples being an erogenous zone but he definitely can’t deny how every flick of Gyu-hyuk’s tongue sends a hot spark of arousal rushing down to his groin, strong enough that he can feel his cock twitch ever so slightly. 

It feels too long and yet far too soon at the same time before Gyu-hyuk pulls his mouth away, and Do-yoon barely manages to hold back a whimper as he feels the way his nipple aches from all the attention it's gotten. He thinks he hears Gyu-hyuk let out an amused sound, but he can’t be sure about anything at all as he’s soon distracted by the man kissing a path over to the other side of his chest. Do-yoon’s breaths picks up as he wonders if Gyu-hyuk is going to do the same thing here as well, and he tries to brace himself for it—but the sensation is still new enough that he’s still caught entirely off-guard by how _much_ it feels, and another shiver wracks through his body as he gasps once again.

Just as what with he did with the other nipple Gyu-hyuk also gives this one plenty of attention; he nips and sucks and licks at it until Do-yoon feels it throb and ache just as badly, and this time when Gyu-hyuk stops and pulls back Do-yoon hears himself let out the whimper he’d previously managed to hold in. 

Even with his eyes closed it's all too easy for Do-yoon to hear the smile in Gyu-hyuk’s voice when he speaks. “I love how responsive you are,” he says, and Do-yoon feels his cheeks flush with sudden heat. While he knows that Gyu-hyuk is giving him a compliment, it's hard to not feel somewhat embarrassed about being told such a thing. He’d never even thought of himself as somebody who’d be loud in bed, but all their trysts have clearly shown him otherwise.

Then again, perhaps it's not so surprising. Gyu-hyuk has proven himself time and time again to be somebody who has broken through many of the assumptions that Do-yoon had about himself. The idea that he was nobody worthy, the fact that he couldn’t ever compose again, the belief that all he could do was to let himself be consumed by the darkness festering within him. He doubts that it’ll ever go away entirely, but at least now there are days where it no longer feels like it's the only thing he has; that he can feel something beyond the cold, icy grip that has had a hold on his heart for what has felt like an eternity.

He lets those feelings wash over him, drowning in the novelty of being able to have these things he’d once thought lost as Gyu-hyuk peppers more kisses across his chest. He pauses every once in a while to suck more marks onto his skin, and Do-yoon wonders how he’ll look like the next time he sees himself in the mirror.

The thought only lingers for a moment, scattering away when he feels Gyu-hyuk’s lips starting to move downwards. Hands—warmer and larger than he remembers them being—come to rest at each of his sides, thumbs digging in ever so slightly into the meat right above his hip when Gyu-hyuk kisses at the patch of skin right below his belly button, so dangerously close to his groin.

Do-yoon feels his cock giving another small twitch at that realization, realizing at the same time that the lower half of his body is still clothed. He notes that it is a strange observation to make, much less latch onto, and then he promptly stops thinking about it because Gyu-hyuk has apparently decided to skip the rest of the usual foreplay and go straight to the prize. He hears himself choke out some unintelligible sound as his hips twitch, unable to move much beyond that because Gyu-hyuk has already kept them pinned down with his big, strong hands. 

That realization sends Do-yoon’s head spinning. The fact that Gyu-hyuk’s mouth is right over his cock does not help, even if it is through two layers of (thin) cloth. He makes another observation, this time being the fact that he is already fully hard and quickly on his way to aching. At this point it seems entirely possible that he’d be able to come while still in his pants. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he’s ruined his clothes from their activities together.

Gyu-hyuk continues to mouth at his cock through the now obvious bulge in his pants, hands doing a good job of keeping him pinned down. Liquid arousal courses through Do-yoon’s body, urging for him to try and get more because Gyu-hyuk always knows how to make him _want_ more, and with no reason to refuse the demands of his body Do-yoon can only follow through. He braces his feet onto the mattress and digs his heels in, trying to get some kind of leverage so that he can press his hips up to get more of Gyu-hyuk’s mouth—and while he doesn’t succeed Do-yoon feels one of his knees brush across bare skin and _Oh,_ he thinks, _Gyu-hyuk isn’t wearing a shirt either._

The revelation is surprising enough that Do-yoon starts to open his eyes, wanting to see if that assumption is actually true—but he only manages to crack them open just a fraction before his vision is once again obscured by Gyu-hyuk’s hand. Do-yoon starts to move his head about in a bid to dislodge the hand away from his face, letting out a protesting noise at the same time, in response to that as well as to his now neglected cock since the man had to move back up in order to reach for his face. 

Gyu-hyuk shushes him. “If you don’t keep your eyes closed you won’t get what you want,” he warns, and hearing that is enough to send a less than pleasant chill down Do-yoon’s spine. He’s already had a taste before of what it’d been like to be denied, and while he’s not terribly opposed to another night like that, it's not something he’s particularly keen on right now. Not when Gyu-hyuk’s already gotten him so riled up from all his earlier teasing. 

So Do-yoon makes himself stop. He keeps his head still again and silences himself, only letting out a quiet sound from the back of his throat to show that he’s heard the man. Gyu-hyuk waits for several more moments after that to make sure that he has fully settled back down before he withdraws his hand, and then he follows it up with a gentle kiss that feels like a wordless apology.

“I know it's hard to be patient,” he murmurs once he pulls back, “But I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Do-yoon nods, making another sound of acquiesce. His eyes are shut, so he can’t see whatever expression that Gyu-hyuk might be giving him right now. He can only hope that it is a good one. 

There’s a moment of silence, and Do-yoon thinks he hears one of Gyu-hyuk’s soft, amused sounds, but it’s hard to be certain of that when in the next moment he gets distracted by the sensation of Gyu-hyuk’s lips on his skin once more. Unlike before he doesn’t linger for very long, quickly kissing a trail back down towards his cock, which has softened a little during the interim. But it doesn’t take much to get Do-yoon back to where he’d been, especially once he gets to feel Gyu-hyuk’s mouth again—even if it’s still through his pants and underwear—and soon enough he’s just as hard as before, if not harder, what with being denied like this.

Given how things have been happening thus far Do-yoon assumes that Gyu-hyuk would keep this up for a while since he’d been interrupted earlier, but he soon finds himself mistaken. After another minute or so of mouthing at his cock Gyu-hyuk pulls away, and Do-yoon feels his heart rate spike when the man’s hands shift to rest on the front of his waist, fingers curling to slip underneath the waistband of his pants and hold onto them. 

It’s not hard to assume what Gyu-hyuk intends to do next with an action like that, but Do-yoon holds his breath nonetheless, not wanting to get his hopes up. He can hear his heart pounding in his chest, his stomach and gut swirling in a mix of nervousness and excitement—because he wants more, of course he does, but at the same time the thought of being completely exposed after all this time is… he doesn’t know if—

But no matter how uncertain Do-yoon feels about the pace and direction of where this night is heading towards, at the end of the day he knows he has no real control over what’s going on. Gyu-hyuk is the one who’s calling the shots, and that is of course perfectly fine with Do-yoon, because he knows that he can trust Gyu-hyuk to do what’s best for him as well as the both of them. 

So he doesn’t try to stop Gyu-hyuk when the man tugs down his pants and underwear in one smooth, firm motion, breath hitching as his cock finally gets to spring free from it's confines. He can feel it throb, aching for any kind of stimulation, but it’s a secondary feeling when compared to the stomach dropping sensation of knowing how completely exposed he is now. The fact that he’s still not allowed to see only makes the sensation even more prominent, and Do-yoon feels a shiver run through him as the skin on both his arms and legs breaks out with goose pimples. 

He hears the sound of what he can only assume to be his clothes being dropped onto the floor, and soon after that Do-yoon feels Gyu-hyuk’s hands back on his body as the man rests his palms on his shoulders, then slowly drags them down over each of his arms. The warmth from the man’s hands quickly seeps into his skin, chasing the cold away and warming him back up again. 

Do-yoon forces himself to remain still as Gyu-hyuk’s fingers trail over his own, legs twitching apart just a little wider the moment he feels those same fingers taper off from his fingertips. He hears Gyu-hyuk let out a small huff of amusement from closeby, and then a pair of hands come to rest right over his hips.

“Think you’ve waited long enough?” Gyu-hyuk asks the question in a quiet murmur, but Do-yoon manages to hear it all the same. He swallows down the saliva gathering in his mouth and nods, more than eager for Gyu-hyuk to continue on with what he’s doing. He doesn’t care what it is, as long as it means he can finally have something on his cock.

There’s another quiet laugh from Gyu-hyuk in response, and for a moment Do-yoon wonders if the man intends to tease him some more, but that worry is quickly put aside when he feels Gyu-hyuk starts to move his hand down even lower. His fingers drag over the crease of his thigh, and Do-yoon has to hold back another whimper as they ghost over his balls, which already feel so full and heavy. 

If Gyu-hyuk notices what he’s done, he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead all he does is to let his hands come to a stop once they get to each of Do-yoon’s inner thighs, which he then proceeds to hold in a gentle grip as he nudges them further apart. Do-yoon follows the wordless command and spreads his legs further, giving Gyu-hyuk access to every part of him.

Even with his eyes closed he can still feel the weight of Gyu-hyuk’s gaze on him; he hears the man hum, but doesn’t do anything else otherwise, remaining quiet and allowing a silence to settle in. Do-yoon waits in return, knowing that Gyu-hyuk won’t leave him hanging (at least, not for too long), but as it stretches on Do-yoon can begin to hear the thunderous pounding of his heart once more as uncertainty comes rushing back to him. What was he waiting for now? For him to beg? To calm down again? Or something else that he doesn’t know?

Whatever it is, if it's something that he can do, then he will be more than willing to do it if it means that Gyu-hyuk will actually continue. He licks his lips to wet them, so that he can open his mouth to speak without feeling them crack. “Gyu-hyuk,” he breathes out, hoping that it’s enough to get the other’s attention. He waits for a moment after calling out his name, wondering if Gyu-hyuk’s eyes are on him.

A part of him can’t help but think about how he must currently look like to Gyu-hyuk right now; spread out in bed underneath him, fully naked, with a flush across his entire body as he trembles with prolonged arousal. His cock, fully erect and throbbing between his spread legs as it aches for attention. It’s an absolutely shameless display that is nothing short of embarrassing for Do-yoon to even think about, much less the fact that he’s actually doing it. But at the same time he can’t deny how aroused he is _because_ he’s doing it, and doubly so knowing that he’s doing it for Gyu-hyuk. 

There’s no response from Gyu-hyuk even after he’s waited, so Do-yoon opens his mouth to try calling for him again, but before he can actually do so he hears the man let out a quiet, shivery sigh. At the same time his fingers tense up, causing to him briefly tighten the grip that he has on his thighs, but rather than it being uncomfortable Do-yoon instead feels his breath catch in his throat as he shudders at the hot spark of arousal that comes from the squeeze, the sudden intensity of it making his toes curl.

The moment passes as quickly as it’d come, but even after Gyu-hyuk has relaxed his grip Do-yoon still feels breathless and lightheaded from the sudden spike of _want_ that’d overcome him earlier. It’s all he can do to stay where he is, chest heaving as he pants, trying to catch his breath while his cock continues to throb and ache with a need that has all but overtaken every other thought in his mind by this point.

“Gyu-hyuk,” Do-yoon says again, and this time there’s no way to hide the plea in his voice. “Please.”

Another pause. Another stretch of silence, followed by another quiet, shaky exhale. He pulls his right hand away from his thigh, fingertips briefly trailing down a path towards his cock before the sensation vanishes… only to come back in full force when Gyu-hyuk finally, _finally_ wraps his fingers around him and immediately starts to stroke. Do-yoon lets out a loud cry, quickly overwhelmed by how much he’s getting to feel now after being denied for so long.

But Gyu-hyuk doesn’t slow down or give him any kind of chance to breathe; if anything he does the complete opposite, speeding up the movements of his hand the louder Do-yoon gets. He can’t tell at all if this is supposed to be a reward or some form of cruel and unusual punishment because it's too much too fast but at the same time he’s so turned on he can feel the slide of his own precome dribbling down his cock before Gyu-hyuk’s hand runs over it, catching it in his palm to make his next stroke slicker than the last. With how much he’s leaking it hadn’t taken long at all for the initial burn of friction to vanish, and despite the hand on his thigh trying to keep him down Do-yoon can’t help but try to jerk his hips, mindlessly trying to chase after the sweet pleasure that’s building up inside him.

From the pace and how much he’s already feeling it Do-yoon knows that he won’t last very long, but even that doesn’t dissuade him from what he’s doing. He can’t stop when he feels so good, when every nerve in his body is screaming for more, more, _more_ and all he can do is to follow that one overwhelming desire. He moans and keens and whimpers as he moves his hips, as if trying to thrust into the warm, slick heat that Gyu-hyuk’s hand has become, realizing belatedly that the man has stopped trying to keep him pinned. That’s probably the reason why the room now echoes with the obscene sounds of what can only be Gyu-hyuk’s hand stroking him and him thrusting in return, and his ears burn with that newfound knowledge even as his cock twitches and dribbles out another smattering of precome.

Gyu-hyuk hums loud enough to be heard over all the noise; his thumb rubs over the weeping head of his cock, his nail grazing across the silt with just enough pressure to make Do-yoon let out a high pitched cry that’s almost close enough to a scream as his entire body jerks at the violent surge of sensation that’d come from that one single act. 

Once the wave passes Do-yoon sags back down onto the mattress, his head spinning as he catches his breath again. But Gyu-hyuk doesn’t seem inclined to give him that chance; he does the same thing again and the cry comes out from Do-yoon this time is even more high pitched than the last. He doesn’t know what Gyu-hyuk is trying to do with this but he’s in no condition to care, not when his cock is aching so badly that it feels like any little thing would be enough to set him off. A gentle breeze, or the small bit of friction, or even something like one of Gyu-hyuk’s fingers touching him directly—

He doesn’t get to finish that thought because Gyu-hyuk does it one more time, and if a simple touch is all that he needed, then what Gyu-hyuk had given to him is nothing short of a fucking tsunami. This time Do-yoon is screaming—he’s screaming because his body can’t take it anymore and he’s losing it. He comes so hard that even with his eyes closed Do-yoon can feel his vision going white, his body shaking itself apart into countless pieces as he comes all over his own stomach and chest, the wet splatter of his own semen against his skin only serving to further fuel the cycle of pleasure that Do-yoon is trapped in.

There’s no way for Do-yoon to tell how long his orgasm lasts, if it was something that had stretched on for what felt like hours on end or if it’d simply been his own perception of time that’d been affected. The only thing he knows is how for a while he’d been feeling everything until he wasn’t anymore, as the world slowly begins to settle back into place around him when the pleasure finally starts to taper off, releasing him from it's grip.

For a while he simply lies there, too dazed to do anything at all, but then he feels a hand run up from his stomach to his chest, swiping off some of the semen from his skin. He stirs at the touch, and with his mind still clouded from the echoes of his orgasm he opens his eyes to see what’s going on, completely forgetting that he’d been told to keep them shut. 

The first thing that comes into his vision is the glare from the ceiling light, which normally wouldn’t be much of an issue but is now very much the opposite, as it tends to be after having one’s eyes shut for as long as he has. Do-yoon winces, hissing softly as the brightness stabs into his eyes, the sensation painful enough that it causes him to tear up as he quickly shifts into a squint so that he can at least keep his eyes open instead of shutting them back closed.

He hears Gyu-hyuk shift about for a bit, and then a shadow falls over him, effectively blocking out the worst of the light that’d been shining down and allowing Do-yoon to properly open his eyes, which he does as soon as he can. This time, the first thing he sees is Gyu-hyuk’s face, his features thrown into stark relief by the very light that he’s blocked off with his body. The sharp contrast also highlights the intensity of Gyu-hyuk’s gaze as the man looks down at him, somehow managing to make everything look effortless despite the fact that he’s currently keeping himself up with one hand—a fact that Do-yoon only knows because his other hand is right next to his face, angled in just the right way for Do-yoon to see a strange gleam on the surface of both his fingers and palm. 

For a moment Do-yoon wonders what that gleam is from, but then Gyu-hyuk brings the hand over to his lips, and as Do-yoon watches the way his tongue darts out to lick off some of it off his palm it quickly sinks into him exactly what it is that is on Gyu-hyuk’s hand and all he can think of is a very quiet, very understated _oh_.

Do-yoon doesn’t even need to guess if the realization has made itself known on his face when he can feel the way his eyes widen as he takes in the wholly unexpected sight. Gyu-hyuk continues to lick his hand clean, his gaze never once leaving Do-yoon’s, who can do nothing back continue to stare and watch the man lick off every last drop of semen that he’d swiped off from Do-yoon’s own body. It shouldn’t look good, he thinks, but the fact of the matter is that he does think it looks good—maybe even more than that. It looks hot as hell, and Do-yoon can’t help but unconsciously lick his own lips which have mysteriously gone dry.

The intensity of Gyu-hyuk’s gaze seems to deepen then, looking almost as if there’s a fire burning in them as he flashes a smile to Do-yoon that when combined with everything else thus far is enough to send a hot spark of arousal down his spine, good enough to make his toes curl. 

The smile on Gyu-hyuk’s face widens. “You looked,” he says, with a slight tilt to his voice at the end that suggests his apparent amusement. “Even after I asked you to close your eyes.”

For a second Do-yoon is confused by those words, but soon enough it clicks, and he feels his face flush with sudden heat once he realizes what he’d done. 

“I—” he starts, already spluttering his words. “I didn’t mean—didn’t think—I just—”

The corners of Gyu-hyuk’s eyes crinkle up ever so slightly as the amusement on his face deepens. “I know,” he says, and even though his voice is quiet it's still more than enough to make Do-yoon cut himself off. He stares at Gyu-hyuk with wide, quivering eyes, uncertainty swirling within him as a part of him dreads what Gyu-hyuk intends to do in return for his slip up. He hasn’t exactly forgotten about the incident in the studio room. 

But to his surprise Gyu-hyuk’s expression softens, and when he smiles this time it's as gentle as the kiss he leans in and plants on his forehead. “It’s alright,” he murmurs, saying the words in a way that almost feels like a parent trying to soothe their child. “I was going to ask you to open them, anyway. It just saves me the trouble.”

Do-yoon feels himself relax once he hears that, his body unwinding itself from a tension that he wasn’t even aware he’d been carrying until that moment. It would be something he would think about, if he wasn’t distracted in the very next moment by Gyu-hyuk ducking his head further down in order to catch Do-yoon’s lips in a hot, sizzling kiss. Do-yoon easily lets it happen, moaning as he feels the way Gyu-hyuk licks into his mouth with clear intent; it's strong enough that he can feel his cock trying its best to give a valiant twitch even though it hasn’t been that long at all since he’d come.

Still, it doesn’t stop Gyu-hyuk from kissing him until they’re forced to part for air, and as Do-yoon catches his breath Gyu-hyuk retraces the path he’d laid out across his body earlier. Every press of Gyu-hyuk’s lips on his skin causes sparks of sensation to zip through him, making Do-yoon shudder as the pleasure begins to make itself known all over again. 

_It’s too soon,_ Do-yoon wants to say, but it’s fairly obvious that Gyu-hyuk should know so saying something like that is moot. It does, however, make him think about what Gyu-hyuk intends to do now, because it seems pretty clear that he isn’t done with his plans for tonight despite having already made him come. He considers asking, but quickly shoots the idea down because Gyu-hyuk having to answer him means interrupting Gyu-hyuk from whatever he’s doing and that is the last thing Do-yoon wants. 

So he reminds himself to stay silent, to not say or do anything at all because Do-yoon doesn’t dare risk it. The only thing he does is to watch Gyu-hyuk as he continues to kiss down the length of his body, following the very same path he’d mapped out earlier. Do-yoon feels his breaths pick up as the man gets close to his still-soft cock, wondering for a moment if Gyu-hyuk is going to give it any attention. It’s certainly ill-advised, given that it hasn’t been that long since he’d come, but Do-yoon can’t say that he’s entirely against it either, especially if that is what Gyu-hyuk wants. More than his own pleasure, what would make him feel even better is knowing that he can give something to please the other man.

Fortunately, it seems like Gyu-hyuk doesn’t have any intention to do anything with his cock. He simply bypasses the entire section and moves to instead plant his next kiss onto the inside of Do-yoon’s thigh, who responds with a soft gasp as his foot twitches at the gesture. While this isn’t what he’d expected, the irony is that he’s fairly certain that this is affecting him even more compared to the thought of Gyu-hyuk putting his mouth on his cock. 

Just like before, Do-yoon feels the stretch of Gyu-hyuk’s lips against his skin as the man smiles at his reaction. “I love seeing how you react to every little thing I do,” he says in a voice full of mirth. Do-yoon flushes in return, the tips of his ears growing hot. But no matter how embarrassed he feels he doesn’t take his eyes away from Gyu-hyuk; he’s already had to spend enough time not being able to look at him earlier that now he doesn’t want to lose out on any more chances. 

For a moment the two of them simply look at each other, their gazes meeting in an electrifying charge that sends a shiver down Do-yoon’s spine. A sense of anticipation starts bubbling in his gut as he sees the quiet intensity that hasn’t left Gyu-hyuk’s eyes even after all this time and wonders what the man intends to do from this point on. After all, he’s already used up his orgasm for the night, so their options are a bit more limited. Maybe he could… suggest to help jerk him off, or something…

Just considering the option is enough to make his face hot again, but this time Do-yoon attempts to shake the embarrassment off. After all the times where Gyu-hyuk had pleasured him it's only fair that he returns the favor properly for once. Not that he hasn’t tried before, but thus far all his attempts had ended with Gyu-hyuk smoothly taking over and bringing the both of them to completion together. It’s always very good, of course, and Do-yoon doesn’t think he’ll ever deny another one of those opportunities when they arise, but he does feel bad for pretty much having to just… lie there and let Gyu-hyuk do all the work, for lack of a better way to describe it.

Do-yoon takes a second to muster up whatever courage he can call up, emboldening him enough to put his embarrassment and hesitation aside and allowing him to speak the things on his mind. “Gyu-hyuk,” he starts, voice a little shaky at first but he doesn’t let that stop him. “I… if you want me to, um. I can…”

He trails off then, unable to bring himself to complete the question. Apparently, the courage he’d called up hadn’t been enough to carry him through the entire conversation. Do-yoon feels his face burn up, and despite his convictions earlier the shame that he feels now is bad enough to make him dart his gaze away from Gyu-hyuk. 

Once again, there is another moment of silence, though this one is far less electrifying than the last. Do-yoon continues to keep his gaze away, silently cursing himself for a multitude of reasons. If he wasn’t so… wasn’t so… wasn’t so _unsure_ , then maybe he could have—

His train of thought gets interrupted by a small chuckle coming from Gyu-hyuk himself. It’s surprising enough that Do-yoon returns his focus back on him, blinking at the clear expression of amusement on the man’s face. Though Gyu-hyuk doesn’t laugh or do anything of that sort, Do-yoon can see it dancing in his eyes as he speaks.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m alright.” The words, at least, are gentle, and it's hard to not appreciate that despite everything else. He takes a moment to press another kiss to his inner thigh—Do-yoon can’t tell if the gesture is out of affection or gratitude, but he supposes it doesn’t make much of a difference anyway. 

Gyu-hyuk pauses for a bit then in order to shift about, readjusting his grip on Do-yoon’s thighs and turning his head to face the other side. “I didn’t think you’d throw in the towel so quickly though.” 

Those are… not the words he’d ever expect Gyu-hyuk to say in any situation, especially one quite like this. Do-yoon blinks, feeling incredibly confused, not at all sure about the meaning behind what Gyu-hyuk has just said.

With how confused he feels, Do-yoon isn’t terribly surprised to see that Gyu-hyuk has picked up on it, but just like with earlier the last thing he expects is the sudden spike of intensity that he can see reflected in the other man’s eyes. 

“I see,” he murmurs before leaning in to kiss Do-yoon’s other thigh. “It seems like the both of us are going to learn something new tonight.”

Even stranger words there, but before Do-yoon can ask what they mean Gyu-hyuk is on the move once more. This time the man slowly shifts his face ever closer towards his groin, tongue and lips leaving a trail on his skin that sends even more shivers through him. It doesn’t distract him enough to completely drop the question, but it makes it easier for Do-yoon to put it aside for now and simply let himself focus on the present; that is, where Gyu-hyuk intends to put his mouth next.

He watches Gyu-hyuk move his head even lower now, to the point where most of his face gets hidden by Do-yoon’s own body. But that doesn’t really matter because Do-yoon can still feel him—or more accurately, he can feel his mouth as Gyu-hyuk continues to plant kisses on him. At this point however the man has already deviated from the path he’d mapped out earlier, leaving Do-yoon wondering where he intends to go from here.

But as much as Do-yoon tries to guess, none of them could have ever prepared him for what comes next. He only has a moment to register the gust of hot air right at his perineum before he feels the sudden, slick press of a tongue right against it. He jerks, every inch of his body lights up all at once, every single nerve and synapse within him crackling alive at the sudden surge of pleasure that crashes into him. He doesn’t remember shouting, but he knows that he must have because his ears are ringing with the fading echoes of what can only be his own voice.

Because of that, there’s no way for Do-yoon to tell if Gyu-hyuk is saying anything about his reaction, but Do-yoon guesses that he must like it because he does it again, and just like before Do-yoon can do nothing else but writhe helplessly, the room echoing with the sound of his moan as another wave of pleasure slams through him. It’s so much, much more than what he’d felt compared to Gyu-hyuk’s hand or mouth on his cock, and as if in response to his thoughts Do-yoon feels his cock give another valiant twitch. 

This time, the ringing in Do-yoon’s ears has faded enough for him to hear Gyu-hyuk’s voice. “Just a little more, I think,” he murmurs, and Do-yoon barely has a moment to think what those words mean before he’s overwhelmed by yet another violent surge of pleasure that’s quickly followed by a second, then a third. But that’s not the end of it because soon there’s also a fourth and fifth and so on until Do-yoon loses the mental capacity to keep count because Gyu-hyuk _isn’t stopping_ even as Do-yoon moans and gasps and drowns in the ever growing tide of pleasure. 

It’s probably not a surprise then, when Do-yoon is so lost in what Gyu-hyuk is doing there that he doesn’t even realize the other things that the man is up to until he feels something tracing the rim of his ass. But there’s almost no time for him to consider what it might be, as in the very next moment he feels it slide into him, and Do-yoon very quickly figures out that the aforementioned something is actually Gyu-hyuk’s finger.

His body jerks again, though unlike before it now comes from a place of surprise rather than pleasure. Do-yoon attempts to prop up the upper half of his body so that he can properly face Gyu-hyuk and ask him exactly what he’s trying to do here, but in the middle of his struggle to push himself up the finger inside him brushes against something that sends an incredible surge of _everything_ all at once. Do-yoon chokes on a shout, shuddering so violently that it causes him to collapse back onto the mattress in a quivering heap, too overwhelmed with sensation to do anything else.

Head spinning again, Do-yoon stares at the ceiling as he tries to catch his breath. Gyu-hyuk pauses with whatever it is that he’s doing, though Do-yoon can still feel his finger inside him, the sensation so incredibly strange and foregin that not even the press of Gyu-hyuk’s lips into the crease between his thigh and groin is enough to distract him from it. 

“You’re doing so well,” Do-yoon hears him say, and if the praise alone wasn’t enough then the shift of the finger in his ass more than makes up for it. He moans as another swarming wave of pleasure crashes over him, unable to comprehend the intensity of what he’s feeling right now. He’d already come, after all, so how…?

He opens his mouth with the intention to ask, but Gyu-hyuk curls his finger this time and the pleasure that comes to him this time leaves him shaking and gasping, his throat burning from the sounds that he doesn’t recall making but nonetheless hears echoing around him. 

With his ears still ringing, Do-yoon feels more than hears the hum that Gyu-hyuk lets out, and the man presses one more kiss to his thigh before pulling his lips away from that particular spot. He shifts, briefly nosing at his balls before moving further up, and after all the surprises he’s experienced in the last hour alone Do-yoon would’ve assumed that he’d already gotten to the end of it, but he finds himself corrected when Gyu-hyuk suddenly takes his cock into his mouth without preamble.

A gasp instantly flies out from Do-yoon the moment he gets to feel the hot, wet heat of Gyu-hyuk’s mouth around his cock. But as much as he wants to, Do-yoon doesn’t have the time to fully catalog these new sensations because Gyu-hyuk starts sucking him down and Do-yoon keens again at the suction that he’s made to feel around his cock. He’s still sensitive enough from his earlier orgasm that he can feel the ache of overstimulation, but at the same time it’s been long enough that it’s not as bad as it can be. The ache is more of a dull throb that’s easily negligible, and as much as he wants to do otherwise Do-yoon can’t deny the hot spark of pleasure that shoots up his spine each time Gyu-hyuk sucks and swallows around him, thighs trembling as he fights against the urge to buck his hips.

Do-yoon can’t tell how long Gyu-hyuk does this for, his sense of time thoroughly demolished by everything that he’s currently feeling. All he knows is that eventually he finds himself getting used to the sensation of having a finger inside him, but as soon as that happens the man slides in a second finger and Do-yoon keens at the added stretch and burn. Gyu-hyuk doesn’t make any remark about his response—probably because his mouth is occupied—but he shows his acknowledgement nonetheless with a hum that Do-yoon can feel down the length of his cock, causing him to let out another groan.

With two fingers inside him now it's much easier for Do-yoon to feel them shifting about, quivering when Gyu-hyuk scissors them to stretch him even wider. He tries to focus on keeping his breathing steady even as he feels his heart pounding so fiercely in his chest that he wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’d somehow managed to leap right out of his body. 

Of course, he knows that something like that can’t actually happen, but when Gyu-hyuk thrusts his fingers deep into him and curls them at just the right angle Do-yoon thinks the way his throat clogs up as he chokes on a moan is the closest he can get to that sort of experience. 

Unlike before, Gyu-hyuk doesn’t give him a chance to get used to it; he works his fingers relentlessly, massaging that spot inside him without pause while sucking him down at the same time, and Do-yoon doesn’t know how else to describe what he feels besides ‘overwhelmed’. There’s just so much to feel all at once and Do-yoon wonders how he hasn’t lost his mind yet. 

Gyu-hyuk works him until Do-yoon feels like his hips are on the verge of melting off from his body and his head is buzzing with static. Only then does the man pull both his hand and mouth away, and when he does so Do-yoon shivers at the loss, a whine escaping from the back of his throat at the sudden sense of emptiness that’d come rushing in to take over its place; the sensation is further enforced by the way his cock aches and throbs, and Do-yoon distantly notes that he’s somehow managed to get hard again—something that hasn’t happened to him since he was a teenager.

He tries to say something about that, but his words disappear into a whimper as Gyu-hyuk runs his hands across the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. He brings his hands down before coming back up, shifting to grip his knees and then gently spreads his legs wide apart, exposing him entirely. Do-yoon feels his whole body getting warm at the thought of Gyu-hyuk looking at him like that and he tenses up, ass trying to clench around something nonexistent.

The springs of the mattress creak when Gyu-hyuk shifts this time; when Do-yoon opens his eyes after the next blink Gyu-hyuk’s face fills his vision, and though glassy eyes Do-yoon thinks that the man looks somewhere between pleased and triumphant. 

“Do-yoon,” he hears Gyu-hyuk utter his name with a reverence he doesn’t think he’s ever heard from the man before. “Do-yoon,” he repeats it again, and then leans in to take a kiss. Do-yoon, of course, lets it happen, and the moment he parts his lips is when Gyu-hyuk slides into him and Do-yoon moans long and loud against the other’s lips as he’s filled right up to the hilt. 

Gyu-hyuk stops once he’s all the way in, bending down to briefly press his lips to his cheek, then shifts to capture his mouth for a proper kiss. Do-yoon tries to return said kiss but Gyu-hyuk moves his hips and all he can do is to gasp at the sharp spike of pleasure that lances through his body, so strong and intense that it causes his vision to briefly turn white. 

But that had only been the beginning. Gyu-hyuk quickly follows up his first thrust with a second, and the pleasure that comes from it is just as intense as the first. Once again his vision goes white, and it more or less remains that way as Do-yoon finds himself constantly hammered with wave after wave of intense, overwhelming pleasure that comes with each thrust. His thoughts scatter apart, and his world narrows down to nothing else beyond what Gyu-hyuk is giving him; his hands, currently delved deep into his hair, fingers winding themselves around clumps and strands and tugging with just the right amount of force to make him shudder even more. His mouth, wet and warm—but not as much as his tongue, which darts out every so often to tease against his own, as if trying to draw it out. His eyes, dark and full of hunger, watching Do-yoon with an intensity that leaves him transfixed even as every thrust has Do-yoon wanting to squeeze his eyes shut.

Gyu-hyuk calls his name over and over again as he continues to thrust, and Do-yoon can only respond in moans and whimpers and wordless pleas as the pleasure mounts. Some distant part of him thinks that he’d have easily come by now if he hadn’t already come earlier, and then he wonders if this is what Gyu-hyuk had planned all this time before he stops thinking at all when Gyu-hyuk’s next thrust directly hits that one spot inside him that makes his eyes roll to the back of his head while he shudders and mewls and clenches harder around Gyu-hyuk’s cock. 

He hears a breathless laugh from above him. “Greedy,” he hears Gyu-hyuk say, but Do-yoon is far too gone by this point to feel any kind of embarrassment. It is a fact that he does want more even though what he has right now is already overwhelming him. He squirms, cock bobbing helplessly as it aches and throbs for any kind of stimulation. 

Do-yoon tries to reach down, desperate enough to turn to his own hand to give him that last bit of friction he craves for, but Gyu-hyuk quickly ends that attempt by grabbing both of his wrists and pinning them down back onto the mattress. He slows down at the same time, eventually coming to a stop, and something like that should have been a relief after how overwhelming everything has been yet all Do-yoon can think about is how much he wants _more_ ; he keens, writhing underneath the other man as he tries to move his hips, more desperate than ever to have something on his cock. 

But Gyu-hyuk doesn’t budge at all no matter how hard Do-yoon tries to struggle, the hold on his wrists firm and unyielding. Do-yoon whines, trying to beg again for mercy, and while Gyu-hyuk doesn’t grant it to him he does allow him a reprieve in the form of a kiss. Do-yoon eagerly returns it, and with how pent up he is it doesn’t take very long before said kiss turns messy, tongues and lips sliding against each other with sloppy, obscene sounds that elicit a shiver from him as his cock twitches between his legs.

The two of them keep up the kiss until the need for air forces them to part, and even then Do-yoon is unable to hold in the disappointed whimper when Gyu-hyuk pulls away. Through his hazy vision he sees the man give him a smile, then briefly leans back in for a peck against his lips. 

“I want to see you come like this.” The man says after he pulls back, the hunger that’d been in his eyes now encompassing his entire face. Do-yoon can only shudder in return, eyelids fluttering as he feels the heat of Gyu-hyuk’s gaze scrape over his skin, setting his body aflame with a visceral sensation of _want_. “Can you do that, Do-yoon? For me?”

The answer to such a question is of course, obvious. Do-yoon nods eagerly, more than willing to do anything for Gyu-hyuk, especially if it means that he gets to come. It’s a far cry from earlier when he’d been sure that he wouldn’t be able to get hard again, much less feel this kind of all-consuming want, but Do-yoon supposes he just didn’t know himself as well as he thought he did. 

Such things are why Do-yoon is glad that he has Gyu-hyuk in his life. Gyu-hyuk, who has come to understand him better than Do-yoon ever could about himself; Gyu-hyuk, who has always taken care of him without a single complaint no matter how unreasonable Do-yoon got. Gyu-hyuk, who he can always trust without question, and it's because of that trust that Do-yoon he can let himself go so thoroughly. He can’t imagine ever doing this with anyone else.

He thinks he sees Gyu-hyuk smiling at him again, but it's hard to be certain. Either way it doesn’t matter, because Gyu-hyuk finally starts moving again and Do-yoon moans as the pleasure begins to mount once more. It rises faster than he ever remembers it being, and soon enough Do-yoon feels himself already teetering right at the edge, inches away from freefall.

He tries to call out for Gyu-hyuk but his mouth refuses to work properly; his lips feel useless and clumsy, and his tongue is thick and heavy in his throat. All he can do is to moan and cry out incoherent, nonsensical sounds, but somehow it seems like Gyu-hyuk manages to understand him anyway. He leans in and kisses him again, but this time he presses in close enough that Do-yoon can feel the warmth of their bodies right against each other, and when he moves Do-yoon can see sparks flying from the back of his eyelids at the delicious friction that comes from his cock that’s now trapped between their bodies. He moans into their kiss, shivering as he feels his cock throb, further fueling his desire for release.

For a moment he fears the prospect of Gyu-hyuk pulling away, to leave him hanging again after letting him have a taste of something this exquisite but to both his surprise and relief the man does nothing like that. He continues to rock his hips, driving his cock as deeply as he can into Do-yoon, fucking him with a single-minded determination to reach the end.

It’s very much something that Do-yoon can get behind, and he tries to encourage it further with more moans and wordless begging in the form of groans and whimpers and a multitude of other assorted sounds. The pleasure at this point is almost transcendent, and Do-yoon wonders if this is what it's like to go insane because of it. To be so consumed by what he’s feeling, to know nothing else besides what it’s like to be touched and kissed and fucked over and over again until the only thing that he can register in his mind is the very man currently doing all of this to him.

Gyu-hyuk continues and doesn’t stop, every thrust accompanied with a burst of friction against his cock that heightens the tension in his gut even further. It’s only a matter of time at this point, or maybe just a count of how many more thrusts he can take before he falls apart because Gyu-hyuk isn’t stopping at all. If anything he’s picking up the pace, and Do-yoon doesn’t know how he’s doing it even at this pace but Gyu-hyuk keeps managing to hit that one spot inside him. He hammers down against it relentlessly, completely heedless to Do-yoon’s cries as the pleasure rises higher and higher until Do-yoon feels like he’s about to burst from it. 

He thinks he hears Gyu-hyuk call out his name, though it's impossible to know for sure what with everything else that has his attention. Still, Do-yoon tries to respond, but when he opens his mouth he immediately feels the slick press of a tongue against his own—the only prior warning he has before Gyu-hyuk claims his mouth in another kiss, deeper and hotter and messier than any of the previous ones they’ve shared. Do-yoon moans then, first from the kiss, then as Gyu-hyuk thrusts into him one last time, pressing so deeply inside of him that his body overflows with pleasure, and the drag of his cock against his stomach is the final spark that sets everything aflame. It blazes through him, skin and body burning alike, causing him to arch his back, a whine dying in his throat as he comes all over himself, his pleasure spilling out through the cracks, unable to be contained any further inside him.

Gyu-hyuk fucks him through it, continuing to thrust even as Do-yoon shudders into pieces underneath him, breath hitching each time he feels Gyu-hyuk’s cock sliding all the way back inside, intensifying the aftershocks that now wrack through his body. If this is the result of letting himself go to the insanity that comes with all of this, then Do-yoon thinks he would not mind going through this as many times as Gyu-hyuk wants him to. 

Above him he hears Gyu-hyuk moan, as if in agreement, thrusting into him one more time before finally coming as well, spilling into him. He moans again as it happens, sounding just as overwhelmed and lost as Do-yoon feels, all his composure from before seemingly gone. Do-yoon barely pays it any heed as he shivers back in return, letting out a quiet whimper at the sensation of being filled up in this manner. He thinks back to the stories he’d heard in the past, of rumors and gossip traded back and forth between the other members of Masquerade and finds himself understanding with newfound clarity why some of those people would be so willing to do this. 

Gyu-hyuk collapses on top of him as soon as he’s done, keeping Do-yoon trapped on the bed with his weight and bulk. Not that Do-yoon had any intention to move, let alone leave. He wriggles his wrists away from Gyu-hyuk’s slackened grip, and once his arms are free again he wraps them across Gyu-hyuk’s shoulders, keeping him close as well. 

He can tell that he’s done the right thing when he hears Gyu-hyuk sigh and melt against him, every last bit of tension draining away from his body. Do-yoon feels his own body doing the same as well, and he sags into the mattress with a sigh of his own, completely worn out and exhausted from the night’s events. Logically, he knows that falling asleep like this would be a bad idea, but at the same time Do-yoon has never felt more safe and warm and comfortable in his life, even with the soreness in his arms from having his wrists pinned and the dull ache he can already start to feel at his hips. He still wouldn’t trade any of this for the world.

As the last few embers of his orgasm finally flicker out Do-yoon closes his eyes and lets himself drift in the warm, comforting pleasure that comes from being close to Gyu-hyuk. With their chests pressed against each other he can feel the way their hearts beat as one, and he carries that sensation with him until he eventually drifts off, for once feeling content and secure in the knowledge that he truly isn’t alone any more. 

No matter what happens, Gyu-hyuk will always be with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Is this chapter almost 30k of nothing but porn" you ask, and I say: yes. yes it is, because I need to feed myself. 
> 
> Also it took me 94,000 words to finally rip off the bandaid and use Korean honorifics in this fic. I, uh, just hope its okay and not super cringe fggsh. 
> 
> As always, big thanks to everyone for sticking through with this fic, cringe-worthy usage of Korean honorfics or otherwise, and doubly so for all the lovely commenters/bookmarkers etc. You all continue to give me the motivation and push I desperately need as I continue to write the final chapter of this fic.
> 
> ...and speaking of the ~final chapter~, after some consideration at where I currently am with it, I've decided to delay its posting by another two weeks. u_u I'm very sorry for having to do this, but at the pace I am at I know that there's no way I can finish it by the usual schedule, and I also don't want to rush it just because I want it to be over and regret it in the future. Hope you all can understand!! But an extra two weeks should be more than enough time for me to finally complete the fic.
> 
> Since its going to be a while until that day comes, feel free to follow me on Twitter **@tasogareika** for updates etc. on this fic, as well as the others I plan to write in the future! I've got a couple of ideas cooked up already, and I'll probably be doing a poll on what you guys want as well when the time comes. If Twitter isn't your thing and you'd rather want to have a group of other people to talk with, then instead feel free to join the [Buried Stars Fanclub Discord server](https://discord.gg/Mh22F9GUVj)! There's a small group of us English speaking fans of the game who hang out there, and we're always happy to have more people to chat with. :D
> 
> Thank you all once again for your constant support with this fic, and we will be back one month later, on **March 27th** , for the finale of this whole shebang.


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